Love always,
Momma Mabrey
Elijah covered his mouth with his hand as his eyes moved from one word to the next. It was a good thing he’d chosen to read it in private, especially with the tears that were flowing. Man, he missed that woman. If anyone deserved a fuller, longer life, it was her. What a special, special lady.
All this time, he was supposed to be tending to her family, and he’d let her down. Not on purpose, but the feeling was there nonetheless. It sure made his heart heavy, but he also knew Momma Mabrey well enough that she wouldn’t like him holding on to guilt.
The only question he had now was what he could do from this point forward to watch over the Mabreys. Catch who was threatening Taylor, and make sure the family was taken care of, starting with a new house. Those were only two things so far, and a new home was the easiest to do at the moment. It made his heart happy. Money wasn’t evil; the love of it was. And he had no love for it. But he could sure use it for good. And that’s exactly what he was going to do.
Chapter 18
Two hours until her dinner with Elijah, Taylor held up a turquoise shirt as she stood in front of the mirror. Why hadn’t she asked where they were going? Could she get away with jeans, or did she need to wear something nicer? Her insides were wiggling like gelatin she was so nervous. It was Elijah, for crying out loud. She’d been to dinner with him hundreds of times.
Only it was different. He was different. She was different. It wasn’t a high school romance with odds stacked against them. Odds were still shaky that they’d even be friends, but they were adults with more control. They could see past their own noses…at least most of the time.
She sighed and picked up another shirt, wrinkling her nose as the color washed her out. She and Elijah might be new to each other again, but her indecision about what to wear when going out was old and getting older by the minute.
A knock came at her door. She dropped the shirt and answered it. Sheesh, Elijah looked better every time she saw him. Jeans, fitted t-shirt…and a smile that could light up entire city blocks. She’d always, always loved his smile. Mostly because of how full his lips were. Lips she wanted kissing her again, only this time, she didn’t want him doing it while he had a concussion.
“Hey,” she said and smiled.
He looked down and held out a piece of paper. “Your mom’s letter. I thought you might want to read it.”
“Are you sure? That was between you and my mom.” That he’d even consider showing it to her meant her hope for them finding a new normal and leaving as friends was actually attainable.
Elijah nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
Taking the letter from him, she stepped into the hallway and said, “I’ll read it out here.”
“We can take it to the nook.”
“Sure.”
They quietly walked to the room they’d played UNO in the night before, and Taylor perched on the end of the couch before turning her attention to the letter.
For a moment, she just stared at it without reading it. The first thing she noticed was the handwriting. It wasn’t her mom’s typical penmanship—neat and easy to read. Next, she noted the date: three days prior to her death.
Her mom had seemed to be bouncing back a little, and the doctor had backed off her medication. It had been just long enough for her to have the wherewithal to write to Elijah. She’d been so sick at the very end. Her poor momma.
Tears clouded Taylor’s vision. “I remember this. A few days before she died, she asked for us to give her a little bit of time alone. She knew we were all exhausted from staying at the hospital so much. We went home, took showers, and crashed for a few hours. That had to be when she wrote this, because we were staying nonstop at that point.”
“I could hear her reading it to me,” he said softly as he sat next to Taylor.
Taking a deep breath, she wiped her eyes and read the letter. It made her smile. Her mom loved Elijah, loved Taylor, Lucas, and her dad. That she’d asked Elijah to watch over them was sweet. The last few lines threw her.
“I never told Momma anything had happened to us,” Taylor said.
“Me either, but your mom was pretty good at picking up on things.”
“She didn’t pick up on you being hurt.”
Elijah looked down and away.
Taylor tilted her head as her eyebrows knitted together. “Or did she?”
“I don’t know. She asked me a couple of times, but I wouldn’t comment. It was after she’d found out the cancer had returned. She said I needed to tell her so they could do something, but…” He brought his gaze to hers. “There were only so many battles she could fight, and the one that mattered to me was hers. I was young, healthy, and could take care of myself.”
She cupped his cheek. “Your mom hurt you, though, didn’t she? With more than words.”
He nodded.
“A lot?” she asked and dropped her hand.
Shrugging, he said, “Depends on your definition of a lot. I was pretty careful. There were only a few times that she really…got me, but it was a one-strike thing because she was drunk during those. Most of the time, I got away pretty quickly.”
“And you don’t hate her?” That was what Taylor couldn’t understand. Ruth deserved to be hated.
“No, I don’t. For a while I did, but ultimately, I felt sorry for her. She was miserable and pathetic. I was happy, free, and living the life I wanted.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Or as close as I could get it at the time.”
Those dark eyes held hers, and an entire volume of words was being spoken. Her mouth went dry as her heart drummed against her ribs. If only there was a way they could make something new. But until Mia found out more information, they couldn’t be more than friends. She couldn’t hurt him again.
He took the letter from her hand and set it on the coffee table as he pulled her closer. “I have never stopped caring about you, Taylor. Never. I wanted to. I tried,” he said, resting his hand against her cheek and drawing his thumb across her lips.
She should stop him, but her body wouldn’t respond, no matter how much her brain was yelling. She’d dreamed of being right here in his arms again, and she couldn’t make herself pull back.
Slowly, he bent forward, pausing just as his lips were about to touch hers. The small hesitation was agony for her.
Just as she wondered if he’d changed his mind, he touched his lips to hers. His lips parted as they brushed across hers again and again, teasing. With the last feathery touch, her lips parted, and he took her bottom lip in his teeth.
A shiver ran down her back as she moaned and pressed herself into him, circling her arms around his neck. She needed him to kiss her. Really kiss her. She’d waited for what seemed like forever for another maddening kiss from him. He’d always kissed her like this. Soft and slow and sensual. It had ruined her, and there had never been another man who’d kissed her like Elijah. Like he was savoring her and his time with her.
He wrapped his arms around her, slid his hand into her hair, and held her still as he deepened the kiss. It was better than anything she’d remembered, and she softly moaned again. She was hopelessly under his spell.
She loved him. All of him. Her soul was crying out for everything that made Elijah, Elijah. The way he loved. The way he smiled. The tender way he made her feel wanted. Nothing had ever, ever changed in the way she loved and wanted him. Whatever mountain she needed to move in order to have him back, she’d move.
An alarm sounded as the front door opened, and Elijah broke the kiss. Setting his forehead against hers, his chest pressing against hers as he gulped air, he said, “I guess I should let you get dressed for dinner.”
“Okay,” she said breathlessly.
He leaned back, his eyes searching hers. “I’ll see you downstairs at eight.”
She nodded as he stood and strode off.
Flopping back on the couch, she groaned as she covered her face with her hands. Oh, geez. There was no way she could e
ver go another day without him. She loved him, and living without him just wouldn’t work anymore.
Now, she had to find a way to fix the things she’d broken. She’d felt trapped back then, but she wasn’t some little kid anymore. There was fire in her blood and a determination she’d never had before. This time, she wasn’t giving Elijah up without a real fight.
* * *
Sitting across from Elijah, Taylor picked at the food on her plate. He’d taken her to a nice little restaurant that had just opened, and it was packed. The food was a mix of cultures, and she appreciated the variety they offered. Still, she was far from hungry. Not because of him, but because she was emotionally worn out.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing. Just tired. It’s been a little bit of an emotional roller coaster since I got here.”
Elijah quickly changed seats, slipping into the booth next to her. “I bet it has. I’m sorry for my part in that.”
He was apologizing to her? Of course he was. That was Elijah. The man she’d loved since she was fourteen. She placed her palm against his chest. “You don’t owe me any apologies.”
“I feel like I do. I wasn’t exactly welcoming when I first saw you.”
“You had no reason to be. I hurt you, and I’ve never given you an explanation.”
He held her gaze a moment like he was debating with himself. “Would you tell me now? Did I do something wrong back then? Something to make you feel like I didn’t care?”
Oh, her heart. The way his eyes pleaded for understanding. “I know it’s a lot to ask for. I know I don’t deserve your trust or anything else, but…I can’t tell you right now. I want to, but I can’t.”
His eyebrows drew together as he seemed to search for a reason. “Do you trust me?”
“Elijah, I’ve always trusted you. This was never about my feelings for you.”
“Then what?”
She chewed her lip, trying to think of a way to say what she was feeling. “Give me just a little more time, okay? Just a little. If I don’t have an answer soon, I’ll tell you anyway. Whatever the consequences are, I’ll deal with them.”
“Consequences?”
Taking his face in her hands, she said, “Elijah Emerson, you have held my heart in your hands since the first time I met you in eighth grade. I have never cared for another man the way I care about you. Nothing about my feelings for you has ever changed. I need you to hear what I’m not saying.” She paused, pressing her forehead to his and squeezing her eyes shut. “You know me better than anyone. Trust me, please.”
Minutes ticked by, and she kept her eyes closed. Whatever he was thinking or feeling, she’d have to respect it. He deserved that much. She was the one who broke his heart. It was all on her.
Just when she thought he was going to tell her to take a hike, he wrapped his arms around her. “Okay,” he whispered.
“I promise, for whatever that’s worth, I won’t hurt you again. Never on purpose, ever again.”
He took a deep breath. “I feel like I haven’t been able to think straight since I got here. I had things so organized and put away in neat little stacks, and the second I saw you, it was a tornado. Everything’s been blown to smithereens, and I can’t find my balance.”
She circled her arms around his neck. “You hold on to me. We’ll help each other balance. I’m going to fix this. I don’t know how yet, but I’m going to. When I do, I’m not letting go of you ever again.”
Leaning back, his eyes locked with hers. “If we try again, there can’t be any secrets. Whatever happened, you’re going to have to tell me. We can’t build a life on sand. I can say it doesn’t bother me now, but over time, I know it will. It’ll gnaw at me. I don’t want to start something wondering if I’ll be able to finish it.”
“I know, and I wouldn’t ask that of you. If we start something, whether I’ve got my answers or not, I’ll tell you everything, and hopefully you will be able to forgive me.”
“I just wish I knew how to help. I hate not knowing and feeling so…useless.”
She touched her lips to his. “You have helped. More than you know.”
He pulled her flush against him and buried his face in her neck. “Okay.”
Inside, Taylor heaved a sigh of relief. He was willing to wait, and that spoke volumes. It meant he wanted to give them another chance. At least, that’s how she saw it. They hadn’t outright declared their feelings for one another, and that was okay. She couldn’t expect that from him. Not when he knew she wasn’t telling him everything.
Now, it was her turn to keep her promise. Hopefully, Mia would come through for her. If she didn’t, Taylor might just have to sell a lot of art to keep her dad out of jail. She wasn’t losing Elijah again. Whatever the cost.
Chapter 19
After dinner, Elijah asked Taylor if she wanted to take a drive. When they were kids, they’d taken a lot of those. They’d pick a direction, drive an hour out, and then drive back. It was fun, and it gave them time to talk about the future and their plans. They got to know one another better when they took those drives. Discovered what made each other tick. That was one of the reasons he was confident enough to ask her to marry him their senior year. He knew her. Or had known her. So he thought.
The conversation at the restaurant with Taylor had left Elijah with even more questions. What couldn’t she tell him? He’d wanted to press her to spill it that second. If she was going to end up telling him anyway, then why not now? But there had been something in her eyes that kept him from doing it. For whatever reason, love or stupidity or both, he trusted her.
“You remember that first day you got your license?” she asked as she set her calves on the edge of the open window. “You were so happy.”
He laughed. “Yeah, I was thrilled. I could get out of the house and get away any time I wanted.”
She rolled her head and looked at him. “I really had no idea your mom was hurting you like that. I wish you’d told me.”
“It didn’t start until after I stayed with you that one Christmas.”
“Why do you think that is?”
Taking a deep breath, he considered the question. “At the time, I had no idea, but looking back, I think she felt threatened. Your family loved me. My loyalty wasn’t to her. It was to you guys.”
“When was the last time you talked to your mom?”
“About four years ago. She was drunk and on a rampage. It was the same conversation as usual with a whole lot of words that I can’t and won’t repeat. I knew then that I’d never take her call again. She didn’t want to be fixed, and even if she did, I couldn’t do it for her. I wasn’t going to do what she wanted, and we were at an impasse.”
“Unbelievable. Are you okay with her passing?”
He shrugged. What a loaded question. “To be honest, I don’t know. I thought I was when I got to town, but I will never have what I wanted. I wanted to have a relationship with her. One that was good, you know? But that chance is over, and I’ll never have it. In a way, it makes me sad. In another, it makes me glad I won’t ever have to fend her off again.”
“What did she think about you joining the Army?”
Laughing, he recalled her showing up at Fort Sill in Lawton, Oklahoma. “When she showed up a week after I started basic, demanding I come home with her, I suspected she didn’t like it.”
“Oh, no she did not.”
“She was escorted off the base. The guys felt sorry for me.”
Taylor pulled her legs back down and touched his arm. “I’m so sorry. That had to be awful.”
“It was, and it never got better.”
“Do you think maybe something happened to her as a kid? Something that would explain why she was so…”
“Crazy? Because that’s the right word.”
She snickered. “Okay, yes, but I was trying to find a nicer word.”
He laughed with her. “I know, but there isn’t one. And to answer the question, I don’t know. Maybe
Mia will find out something.”
“Mia?”
“Two large withdrawals were made. One when we were in high school, and one shortly before she died. She’s looking into both of them.” He glanced at her. “You know, we’re in the middle of nowhere. You could tell me what happened. It’s not like anyone would—”
Their vehicle being hit from behind cut his sentence off.
“What was that?” he asked as he looked out the back window.
“Did that car just hit us?”
“Yeah.” Elijah checked his speedometer and grumbled. “Maybe I was going too slow.” He sped up a little, and the car tailing them hit them again. “Okay, that was on purpose.”
Taylor braced her hands again the dashboard. “Elijah, I’m kind of scared.”
He took her hand. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“I know. That’s what scares me.”
Elijah pressed the gas harder to give himself space, watching the car behind them in the rearview mirror. It sped up, and just as he braced for the impact, the car jerked into the left lane and tried to sideswipe them.
“Taylor, you need to hold on.”
“I am.”
As she said it, the car slowed and got in behind them again. A sinking feeling in his gut hit. “Actually, you need to crawl into the backseat. Now.”
“What? Why?”
The sedan behind them traveled to the right just a hair and tapped the bumper. It took work to keep the car from swerving into the left lane and off the median. In the little bit of time it took Elijah to get control of the vehicle, the driver of the other car had pulled up next to Elijah and Taylor on the right.
“Taylor, now.”
Just as she got her seatbelt unclipped, shots began firing, and the window shattered.
Taylor screamed, and Elijah pushed her down onto the floorboard. “Stay there.”
“How did they even find us? Mia fixed my phone.”
“I don’t know. I checked the car before we left, and there was nothing on it either.”
The Ranger's Forgiveness (Army Ranger Romance Book 5) Page 12
