Looking suddenly irritated, she turns towards me, settling a hand on her hip. Her glare is out in full force but I’m fairly immune to it. “This is one slutbag he won’t be seeing again.”
Finishing up, I flush the toilet before washing my hands. I’m not even going to try and repair any of the damage. I know a losing battle when I see one. It’s gently that I say, “Well, then I’m glad you’ve both moved on.”
“Yep and if we’re finished here, there’s a hot Kappa out there with the best arms I’ve seen in quite a while.”
Smiling, I roll my eyes before we head out into the thick crowd of people smashed into the hallway. Brooklyn nudges me from behind as she nods her head to the right. “Speak of the devil…” Her words trail off as I find the guy she’s talking about and yeah… objectively speaking, his arms are pretty spectacular.
She cocks an eyebrow at me as a knowing grin tumbles slyly across her face. Apparently all thoughts of Austin are long gone which is probably for the best.
With her eyes focused on Mr. Muscles, Brooklyn asks out of the side of her mouth, “Does my hair look okay?”
“Sexy as hell, just like the rest of you.” Brooklyn’s hair is her secret weapon- long, blonde, and lustrous with an enviable amount of bounce and wave. I’m sure there is a secret underground society of Brooklyn haters here at Western who would seriously enjoy scalping her. Hell, if she weren’t my best friend, I’d be half tempted to hate her myself.
Straightening her shoulders, she keeps her eyes locked on the target in front of her. “Wish me luck, I’m going in.”
I lay a hand on her shoulder just before she’s about to leave. “Like he has a chance in hell of resisting you.”
One corner of her lip slowly slides upward into a smirk as her glittering eyes spear mine for just a moment. “Damn straight he doesn’t.”
I can’t help but meet her smile. “Just don’t tear him apart with your teeth. It’s such a mess to clean up afterwards.”
She actually laughs. “I’ll be as gentle as I can.”
I’m sure he’ll be following her around campus like a lost little puppy dog come Monday morning.
With her hips swinging, she strides over to the Kappa and starts chatting him up. For just a moment, I watch in awe because there is absolutely no way in hell I would ever be able to walk up to some random guy and start coming on to him.
Yep… the guy already looks like he’s been drugged.
It’s almost impressive just how she’s able to weave a spell around the opposite sex. And seeing the smile on her face is much better than the pissy mood she’s been in over Austin. I’m just turning away from Brooklyn and her conquered Kappa when I slam into a body. Almost immediately my hands shoot out to steady the person I’ve rather clumsily knocked into.
“I’m so sorry!”
The girl laughs before shaking her head. “It’s fine. No damage done.”
A smile immediately slides across my face in relief because clearly this girl isn’t going to get ugly over me accidently bumping into her. Which unfortunately happens. And the drunker some of these girls are, the nastier they get. Claws are unsheathed in the blink of an eye. It’s a slice first, ask questions later kind of situation.
Tilting her head to the side, she studies me for a moment. “I think I saw you with a friend of mine- Cole Mathews.”
Since she seems cool enough, I thrust my hand out towards her. “Hi, I’m Cassidy.”
Shaking my hand, the smile never falters from her face. “Jackie.”
One word.
That’s all it takes for my eyes to pop right out of their sockets.
Jackie… As in Cole’s ex-girlfriend Jackie?
Cole hasn’t exactly been very forthcoming with information about her or their relationship. And although I’d like to know more, I can hardly call him out for keeping secrets when I refused to tell him anything about what happened to me at Dartmouth.
From the little I’ve learned from Sammy, who is one of my hockey teammates as well as Cole’s cousin, Jackie really messed him up. Which, in my opinion, is exactly why he won’t talk about her.
I’m a little shell shocked to find her standing right in front of me. Dressed as a super sexy nurse.
“Um, hi.” I think the words come out sounding more like a question.
Hmmm… is it possible that this girl isn’t Jackie-the-ex-girlfriend and is Jackie-the-friend-I’ve-never-heard-of-before?
Probably not.
Which means that I actually have to ask. “So, how do you know Cole?”
A look passes over her face and something within my belly drops to the very tips of my toes. Even before she says a word, I already know this is definitely Jackie-the-ex.
Damn.
“Cole and I grew up together.”
And we have confirmation.
My eyes rake over her with new interest. Trying to take in everything about her all at once. She’s taller. In fact, I think she has a good four inches on me. So she must be about five foot eight or nine. Unconsciously, or maybe not so unconsciously, I throw my shoulders back before straightening my spine. It probably doesn’t help much. Where I have long straight black hair, her dark brown mane is tumbling down her back in big soft curls. Even with the dim lighting of the hallway, I can tell she’s beautiful. And thin. Except in the boob department. She’s definitely a lot more stacked than I am. Even with my padded bra, I feel woefully inadequate.
The reason I’m thinking her boobs are at least two cup sizes bigger than mine is because they’re practically spilling out of the costume she’s wearing. One deep breath and her cleavage will probably bust right out of there.
I really hate to admit it, but I’m kind of wishing I had listened to Brooklyn and put on something a little more flattering than these blue shapeless scrubs. But I won’t be mentioning that to her. I’d never hear the end of it.
Coming up short when compared to Cole’s ex (literally), has me feeling slightly churlish. Well, if nothing else, the girl gets a zero for creativity. There have to be at least a dozen, if not more, sexy/slutty/skanky nurses floating around here tonight. I almost wince at my own catty thoughts. You know who’s to blame for that corruption?
Brooklyn. She’s such a bad influence.
Tilting her head to the side, Jackie bites her lower lip before hesitantly asking, “I was hoping we could go outside and talk for a minute.”
My brows shoot up at the unexpected invitation. Even though every instinct I have is screaming for me to find Cole, I ignore it. Instead I give her a tight nod. Without another word, she turns down the hall and I follow until we’ve woven our way through the kitchen and out the backdoor.
Of course she has an amazing ass on top of everything else.
As we step out into the chilly darkness, my eyes quickly adjust. There are a few clumps of people standing around in small circles talking, laughing, and smoking cigarettes.
By the smell of it, they’re probably smoking other things as well.
We find a quiet spot near an old wooden garage at the back of the property. When we’re far enough away that we can talk privately, she finally turns to me before wrapping her arms around her middle.
“I didn’t think it was going to be so cold out,” she unexpectedly comments.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her that if she had actually worn some clothing, she wouldn’t be cold. Instead I stifle the comment. Because this is someone from Cole’s past that he doesn’t talk about.
But I didn’t get dragged out here to discuss the bout of unseasonable weather we’re experiencing. “I know you dated Cole,” I say instead.
Her eyes flare just a bit in the moonlight filtering down upon us. It’s Halloween and there’s a full moon out tonight but that’s not what I’m thinking about. This is someone Cole loved. Someone he was attracted to. I want to find out as much about her as I can.
Slowly she nods her head before her teeth sink into her bottom lip. “Yeah,” she admits slowly, �
��I did.” Looking uncomfortable, she shifts her slender body. “You know who I am then?”
Is it my imagination or is there a hopeful note peaking in her voice? “Sammy mentioned you.”
“Oh.” Her mouth wilts at my words. “So you’re friends with Sammy?”
I nod. “We play hockey together.”
One brow slowly rises across her brow as her eyes slide over me again. “Sammy’s kind of a bruiser. You don’t look like the hockey-playing-type.”
My spine automatically stiffens. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Her eyes widen before she quickly shakes her head. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”
This time I’m the one raising a brow. Because yeah, she totally did. And I’m not even going to examine why it makes me feel better knowing that her and Sammy weren’t BFF’s. “Didn’t you?”
“No, you just seem so small.” Her expression turns to one of bemusement. “I bet he loves that you play.”
I don’t say anything to that because I really don’t want her knowing anything about my relationship with Cole. Maybe coming out here with her wasn’t such a good idea after all because it suddenly feels like Cole’s ex-girlfriend is sizing me up.
When her eyes make another slow sweep over me, I know I’m right.
Impatiently I ask, “Why did you drag me out here?” Because suddenly I’m itching to get back inside. All I want to do is grab Cole and get the hell out of here. I don’t want him anywhere near her.
“Because I still love him,” she finally murmurs, “and I want him back.”
I wish I could say her words surprise me… but they don’t.
Chapter Six
What I know about Jackie and Cole is that they were best friends growing up before deciding to become more. They dated in high school and were still together when they left for college last fall. But over the course of their freshman year, they broke up.
From the little that both Cole and Sammy have mentioned, I have my suspicions as to what went down between them.
Taking a stab at it, I suddenly ask, “If you loved him so much, why did you cheat on him?”
If my blunt question surprises her, she doesn’t show it. Her eyes shift to the surrounding darkness as a chilly breeze whips its way through the trees. Tightening my arms around myself as the leafless branches shake above us, I wait for her reply. I honestly can’t imagine why any girl would be stupid enough to cheat on a guy like Cole.
Just when I start to wonder if she’ll bother answering my question, she inhales a giant gulp of air before pushing it out slowly until it looks as if her entire body has deflated right before my eyes. Whatever thoughts are swirling around in her head must weigh heavily upon her because her entire body slumps as if it might fold in on itself.
“Cole was the boy I experienced all my firsts with.” She smiles just a tiny bit but it’s sad around the edges. “First dance. First kiss. First date. First boyfriend.”
I almost cringe waiting for the next words to tumble off her lips.
“First guy I slept with.” She takes another deep gulp of oxygen. “First love.”
Releasing a long breath, I allow her words to settle over me.
“And I did love him.” Her eyes cut to mine as she continues. “I really thought going to different colleges wouldn’t be a big deal for us. We’d known each other for almost our entire lives. He’d been my best friend for years. We talked it all out before I left. He would visit me and I would come home when I could. If I’d known what would happen, I wouldn’t have left Oakton. I would have applied to Western so we could be together. But I’d wanted the chance to be out on my own, away from my family. Cole and I had been together for two years. We both knew that, at some point, we would get married. And I wanted to experience life before we did.”
Hearing her talk about the future she and Cole had planned out together has my belly flooding with nausea. Because a year or two ago, that’s exactly what he wanted. He wanted to marry this girl.
“Why did you do it then? Why did you throw your future with him away?” I don’t even realize the words are out of my mouth until it’s too late.
Her entire body stiffens as my harsh words slam into her. She holds my eyes for a long tense moment before tilting her head back, staring up into the bright, star littered sky. “I met someone a few weeks into the fall semester last year. We started out as friends. I told him right from the start that I had a boyfriend and that we were serious. We had two classes together so we saw each other quite a bit. Before I knew it, we were spending a lot of time together. Studying, eating lunch or dinner together, just hanging out. After about a month, my feelings for him started to change.” Her eyes skewer mine as she shrugs. “I stopped thinking about Cole and all the plans we’d made and started thinking about Drew. I got caught up in someone who was there with me.” Her shoulders slump as she admits, “And I thought I loved him.”
“Is that when you and Cole broke up?”
She sucks in another gulp of air. “No.”
“So you let him think you were being faithful when you were actually seeing someone else?”
Looking miserable, she nods her head just once in acknowledgement. “After a few weeks, I realized that Drew wasn’t the guy I thought he was and I broke it off.” She chews her bottom lip. “I thought about telling Cole, but I was scared. So I convinced myself that telling him would only hurt him and I didn’t want to do that. It was easier to pretend that it had never happened. I mean, by that time, I knew it had been a huge mistake and we were no longer seeing each other.”
We’re both silent before she finally whispers, “But then I found out I was pregnant.”
My eyes flare open until they feel as if they might roll right out of my head.
Pregnant…
I actually shudder because that could have easily happened to me last year. I was hooking up when I was drunk. And I wasn’t always careful.
“I had to tell Cole that I’d been with someone else because the baby wasn’t his.”
My mind whirls and I actually feel sick. Poor Cole. I can’t believe she did that to him. Slowly my eyes fall to her waistline because in the skimpy little nurse’s outfit she’s wearing, she sure as hell doesn’t look like she just had a baby.
“I lost it.” She glances away as she mumbles the words and it’s clear that even though this may not have been a planned pregnancy, she still mourns the loss of her baby.
“I’m sorry.” I feel strangely compelled to reach out and take her into my arms because I can’t imagine what that must have been like for her. But I don’t.
Even though she looks miserable, her lips lift just a bit. “It wasn’t meant to be. That’s the only way I can look at it. After everything that happened, I decided it would be best to live at home for a while and go to school here until I can get my life figured out.” She gives a soft little laugh but there’s no humor within it. “I went from having everything perfectly planned out to all of it falling apart.”
I shake my head because I know exactly what that feels like.
It’s strange to think that Jackie and I have something other than our love for Cole in common, but we do. Because I made a huge mess out of my life last year. Just like she did.
I really wish I could hate this girl.
But I don’t.
Instead I feel sorry for her.
I know all too well what it feels like to fuck up, only wanting to make amends for all the hurt you caused. Even though she doesn’t know it, and I’m not about to tell her, we share that in common. We’re both trying to find our way back from the darkness.
As my mind grapples over our shared situation, I’m reminded of the real reason she’s back in Oakton. “You also came back hoping to work things out with Cole.”
“Yes.”
“You knew before tonight that we were seeing each other.”
Her bottom lip finds its way between her teeth as she nibbles on it. “I actually went to lunch with Cole�
��s mom last week and she told me that he was involved with someone at school. But she wasn’t sure how serious it was.”
Even though I haven’t met Cole’s mother yet, her telling his ex-girlfriend that Cole and I aren’t serious stings like a slap to the face.
“We are serious,” I whisper. Because I want her to know that I’m not just going to hand him over without a fight.
She nods. “Yeah, I figured that out already. I’ve seen you guys around campus together and I can tell that Cole really likes you.”
He loves me. The words are on the tip of my tongue but I don’t release them. They aren’t for her.
“But you’re still going to try and get him back.” It’s not a question because we both know the answer.
Holding my gaze, she tilts her head to the side. There’s nothing malicious about her demeanor. Again, I wish I could hate her, but I don’t. “Wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t you do anything to get him back again?”
The word rolls off my tongue before I can even think about it. Not that I have to. “Yes.”
“I don’t have anything against you, Cassidy.” She takes a step towards me until we’re no more than a foot apart. “And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” She pauses. “But I need Cole. I’ve always needed him. I made a mistake and I want a chance to fix it.”
“I won’t just let him go,” I whisper thickly into the darkness.
She smiles just a bit. “I wouldn’t expect you to. But Cole and I have a lot of history between us. It might take some time, but eventually he’s going to forgive me and take me back again. We were each other’s first loves. You don’t just get over that.”
Something shrivels in the pit of my belly because I think she might be right about that. What makes it so much worse is that Cole is the first guy I’ve ever loved. He’s the first guy I’ve ever given myself to when it really mattered. What hurts is that he may have been the first for me, but I wasn’t the one he shared all those things with.
Jackie is.
For the first time in a long time, I feel as if I can’t suck in enough oxygen. It feels as if my chest has tightened up and I have to fight for breath. Closing my eyes, I concentrate on inhaling the chilly night air into my lungs. When I’m finally able to gather my scattered thoughts, I realize that Jackie has disappeared and I’m still standing outside in the cold.
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