by Linda Kage
But no matter how much he commanded himself to stop looking for her, to stop thinking about her, to stop dreaming about her, he continued to do all three. He kept remembering how good she’d felt pressed against him. He kept hearing her throaty sound of pleasure when he’d kissed her. He kept seeing her eyes widen and then go unfocused as she came apart in his arms.
And thus, he kept searching for her every dad-gum place he went.
Making out with her outside her parent’s house had been the biggest sin he’d ever committed, and yet he feared it’d live to stand as the most amazing memory he’d carry to his death.
Coop sighed and dug inside his locker, all the while watching hers with one eye, where it was located halfway down the hall from his. He’d just pulled out his American History book and was searching for a pen when he caught movement from his peripheral vision. Curious, he lifted his face, and the air stalled in his chest. A moment later, his heart kicked into gear and his lungs heaved, sucking in oxygen.
There she was.
Facing away from him, Jo Ellen unlocked her locker and slowly opened it. Her long brown hair floated gracefully down her back, flowing and molding to her with every precious move she made. After a mighty heave of her shoulders, she began to extract book after book before carefully bending to pile each one on the floor by her feet.
Cooper blinked as he watched her lug out an English primer, fan through the pages—occasionally removing a note here and there—and then pile the cleaned tome on top of the last. Her actions bewildered him until she finished going through her textbooks and began picking the pictures off the inside of her locker door and stuffing them into her bag.
He straightened, mind racing. What in the world? Why was she cleaning out her locker? Had she remembered their night together and felt so disgusted she had to move as far away from him as possible? But wait. Why would she go through her books as if she was about to turn them all in? Was she leaving the entire school?
A needle of guilt and despair stabbed through him. Shame and misery, tangled with a huge dose of longing, clogged his windpipe. He couldn’t just stand there and watch her leave, but he couldn’t seem to move either. So he just stood there, watching her pack her things to leave.
As if sensing his stare, Jo Ellen glanced over her shoulder and froze when she saw him. Her face instantly drained of color, alarming him. Students strode by, passing between them. Conversations littered the air, echoing down the busy hall; but as far as Coop was concerned, there was only he and Jo Ellen. Realizing glistening wet, red skin ringed her eyes, he took a protective step closer. Tears were his downfall; he’d do anything, anything, to end her crying. But first, he had to discover what had upset her.
Before he could take a second step, his answer came.
“Jo Ellen?” Untermeyer appeared at her side.
Her eyes widening, she spun away from Cooper and gaped at her boyfriend. Cooper halted, thinking Pretty Boy didn’t look so swell himself. Two fists balled at his sides. If Untermeyer had done anything to hurt her, the dirt bag was as good as dead.
“I, um…” Untermeyer’s voice went hoarse and quivered. When he reached for her hand, she pulled her fingers away.
Cooper’s chest heaved with a great big surge of hope. What was this? Were they fighting? Was she finally dumping him? He should feel bad but he was too full of hope and anticipation.
“Please try to understand,” Untermeyer started, confusing Coop big time. No way would he break up with her. Would he? No, Pretty Boy was an idiot but no one could be that stupid. “I can’t just…this is more than I can handle.”
Handle? What—
“You stay away from her!” A new voice snarled.
Cooper jerked back, surprised. The intensity in the hall hitched up about a hundred degrees as Emma Leigh stepped between the arguing couple, grasped her twin’s arm, and pulled Jo Ellen protectively closer. Coop realized he wasn’t the only one watching their drama unfold anymore. Everyone else had either paused to gape or was turning their heads toward the trio as they passed. Not that the three mixed up in the tense moment seemed to notice.
“If I ever see you trying to talk to her again, I will personally remove your worthless testicles with a pair of pliers,” Emma Leigh growled.
“Em,” Jo Ellen tried in a weak voice, tugging on her sister’s arm but not succeeding in pulling her back.
“What do you expect me to do?” Untermeyer’s voice grew defensive. “Y’all are leaving anyway. What else was there for me to do?”
Leaving? It was true then; she was going away. A painful thump slammed against Cooper’s chest; but why?
“So you just thought you’d add to her misery by breaking her heart on her way out the door, huh?” Emma Leigh accused.
“I told her we could start back up once this was all over and past. It’s not like—”
“Don’t even try to justify what you did, you measly excuse for a—”
“Stop it!” Jo Ellen finally screeched. “Both of you. Just…stop it.” Her shoulders heaved as a dry sob consumed her. Covering her red face with both hands, she spun from the arguing pair and raced down the hall, brushing past Cooper as she fled.
He watched her go, and then glanced back at Emma and Untermeyer. He knew he should stick around and pull his gal pal off Pretty Boy in case she went for Untermeyer’s face with her claws, which looked to be her next plan of action. But seeing Jo Ellen so upset was more than he could take. Spinning around, he hurried after her, leaving every other gawking student to handle Emma Leigh in case she turned violent.
Murmuring, “Excuse me,” and dodging between gossiping huddles, Cooper picked up his pace, worried he was going to lose sight of Jo Ellen and even more afraid she’d duck into a girls’ bathroom where he couldn’t chase. Relief came when she pushed her way through an exit that led out to the back of the school.
He followed.
She wept into the building, pressing her face and hands against the warm brick siding.
Heart cracking, Coop edged closer. “Jo Ellen?” His voice broke as he said her name.
She gasped and whirled to face him. Her eyes grew big, and she mopped at her cheeks as if to hide the fact she was crying her heart out.
Compassion flooded him. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “N-nothing.”
Her body language screamed at him, telling him how much she wanted to be left alone. He fully got that. But for the life of him, he just couldn’t abandon her.
“What can I do?” he asked. She could ask for anything. He didn’t care how morally wrong or illegal it might be; he’d do it, for her.
She shook her head again and opened her mouth. No words came out.
He waited, his eyes burning as he watched her suffer.
“Cooper,” she finally said, though her voice was so hoarse, he read the words on her lips more than he heard them. “I need to know…”
Nodding, he patiently waited for her to continue, but her emotions overwhelmed her, she ended up burying her tearstained cheeks into her shaking hands.
His heart screamed for him to hold her. The demand roared through him until he actually took a step closer. She lifted her face and trembled, her eyes wide, and scared, and full of something else that looked a lot like hope. He took another step, and she just watched him. He was going to hold her. He was going to put his arms around her and tug her close, cradling her face on his shoulder until every tear in her dried up.
But before his third step came, the back door slammed opened, and Emma Leigh flew outside, breaking the spell.
“Joey,” she called, dodging past Cooper and yanking her twin into her arms. “I’m so sorry. I can’t believe that bastard. Do you want me to have Coop break his arms?”
The inner beast in Cooper perked to attention. Break Pretty Boy’s arms? He’d be honored.
But… “No!” Jo Ellen wailed as she buried her face into Emma Leigh’s shoulder and began sobbing with renewed energy. “I just want…
I want…I wanna go home.”
“Okay.” Em smoothed her hand over Jo Ellen’s hair. “Okay. We’ll do that right now. It’s our last day here anyway.”
“What’s going on?” Cooper cut in, increasingly afraid the answer was going to mortally wound him.
His friend glanced at him, her eyes suspiciously moist as she tucked Jo Ellen protectively close. “We have to leave. Joey and I. We’re leaving town. We’re going to Reno to stay with our aunt for the rest of the school year.”
“What?” Oxygen vacated him, leaving him dizzy and cold. “Why?”
Emma Leigh sent a quick, worried look at her twin before cringing. “Just…just because. B-because Daddy said so.”
Frowning, Coop glanced at Jo Ellen. None of this made sense. It obviously had something to do with Jo Ellen, and Emma Leigh couldn’t talk about it, not even to Cooper. But what had happened?
Guilt gnawed at him. Was this his fault? Had Mr. Rawlings discovered what he’d done to her? How he kissed her and let her touch his—
No, that couldn’t be it. No one had approached him or said anything to make him think—
“And Untermeyer, that lousy asshole, broke up with her,” Emma Leigh went on, making Coop perk to attention. “He said he couldn’t handle everything. He couldn’t do a long-distance relationship, couldn’t deal with our mess.”
Swallowing, Cooper tried to digest everything. Jo Ellen was leaving. But she wasn’t dating Untermeyer anymore. Hope and sadness combined and twisted inside him while worry about what exactly their mess entailed morphed into one huge ball of confusion. He didn’t want her to go anywhere. But honestly…
He could handle a long-distance relationship.
The first bell of the day rang. The twins jumped and Coop glanced back at the school before he returned his attention to Emma Leigh. “What do you need me to do?” Set and determined to skip first hour if not the entire day, he was going to help the girls in any way he could.
Emma Leigh nestled her weeping sister close and steered her in the direction of the parking lot. “I’m taking her home. I already have all my stuff gathered, but can you finish cleaning out her locker for me and turning in all her textbooks?”
He nodded, a little disappointed that was all she wanted from him. “Anything else?”
“Yeah. Get back inside before you’re late to class.”
* * * *
Dusk filled the air as Cooper pulled his old rattletrap into the Rawlings’ drive that evening. In the passenger seat sat a paper plate full of his mother’s home-baked chocolate chip cookies covered with a thick layer of Saran Wrap plus Jo Ellen’s book bag filled with all her possessions from her locker.
He would’ve come straight here after school, but he’d needed time to think. There was something very fishy behind Emma Leigh’s announcement. Why would the Rawlings so suddenly decide to send both girls away during their senior year? Something big, enormous, must’ve happened to prompt this decree. Cooper concluded it had to be something to do with Untermeyer. Em had faulted him with ‘everything’ at school.
Maybe her parents had found out Jo Ellen and Untermeyer were sexually active. Cooper shuddered, and told himself he wasn’t going to think about that ever again. Besides, she and Pretty Boy were over. It was time for him to step in.
Cleaned up and wearing the second best outfit he owned, Cooper parked and killed the engine. He stole a minute to panic. How in the hell he was going to manage this, he had no idea. But he was going to try for Jo Ellen tonight if it killed him. This just might be the last chance he ever had.
Wiping his sweaty palms on his thighs, he gathered up the things he’d brought and slipped from the truck. His heartbeat seemed to echo after each footfall he made as he moved closer and closer to the front door. It felt like the walk of doom, and he wasn’t sure why. But he kept going anyway.
The door opened as soon as he stepped onto the covered front porch. When Jo Ellen appeared, his insides brightened. Anticipation built.
“I think I got everything,” he said, lifting her bag, humiliated by how breathless he sounded.
She wouldn’t meet his gaze as she reached for the strap. “Thank you so much, Cooper. I really appreciate this.”
He nodded. “And Mama made y’all a plate of cookies when she heard you and Em were leaving.” He tilted them for her to see.
Jo Ellen gathered her book bag close, holding it tight to her chest as if she felt she needed an extra layer of protection from him. Still keeping her eyes lowered, she reached for the cookies with a soft smile. “Sounds like your mama. She’s such a sweetheart.”
Coop’s grin was quick. “Yeah,” he agreed, his heart singing. Jo Ellen liked his mama. Since he had a soft spot for Loren Gerhardt himself, her affection pleased him. “Thinks she can solve all the problems in the world with a hearty, home-cooked meal.”
Jo Ellen didn’t respond, and the silence became uncomfortable. But she continued to linger outside, which seemed promising.
He cleared his throat. “Jo Ellen, I think we need to talk about—”
“How far did we go?” she blurted the question, lifting her face to pierce him with an intense blue-eyed stare.
A little bowled over by her penetrating gaze, he forgot to answer her, even forgot to breathe. Then he blinked and licked his lips. “Pardon?” he asked, his voice hoarse.
She blushed and ducked her head, her silky dark locks veiling her expression from him. “The night of Bose Eden’s party,” she whispered. “How far did we go?”
Her words left him sucker punched and reeling as the air gasped from his lungs. He had to pause and clear his throat before saying, “You…you remember then?”
She whirled away to present her back to him, but remained on the porch. “Parts of it,” she finally admitted, her voice so low he had to strain to hear her.
Parts of it, huh. Cooper swallowed and rubbed his suddenly damp palms on his thighs. Which parts did she remember? Why hadn’t she said anything before now? Why was she saying something now?
He shook his head, not sure what to demand first. The shaky words that left his mouth were, “Are you…are you asking if we had sex?”
“No! No, of course not,” she reassured before she glanced over her shoulder at him and choked out, “Did we?”
His mouth dropped open. She looked so scared of the answer, he wasn’t sure how to respond. Would finding out she’d been intimate with him honestly traumatize her that much? Cooper wasn’t a vain person, but it would’ve been nice if the girl he loved didn’t appear so revolted over the idea she might’ve made his ultimate dream come true.
He backed up about five paces as she watched him until his spine bumped into a porch beam. “There’s only two reasons I can think you’re asking me this. It’s either because I was so bad at it, I wasn’t worth remembering…or you actually think I’m such an ass I’d take advantage of a drunk girl. Either way, I find myself insulted.”
Her eyebrows crinkled in confusion. “So…is that a yes or a no?”
He scowled. “What do you think?”
She closed her eyes and bit her lip. “I think I’m going to have a panic attack if you don’t answer me.”
Ire rising, he clenched his teeth. He wasn’t sure why he kept growing more and more upset and frustrated; maybe because she only remembered parts of it, or maybe because she actually remembered a little and had never said anything to him. “What do you remember?” he bit out.
“Cooper—” Her eyes searched his, pleading for a direct answer, but he wasn’t ready to deliver.
He held up his hand. “No, I’m curious. What do you remember? Do you remember the promise you made me?”
If she remembered the promise, he was going to flip out. But if she didn’t remember, then—
Jo Ellen shook her head and frowned as if trying to recall such a thing. “I made you a…a promise? What kind of promise?”
Unable to handle looking at her without wanting to roar in anger or burst out crying, h
e snorted and spun away, storming down her front porch step and needing distance, needing to hit something, needing—
“Cooper, please,” she cried.
It was the vulnerable catch in her desperate voice that made his boot heels grind to a halt. He pivoted and glared up at her, hoping he looked more pissed than he did hurt.
“Why’re you asking now?” he demanded. “If it was so important to know, why’d you wait all these weeks to approach me about this?”
She gulped. He watched her throat work as she swallowed. Then she winced before whispering, “Because I just found out I’m pregnant.”
Chapter Seven
Now. Ten Years Later
Jo Ellen woke from her nap on a gasp. Jerking upright, she lifted her face from the desktop, peeled a sticky note off her cheek, and rubbed her bleary eyes. Too many dreams had been crowding her head lately, keeping her awake each night and making her groggy during the day, causing her to doze at the most inopportune moments.
Checking her wrist for the time, she cringed and surged to her feet. If she didn’t hurry, she was going to be late. She rose so fast, blood rushed to her head and black spots danced in her vision, but she couldn’t slow down. When you were the boss, timeliness was a priority.
She closed her laptop sitting in front of her. No new digits had been added to the ledger on her budget report while she’d been snoozing. Hurrying to a mirror, she straightened her blouse and slacks and examined her face. Her hair was flat on one side and a sleep line wrinkled her temple. Ignoring the line, she poofed her dark locks back to life and slipped into a pair of flats she’d taken off to work on her account book while she had been killing time before she had to leave.
Snagging her purse and keys, she rushed out the door, barely pausing to lock it on her way. Habitually a planner, Jo Ellen fortunately had everything ready and her car loaded with the essentials. She’d gone through her list twice, and each detail was set, even the last minute particulars should be in place. All she needed to do now was show up for the party.
