by Lori Ryan
She wanted to be alone right now. But, when she stepped into her too quiet apartment and looked around, she realized she was wrong. She didn’t want to be alone after all. She wanted to get her feelings off her chest. She had gone from being a woman who couldn't tell a man what she needed, to needing to tell Rafe what she wanted. She grabbed her purse and keys, locking up on her way out, and then drove the twenty minutes to Rafe’s home.
He took a while to answer the door and when he did, she was satisfied to see he looked just as bad as she felt.
She didn’t make any attempt to enter and he didn’t invite her in. Hands on her hips, she shook her head at him.
“You’re a complete ass. A first class idiot.”
He didn’t argue, just watched her, eyes wary and guarded.
“You think you’re running because your game is suffering and it’s time to change your routine, but you’re just scared because you found a lot more than you bargained for in this deal, didn’t you? And, the thought that you might have feelings for me, that you might want more out of this than just sex, has you running scared.”
She just kept shaking her head at him. It was all she could do because as she stood here and voiced what she’d known in her heart for longer than she’d care to admit, she felt that heart crack in two. She wanted more from him. She wasn’t just falling, she’d fallen all the way and there was no getting back up from this.
“Running scared because you’re too chicken to give this a chance,” she said, her voice quiet as the sight of him watching her in utter silence was more than she could handle. “And, the funny thing is, the thing that you’re too blind to figure out, is that you don’t need all those routines to play well, Rafe. They just give you the power to believe in yourself and your game. They’re just a crutch because you’re not strong enough to believe in yourself without them, and that’s just sad.”
She didn’t tell him she loved him. As much as she’d learned about speaking out about her needs and her feelings, there wouldn't be any point. It wouldn’t bring him back to her. He was already gone.
Ashlyn turned on the steps and walked back to her car, realizing she shouldn’t have come. There was nothing she could say to him to change his mind, to make him admit he needed her for more than a pregame kiss.
If she’d secretly hoped he would run after her, call her back and tell her he wanted her, wanted the picket fence and the family and the whole damned dream, she would have been disappointed. She heard the front door of his house shut before she even reached her car. He shut the door on any hope she’d had of bringing him back to her. She didn’t make it through the drive home this time without tears. They streamed down her face as she drove, each heart-wrenching minute of the drive agony as she moved further away from the man she loved.
Chapter Twelve
Rafe’s game went downhill from there. His teammates were alternating between relief he hadn’t activated the curse by falling in love with Ashlyn and suggesting other ways he could get his game back. Someone suggested he bring in a new girl to give the pregame kiss another shot. That had resulted in Rafe decking the teammate and having to pay a hefty fine to his coach for the privilege.
His teammates had pulled wins out in most of their games despite his performance, but he was at a loss as to how to turn things around this time. Not to mention, half the time, his head wasn’t even focused on fixing the problem.
He was focused on Ashlyn.
He wanted to know what she was doing, if she was still hurting—and the thought that he’d hurt her gutted him. He wanted to see her, smell her, touch her. He wanted to talk to her and hold her long into the night. And his body ached for her. He had no desire to be with anyone other than her to alleviate that ache either, and that pissed him off to no end.
Rafe pulled into his driveway and saw Kane waiting for him, leaning a shoulder on the column that framed his front porch.
“Hey.” Rafe stepped warily from the car.
“Hey yourself, jerkwad.”
Rafe flinched. Kane was nothing if not direct and, apparently, he had as many opinions about Rafe’s state of mind as Rafe’s teammates did.
But friend or not, Rafe didn’t want to hear it. He shoved past Kane and opened the door, stalking to the kitchen for a drink without checking to see if Kane was following him. When he turned around, water bottle in hand, Kane was behind him. He handed the water to Kane and turned back to grab another from the fridge for himself. What he really wanted was a beer but he didn’t drink during the season as a general rule, and with the way his game was going, breaking that rule right now would be foolish.
“I don’t feel like talking about my game, Kane. I’m getting enough crap from everyone else in my world. I don’t need it from you.”
“Good,” said Kane as he shrugged a shoulder. “I’m not here to talk about the game.”
Rafe walked to the living room and tossed himself down on the couch, gesturing to Kane to take the chair opposite him. Kane stretched his long legs out in front of him and looked at Rafe.
“I came to talk about what a fudge graham you are.”
“Great. That sounds so much better,” he said with a grin. He knew Elise and Kane were trying to clean up their language, and he had a feeling that meant they were trying for a baby.
Kane laughed. “I’m right, though, and you know it. Have you figured out your problem yet?”
When Rafe didn’t answer him, he continued. “All right, I’ll just tell you what your damn problem is. You fell in love.”
“What?” Rafe’s head shot up and he met his friend’s unyielding gaze.
“I see. You haven’t figured it out yet, have you? Well, turtle head, let me break it down for you. That ache in your chest when you’re not with her? The tightness in your breath when you think about her and wonder what she’s doing? The way you want to hold her forever? The way you’d do anything to fix things for her when she’s hurting? The way you want to put a smile on her face and you’d sell your soul to hear the sound of her laugh? That’s love, monkey brain.”
Rafe shook his head at his friend. Much as he wanted to laugh at the language coming out of Kane’s mouth, he couldn’t. Because what he was saying struck him too hard. He didn’t—couldn’t—love Ashlyn. He didn’t want to. He wanted to be free. To be able to date whoever he wanted. To play the field and ... Even as he thought it, he knew it wasn’t true anymore. The only woman to flash through his mind when he thought of his future—of sex, of dating, even of holding hands and freaking snuggling—that was all Ashlyn. Only Ashlyn.
“Your game’s not gonna get better if you find the right combination of steps out of the dugout or the right socks to wear. It’s only going to get better when you get yourself back in balance. When you get your heart and your head back on straight. And Ashlyn is the only way you’re gonna do that. You need to get her back, man,” Kane said as he stood.
“I don’t think I can, Kane.” Rafe scrubbed his hands over his face. He’d screwed up big time with Ashlyn. The image of her face as she’d stood on his front steps and told him, even without saying the words, how much she loved him tore at his heart. “I think I blew it with her.”
Kane shrugged. “Maybe. But, you haven’t groveled yet. It’s never over until you grovel. Don’t ever forget that, man. You’re gonna need to learn that lesson and learn it good. When in doubt, grovel.”
“Is that what you do with Elise?” Rafe asked, a wry grin on his face.
“Oh, heck yeah. You know it,” Kane said then let himself out, leaving Rafe on the couch, head in his hands as Kane’s words echoed in his mind.
Chapter Thirteen
Rafe spent the night tossing and turning, trying to deny Kane’s accusations. He didn’t love Ashlyn. He couldn’t. That wasn't where he was at in life. It wasn’t what he wanted.
But, images of Ash flew through his brain unbidden and unwanted. The way her eyes flashed with light when she laughed. The way she felt snuggled up against him as they
slept. What it was like to fall asleep with her and wake up the next day to find she was still there.
She was so different from the other women he’d dated. Even his college girlfriend. She had wanted to change Rafe. Ashlyn never asked him to change. She loved him for who he was. She hadn’t told him that, but he knew anyhow, and knew what a gift it was. She didn’t see him as some overgrown boy who should give up playing the game he loved. She didn’t see him as her ticket to publicity or fame or wealth. She just wanted him.
When he finally did fall asleep, he dreamed of things he still wanted to do with her. He dreamed they were out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. He’d sent her to the bathroom to remove her panties and when she returned and dropped them in his lap, he ordered her to masturbate silently under the table as the waiter served their meals.
Christ, it was only a dream, but he woke hard as steel, broken out in a sweat. And, he didn’t even want to acknowledge the other thoughts vying for attention in the corner of his mind—thoughts of Ash moving in with him, becoming his wife, having his children. They were not things that he wanted to think about, not yet. He wasn’t ready for any of that.
Only, in the hard light of day, he had to face reality. He might not be ready for that, but damned if he didn’t want it. And want it bad. With Ashlyn.
By the time he gave up fighting with himself and realized he had to get her back, it was already close to one o’clock. He was due at the ball field at one thirty, but when he got in his car, he turned away from the field, heading instead toward Ashlyn’s home. He had to find a way to convince her he was worthy of her forgiveness, apologize for pushing her away without even saying goodbye.
He didn’t know what he would do or say when he got there. Half of him wondered if she had already found another guy to replace him now that she wasn't afraid to speak up about what she wanted in the bedroom. But, no, he’d seen the look on her face when she came to tell him what a coward he was. She’d been hurting. A lot. And, he’d done that.
Hell, if he’d driven her to someone else with that pain, he’d ... well, he didn’t have a clue what he’d do. He’d like to think he’d be man enough to wish her well and walk away if she was happy with someone else.
His hands gripped the wheel, knuckles white. Oh, hell no. He could no more walk away from her than he could walk away from baseball. He glanced at the clock on his dashboard. One twenty five.
Yup, he was screwed with his coach. He’d be groveling to play tonight right after he finished groveling with Ashlyn, but if he got her back, that wouldn’t matter. If he didn’t get her back ... well, not a whole lot would matter if that happened.
She answered the door wearing shorts and a Strikers’ t-shirt, hair tied up in a knot on top of her head. Rafe felt the urge to drop to his knees right there, but she stepped back. He didn’t know if it was in shock or invitation, so he pressed his luck and stepped into the small apartment.
The words he wanted to say caught in his throat at the sight of her, and he reached out a hand to her. She moved away, not letting him touch her. He deserved that.
“I’m such an idiot, Ashlyn,” he started and hated the wary look in her eyes. “I thought I had to push you away. I realized how much I was falling for you and I just freaked, completely and totally freaked. I thought it would somehow make me weak, or ruin what I was, what I wanted, if I let myself love you. But, I’m nothing without you and your love.”
She stayed silent, watching him, and now he did fall to his knees. Because he knew, this was it. It was now or never, and he needed her. He needed to find a way to show her what she meant to him. Rafe took her hands in his and bowed his head, searching for the words to tell her how much he needed her, how much he loved her.
When he looked up, she was watching him, so guarded. His little schoolteacher, his wild thing, just looked broken.
“I need you, Ash. Not to play. Not to win. Not for the game. I need you to live, to love, to have any kind of a life. I need you, not your pregame kiss.”
“You’re late for practice,” she said, and Rafe knew it was over. She was finished with him. His head fell forward and he drew her to him, wanting to hold her one last time. His head against her stomach, he held her tight. He wasn’t sure he was breathing as he tried to bring himself to walk away. How could he ever walk away from her again? How could he live without her if she told him he had to go?
“Oh, Rafe,” she whispered above him and her hands threaded into his hair. He looked up at her, too afraid to hope, even for a minute, that she might take him back.
She fell to her knees in front of him, and framed his face in her hands, looking into his eyes.
“I love you, Ashlyn,” he said and held his breath.
She met his lips, brushing them with hers so softly, gently, his heart flipped in his chest, hope forming a tiny knot there as he waited. He didn’t know if she was kissing him hello or kissing him goodbye. If it was goodbye, it would break him completely.
“I love you, too, Rafe,” she whispered against his mouth, and he felt like the shattered pieces of the mess he’d made were coming back together to form a whole. No longer two people, just one whole.
He pulled her tight and held her, breathing in her soft scent. Feeling her body against his and knowing, if he lost everything else in his world, as long as he had her, he’d be complete.
“Rafe?” she asked, pulling back.
“Yes?”
She cracked a smile at him that shot right through his heart. “We need to get you to the field in time for your pregame kiss.”
* * *
The End
Also by Lori Ryan
The Sutton Capital Series
Legal Ease
Penalty Clause
The Baker’s Bodyguard (A Sutton Capital Series Novella)
Negotiation Tactics
The Billionaire’s Suite Dreams
The Baker, the Bodyguard, and the Wedding Bell Blues (A Sutton Capital Series Novella)
Her SEALed Fate
The Sutton Capital Series Boxed Set (Books One Through Four)
The Sutton Capital Series Boxed Set (Books Five Through Seven)
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Sutton Capital Intrigue
Cutthroat
Cut and Run
Cut to the Chase
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Sutton Capital On the Line Series
Pure Vengeance
Latent Danger
Wicked Justice
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Heroes of Evers, Texas Series
Love and Protect
Promise and Protect
Honor and Protect (An Evers, TX Novella)
Serve and Protect
Desire and Protect
Cherish and Protect
Treasure and Protect
* * *
Triple Play Curse Series
Game Changer
Game Maker
Game Clincher
The Triple Play Curse Boxed Set
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Standalone Books
Stealing Home (writing in Melanie Shawn’s Hope Falls Series)
Any Witch Way (writing in Robyn Peterman’s Magic and Mayhem Series)
All In (writing in the Sleeper SEALs Series)
About the Author
Lori Ryan is a NY Times and USA Today bestselling author who writes romantic suspense, contemporary romance, and sports romance. She lives with an extremely understanding husband, three wonderful children, and two mostly-behaved dogs in Austin, Texas. It’s a bit of a zoo, but she wouldn’t change a thing.
* * *
Lori published her first novel in April of 2013 and hasn’t looked back since then. She loves to connect with her readers.
* * *
For new release info and bonus content, join her newsletter at http://loriryanromance.com/lets-keep-touch/
* * *
Follow her on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/loriryanromance/
or Twitter at https://twitter.com/Loriry
anauthor
or Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/loriryanauthor/
* * *
Keep reading for a sneak peek of Game Maker, book 2 in the Triple Play Curse novella series.
Preview: Game Maker
Chapter 1
Aiden Kyle stalked through the door of the San Francisco Strikers’ locker room and scanned the area for his friend and shortstop, Rafe Wilson. Aiden had been pitching for the Strikers for three years, and he and Rafe were close.
But, Rafe had just screwed the whole damn team and Aiden was ticked.
He slapped the newspaper down on the table in front of Rafe and pointed to the picture of a smiling Rafe with his fiancée, Ashlyn Daniels. It’s not that he begrudged Rafe his happiness. He wanted his friend to be happy. If Rafe was crazy enough to think marriage would give him that happiness, Aiden was on board. Rafe had been stupidly happy and blissfully ignorant of what was happening to him since he met Ashlyn. And, if he was honest, Aiden liked Ashlyn. She was good for Rafe.
