by L. D. Davis
“I am spending the day with my dad.” That wasn’t my original plan, but I suddenly didn’t feel much like talking to any other man. “Besides,” I threw up a hand. “What’s another day?”
“But I really miss you,” he whispered. “I really want to see you.”
“Not enough,” I said softly and left him standing there.
Chapter Twenty
I dialed Luke’s number and counted off the rings. It went to voicemail after the fourth ring like it did the other six times I called.
“How many times are you going to call him?” Kyle growled.
“Until he answers,” I said, ignoring his attitude. I chewed on my lower lip, worried.
I was in California with Kyle for three days. Truly, it was mostly business, but at the end of the working day, it was just us. No work, no Jess, and no Luke, but Luke wasn’t answering my phone calls. My departure from his house the night before my trip did not go well.
“I don’t understand why you need to go,” he had argued when he found out about the business trip.
“It’s part of my job. Sometimes I have to travel with my boss. It’s not the first time.”
Before I even had eyes for Kyle, I went away with him twice. It was hell and I stayed as far away from him as my work would let me. This time it would be different, but Luke didn’t need to know that.
“Why can’t he take Eliza?”
“Eliza isn’t qualified and she’s a single mom of three kids,” I said absent-mindedly. I was working at the kitchen table.
“How qualified do you have to be to look pretty and follow your boss around like a servant for three days?”
I looked up at him. “It’s not like that.”
“It is exactly like that. You’re there specifically to wait on him hand and foot. It looks good to the clients, except in your case it’s an incentive that you’re good looking.”
“I actually happen to know a lot about the business and about the clients,” I argued. “You make it seem like I’m just a dumb bimbo.”
“No one is going to ask or care for your opinions.”
I stared at him. He was being such a dick.
“You’re being such a dick,” I said out loud.
“You don’t have to go.”
“I do have to go, Luke,” I said, probably for the tenth time since the discussion began.
“Lawyer, remember?” He pointed to himself. “It’s not in your job description to go anywhere with Kyle.”
“Okay, so you being an attorney makes you smarter than me?”
“I didn’t say that. I am just very knowledgeable of the employment policies in the company.”
“So, what? You want me to tell Kyle I can’t go?” I challenged.
There was no hesitation in his response. “Yes.”
“You’re on crack.”
“I tolerate all of the time you spend with him here, but going away with him is unacceptable.”
“All of what time?” I questioned.
He gave me a knowing look, and when I looked at him with a blank expression, he growled.
“You ‘work late’ with him at least twice a week, and you two go drinking at the bar often.”
I had stopped trying to come up with excuses for where I was and whom I was with, so I started telling Luke some of the truth. Kyle and I went to my bar once in a while and I always told Luke about it so that we didn’t fall under any more suspicion.
“Would you like to go drinking with us at the bar, Luke?” I asked derisively.
“I don’t want to hang out with that dickhead.”
“Then you want me to stop hanging out with the dickhead?”
“Actually, yeah.”
I stared at him with my mouth slightly open. When all we could do is glare at each other, I saved my work and started packing up my laptop.
“What are you doing?” he demanded.
“I can’t work here. I need quiet, and since it’s impossible for you to shut the hell up, I guess I need to leave.”
He followed me through his tiny house as I collected some of my things.
“Where are you going to go? To Kyle’s?” he asked tauntingly.
I didn’t want to face what he was insinuating. I should have dropped everything and spilled my guts, but I went on the defense instead.
“What is wrong with you?” I snapped after several more similar comments.
“If you were half as smart as you say you are, you’d have that figured out already.” He picked up his keys and started out the door. “Lock up my house when you go.”
The door slammed behind him and I stood there for a few seconds, shocked and anxious. By the time I had enough sense to go after him, he was gone.
I gave Luke the rest of the night and the following day to cool off, but after all business was conducted for the day, I called him three times, and three more times on the second day I was away. I never got an answer or a call back. He answered a couple of my text messages, but they were short and cold.
My mood was not at all cheery. I couldn’t enjoy the fact that I was in L.A or my alone time with Kyle, and Kyle was losing his patience with my unhappy attitude. We ended up fighting for almost the entire trip. The flight home was silent between us. When we landed, we went our separate ways with few words. Now both of my boyfriends were mad at me, and what was worse was that I had to go home to my mother.
Ugh.
When I stepped outside of the terminal to hail a cab, I saw a familiar face on the sidewalk approaching me.
“I thought you could use a ride home, if your boss doesn’t mind,” Luke said, his face pinched with anger and something else I couldn’t distinguish.
“My boss left already,” I said.
His eyes narrowed and he took a deep breath to try to shake away some of his anger.
“What a standup guy,” he muttered and took my bag from me.
“Wait,” I said, stopping him. “I’m not going anywhere with you if you’re going to be all growly and mad. I’d rather risk my life with a crazy cab driver.”
Luke sighed and looked like he was really trying to find a way to calm down.
“I will be…cordial.”
“Cordial? Really…” I gave him a doubtful look.
I really had no right to give him a difficult time. This was ultimately all of my fault, and his anger was just one of many results of my dumb actions, but that didn’t mean I had to sit in a car with him for a half hour if he was just going to treat me like dirt.
“I’m really trying here,” he said a little less harshly.
I sighed and relented. He was a little less angry when we arrived at his house and he threw me on the bed and gave me an angry screwing, relieving much of his tension.
I hit the shower afterward, much needed after a day of travel and then angry sex. When I came out of the shower, my stomach dropped. Luke was holding some lacey undergarments that had been packed away in my bag.
“What did you need these for?” he asked darkly, clutching a pair of red, lacey underwear and a matching bra.
“To wear,” I said it as if it were obvious, but they were items a girl definitely wears to get laid, not items a girl wears for a long day of work.
“For whom?”
“For myself,” I said as casually as possible and rooted through a drawer for some clothes.
“Doesn’t seem like something you wear unless you’re trying to impress someone.”
“Am I not allowed to feel pretty under my work clothes?” I looked at him over my shoulder and batted my eyes.
He sighed and dropped them back in the bag.
“Is there anything…you think I should know?”
There it was, was my opportunity to come out with it all, to tell the truth and spare the grief that was sure to come from waiting too damn long to tell him I’d betrayed him. Pain was inevitable, but I was presented with the chance to somewhat lessen the blow.
I opened my mouth to speak…and chickened out.
“J
ust know that I missed you,” I said, wrapping my arms around him. “And know that I love you and I don’t ever want to be without you.”
Reluctantly, he held me, and then less reluctantly, he threw me on the bed again for round two.
Chapter Twenty-One
Before my trip to California, Luke and I had minor disagreements and a couple of heated arguments over things I can’t even remember now, but life always reset itself and it was never long before the argument was left in the past, forgotten. After my trip to California, nothing was ever the same again.
Arguments disrupted peaceful Sunday afternoons. Silence replaced conversation during meals. Kisses goodbye fell away to slammed doors and abruptly ended phone calls. It was breaking my heart, but then again, I could only point the finger at myself.
A stronger, less selfish woman would have been forthright. She would have told Kyle to fuck off, admitted her transgressions to Luke, and begged his forgiveness. A stronger woman would not have found herself in this situation to begin with. I was weak and selfish. Getting rid of Kyle was like going into detox. Letting go of Luke was like kicking a puppy. Maybe drowning a puppy.
I was in an endless, sick cycle. I was unable and unwilling to make important decisions, allowing myself to be stretched thin between the two men. I didn’t need a soothsayer to tell me it was not going to end well for me.
Sometimes I would sit alone in my bedroom, mentally beating the shit out of myself. I entered into my current state with no thought about how I would exit. At times, I foolishly believed that either Luke or Kyle would give up with ease, wish me well, and move on with their heart intact. Sometimes I imagined that I would choose one of them, but we would all become good friends. So many happy endings in my idiot head.
Summer floated on in slow motion. Not much changed between Kyle and me. Meanwhile I felt Luke drifting further and further away from me. He still kissed me with everything he had. He still tried to treat me with honor and respect, and he still told me he loved me, and I believed it. But I could feel him slipping anyway.
I woke up one morning and knew that I had to tell Luke the truth, even if it meant losing him. Everyone always deserves the honesty of the people they love.
Luke was out of town for work that day, and he didn’t expect to be back until late in the evening. I wasn’t going to tell him over the phone or through text messages. I wanted to tell him face to face, but I was supposed to go away with Donya for the weekend. Jerry had a double header in Florida, but she called me a few hours before our flight.
“Yeah, I’m not going,” she said casually.
“What? Why? I’m all packed!”
“We had a fight. He doesn’t deserve my support. He can roast down there with his teammates.”
“Wow. Harsh.”
“He’ll be fine,” she said dismissively.
“What about the tickets? There’s no way you’re getting your money back.”
“Eh. There’s more money in the bank,” she said, her tone bored, but I knew my friend was irritated.
“That’s so wasteful,” I sighed. “At least have the decency to give the tickets to someone less fortunate.”
“Hmm. My cousin Kera is less fortunate.”
“D, butt ugliness does not count for less fortunate.”
“Do you want me to give away the tickets or not!” she snapped.
“Yeah okay, sheesh. Give them to Kera.”
“You wanna do something else? Maybe Vegas? We haven’t done Vegas in a while.”
Sighing, I said, “No. I’m actually glad you canceled. I want to come clean with Luke. He’s not home now, but I figured I’d go over there and make him a nice dinner.”
“Do you think a nice dinner is going to cover your ass, Emmy?” Donya asked. “Seriously?”
“No, but I hope it helps.”
“And what about the other one?”
“What about him?”
“What happens after you come clean to Luke? What if Luke says to dump the dick or he rolls?”
“Then I dump the dick,” I shrugged.
“You love the dick,” she said doubtfully.
“I love Luke.”
“I feel you’re in for some shit.”
“Maybe so,” I agreed.
“Well…good luck with your shit.”
“Thanks.”
Donya had no idea how right she was. I was in for some shit.
The first thing I noted when I got to Luke’s was that his car was in the driveway. I thought it was strange, but then I assumed he caught a ride with a coworker or took the train or something. The second thing I noticed was the rental car parked on the street in front of the house. Curious, yes, but not suspicious. There were a lot of houses on the street, and sometimes parking was tight.
I started up the sidewalk to the front door, but realized I had mud on my sneakers. It had been raining a little earlier and I had stepped right into a puddle of mud when I went into my back yard to talk to my dad before leaving. I turned around and walked around the house. The plan was to leave my sneakers on the back steps and wash them down with the hose later. I was pretty sure I had a pair of flip flops in Luke’s bedroom somewhere.
After kicking my sneaks off, I used my key to let myself in the back door. The television was on, I could hear it. Okay, no big deal. It deters would-be robbers. However, the low girly giggle and the chuckle that was unmistakably Luke’s was not on the television!
Thanks to my socks, I moved quietly through the kitchen without being heard. What I found in the living room on the couch was Luke and a blonde haired woman about my age. They were sitting very, very close. Too close.
“Hello,” I said, making both of them look up in surprise.
Luke quickly got to his feet. Honestly, I had never seen him move so fast.
“Babe, I thought you would be on your way to Florida by now.”
“Yeah and I thought you were in D.C.,” I said tightly.
“The meeting was postponed late last night.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” My eyes flickered to the woman and her ugly hair.
“I didn’t want you to change your plans for me. You don’t spend a lot of time with Donya.”
I raised an eyebrow and again looked at the ho’ on the couch. She looked anxious, her long, bony fingers moving restlessly in her lap.
“This is Claire,” Luke waved her over. “She’s one of my Chicago friends. Claire this is Emmy.”
I shook her hand, but couldn’t match her smile.
“I thought I met all of your Chicago friends,” I said to Luke.
“Not all of them,” he said, scratching the back of his head.
“I’m out here with some friends,” Claire explained. “Doing the Jersey shore thing. It was dumb luck that Luke became free while we’re here.”
“Oh,” I said, not really sure what else to say.
“Where’s your shoes?” Luke asked, looking at my feet.
Completely ignoring his question, I said, “So…can I talk to you in the bedroom?” I walked off toward his bedroom before he could answer.
“Where are your shoes?” Luke asked me again inside his room.
I pushed the door closed and crossed my arms as I faced him.
“What’s going on here?” I asked.
“Claire is visiting the Jersey shore from Chicago,” he stated the obvious.
“This isn’t the shore!”
“No, it’s not. When my schedule opened up, I asked her if she wanted to catch up.” He shrugged like it was no big deal.
“So you’re catching up on your couch? Two inches apart?” I yelled.
Luke crossed his arms and his blue eyes darkened.
“What is it you want to know, Emmy?”
“I want to know what the hell is going on between you and Claire!”
“Is that what you want to know?”
“Yes!”
“No big deal right? Just a straight answer?” He was backing me into a corner, bu
t I was too blind with anger to see where he was going with his line of questioning.
“Right,” I said, standing my ground.
“Okay. I will tell you what’s going on between me and Claire.”
“Okay!”
“Right after you tell me what’s going on between you and Kyle.”
Well…I wanted to come clean. Here was my chance.
Maybe not this way, though.
I deflated and my anger floated away.
“N-n-nothing,” I stammered. I was on the verge of wailing, but bit my lip to keep it back. “Sorry I jumped on you like that. I’m…” I started towards the door. “I’m going to go.”
Luke followed me out of the room, calling my name.
“Nice to meet you, Claire,” I mumbled absently without looking at her. I went out the front door, forgetting my sneaks.
“I’ll be right back,” I heard Luke say. A moment later, he was in front of me, blocking my path to my car. “Emmy, stop.”
I let out an exasperated scream. “Everything sucks!” I yelled.
The dog in the next yard answered with barking and whining and a few kids playing in the street looked over at us. Even Luke looked at me with apprehension.
“Give me an hour or so and I’ll come pick you up from home,” he said. It was clear by the tone of his voice that he was trying to be patient with me.
“I don’t want to go home,” I grumbled. “My mother is there.”
“Okay then stay here.”
“I don’t want to stay here with Claire.” I gestured angrily at his house.
Luke put his hands together in front of him as if in prayer, like he was trying not to flip out.
“Emmy,” he said carefully and in a deceptively calm voice. “Go do what you have to do to get yourself together. I will call you soon.”
I sighed noisily and got into my car. It wasn’t until I was a couple of miles away that I remembered my sneakers.
An hour later my cell rang. I dug it out of my pocket and answered.
“Where are you?” Luke asked.
“At McDonalds,” I said pitifully. “Eating the entire menu.”
“I have your shoes. Why don’t you come get them?” His tone was light, almost playful.
“Is Claire gone?”
