The Gem Collector

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The Gem Collector Page 18

by P. G. Wodehouse


  CHAPTER XVIII.

  With a wonderful feeling of light-heartedness, Jimmy turned once moreto the jewel box. He picked up the lamp and switched off the electriclight. He had dropped the necklace to the floor, and had knelt torecover it when the opening of the door, followed by a blaze of lightand a startled exclamation, brought him to his feet with a bound,blinking but alert.

  In the doorway stood Sir Thomas Blunt. His face expressed the mostlively astonishment. His bulging eyes were fixed upon the pearls inJimmy's hand.

  "Good evening," said Jimmy pleasantly.

  Sir Thomas stammered. It is a disquieting experience to find the floorof one's dressing room occupied by a burglar.

  "What--what--what--" said Sir Thomas.

  "Out with it," said Jimmy.

  "What----"

  "I knew a man once who stammered," said Jimmy. "He used to chew dogbiscuit while he was speaking. It cured him. Besides beingnutritious."

  "You--you blackguard!" said Sir Thomas.

  Jimmy placed the pearls carefully on the dressing table. Then heturned to Sir Thomas, with his hands in the pockets of his coat. Itwas a tight corner, but he had been in tighter in his time, and inthis instance he fancied that he held a winning card. He found himselfenjoying the interview.

  "So--so it's you, is it?" said Sir Thomas.

  "Who told you?"

  "So you're a thief," went on the baronet viciously, "a low thief."

  "Dash it all--I say, come now," protested Jimmy. "Not low. You may notknow me, over here, but I've got a big American reputation. Askanybody. But----

  "And, I say," added Jimmy, "I know you don't mean to be offensive, butI wish you wouldn't call me a thief. I'm a cracksman. There's a worldof difference between the two branches of the profession. I mean,well, suppose you were an actor-manager, you wouldn't like to becalled a super, would you? I mean--well, you see don't you? Anordinary thief, for instance, would use violence in a case like this.Violence--except in extreme cases; I hope this won't be one ofthem--is contrary to cracksmen's etiquette. On the other hand, SirThomas, I should like to say that I have you covered."

  There was a pipe in the pocket of his coat. He thrust the stem of thisearnestly against the lining. Sir Thomas eyed the protuberanceapprehensively, and turned a little pale.

  "My gun, as you see, is in my pocket. It is loaded and cocked. It ispointing straight at you at the present moment, and my finger is onthe trigger. I may add that I am a dead shot at a yard and a half. SoI should recommend you _not_ to touch that bell you are looking at."

  Sir Thomas' hand wavered.

  "Do, if you like, of course," said Jimmy agreeably. "In any case, Ishan't fire to kill you. I shall just smash your knees. Beastlypainful, but not fatal."

  He waggled the pipe suggestively. Sir Thomas blanched. His hand fellto his side.

  "How are the theatricals going?" asked Jimmy. "Did you like themonologue?"

  Sir Thomas had backed away from the bell, but the retreat was merelyfor the convenience of the moment. He understood that it might beinconvenient to press the button just then; but he had recovered hiscomposure by this time, and he saw that the game must be his. Jimmywas trapped, and he hastened to make this clear to him.

  "How, may I ask," he said, "do you propose to leave the abbey?"

  "I suppose they'll let me have the automobile," said Jimmy. "They canhardly ask me to walk. But I wasn't thinking of leaving just yet."

  "You mean to stop!"

  "Why not? It's a pretty place."

  "And what steps, if I may ask, do you imagine I shall take?"

  "Waltz steps. They're going to have a dance after the show, you know.You ought to be in that."

  "You wish me, in fact, to become a silent accomplice? To refrain frommentioning this little matter?"

  "You put things so well."

  "And do you propose to keep my wife's jewels, or may I have them?"

  "Oh, you may have those," said Jimmy.

  "Thank you."

  "I never touch paste."

  Sir Thomas failed to see the significance of this remark. Jimmyrepeated it, with emphasis.

  "I never touch paste," he said, "and Lady Blunt's necklace is, Iregret to say, made of that material."

  Sir Thomas grew purple.

  "Mind you," said Jimmy, "it's very good paste. I'll say that for it. Ididn't see through it till I had it in my hands. Looking at thething--even quite close--I was taken in for a moment."

  The baronet made strange, gurgling noises.

  "Paste!" he said, speaking with difficulty. "Paste! Paste! Damn yourimpertinence, sir! Are you aware that that necklace cost fortythousand pounds?"

  "Then whoever paid that sum for it wasted a great deal of money. Pasteit is, and paste it always will be."

  "It can't be paste. How do you know?"

  "How do I know? I'm an expert. Ask a jeweler how he knows diamondsfrom paste. He can feel them. He can almost smell them."

  "Let me look. It's impossible."

  "Certainly. I don't know the extent of your knowledge of pearls. If itis even moderate, I think you will admit that I am right."

  Sir Thomas snatched the necklace from the table and darted with it tothe electric light. He scrutinized it, breathing heavily. Jimmy'sprophecy was fulfilled. The baronet burst into a vehement flood ofoaths, and hurled the glittering mass across the room. The unemotionalmask of the man seemed to have been torn off him. He shook with futilepassion.

  Jimmy watched him in interested silence.

  Sir Thomas ran to the jewels, and would have crushed them beneath hisfeet, had not Jimmy sprang forward and jerked him away from them.

  "Be quiet," he said. "Confound you, sir, will you stop that noise?"

  Sir Thomas, unaccustomed to this style of address, checked the floodfor a moment.

  "Now," said Jimmy, "you see the situation. At present, you and I arethe only persons alive, to the best of our knowledge, who know aboutthis. Stay, though, there must be one other. The real necklace musthave been stolen. It is impossible to say when. Years ago, perhaps.Well, that doesn't affect us. The thief, whoever he is, is not likelyto reveal what he knows. So here you have it in a nutshell. Let me go,and don't say a word about having found me here, and I will do thesame for you. No one will know that the necklace is not genuine. Ishall not mention the subject, and I imagine that you will not. Verywell, then. Now, for the alternative. Give me up, give the alarm, andI get--well, whatever they give me. I don't know what it would be,exactly. Something unpleasant. But what do you get out of it? LadyBlunt, if I may say so, is not precisely the sort of lady, I shouldthink, who would bear a loss like this calmly. If I know her, she willshout loudly for another necklace, and see that she gets it. I shouldfancy you would find the expense unpleasantly heavy. That is only onedisadvantage of the alternative. Others will suggest themselves toyou. Which is it to be?"

  Sir Thomas suspended his operation of glaring at the paste necklace toglare at Jimmy.

  "Well?" said Jimmy. "I should like your decision as soon as it'sconvenient to you. They will be wanting me on the stage in a fewminutes. Which is it to be?"

  "Which?" snapped Sir Thomas. "Why, go away, and go to the devil!"

  "All in good time," said Jimmy cheerfully. "I think you have chosenwisely. Coming downstairs?"

  Sir Thomas made no response. He was regarding the necklace moodily.

  "You'd better come. You'll enjoy the show. Charteris says it's thebest piece there's been since 'The Magistrate'! And he ought to know.He wrote it. Well, good-by, then. See you downstairs later, Isuppose?"

  For some time after he had gone Sir Thomas stood, motionless. Then hewent across the room and picked up the necklace. It occurred to himthat if Lady Blunt found it lying in a corner, there would bequestions. And questions from Lady Blunt ranked among the keenest ofhis trials.

  * * * * *

  "If I had gone into the army," said Jimmy complacently to himself, ashe went downstairs, "I should have be
en a great general. Instead ofwhich I go about the country, scoring off dyspeptic baronets. Well,well!"

 

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