He couldn’t see Shaniko now. The town was so small, just a blip on the map, that hardly anyone had heard of. He looked ahead.
Out there, he didn’t have to know the truth. Out there he could live in the unknown, never knowing whether Zoe was his sister or not. He could live in the memory of her looks and smiles, the softness of her skin, and the smell of her hair after she’d washed it. He could live in oblivion and keep her, or he could go back and possibly face losing her.
What was it going to be? The open road or the small town? Bounties or beauty? Truth or lies?
Quinn sighed. “You know you can’t live in a lie,” he told himself. He turned the horse back toward Shaniko, but he didn’t ride toward it. Instead, he sat there staring at the place where he’d found part of himself, and where he just might lose himself.
He reached in his pocket and pulled out the brooch and looked at it. “You left this for me to find you. You wanted me to find you,” he said aloud. He raised his eyes to Shaniko. “And I found the link to you here,” he continued, as his hand closed around the brooch.
He’d spent five years of his life not thinking about anything past the day he was in. Now he was facing his entire future and the course he wanted to take. The questions of his life could be answered in the small town called Shaniko. He wanted the answers.
It was time Quinn Mortensen faced himself, chased down the man he wanted to be, and not the man he was. He needed to have the questions of his life put to rest. He needed to know who his mother was. He needed to know why he’d been given away. He needed to know if Zoe was his sister, or not? He needed to know who he could be if things were different? Maybe Zoe was right, maybe it was circumstance that made the man, and his had made him who he was so far. If it changed, would it change him?
Maybe.
Did he want to change?
Quinn thought of Pope, the man he admired, and who was probably the most miserable creature he’d ever seen. Regret marked his every step, but even in his misery, he’d sought to help. Changing the course you walked didn’t change what was innate. Pope was like him, he started chasing the wrong in life in the hopes of making it right. Along the way, he’d lost that and no one was there to stop him before he fell off the cliff. He’d tried to do that for Quinn, and for that, he was eternally grateful.
He didn’t want to be another Jim Pope. In the past, he would’ve done anything to walk in the footsteps and legacy of the legendary bounty hunter. Now he knew the price that Pope had to pay, and Quinn wasn’t sure it was worth it.
Then he saw Zoe’s face. He saw her sad eyes and heard the hurt in her voice. He wanted to soothe away all of it. He wanted to see her smile as she did for those few minutes over the game of cards. He wanted her to look at him, and not see regret or hurt in her eyes.
He understood now.
Quinn understood the choice she’d made to lie to him. She’d done what she thought was right, what she believed was best for everyone. He understood because he’d thought to do the same. He would’ve lied to her and pretended that he didn’t know anything about the brooch, that there wasn’t anything between them. He could lie and just run away and leave her to pick up the pieces and do the same himself. He could’ve, but he wouldn’t.
He’d condemned her for the very thing he’d been doing since he first saw that brooch and she told him its story. He’d faulted her for doing what he, himself, was considering.
Good people can do the wrong thing under the right circumstances. It made him wonder what might have been if Victor’s circumstances had been different.
Quinn sighed. He was really rethinking his life if he was actually considering that Victor Norton was anything but a brutal criminal. He’d kept Victor and what he’d done in his heart every day for five years. The man was gone, but he was still with him.
Do not judge, and ye shall not be judged. Condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned. Forgive…
“And ye shall be forgiven.”
It was a long time since he remembered those words, but now, in the quiet, he remembered.
Quinn had a lot to be forgiven for. Everyone did. Lies weren’t going to help anyone. It was time to face the truth and let things go. God would deal with those who saw the less fortunate as insignificant, but now, it was time for him to rest and enjoy what the Lord had brought to him.
“Come on,” he urged, as he kicked his heels and raced toward Shaniko. Whatever would happen, it needed to. No one should live in the shadow of a lie their entire life. He had. Zoe had, too. It was time to bring those lies to an end. It was time he told her the truth.
He kept his eyes straight ahead as he headed back to town. It was amazing what a little quiet could do. Quinn’s mind was clear, and because of it, he knew what he had to do.
Shaniko finally appeared on the horizon and Quinn’s heart beat harder. He was about to do something that would change his life forever. It was the first time he’d ever consciously recognized when he was making such a decision.
He slowed his pace as he entered town. He led his horse straight to the stable. He was eager to settle things with Zoe, but there was something he had to do first. The ride had done both him and the horse a world of good. He gave the horse water and some oats before he turned to leave. His leg ached from dismounting, but it was a pain Quinn was willing to bear for being back in the saddle again.
Quinn found his cane amidst the hay that lined the stall. He leaned on it as he hobbled out of the stable and headed across town to the Sheriff’s Office.
It took him far too long to mend, but soon the hobble in his gait would disappear. Doctor Martin promised it would. Nothing had been seriously injured, it was just taking longer to heal because of the infection. He could ride a horse well enough. Walking would come next.
He turned the handle on the door of the Sheriff’s Office and walked in. A handful of deputies were sitting at their desk talking. They looked up when Quinn entered.
“How yah doin’ Quinn?” one called to him. His name was John.
“I’m doing fine. Is the Sheriff in?” Quinn asked.
“Right here,” Sheriff Watts answered as he appeared from behind a cabinet. “Was just finding my pen,” he commented as stepped toward him. “How can I help you, Quinn?”
“That offer still on the table?”
The words came out without hesitation and Sheriff Watts looked at him in surprise.
“Yes, it is. Why? You thinking of taking me up on it?” the Sheriff asked.
“Not thinking,” Quinn answered. “Decided.”
Quinn could feel the eyes of the other men as they listened to his conversation. Quinn didn’t care. He’d come there to accept the Sheriff’s offer. He didn’t want to be like Pope. He didn’t want to chase forever and never have a place to call his own. Yes, he could’ve gone back to Boston, but Shaniko needed him. Sheriff Watts, although a good man, needed help and Quinn saw that in their attempts to save Zoe. Shaniko needed him.
The Sheriff smiled as he extended his hand. “Then I guess this is your welcome,” he commented, as Quinn took his hand.
“Thank you,” Quinn answered, as a smile lit his features.
“I’m sure it’s going to be interesting having you on board,” Sheriff Watts said, as he released Quinn’s hand. “There will be a formal swearing-in. Judge Hooper will need to be here for that, but it can be arranged as soon as you’re fully back on your feet. How long Doctor Martin says you have until you’re able to ride?”
Quinn smirked. “I’m already riding,” he answered.
The Sheriff nodded approvingly. “That’s good. What about the cane? That leg going to be all right?”
“Just fine,” Quinn assured. “A couple of weeks and I expect you won’t even remember there was ever anything wrong.”
“When that happens, we’ll get you sworn in and then you will officially be a deputy sheriff, but in the meantime, you rest up. I’ll expect a hundred percent from you once you’re up to it,” Sheriff Watts stated.
Quinn nodded. “Enjoy your day, Sheriff.” He turned to the door.
“Does Miss Ferguson know that you’ll be staying in town?” the Sheriff asked.
Quinn looked over his shoulder. “Not yet.”
“You better get on that, then. I’m sure she’ll be really happy to hear the news,” Sheriff Watts smirked.
Quinn turned toward the door and left. I hope so.
He hobbled to The Red Stallion. Zoe was probably hard at work entertaining her patrons, or hiding in her office doing paperwork. Either way, they were going to have a talk, and today. He wasn’t putting it off a moment longer.
The saloon was filling up with the lunch crowd and Quinn’s eyes searched for signs of Zoe. She wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Quinn headed toward her office.
“She ain’t there,” Wiley called to him.
Quinn frowned, and stopped to look at the bartender. “Where is she?”
Wiley shrugged. “She left ‘ere hours ago and she ain’t been back,” he stated. “Said she was goin’ out for a spell. I thought she’d be back before now, but she ain’t.”
Quinn remembered the look on Zoe’s face as he rode out of town. Where was she?
“I’ll be in my room. Let me know as soon as she gets back,” he asked.
“Sure thing,” Wiley answered. “Can I fix yah a drink?”
Quinn considered the offer. “Yes. Whiskey.”
“Comin’ right up,” Wiley said happily. The man had a way of making something as simple as pouring drinks look like the most important and rewarding thing on earth. Quinn envied that simplicity.
He found a place at the bar. Most of the patrons were gathered around a table, making it easier. Later that night there wouldn’t be a seat anywhere.
His drink got there before he did. “Thanks, Wiley,” Quinn, said as he settled himself on the stool. A chair would’ve been better—the height of the stool sent a shock of pain through his leg—but Quinn ignored it. A few seconds later it dissipated.
“Ain’t nothin’,” the other man answered.
Quinn drank the shot in one swallow. It was the first real drink he’d had in a while. It burned right down his chest.
“Was Zoe all right when she left?” Quinn asked. He put the shot glass down, top to the bar. Wiley nodded his understanding. One drink was enough.
“She didn’t seem herself, but Miss Zoe hasn’t really been herself since she came back,” Wiley stated honestly. “Somethin’ is troublin’ her.”
“I know,” Quinn replied calmly.
“Mr. Mortensen, it ain’t my business, but I’m makin’ it my business,” Wiley said nervously. “I have to say this or I wouldn’t be no kinda friend. So, here goes it.”
Wiley looked at him as if he was mustering every ounce of bravery that he had in him, which Quinn didn’t think was much. Wiley wasn’t the kind of man who went looking for trouble, and he seemed the kind who tried to stop problems before they started.
“What is it, Wiley?”
The bartender’s fists closed as he rested his hands on the bar. He met Quinn’s eyes. “If yah hurt Miss Zoe, I’m gonna have to throttle yah,” he said confidently. “I like yah, Mr. Mortensen, but I won’t stand ‘ere and let yah hurt my friend. She’s a good lady and she don’t deserve no one hurtin’ her.”
Quinn looked at Wiley as a smile crept across his face. “I would never hurt Zoe intentionally,” Quinn replied. “And if I did, I’d let you throttle me,” he continued. “I’d deserve it.”
Wiley smiled as he got back to work. “I’m glad we understand each other.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
The sight of Quinn riding out of town did something to her. It tore out what was left of the bravado and stomped it into the ground. She’d left Homer Atkins where he stood and gone for her horse. She’d already told Wiley she was stepping out. He wouldn’t look for her.
She got her horse from the stable. She passed the stall where Quinn’s stallion had been housed. She stopped as she saw the cane, half lost amidst the hay. The sight forced the first tear from her eyes.
He doesn’t need the cane. He doesn’t need me now. He’s able to ride and leave town. He’ll leave soon.
She wiped her nose with the back of her hand as she rushed for her horse. She had it saddled and outside in minutes, then without pause, Zoe swung her leg over the saddle and turned the horse about.
Zoe raced out of town toward Gopher Hill, a small hillock to the east of town where a few juniper trees grew. It was a quiet place, a place Zoe liked to go to in order to think. She had a lot of that to do.
She reached the hill in record time. She tied the horse to the tree and then without ceremony, she let out a holler. She screamed at the top of her lungs as every ounce of frustration, hurt, and anxiety erupted from her. She fell to her knees in the prickly grass.
The pain was greater than anything she’d ever felt before. The kind of pain you never wanted to feel again. It was the hurt of being the one they left behind. It was a hurt she was far too familiar with. It was the feeling she’d felt the day she found out the truth. The day she decided she needed to leave Boston and start over.
Zoe cried until her eyes hurt and there were no more tears to shed. She sat there, hugging her knees, as she rested against the bark of a tree. She looked at Shaniko in the distance, the place she’d escaped to. Why had the pain found her? She could’ve been happy there, just living her life, without the likes of Quinn Mortensen ever stepping foot into it to mess it all up.
She had a careful plan. Become a success. Be happy. Be somebody. It was all she wanted. Then came Quinn, and suddenly she wanted more.
“You made me want more and now you’re going to leave?” she cried. “Just like that?”
She crushed the blades of grass in her hands as she tried to force down her disappointment.
You can’t hold anyone to you. People have to live their lives and you have to live yours.
Zoe could hear her mother’s voice in her head as she remembered the day she told her she was leaving. Her mother had accepted her desire to leave her good home and go in search of something more. She cried, but she never tried to stop her. She loved her enough to let her go. It was a sobering thought. Did she love Quinn enough to let him go?
The question was enough to stop her from complaining. Zoe sat there in silence. Did she love Quinn enough to let him live the life he wanted? She had to. She couldn’t hold him to her when he wanted something else. It would only be selfish, and one day, sooner or later, he’d hate her for it. In her mind, that was worse than letting him go. Having someone with you who hated the sight of you. She hugged her knees.
The hours rolled by and soon it was dark. Zoe knew it was time to head back. Wiley would worry, and if he did, then the whole town would be out looking for her. She had to go back and face what she didn’t want to.
The saloon was overrun with people by the time she got back. There was a party of miners who were on their way to the next town. The hotel was full and the drinks were flowing for those who wanted to wet their whistle. It was going to be a very good night for The Red Stallion. Zoe wasn’t sure if it was going to be the same for her.
“Miss Zoe,” Wiley called to her the moment his eyes found her.
She walked over to her friend and smiled as best she could. “Sorry if I made you worry, Wiley. I just needed some air for a while,” she explained.
“I understand, Miss Zoe. Yah don’t have to explain nothin’ to me. Mr. Mortensen was lookin’ for yah, though. He said he’d be up in his room, but that was some hours ago,” Wiley stated.
“Thank you, Wiley.” She stepped away from him to go to her office but then turned back. “Don’t tell him I’m back yet, all right?”
Wiley looked at her and then nodded. “All right. Whatever yah say.”
Zoe remained in her office for the rest of the night. She even stayed there long after the saloon got quiet. Every second that she waited she expected to hear Quinn at her
door, but he didn’t come. She wasn’t sure if she as grateful or regretful.
“I’m leavin’, Miss Zoe,” Wiley said as he poked his head in the door.
She smiled at him over the stack of purchase orders she was trying to check back. “All right, Wiley. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Goodnight, Miss Zoe.”
“Goodnight, Wiley.”
Zoe lingered in the office for a while longer before she forced herself to leave. She checked the saloon to make sure everything was locked up tight. It was.
She was tired as she trudged up the stairs. Zoe turned to go to her room, but something inside her stopped her. She turned in the other direction, her eyes fixed on Quinn’s room. Before she knew it, her legs were taking her away from her room and instead heading for his.
A Western Tale of Love and Fate: A Historical Western Romance Book Page 20
