by L A Cotton
“Maverick?”
“Hey.”
Relief flooded through me at the sound of his voice, but quickly turned to dread. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong.” I felt sure I heard the smile in his voice. “I just wanted to talk.”
He did?
That was good.
Wasn’t it?
“How’s the head?”
“Ah, about that...” I cringed. “Can we pretend it didn't happen?”
“You’re cute when you’re drunk.”
“Tell that to my stomach,” I groaned.
“You were sick?”
“No, but I felt it all morning. Loretta whipped me up one of her special omelettes and insisted I eat it. I almost puked right there at the breakfast counter.”
“You’re still at the house?”
“Well, yeah... I didn’t think—”
“It’s okay, you should be there.”
“Yeah?” Hope blossomed in my chest.
“Yeah. You need to be around people right now, and Kyle and Laurie are staying there so it makes sense.”
“Oh.” My heart sank, and I wondered if he knew how callous his words felt.
“Shit, that’s not...”
“It doesn’t matter,” I whispered. It did. But my dejection seemed so insignificant when Maverick was lying in hospital.
“Coach Baxter stopped by earlier.”
“Was it good to see him?”
“Yeah, I think it was actually.”
The uplift in his voice made my teeth grind. He was happy to see his coach, but still didn’t want to see me.
“Lo?” Maverick breathed when I fell silent.
“Yeah, I’m here.” Shaking off the doubt, I steeled myself and said, “Listen, I was thinking of stopping by later. I won’t stay long, but I’d really like to see you.”
It was his turn to go quiet.
“Rick?” God, if he rejected me again, I didn’t know what I would do.
“Yeah, okay. Maybe you can sneak in some food. Some of the stuff they serve here is—”
“Of course, I’ll bring your favourite.”
“Don’t go to any trouble.”
I ignored his words, already planning on what to bring him. A burrito from Billy Bob’s Shack maybe, or something from our favourite diner downtown.
“Do you need anything else?” I asked, hardly able to contain my smile. Maverick wanted me there, finally.
It was huge.
“I don’t think so. Mom brought me some things yesterday.”
“Okay, well I’ll see you later. And Maverick?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
Nervous energy vibrated through me as I stepped into the lift. An elderly couple eyed my bag, probably able to smell the food. I shot them a wide smile and waited for the doors to ping open. They stepped out first and I followed, ducking around them, practically running down the hall. But before I reached Maverick’s room, Nurse Jennifer intercepted me.
“What is it?” I blurted the second I saw her grim expression.
“He had a bad session with Miller, his PT.”
My heart clenched. “I should probably go see him.” I went to move around her, but she gently caught my arm.
“He doesn’t want visitors, sweetheart.”
“But he told me to come... h- he told me I could...” I sucked in a desperate breath. “He really doesn’t want to see me?” Pain darted through me as I stood there completely wrecked.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Here,” she started guiding me to the row of chairs in the corridor, “why don’t we sit down for a minute?”
I dropped into the chair, all the anticipation and excitement I felt gone, replaced with nothing but a pit of despair.
“I thought we were finally past this.” I took a shuddering breath, unable to hold back the tears. “I thought he wanted to see me.”
Nurse Jennifer slipped her arm around my shoulder. “Everyone deals with this kind of thing differently,” she said. “Some people pull their loved ones close, needing their strength and comfort. But some people need space, they need to come to terms with things before they can let people in.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I snapped, immediately regretting it. It wasn’t her fault. But it was so hard knowing he didn’t want to see me, again. “You think I haven’t tried to give him space? It’s been days.”
“I know.” She gave me a sad smile. “But there is no time limit on something like this. I know it hurts.”
She didn’t.
How could she?
The second Maverick had said I could come visit, I’d erased everything that had happened since the doctor delivered the news. Because I knew he needed to deal with it in his own way, and I knew, deep down, he didn’t want to hurt me. But it didn’t stop my heart breaking in two as I sat there, so close to him and yet, still so far away.
“Perhaps if you tell him I’m here, he’ll change his mind,” I pleaded, because my heart refused to give up, even if my head knew we’d lost this battle.
“I tell you what. Why don’t I take whatever it is you brought with you and I’ll make sure Maverick gets it? And then, as soon as he’s feeling a little brighter, I’m sure he’ll call you.”
That’s what our relationship had been reduced to? Me handing over food containers to a nurse while my boyfriend—the man I wanted to spend my life with—lay beyond the window, refusing to see me.
Without a word, I pulled the paper bag out and handed it to her. “I didn’t know what to bring him, so I got both his favourites.”
The pity in her eyes was almost too much to bear.
“He’s very lucky to have you, Lo.”
It didn’t feel like luck anymore though, it felt like a curse. To love someone so much you wanted to be there through the ups and downs and all the parts in between. To know that love wasn’t enough to fix this.
“If you need some time, I can see if the family room is free?”
“No,” I said. “It’s okay, I’ll just go.” My eyes flicked down the corridor. I could just see Maverick’s room.
“It won’t be like this forever.” Nurse Jennifer squeezed my hand before leaving me.
I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palm and took a deep breath, before forcing myself to stand and walk away.
Not knowing if I’d ever come back.
Chapter Ten
Lo
“Thanks for this,” I said to Stella as she helped me with my bags.
“Lo, this will always be your home.” She gave me a warm smile. “I hope you know that.”
A small nod was all I could manage. I didn’t want to be back here, staying with her, my dad, and her daughter, Beth. But staying at the pool house any longer was not an option.
Not after yesterday.
I’d been clinging onto hope, waiting for Maverick to pull his head out of his ass and realise he needed me. But I knew Maverick, and the harder his recovery got, the more he would dig in his heels and push me away.
So, to the surprise of Uncle Gentry and Rebecca, I’d packed my things and made the painful decision to move home. I kept telling myself it was only temporary, until we had a clearer picture of Maverick’s prognosis, but it felt permanent.
It felt a whole lot like giving up.
But something Nurse Jennifer had said had buried itself under my skin, and I realised no matter how much I wanted to be there for Maverick, it had to be on his terms. And the reality was, he was broken, and he had to figure out a way to fix himself before he could focus on fixing us.
Kyle had flipped his lid when I’d told him, but I knew his anger was partly because he felt so powerless.
We all did.
The Stone-Princes were one of the wealthiest families in Wicked Bay, but this was one problem no amount of money could fix. Maverick was already in a good hospital with the best team of doctors and professionals treating him. At this point, there was nothing any of us
could do but be there for him and wait.
“There’s my girl,” Dad appeared. The second his eyes found mine, I burst into tears. “Oh, sweetheart, come here.”
“I’ll give the two of you some space,” Stella whispered, gently squeezing my shoulder.
I fell into Dad’s arms, fisting his t-shirt.
“I’m right here, sweetheart. Let it all out.” He ran his hands up and down my back, holding me until I was wrung dry and my lungs burned.
“Better?” He gave me a crooked smile as I dried my eyes.
“Everything is a mess.”
“Gentry told me about what happened at the hospital yesterday.”
“Bloody Kyle...” I grumbled. I’d told him in confidence.
“He’s worried. We all are.”
“Maverick is just—”
“Not about Rick, sweetheart. We’re worried about you.”
“Oh.” My eyes dropped to the floor.
“You can’t lose yourself to this, Lo. I know it’s hard. I can’t even imagine...” He gulped, drawing my eyes back to his. “But you need to be kind to yourself. There’s a long road ahead, sweetheart, you can’t just put your life on hold.”
I didn’t want to put my life on hold. I wanted to be at the hospital, by Maverick’s side.
“It’s summer vacation,” he went on. “Why don’t you see if Laurie and Summer can take some time out and go somewhere?”
“Like where?” I blanched.
“You could head to the cabin at the lake, or take the boat. I’m sure your grandma wouldn’t mind.”
“I’m not sure I want—”
“Lo, you need this. You need to live, sweetheart.”
It didn’t feel right, but I knew there was no use arguing with him, so I muttered, “Maybe.”
“That’s the spirit.” He pulled me in for another hug, dropping a kiss on the top of my head.
It was easier to pretend. To show him what to he wanted to see, tell him what he wanted to hear. I knew there was no playbook for this, no instruction manual of how to handle such a life changing event. I could only go on what I felt deep inside.
And my gut—my soul—told me I needed to be with the man I loved.
But how was I supposed to do that when he didn’t want me there?
Kyle
“You look like shit.”
Maverick glared at me. “So would you if you’d just had a session with Miller.”
“The PT guy?”
Rick nodded. “He didn’t even get me out of the bed, just made me sit and do some arm stretches.
“Sounds like you’re out of shape.”
“Funny,” he grumbled.
“But seriously, how are you doing?”
“It’s hard. The days are never ending, and progress is slow. Too fucking slow. They keep saying take each day as it comes but then Miller talks in terms of weeks and months. I’m not going to lie, Stone, that shit terrifies me.”
“But you’re still having the tingles?”
He rolled his eyes. “Seriously, the tingles?”
“What else am I supposed to call it?”
“Yeah, but it comes and goes.”
“Anything, ya know, down there?” My eyes went to his crotch.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“What? It’s a reasonable question.”
“If you’re going to keep this up, feel free to leave anytime soon.”
“No chance. You’re stuck with me. I had strict instructions from Momma P not to leave you.”
“Lucky me.”
“So…” I scrubbed my jaw, wondering how the fuck to tell him this. “Lo did a thing.”
Maverick’s eyes drilled into mine.
“She... uh, she moved out of the pool house.”
“Fuck,” he breathed.
“Yeah, I was shocked too.”
Pain glittered in his eyes, but my stepbrother was too damn stubborn to verbalize it. “It’s probably for the best,” he said.
“What the hell are you talking about? This is Lo we’re talking about. The girl you’re going to marry and make my niece and nephews with one day. You’re talking like it’s over, like you’ve given up and already let her go.”
“Kyle.” He let out a heavy sigh. But fuck that.
And fuck him.
“You don’t get to break her heart because you’re scared, Rick.”
“I’m a realist. She didn’t sign on for this.”
“You haven’t even talked to her about it, let alone given her a chance to tell you what she wants. Lo would never just up and quit on you.”
His expression softened, filled with so much desperation it cut me to the bone. “Imagine it was you lying here and there was a chance you might not walk again. A chance you might not be able to give the girl you loved kids. Imagine never feeling her body beneath yours again or being able to love her the way she deserved. Imagine that and then look me in the eye and tell me I’m the one being unfair?”
“Rick, man, I didn’t... fuck.” I ran a hand down my face because the harsh fact was, when he put it like that, it wasn’t as simple as saying I knew what I would do.
“Yeah, fuck.” He grimaced. “I love Lo. I love her more than I will ever love another thing in my life. But right now, I can’t see past... this.” He swept his hand down his body.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” His brow lifted.
“I get it. I really didn’t want to get it, because I see how much Lo is hurting and I want to shake some goddamn sense into you, but I get it.”
Rick seemed to visibly relax, as if he needed to know someone understood. “I love her, nothing will ever change that. But this,”—he motioned to his body again—“this does change things.”
“I’ll look out for her. You know I will. And when you’re in a better place and ready to face the future, she’ll be waiting.”
He didn’t look convinced, but I refused to believe this was the end.
“Thank you.” Rick’s eyes shuttered.
“You feeling tired? I can leave you—”
“No, I’m good.”
Three single words shouldn’t have felt so significant, but considering it was the first time Rick hadn’t barked at me to get out, they felt pretty huge.
“Excellent.” I grabbed the second chair and shuffled mine in front of it, kicking up my feet.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“Getting comfortable.” I smirked. “Now tell me all about this PT guy, Miller?”
Maverick
I was so fucking relieved when Kyle said he got it, that he understood where I was coming from.
But it didn’t stop the gnawing guilt.
I was pushing Lo away when all I wanted was to pull her close and never let go. But I wasn’t that guy anymore. Selfish and conceited, with little regard to the feelings and needs of anyone around me. Lo had changed me. She’d softened my hard edges, filled the jagged holes in my heart. The truth was, Lo had healed me. It was why I knew I couldn’t ask this of her. I couldn’t ask her to stand by my side while I tried to claw back some semblance of life. No, until I had more certainty about my prognosis, until doctors could tell me whether they expected me to regain the use of my legs, I just couldn’t do it.
Maybe it made me a coward, maybe it made me a cold-hearted fucker, but deep down, I was just a guy desperately in love with a girl. The kind of soul-deep love that you never got over. But I also knew about pain. I knew how it could twist and grow into something more. Lo wanted to stand by my side now... but what about when I finally got out of hospital? I would need constant support, and she had college and a life at SU. I wouldn’t put that on her.
Miller was real enough with me to tell me what I could expect with my rehab. He wasn’t talking weeks, but months.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Kyle’s words pulled me from my thoughts.
“Just thinking how quickly things can change.” I’d gone from having my whole life
ahead of me to this in the blink of an eye.
“Tell me about it.” He let out a weary sigh. “I’m married. I have a wife. A wife, bro.”
I chuckled at that; I couldn’t help it. Despite the permanent ache in my chest, Kyle was such a fucking dork at times. “I’ve heard it’s all downhill from here.”
“You’re telling me. Last night she wanted to do couples face masks and watch re-runs of The Bachelor.”
“See, told ya. You did a good thing for her and the Davisons,” I said.
“I always knew I’d marry that girl. Knew it from the first time I saw her. So it made no difference to me whether it was now or in four years’ time.” His expression dropped. “But I didn’t want it to be like this.”
“You gave her something she’ll treasure forever.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“How’s he doing?”
Kyle let out a pained sigh. “He doesn’t have long left.”
“I’m sorry.”
Silence settled over us as I considered what Laurie and her parents were going through. I’d never experienced loss, not until now. But Lo had. She knew firsthand what it was like to lose a parent before their time. And now she was about to watch her best friend go through the same thing while her boyfriend lay in the hospital.
“What?” Kyle asked, noticing my furrowed brows.
“What the fuck am I doing?”
“I’ve been asking myself the same thing.” He smirked, and I flipped him off. “The question isn’t what are you doing though,” his brow lifted, “it’s what are you going to do about it?”
That was the million-dollar question.
Only, I still wasn’t sure I had the answer.
Chapter Eleven
Lo
I stared at the chain of text messages, the splash of my tears blurring the screen.
I’ve been trying to find the words to explain why I asked you to leave that day... but how do you tell the girl you love more than life itself that you might never be the man she wants again?
The answer is. You don’t.
I want a life with you, Lo. I want it so much I can’t breathe when I think about not having it. But the truth is, that life we had planned... it’s gone. Maybe I’ll come out the other side of this thing. But how can I ask you to wait? Maybe it’ll be six months... a year... two, before I’ll be me again. But what if I’m not? What if that guy you fell in love with is gone?
