by L. D. Davis
I thought about Emmy’s relationship with Felix. They had both said that it wasn’t a serious relationship. They enjoyed spending time together and sleeping together, but their hearts weren’t in it. When they split ways, I barely noticed because they were each fine with it and remained friends.
Could I do that with Benny? In a way, I felt like I would be betraying Emmet, especially since I was the one that ended our relationship. I felt like it would make me a hypocrite. Was the situation different enough to justify doing what Benny was proposing? I wanted to discuss it with Emmy and see what she thought.
“I can’t give you an answer right now,” I said quietly.
“No pressure,” he reminded me. “But can I give you something to think about?”
I raised an eyebrow in question. Benny leaned forward and with his free hand he took my chin between his thumb and forefinger. His lips touched mine firmly, with purpose. Without much thought, I opened up for him, and his tongue slipped inside my mouth. I audibly sighed, because the kiss was really good, and when he pulled away a short time later, I almost chased his lips with mine.
“So, think about that while you’re gone,” he said quietly.
Before I could answer, our flight was announced, and then Emmy cleared her throat behind me. I stood up suddenly, tearing my hand from his, and began to gather my things. We thanked Benny again for the ride and Emmy again extended an invitation to him. I pinched her hard on the arm and steered her towards the gate and waved goodbye to Benny.
Chapter Forty-Two
Silence had fallen across the entire dinner table, except for the sounds made by forks clinking against plates, glasses being set down on the table, and the occasional clearing of a throat. Even Sam was markedly quiet as she looked Emmet’s girlfriend over, but Laura was looking me over, trying to figure out from where she knew me.
“You look so familiar,” she had said after introductions had been made, but no one volunteered the two pieces of obvious information.
Somehow, while Emmet and I laid eyes on each other for the first time in over a year, and during the introduction to my replacement, I had managed to smile and pretend it was nice to meet her. Since it was obvious she had no idea that Emmet and I had been together, I had to be sure not to look as hurt as I felt when he held her hand or touched her. I had no idea how I was going to make it to Monday without breaking into a million pieces.
“You know who you look like?” Laura said, breaking the silence at the late evening dinner and pointing her fork at me. “You look like this girl who was in my favorite Felix Hunter movie. I think she’s with Felix, I mean, I don’t really pay attention to the gossip shows and magazines, but you know sometimes you hear things or see things and don’t mean to? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen pictures of them together. Damn…what is her name? She’s been in a few other things, but she’s not an actress, clearly. She wasn’t that good. I can’t even remember her name.” She giggled and blundered on. “She’s a model, or was. I don’t know. I don’t really follow those things. You look a lot like her. She’s really pretty, but I’m guessing a lot of those models are all looks and no brain. What the heck is her name?”
The silence at the table turned into one of stunned disbelief. I stared blankly at her. After all, I was all looks and no brain, wasn’t I?
“Her name is Donya Stewart,” Emmy said coldly, glaring at Laura.
Laura began to laugh but then took a good look around the table at everyone staring at her. Her eyes landed on me and grew wide.
“That’s you?” she exclaimed.
“I didn’t know Harvard had a special program for the daft,” Emmy muttered, pouring herself a glass of wine.
“Emmy,” Fred warned.
“Explains how Emmet got in,” she added in a murmur.
“Are there any more insults you want to throw at me?” Emmet asked, throwing his fork down.
“Oh, please, may I?” Emmy asked sarcastically.
“Esmeralda, don’t blame your brother for his girlfriend’s lack of wits,” Sam admonished.
“If everyone is just going to insult Laura, we can leave,” Emmet snapped.
“Oh, I’m sorry, honey,” Sam said, patting Laura’s hand. “But you have to admit that you kind of dug yourself into a bit of a hole there.”
“I really am sorry,” Laura said to me with sincerity. “That really was careless of me.”
“Are you apologizing for calling her a bad actress or for calling her stupid?” Emmy asked her.
“That’s enough,” Fred said to her. “It was an honest mistake. Leave her alone.”
“Laura, I say things to upset people all of the time in this family,” Sam said, almost proudly. “You’ll fit in just fine.”
“Yeah, because you fit in,” Emmy scoffed.
Sam glared at Emmy. “You know, I can’t think why I asked you to come here, you miserable twit.”
“I don’t know why you asked me either. You don’t even like me.”
“Sometimes I wonder,” Sam said.
“Don’t you two start,” Fred growled.
“You’re really pretty, and I’m sure you’re very smart,” Laura said desperately to me from across the table.
“But you still think she’s a bad actress,” Emmy concluded.
“Leave her alone,” Emmet demanded. He looked at Laura apologetically. “I’m sorry about my mom and sister,” he said softly.
I had a hard time looking at the way he looked at her.
“What did I do?” Sam wailed.
I had enough of the stupid fighting. Any other time it would have been entertaining, but I was anything but entertained. Watching Emmet jump to Laura’s defense and put a protective arm around her was killing me.
I put my napkin on my plate and stood up. I started to walk away from the table, but thought better of it and snatched the bottle of wine and exited the room, ignoring Sam and Emmy calling my name.
*~*~*
I was sitting out at the dock, smoking my second much-needed cigarette and sipping the much-needed wine when I felt Emmet’s approach. Moments later my cigarette was snatched from my mouth and tossed into the water before he sat down in the chair across from me. Then he thought better of it, got up and took the bottle of wine from me, too.
“You don’t drink,” he said.
“I’m thinking I should start,” I answered wearily and tilted my head back to look at the night sky. Stars that I could never see in New York glittered in the darkness.
“I’m sorry about Laura,” he said on a sigh. “She’s really a nice person.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said meaningfully. “It’s not even close to the worse thing I’ve heard about myself. Emmy took it hard, though.”
“I guess I don’t blame her. She’s kind of pissed that I brought Laura with me.”
“Yeah, she is,” I admitted.
“What about you?” he asked quietly. “How do you feel about me bringing her?”
I turned my head to look at him in the semidarkness. “You’re free to bring home whoever you want.”
“That’s not what I asked you.”
“You don’t need to ask to know how it feels,” I said quietly. “You already know, but it shouldn’t matter how I feel. I could have chosen not to come when I found out, but honestly, I’m tired of playing the ‘avoid Emmet’ game. Why can’t we just coexist?”
He was quiet for a long time. Only the water lapping at the shore and the dock and the occasional nocturnal animal could be heard in the night.
“She’s pretty,” I said when he didn’t answer me. “Is she in law school too?”
“She’s not you,” Emmet said simply.
I swallowed hard and looked back up at the stars. They were starting to blur with unexpected tears.
“Why is this still so hard all of this time later?” I whispered.
Emmet stood up and took my hand and tugged me to my feet. He wrapped his arms around me, but I tried to push him away. I looked
back at the house worriedly, expecting Laura to come bounding out at any second.
“She’s taking a shower and then calling her sister,” he said soothingly, pulling me back to him. “She won’t come out, and she can’t see us.”
“Doesn’t make it right,” I said, brushing at my tears.
“We’re not doing anything wrong,” he murmured into my hair. “Put your arms around me.”
I complied and a rush of air blew out of my lungs. Everything about Emmet felt perfect for me, the way his arms held me and the way my arms molded around him. My head fit perfectly between his shoulder and jawline, and when he held me like that, I could always feel his heart beating.
“I’ll give it all up,” I heard myself say to him.
Emmet inhaled sharply and remained quiet for a moment. When he spoke again, his voice was heavy with regret.
“No,” he said. “I follow your career very closely, and it is bigger than anything I ever expected. Helene was right about you, and you’re not even close to being done yet, Donya. I am so damn proud of you, and I want to see you reach your full potential just as much as you want to see me finish law school. I love you, more than anything and anyone, and I meant what I said last time we were together. No one will ever own me completely but you, but you have to see this through.”
I wiped away at my tears, but I refused to give in and sob in his arms. If I started to sob, I would start to beg—with his girlfriend within a stone’s throw. I pulled away from Emmet and even in the dim light I could see the moisture in his eyes.
“You never answered my question,” I said, hugging myself. “Can we coexist?”
Slowly, Emmet nodded. “I’ll try.”
“Me too,” I said.
We walked back to the house together in silence.
The rest of the weekend was uneventful, with the exception of Emmy’s and Sam’s typical bickering. I spent as much time as I could alone, sketching new designs on the dock or in the hammock. Laura didn’t make any more stupid comments and actually proved to be rather funny and intelligent. Even Emmy softened for her a little. I didn’t spend any more alone time with Emmet, but that tether was ever present.
I flew back to Philly on Monday afternoon. Benny picked me up from the airport, and because Emmet had denied me and I felt more alone than ever, I gave Benny what he wanted and what I needed.
Chapter Forty-Three
The agreement I had with Benny had been comfortable and satisfying for what it was. True to his word, he made no demands and didn’t put any pressure on me. He was good company and had a way of making me feel cherished even though we weren’t committed, and admittedly, he was a good lover. He was patient with me as I got acclimated to him since I had only been with Emmet before him.
Our non-relationship relationship had lasted for about eight months before Benny said he had met someone. Even though we weren’t supposed to be emotionally vested, it still hurt both of us to end it, but there were no hard feelings. He married that woman a year and a half later.
Emmet and Laura broke up about six months after the trip to Louisiana. He later told me that she had become too needy and demanding, especially after she found out that Emmet and I were once engaged. She had become insecure and distrustful, and Emmet didn’t have the time or patience for any of it.
The world suddenly and significantly changed, not just for me, but for everyone on a September morning in 2001. I cried for weeks afterward. Our carefree existence had gone away, but not only did the country and city pull together in unity like I had never seen before, but on a more personal level, I found new appreciation for all of the people I loved.
I spent more time with family and friends, and Emmet and I learned for sure that we could coexist. We spent a couple of comforting days together and found some solace in knowing that we had not lost one another in ways that others had lost on that dark day. Being friends wasn’t always easy, and, in fact, it was sometimes painful, but the alternative was living without one another entirely. Neither of us found that very appealing, and quickly threw that option out.
The family had pretty much dismissed our past relationship as a childhood thing, and no one talked about it anymore. They assumed that because we were on friendly terms, that we also had chocked it up to childhood infatuation, but that wasn’t true. That tether was still connecting us down to the molecular level, and it seemed that there wasn’t enough time in the world to cure us of that. Sometimes I really wished there was a cure because then it wouldn’t hurt so much when that bond was tested, and it would be put to the test again, sooner than I could have imagined.
Two months before he was supposed to graduate, Emmet told me that he was moving to Florida. Freddy was having some trouble with business and asked Emmet for his help. Since he had mostly escaped having to do anything in the family business, he felt the least he could do to show his appreciation to his parents for supporting him through college was to help out his brother. While he was there, he was going to study for and sit for the Florida bar.
Any hope of our lives realigning and of us getting back together for good shattered at that news. I was glad that he had told me over the phone while I was out of the country, so he couldn’t quite pick up on my emotions. Again, I didn’t want to hold him back, so I had swallowed back my pain and gave him my support. He promised that he would be back, but it felt like a hollow promise in a shell of good intentions.
When Emmet finally did graduate from Harvard Law, I was there. I would have moved heaven and earth to be there, and damn near had to. Tears had threatened to spill out of my eyes when they called his name. Seeing him holding his law degree in his cap and gown was bittersweet. I was so proud of him, so happy for his success, but he would be leaving, and I would be without him again. Maybe forever.
Later that night after a celebratory dinner, Sam and Fred retired to their hotel room, and I met Emmet at his apartment so that I could give him his gift.
“You know you didn’t have to get me anything,” he said when I handed him the beautifully wrapped box. “Having you here for the graduation was enough of a gift.”
“Oh, you always say such sweet words with your adorable mouth,” I teased even though his words had warmed me inside. “Just open the damn gift.”
Emmet shook his head and tried to hide his amused smile as he set the box down on the kitchen island. His couch and most of his other furniture were already gone and on the way to his new place in Florida. I didn’t like to think too much about how far away he was going, and how far we would be stretched again.
He looked up at me suddenly, most likely sensing my roller coaster emotional state, but I gave him my best Donya Super Model smile and gestured for him to get on with the unwrapping. Reluctantly, he turned back to the task at hand. Once the paper was removed, there was a simple brown box, taped shut.
“Is there going to be a box inside this box?” he asked skeptically. “And another box inside that box and so on?”
“Would I do that to you?” I asked innocently.
“Valentine’s Day,” he said, narrowing his eyes at me.
For Valentine’s Day, I had given Emmet a simple Hershey Kiss, not because I could afford nothing else, but because it had significant meaning for us. I had put it in a tiny box, within a box, within a box, within a box, and…within a box.
By the time he reached it, he was frustrated and demanded the real thing, but I denied him until I opened my gift. It was a new charm for my bracelet. Like the others, it was white gold and encrusted with diamonds. Although it was a bit smaller than the other two, it had an enormous impact that had me blinking back tears. It was a key. Just a key, but I knew what the key was for.
Even though we weren’t a couple, and we were just friends, I kissed him that night, for a solid ten minutes before I was able to step away. The days that followed were awkward, but whenever I thought about it, I smiled.
I was smiling about it as Emmet stood there watching me instead of opening his graduat
ion gift.
“Open it,” I said. “I promise you it is not a box inside of a box.”
He gave me a look that promised retribution if I was lying and then cut the tape away with his car key. He pulled the flaps apart and stopped. He stared down at the box for a long moment before glancing at me as he carefully lifted his gift out of the box.
It was a Ghurka chestnut brown briefcase. It was custom made with his initials engraved on the front flap. Emmet ran his hands over the leather appreciatively.
“This is…this is great,” he managed, glancing up at me.
“Open it,” I quietly commanded.
He looked at me with a bit of skepticism but unlatched it and carefully lifted the flap. His eyes narrowed in on the underside of the flap, and I watched his lips move as he silently read the quote stitched there. It said, “Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice, and is never the result of selfishness. – Napoleon Hill.”
“Donya,” Emmet said, his voice full of emotion as he looked at me.
“There’s more,” I said softly. “Look inside.”
He looked into the bag and produced a nameplate, engraved in gold and set on a block of chestnut wood to match his bag.
“Emmet Grayne, Esq.,” he read aloud and then looked at me. “You know I haven’t passed the bar yet.”
“But you will,” I said confidently. “One more thing.” I reached into the bag for him and produced a pen in the same color as the bag and nameplate. Emmet Grayne, Esq. was engraved on the pen too. “It’s refillable, so you’ll never have it sitting around being useless.”
Emmet held the pen and nameplate in his hands as he stared admiringly at the bag. I felt the shift in him before I saw it, a deep, emotional change that made my heart beat off rhythm. He met my eyes.
“I can change my plans,” he said quickly. “I can move to New York and take the bar there.”
I inhaled deeply as my fingers curled around the edge of the counter.
He was offering me something I really wanted. I could have him back and for good. My heart would be where it belonged and…
