by L. D. Davis
“Umm,” I said, a little overwhelmed by her happy housewife hospitality.
“What about something to eat?” Luke asked as he cradled their pretty little girl in his arms. It warmed my heart to see a dad being so involved and loving, but it also made me feel bad, because I wasn’t sure if I’d get that from Kyle.
Little Lucas appeared at my side. He looked very much like Luke. He was a cute kid, but in the five minutes that I had been there, he had made me fear the impending toddler years.
“Five!” he yelled, his hand held up. I gently slapped him five and he took off laughing like he was on something. Oookay…
I looked up and both Emmy and Luke were looking at me expectantly.
“Umm,” I said again. “Water will be fine and I’m not really hungry. Thank you.”
She pulled two bottles of water out of the fridge and handed me one before sitting down across from me.
“So, what brings you to Chi-town?” Emmy asked, sitting back in her seat.
“Umm,” I glanced at Luke. “I actually…I need to talk to you in private, Emmy,” I said.
Luke gave me a long look. I had a feeling he knew why I was there, and I also had a feeling he wasn’t happy about it.
“Oh,” Emmy said, looking at me, then Luke and back to me. “We can talk upstairs?”
“No,” Luke said with a sigh. “I’ll take the kids to Lena’s for a while.”
“Don’t leave your house on my account,” I said to him.
“It’s fine,” he said before turning to Emmy. “Baby, can you run upstairs and get Kaitlyn’s diaper bag? And make sure Lucas goes to the bathroom. Once he starts playing over Lena’s he doesn’t stop, not even to pee.”
Emmy nodded, but she looked at both of us curiously before disappearing into the family room. I heard her scold Lucas for something and his squeals of objection and moments later the ruckus started up the stairs.
Luke looked at me as he adjusted Kaitlyn in his arms. “Is the baby his?” he asked. “Is it Kyle’s?”
“Yes,” I said, absently running a hand over my belly.
“Where is he? He did something didn’t he?” Luke looked angry, but I guess I couldn’t blame him. My guess is that he didn’t have a very high opinion of Kyle.
“He’s in London,” I said softly.
“What are you about to drag my wife into, Lily?” his eyes narrowed on me.
“I’m not dragging her into anything,” I said defensively. “I have no one else to talk to about this, no one who understands him like Emmy does.”
I couldn’t miss the anger that filled his facial features, though he tried to pull it back some.
“If he’s gone, then maybe he actually did something right for a change. What happened to my wife could easily happen to you and your baby.”
“I’m not going to argue with you about that, Luke,” I said firmly. “I don’t believe that he ever meant to hurt Emmy and I sure as hell know that he won’t hurt me that way, but you have a right to feel how you want about it. I may even feel the same if I was in your shoes, but I don’t want to hear it, do you understand? This is his child I am carrying,” I said, gesturing towards my belly. “Not someone else’s. I can’t just walk away. I need to know what Emmy thinks, what she would do if she had all of the facts that I have.”
“That’s what I’m worried about, Lily,” he said darkly as we heard Emmy and Lucas descending the kitchen stairs. “What will she do when she has all of the facts?”
Emmy appeared then, toting a diaper bag and holding Lucas’s hand. Luke forced a smile for his family.
“Thanks, baby,” he said and gave Em a quick kiss on the lips.
She looked at him with suspicion. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” he said quickly and took Lucas’s hand. “Let’s get Kay Kay in her seat, buddy.”
“I’ll help you get them in the car,” Emmy said.
“I got it, honey. Relax.” He gave her a reassuring smile and walked the kids out of the room.
Emmy looked off in that direction with some concern for a moment before settling down in the chair across from mine.
“He looked pissed off—he didn’t get any phone calls while I was upstairs, did he?” she asked, her eyes suddenly wide.
“No,” I said, eyeing her questioningly.
“Okay, good. He’s gonna be mad when he finds out. Maybe. Maybe not.” Her brow furrowed.
“You realize I have no idea what the hell you are talking about, right?”
She leaned forward and started whispering. “There was a woman trying to get Luke. She pretended to be my friend and she was nice to my kids but she really wanted my husband. She owns a little muffin shop next to the firm. Anyway, things kind of came to a head and it could have really fucked us up, you know? So…” she motioned for me to lean forward also. “I bought the building and served her with eviction papers this morning.”
She smiled smugly. “Never thought I could be so vindictive, but this is my family we’re talking about here.”
“Well, that definitely trumps what I would have done,” I said admiringly.
“Yeah, you would have just kicked her ass, right?” Emmy laughed.
“You do know me, after all,” I grinned.
“I think I do know you fairly well,” she said, as her face grew serious. “So, I know you’re here to talk to me about the father of your baby.”
“That’s an easy guess,” I said, looking at the water bottle in front of me.
We heard the front door close, indicating that Luke had finally left with the kids.
“Shit,” Emmy said. I looked up and her eyes were closed. When she opened them again, they seemed a little moist. “I never thought that could hurt as badly as it does,” she whispered, rubbing her chest.
“I didn’t come here to rub it in your face,” I said quietly.
“I know, but why are you here, Lily?” she asked, sitting back in her chair.
I reached into my purse and closed my fingers over the photos I had of Emmy. I looked at her with reluctance before finally placing the photos on the table in front of her.
“What…what is this…” she asked in a whisper. She didn’t move to reach for them. She just sat there, staring at the top picture.
“You know what it is,” I said softly, and waited.
“But…how?” she asked, as she gingerly touched the first picture.
“Larkin apparently records every visit, just in case,” I said. “There is video, too, but I haven’t seen it.”
“Why did you get these?” she asked, finally looking through the pictures with wide and teary eyes. “Why would you do this? Please tell me you didn’t show Kyle these pictures.”
“Actually, Kyle is the one that obtained them. I begged him not to,” I bit my lip to hold back the hard emotions I felt. “I begged him, Emmy, but he felt like he needed to know.”
“He had asked me and I refused to tell him how bad it was,” she said, shaking her head. A big tear drop fell onto one of the pictures. More followed that one. “Even if I had told him, it wouldn’t have compared to seeing. Why would he do this to himself?”
“He’s still punishing himself for it,” I said.
“Stupid idiot,” she said, wiping away her tears.
“He already had a lot of burdens to carry,” I said, wiping away my own tears. “He blames himself for his brother’s death, he blames himself when his mom isn’t well, he feels deserted by his sister and he’s still living with the fact that Walter and his real father both didn’t give a shit about him.”
Emmy’s eyes widened. “Real father? Walter isn’t Kyle’s father?”
“You didn’t know?”
“No,” she shook her head. “And I don’t know how his brother died, nor did I know he felt anything about his sister. I know he had some issues with his mom, but I guess I never knew how badly.”
She looked at me with both bewilderment and amazement. “Start from the beginning. Start with Miranda.
”
I told her everything Kyle had told me about his sister. She kept a straight face through most of the story until I told her how Kyle was afraid of being rejected by Miranda. Emmy’s face crumpled and more tears slipped from her eyes.
“And what about his brother?” she asked. “He never talked about it.”
I remembered when Kyle told me about his brother. It was the same night he told me about Miranda. He was reluctant at first, but I pushed him. He had trembled slightly as he told me and I had immediately felt guilty for pushing him. I tried to make him stop, but he just held my hand and told me anyway.
“Walter…” I started, but didn’t know how to say it without crying again. It was so hard to say, but it was harder for Kyle to say. “Walter beat the shit out of him one day, more than the usual. His mom was spaced out on some kind of anti-psychotic drug, but even if she wasn't I don’t believe she would have cared. Kyle went outside and climbed this tree that used to be near the pool. He said he climbed and climbed until he felt safe. Walt Junior tried to get him to come down, but he could still hear Walter ranting and raving in the house. He didn’t want to get hit again. So, Walt climbed the tree.
“Apparently he was always trying to look after Kyle. His father rarely hit him, so he would often step in to protect Kyle, and he always tried to make him feel better if he couldn’t protect him. Walt got pretty high in the tree that day, but not as high as Kyle. Kyle was smaller and able to fit through some of the smaller spaces. He sat in the tree for a long time, trying to get Kyle to come down, trying to comfort him even though he couldn’t reach him. The branch Walter had been sitting on started to crack and break away. He managed to hang on to another branch, but he didn’t have a very good grip. Kyle tried to climb down to help him, and Walt screamed for help. One of the grounds keepers saw the whole thing unfolding, but he was too far away. All of the shouting finally drew out Kyle’s parents, but it was too late for anyone to do anything. Walt lost his grip and fell. He fell into the pool, but not before his head slammed against the cement around the pool.”
Emmy covered her mouth as tears streamed out of her eyes. I knew how she felt, because I did the same thing when I first heard the story.
“Kyle was petrified. He hugged the tree trunk where he was as the horror unfolded below him. His parents were distraught and couldn’t focus on him, not that they would have been much comfort. In the end it was a fire fighter that coaxed Kyle out of the tree, but that was more than an hour later. Walter always blamed him and when Felicia is going through her shit, she tends to blame him, too.”
“Those fuckers!” Emmy yelled. “I didn’t even know that he was…he was abused as a kid! I didn’t know any of this shit!”
She got up from the table and threw open a cabinet door. She reached for a bottle of tequila and poured some in a glass. This was up a step for her. Usually she’d drink it right from the bottle.
“That’s not even the half of it,” I sighed.
“Tell me everything,” she said darkly, and sat down again. She purposely didn’t look down at the photos.
I started from the beginning, that night so long ago when Kyle walked into SHOTZ looking disheveled and heart broken. I told her every detail I could recall, including my feelings for him before he knew I existed and what had happened that night and the following morning. When I told her about my employment at Sterling Corp, her eyes grew wide and then she frowned.
“Why didn’t anyone tell me? Why so secretive?”
“Mayson thought it would be awkward for you,” I said. “It wasn’t my place to argue with her—I really didn’t know in depth at the time what was happening between you and Kyle or you and Luke.”
“So…but…Luke said that you and Kyle had run into each other and after a few conversations you decided to build a bar together. Either Kyle lied or Luke lied,” she frowned.
“Maybe they both lied,” I shrugged. “I didn’t even know about the bar until a few months ago.”
“Huh,” she said, looking thoughtful. “But you two were already together when he bought it?”
“Basically,” I said. “I know you and I have been texting off and on since you last left New Jersey, and I don’t want you to think I was…I don’t know hiding from you to protect myself or anything, but no one wanted you to know what was going on and I felt weird talking to you about the bar once I found out about it.”
She sighed. “I get it, I guess.”
I continued with my story, starting with that weekend that I got mugged. Whenever I talked about the more intimate and quirky sides of Kyle, Emmy’s eyes lit up and looked sad at the same time. When I told her about the day he kissed me in the grocery store and the fight he put up to not hide our relationship she looked down at her hands. I felt bad for her because she never got to have a public relationship with Kyle, and he had fought to keep it secret. I told her about the fracas at the Sterling estate and the nasty things Faux Dad and Felicia said to Kyle. When I told her about the party at the museum and my run in with Jess her face lit up.
“I’ve always wanted to punch her square in her stupid, snotty face,” Emmy said with vehemence. “I’m glad you put the fear of God in her sorry ass.”
I told her about Kyle’s strange behavior before our trip to Bora Bora, and I told her about my trip home to Ohio. Emmy seemed genuinely happy that I had reconnected with my sister. When I told her about how well Kyle handled my nieces and nephew, her eyes glistened and she seemed proud.
As my story wound down to the present, her face became more and more serious.
“So, here I am,” I said with a sigh. “And I don’t know exactly what I was hoping to accomplish when I got here,” I said thoughtfully. “I guess…I guess I wanted to know your thoughts. You’re the only person who can kind of understand how I’m feeling right now. If you knew then what you now know, would you have left or would you have fought for him?”
“Do you want to fight for him?” she asked quietly.
“I don’t know,” I said, fidgeting with my second bottle of water. “I’m not a quitter, you know that, but…this is so damn draining. If I’m putting all of my energy into Kyle, I’m not going to have anything left to give to my baby.” I blinked up at the ceiling to keep my tears from slipping again.
Emmy was quiet for a moment. When she finally spoke, her voice was soft and full of emotion.
“I would not have fought for him,” she said.
I blinked at her. Honestly, that wasn’t the answer I was expecting to hear at all.
“Don’t misunderstand me,” she continued when she saw my face. “I love Kyle Sterling and I always will. I miss him, all of the time. I love my family, I love and adore my husband and I wouldn’t trade him in for anything or anyone, but I still love and miss Kyle. You have to understand how it was between us. It was like we got off on being fucked up together—I mean there was never a time in our relationship where things were as they should be. Instead of falling away from each other, the screwed up core of our relationship seemed to make us gravitate towards each other. It didn’t even make sense.”
She looked down at the pictures. She traced a finger over the bruises that had been on her face, put there by the man she loved and missed.
“He was my drug, and I was his,” she said so softly I almost didn’t hear it. “Our love was one of addiction and instability. Kyle broke me,” she said and then paused for a moment. Then she looked at my face with a hard expression. “But I broke him first.”
I stared at her, stunned by her words. I knew that Kyle was a broken man, but I never placed any of that blame on Emmy. She didn’t force him into their relationship and she didn’t beat him to end it.
“I don’t understand,” I finally said.
“I knew things were hard for him. I didn’t know all that you know, but I knew life was hard, and I knew that he had no one. I allowed him to believe that he could rely on me, that I could soothe his aching soul, but when it got too rough I pushed him too hard. If
it wasn’t for me, he would have never fallen back into drugs. I was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Kyle.
“What he did to me was terrible and he has every right to take some of that blame, but I can’t blame him entirely. He was pushed—from all directions, and my push is what pushed him over.”
Emmy got up from the table and poured herself another glass of tequila. “Thank goodness I froze some breast milk, just in case I needed a drink.” She took a sip of the liquid and it seemed to soothe her. She rejoined me at the table and looked at me.
“As I said, I will always love Kyle, but I was never meant for him and he was never meant for me. You were meant for him and he was meant for you.”
“But…he doesn’t need me,” I said, feeling a little embarrassed by the truth of my words. “He doesn’t need me and he’s sure as hell not addicted to me.”
“Lily,” she said, reaching across the table to take my hand. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you addiction is really bad for you? Nothing good can come from any kind of addiction, especially an addiction to a person. Kyle only wanted me because he was addicted to me and vice versa. Look where we are now. He wants you. He loves you and I think he really does need you. Just because it isn’t carnal doesn’t mean that it’s not real. Kyle had every opportunity to tell me the things he’s told you and he didn’t. On some level he didn’t…trust me. On some level he knew that I couldn’t heal him, but already I can tell that you have already started to do that. So, I really mean this when I say it, so listen hard, Lily.”
She leaned forward. With tears in her eyes and a firm voice, Emmy said, “Fight for him and don’t ever let him go.”
Emmy
I was pacing back and forth in the bedroom when Luke came in carrying Kaitlyn. I had heard him come into the house with her some time ago, but I didn’t go to them. He looked at me with a grim expression.
“You got into the tequila,” he said flatly.
“Yeah, but there’s milk in the fridge and freezer,” I said, not even pausing in my pacing.
“Why don’t we just get this conversation done and over with,” he said darkly and sat down on the bed.
