Before I’m able to completely turn my back on her, she suddenly says, “I met Cassidy.”
Eyes flaring wide, I spin back towards her. Even though I would never hit a girl, I realize that my fists are bunched together like I might throw a punch. It takes every effort on my part to slowly unlock my muscles. When I’m finally able to form words, I growl between clenched teeth, “Stay away from Cassidy. What you and I had is over. You,” I emphasis by jabbing a finger towards her, “destroyed everything I felt for you.”
Even though I’m sure there must be people milling around us, I’m not aware of them. My eyes are locked on her wide brown ones.
She’s the one who threw our relationship away. Not me. As I hold her gaze, I realize that I feel nothing but anger for her. There’s no love what so ever. I almost laugh because it’s such a freaking relief.
This is the first time we’ve seen one another since she called me right before Thanksgiving last year to tell me that she was knocked up. At the time I wasn’t sure which hurt more. The fact she’d thought she loved another dude or that she’d been fucking him behind my back and ended up pregnant.
Ignoring my anger, she takes another hesitant step towards me. “I introduced myself to her. That’s it.” The edges of her lips slide up nervously. “She seems really nice.” Then she says a bit more quietly, “For what it’s worth, I’m really glad you’re happy and I’m sorry about what happened between us. I really am.”
Because I’m not interested in rehashing the past or hearing any of her lame apologies, I give my shoulders a quick jerk in response. Now finding Cassidy feels even more imperative. I can’t imagine what must be running through her head. The idea of them actually having a conversation has me cringing inside.
“Look, I’ve really got to go.” I need to find Cassidy and figure out what went down between them because I’m betting that Jackie has something to do with Cassidy’s sudden disappearance.
Crap…
As I try to pass by, she blocks me with her tall lithe body. Even though I could easily push past her, I don’t. I don’t want to touch her at all. Which is completely ironic since I couldn’t keep my damn hands off her when we were together.
“Cole?”
Impatience radiates off me in hot thick waves. I wonder if she can feel it. I’m over this conversation and I’m done with her. I just want to get the hell away from her. Away from the memories that are eating me up from the inside out. Unfortunately Jackie happens to be tied to almost all of my childhood memories. It’s not just the time we spent dating.
Gritting my teeth, I feel even more aggravated than I was before. I just want her to leave me alone. “Yeah?”
She does that thing where she bites down on her lower lip. Her big brown eyes are locked on mine, filled with uncertainty. I really hate that I still know all her looks. Still know what they mean and what she’s feeling. “Maybe not now, but do you think we could sit down and talk sometime?” She gulps before adding, “I know we can’t go back to being what we once were but maybe we could try to at least be friends again?”
Is this girl joking?
Hell no, we can’t be friends.
Her betrayal killed everything I felt for her. I didn’t just lose a girlfriend. I lost my best friend. Shaking my head, I don’t even bother answering.
“Please?” She whispers quietly, “I miss you, Cole. I miss our friendship. We’ve been friends since we were seven years old. I hate that you’re no longer part of my life.” Her eyes once again turn pleading. “Just think about it? Please?”
For just a moment I gape at her before saying slowly, “You’re the one who did this. You forfeited my friendship the moment you decided to screw around behind my back.”
As soon as I let those words loose, tears spring to her eyes. “I’m so sorry. I made a mistake. I would do anything to go back and fix it.”
I snort before taking a step closer to her. “I was faithful to you and I trusted that you were doing the same because you loved me. But you didn’t. Instead, you shit all over the love I felt for you. So, no, I can’t forgive you for that.”
Unable to stomach a moment more of this conversation, I finally push past her, stomping my way down the staircase. The past is roaring through my head like a locomotive. I can see us as kids playing in the tree house my dad built. Doing homework or playing video games in middle school. In high school, we’d hang at each other’s houses or go to the movies. I don’t think she ever missed one single hockey game. She was always in the stands cheering me on. I remember the day I realized that I wanted her to be my girlfriend but was too chicken shit to say the words. I was afraid she didn’t feel the same way about me. I was afraid it would change our friendship. And then when I finally worked up the courage to tell her, she beat me to the punch. It’s all rushing through my head as I shove my way into the living room still searching for Cassidy.
Plowing a hand through my hair, I slide my phone from my pocket only to realize that the damn thing is dead.
Fuck!
I have no idea where Cassidy is but I know I have to find her.
And I have to find her now.
Chapter Nine
Luke
“What if they get back together?” She gulps before adding, “I mean, Cole and I haven’t really been together all that long. And they have this whole long history together- they didn’t just go out, they were friends. Best friends.” She worries the napkin between her fingers as she continues talking. I don’t even think she knows she’s shredding it into little tiny pieces. “We’re talking childhood friends,” she adds as if I don’t get what she’s trying to say.
Instead of taking her back to the dorms, we’re sitting at a diner located a few streets over from campus. She just told me about being ambushed by Cole Mathews’ crazy ex-girlfriend. The very same ex-girlfriend who has now moved back to Oakton and is attending Western. Apparently they went out for about two years and were best friends for most of their lives before she proceeded to shit all over him by hooking up with another dude and getting knocked up.
Talk about one hell of a mess…
I can’t help but wonder if Cole has any interest in getting back together with his ex. She sounds like a real winner.
Unfortunately Cassidy is caught right in the middle of all this crazy ass drama. I know she loves Cole. Hell, she’s been more than upfront about her feelings for him. But obviously, what’s going on now is a potential game changer. It’s not totally out of the realm of possibility that Cole could break up with her and get back together with this Jackie-chick. They do, as Cassidy pointed out, have a long history between them.
What sucks most is how this is affecting Cassidy. I can barely stand to see all the pain and uncertainty swimming around in her beautiful blue eyes. This is one girl who deserves a guy who is going to worship the very ground she walks on and clearly that guy isn’t Cole Mathews.
I, on the other hand, would totally treat her right. If she would give me just a chance, I’d be more than happy to prove it to her. So if Cole is boneheaded enough to take up with his ex-girlfriend, then I’ll be right here helping Cassidy to pick up all the pieces when he does.
Of course, the fact that Cole and I are teammates makes the whole thing a little more complicated but I seriously don’t give a shit. There’s no bro code between us as far as I’m concerned. I met Cassidy last year and I haven’t been able to get her out of my head since then. She’s like a ghost haunting me.
I still can’t believe she’s here.
At Western.
And it’s not like I’m going to do anything to break them up, because I won’t. I may want her, but I can wait for whatever they have to burn itself out. When I realized that she was seeing Cole, I figured it could take a few months. Maybe longer. So imagine my surprise when I saw Cole walking upstairs with that slutty little nurse panting after him. And then I found Cassidy watching the whole thing with a heartsick look on her gorgeous face.
All I really w
anted to do was wrap her up in my arms and get her the hell away from them. So, no… in my opinion, Cole Mathews doesn’t deserve her. He can have his trashy ex-girlfriend. I’ll take Cassidy.
You know what I really like about her?
That she didn’t use Halloween as an excuse to dress up in some skanky, barely-there costume. And it’s certainly not that I can’t appreciate the slutty little costumes some of these girls are wearing, because I definitely can. And if they want to show off every freaking thing they have, I’m more than happy to look. Honestly, you would think some of these girls don’t know what the hell self-respect looks like because let me tell you- it certainly isn’t having your tits falling out of the front of your dress or bending over and giving every guy there a mental snapshot to add to their spank bank.
Mulling over the situation, I take another sip of my coffee before asking, “So what are you going to do, Cassidy? Are you going to talk to him about it?”
Her misery laced eyes fasten onto mine once more. They’re literally killing me over here. I just want to yank her into my arms and sooth away all the hurt she’s feeling. But there’s no way I can do that. She’ll bolt. And she won’t come back either. Cassidy reminds me of an animal that has been mistreated. She spooks easily. She’s someone you really have to take your time with. And I’m more than willing to do that because at the end of the day, I know she’s worth the effort.
“I think I have to.”
Like I said before- I’m not looking to break them up. That’s not the way I want us getting together. Whatever she has with Cole, it needs to run its course before she’ll be able to move on with me. “She may want him but that doesn’t necessarily mean he wants her back in his life.”
Her mouth lifts fractionally as she silently considers my words. Trust me, I’d like nothing better than to tell her to dump his stupid ass but I know that’s not the way to handle this situation.
“I know. It’s just that…” Her words trail off as her eyes drop to the untouched coffee sitting in front of her.
When she doesn’t finish her thought, I prompt softly, “It’s just what?”
Her beautiful blue eyes lift to mine. God, I could all but drown in them. “I wish I could hate her for wanting him back but I just can’t.”
That is so not what I was expecting her to say. I almost snort in response. This girl is seriously killing me. She’s way too kindhearted.
Again I want nothing more than to tug her into my arms and hold her close. “Of course you can hate her. It would be easy to do.” My lips lift into a smile. “She’s totally hate-able.”
The edges of her mouth curl slowly into something that almost resembles a smile and my heart actually constricts. “No, I can’t. She made a mistake.” Her soft eyes hold mine as she continues, “Maybe a lot of them. Just like me. I threw away all my hopes and dreams last year and so did she. We’re really not all that different.”
The fact that she’s even comparing their situations is ridiculous. Cassidy and this girl couldn’t be more different. I may not know Cassidy well, but she would never disrespect someone she supposedly loved by cheating on them. That’s not the kind of person she is. The mistakes she made are completely different. I see that even if she can’t.
“You were overwhelmed by the stress and pressure of playing hockey at a division I school and taking a rigorous class load. She decided to fuck around on her boyfriend because she was bored and fell,” I use air quotes to drive home the point, “in love with some other dude. That’s hardly the same thing. Don’t even put yourself in her category.”
The fact that she’s doing so actually pisses me off.
I wish she could see herself the way everyone else does. She may have stumbled last year but the core of who she is is still the same. And that’s the real difference between these two girls.
Jerking her shoulders, it’s obvious she doesn’t believe a word I’m saying.
Reaching out, I tentatively cover her fingers with my own as her wide eyes fly to mine. I know how Cassidy feels about being touched and I know why she feels that way. After all, I was there the night she was almost raped by those three douche bags. I would have fucking killed each one of them with my bare hands but it was more important to get her out of the situation than beat the piss out of them.
Of course, that’s not to say I didn’t give each of them the beat down they deserved at a later date, because you bet your ass I did. I didn’t want any of them getting away with what they had been intent on doing and it was obvious that Cassidy hadn’t filed a police report since nothing ever happened to any of those little pricks.
So I mete out my own brand of justice and you know what?
It felt pretty damn good bloodying my knuckles on their faces.
“Cassidy,” I say quietly, “you and this girl have absolutely nothing in common and you don’t have to hate her or feel bad for her either. She made her own choices. I think you and Cole need to talk about the fact that his ex-girlfriend is now here and figure out what it means. Which honestly, could be nothing.”
With her small hand still ensconced in mine, she smiles softly looking almost relieved by my words. “Your right, I’m probably overreacting. Just because they might have had a conversation tonight doesn’t mean they’re getting back together.”
Nodding, I add, “I’m sure you’re right. You need to talk with Cole and get things figured out instead of jumping to conclusions. Okay?” That’s the best advice I can give her. Because in the end, I want what’s best for her. I just don’t happen to feel that Cole Mathews is what’s best for her. But she needs to figure that out on her own.
“Yeah.” As she gives me another small smile, something in my gut clenches. “Thank you, Luke. I really appreciate you talking with me about this.” She stares down at her untouched cup of coffee for a long moment before quietly admitting, “There aren’t many people I can confide in,” her luminous blue eyes lift, skewering mine with their heartfelt intensity, “I’m really glad you’re in my life.”
Christ.
She definitely wouldn’t be saying that if she knew just how much I wanted her. But until her and Mathews are completely over, friends is all we’ll ever be. As much as it sucks, as much as I want more, I’ll be that strong shoulder she can lean on. And when she’s finally ready, I’ll be more.
I’ll be her everything.
Chapter Ten
I’m just about to climb into bed when there’s a loud knock on my dorm room door. Because I’m not expecting anyone, it startles the crap out of me.
“Cassidy?”
As soon as I hear his muffled voice, I’m flying from my bed to the door before yanking it open.
“Cole!”
And then I’m hurtling myself into his outstretched arms and he’s squeezing the very life out of me but it’s the best damn feeling in the world. After everything that happened tonight, I just want to burrow into his chest and stay there forever. I don’t want him to ever let me go. We hold each other fiercely for a handful of silent moments before he slowly pulls away. It’s just enough for him to search my eyes in the darkness.
“What the hell happened to you? Where did you disappear to?” He barely takes a breath as he rapid fires questions at me. “Do you know how worried I was when I couldn’t find you?”
The relief of moments ago suddenly gives way to anger. I see it brimming in his whiskey colored eyes. He doesn’t even give me a chance to answer before continuing just as fiercely as before.
“I looked everywhere. And Brooklyn didn’t know what the hell happened to you either.”
His eyes quickly run down the length of me as if he’s checking to make sure I’m still in one piece before he uses his big body to back me up into the room, shutting the door behind him.
His arms are still wrapped around me and even though he’s mad, all I want is to be held by him. “Cassidy?” This time he murmurs my name more quietly, the sharpest part of his anger already starting to fade. “I was worrie
d when I couldn’t find you.” He squeezes me to him again before adding, “I tried calling but you didn’t pick up.”
“I didn’t hear it.” I murmur the words against the solid wall of his chest. “But I tried calling and texting after I saw the messages. You didn’t answer either.”
Very gently he pulls away before leaning his forehead against mine. “My phone sucks. It died on me.”
I let out a shaky little laugh. “Your phone does suck.”
“I tried finding you.”
“There were way too many people.” My eyes hold his. “I looked for you, too.” Biting down on my lip, I don’t add that I saw him walking up the stairs with his ex-girlfriend. I just want to enjoy this quiet moment with him.
Cole angles his face until his lips are able to slowly sweep their way across mine. He continues brushing them over me until my breath hitches with expectation and longing. “Did I mention just how worried I was when I couldn’t find you?” He whispers the words against my mouth until I’m breathless with need.
“Yep, it’s been noted.”
Asking him about Jackie seems so stupid now. Cole is here with me. If he wanted Jackie, he would be with her. There seems little point in bringing her up, in asking him for an explanation as if I don’t trust him. Because I do trust him. I trust him with all my heart.
With his lips caressing mine, Cole’s ex-girlfriend doesn’t mean a damn thing. She may want him but that doesn’t mean he has any interest in her. Honestly, now that I’m wrapped up in his arms, I feel foolish for thinking she could come between us.
Pulling away, his eyes skim down my body. “Lost the scrubs, huh? That’s a bummer.”
Gently I suck his lower lip into my mouth before biting down softly. “That doesn’t mean you aren’t going to get your physical, Mr. Mathews.”
A slow sexy smile curves its way across his face before his voice turns low and husky, “I was so hoping you were going to say that.”
Without another word, I pull the t-shirt and hockey jersey over his head. Somewhere along the way, he lost his shoulder pads. And just like always, my breath hitches at the sight of him standing before me clad in nothing more than a pair of low slung jeans. You’d think I would be used to his stunning physical beauty, but I’m not because every single time I lay eyes on him, something hot arrows clean through me.
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