by L. D. Davis
“You need an intervention.”
I actually laughed a little. “Your wife intervened,” I pointed out.
“I’m still sorry about that,” he said sincerely.
“It’s not a big deal,” I lied.
“You’re lying,” he said softly.
“It was a shock,” I admitted, holding a palm to my forehead.
“Obviously, you’re not even going to Federal Donuts in the morning.”
“Maybe not that much of a shock,” I said hastily.
“I thought you were going to be in Tampa this weekend.”
“Are you stalking me? You seem to know a lot about what I’m doing.”
“Did you think I would just let you disappear into obscurity?” he asked, but before I could respond, he continued speaking. “My mom told me you were going to Jerry’s games.”
“Oh,” I said. “Of course she did. Well, I’m not going.”
“Why not?”
“Because he made me angry.”
“About what?”
I bit my lip and stared up at the ceiling. Did I really want to tell Emmet about my personal problems with Jerry? I often thought about him telling me that Jerry would never give anything up for me, and I didn’t want to confirm that for him. I didn’t want him to be right about that.
“I’d rather not rehash it with you. Are you working?”
“Yeah,” he said with a sigh.
“Don’t like it?”
“What’s to like about this place,” he muttered.
“Should have stayed with the family business,” I sang out softly.
We talked only about the law office Emmet was working for over the next half hour. During that time, I was able to forget about my pain and my heart beat normally and I was able to breathe. I got comfortable on the couch and had even closed my eyes as we spoke, but when that conversation died down and we fell into silence, my rapid heartbeat returned and I suddenly felt like there was someone sitting on my chest.
“I thought you would never speak to me again,” Emmet said quietly, breaking the silence.
“We share a family,” I said. “We would have spoken eventually.”
“I guess so,” he said doubtfully. “How long will it be before I speak to you again?”
“I don’t know,” I said weakly.
“I can’t go without talking to you again, Donya. I know we are literally living separate lives, but we are not separate. You know that, don’t you?”
How could I ever possibly forget it? I loved my husband and we shared a wonderful life, most of the time, but I wasn’t connected to him. I wasn’t bound to him in the way that I was bound to Emmet. That tether will be there forever.
“I do know that,” I whispered. “And that’s why I can’t be your friend.”
His sigh was so sad that it brought tears to my eyes.
“You still hate me,” he said in a small voice.
“No, no,” I said hurriedly. “I don’t hate you, Emmet.”
“Then say it,” he quietly commanded.
I was struck mute for a moment. I thought about Emmy and her predicament. I didn’t think I was capable of cheating, but I forgot about the strong pull Emmet had on me. Good decision making was imperative, even when in a cloud of emotion.
“I love you, Emmet,” I said hoarsely. “But we need to return to our lives now. You have your sweet wife at home and I have Jerry.”
He exhaled, like he had been holding his breath waiting for me to say those three words.
“I love you, too,” he said sadly. “Will I see you at the anniversary party?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.
“Okay.” He was reluctant to hang up and I knew how that felt because I could have listened to his voice all day. As much distress as it brought me, it soothed a part of me that no one else could access, not even me.
“Bye, Emmet,” I said, fighting back tears.
“Bye, Donya.”
I wanted to lay there and feel miserable and zone in on that bereft feeling I felt, but that would be no good for me and no good for my marriage. I rolled off of the couch and hurried into my bedroom. I quickly put my shoes on and adjusted my hair before grabbing all of my luggage. I struggled my way to my car and threw everything into the trunk.
A little under two hours later I was boarding my flight to Tampa. I felt like I had crossed a line that had been drawn in the dirt the moment I said, “I Do.” Regardless of how I felt about Emmet, I needed to stay on the right side of that line. I had to keep my senses about me, and to do that, I needed to be with my husband.
A few days after we returned from Tampa, Jerry came home from practice with a gift for me…a gift that whined and let out little puppy barks, wearing a nametag that said Dusky. I gave him a sideward glance that said, “You’ve got to be kidding me,” even as I hugged and kissed the black lab.
Jerry gestured to something attached the bow that was tied around the puppy’s collar. It was a rolled up piece of paper, like a miniature scroll. Balancing the dog in one arm, I unraveled the piece of paper and read aloud.
“Dusky is the first addition to our family. We will make the second addition together.” I grinned and blinked back tears. “Jerry. Does this mean…”
“Yes, but,” he put his finger up in warning. “I can’t promise you when I’ll be ready, or if I’ll ever truly be ready, but someday we will try to have a baby, okay? But we have to talk about it first. No turkey basters and poking holes in the condoms.”
I threw my free arm around his neck and kissed him. No, we weren’t connected, but we were happy, and I wouldn’t jeopardize that, ever. I hoped down in Pensacola, Emmet had found his happiness with his family, too.
Chapter Fifty
A year and a half later, Jerry stared at me, not comprehending what I had just told him.
“What do you mean you’re pregnant?” he asked, his eyes narrowed in confusion.
“What kind of question is that?” I asked, irritated by his reaction. “I can’t make the statement ‘I’m pregnant’ any clearer than that.”
“But you’re on birth control,” he argued.
“Remember when I switched prescriptions because the first one was making me break out?”
“Not really.”
Of course, he didn’t remember. It didn’t directly apply to him.
“Well, I switched birth control pills and there was a small window of time when we had to be careful.”
“I pulled out,” he said and gave me a suspicious look that I didn’t appreciate.
“Did you learn anything in Sex Ed? Pulling out is not an effective form of birth control, Jerry.”
He looked around the room as his mind began to truly process what was happening. When he met my eyes again, his eyes were a bit chilly.
“We agreed to discuss this first,” he said.
I stared at him incredulously.
“I am sorry if my egg and your sperm didn’t sit us down over coffee and discuss the situation before they joined,” I said.
“I’m not ready for this,” Jerry said, holding up his hands as if he was out of the equation. Like that was enough for him to step back and make it all my problem.
“Obviously,” I snapped. “I wish I could take full responsibility, but last I checked it takes one male and one female to make a human baby, so you better get your shit together.”
I started to walk out of the room, but Jerry blocked my path and put his hands on my shoulders.
“You’re not hearing me, princess,” he said in a hard tone. “I am not. Ready. For this. We have to take care of this.”
My rage and violent need to protect myself and my unborn child was immediate. I shoved him away from me and then with a cry of pure resentment, I balled my hand into a fist and connected it to his mouth. Jerry stumbled back, stunned. He touched his lip and when he saw the blood on his fingers, his eyes widened.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he stared at me in disbelief. �
�I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I panicked.”
He moved toward me, but I backed away from him.
“Don’t touch me,” I warned icily.
“Princess,” he said softly and held out his hand.
“Get out,” I said and pointed to the door.
“You’re kicking me out?” he asked. He looked at the door and then at me.
“Get out!” I screamed.
Dusky stood at my side, barking and growling at Jerry, as if to say, “Didn’t you hear Mommy? Get the hell out!”
He looked at me for a moment longer and then cursed in his native language as he stormed over to the closet by the door. He took out his coat but didn’t put it on. He grabbed his keys and opened the door. Cold winter air blew in and made me shiver. Jerry gave me one last look as if he expected me to change my mind, but I remained silent. He shook his head and muttered something I couldn’t hear before walking out, closing the door behind him.
I held my breath for a few seconds until I heard the distinct sound of his Camaro starting.
“Fuck!” I exploded and shook my hand. I examined it visually first, noting that it was already swelling and turning odd colors. I was able to open it and close it and flex my fingers, but not without a good dose of pain.
I went into the kitchen and took an icepack out of the freezer. I wrapped it in a dishtowel and sat down on the couch while my hand iced. Dusky was entirely too big to sit on my lap, but he lay across my lap anyway.
I leaned back and tilted my head up towards the ceiling as I tried hopelessly to blink back my tears. I understood Jerry’s initial shocked reaction, I had expected that. I even thought it was possible that he would not immediately be happy about the situation, because he had been so adamant about not having a child before we planned to do so together, but I did not expect his cruel proclamation that we had to ‘take care of this’.
What other women did with their bodies was their legal right and I didn’t judge, but terminating a pregnancy was not something that I was capable of doing and Jerry had to have known that. Even if he didn’t know it, he should have been ready and willing to sit down and have a discussion about our options instead of insisting on only one.
I wanted to call Emmy and tell her about the pregnancy and vent about how Jerry reacted, but I couldn’t, because my best friend had her own troubles, and I believed they were far bigger than mine.
The love triangle she had been in disintegrated when Luke, who had reached his tipping point, broke up with her and moved away to Chicago to be with his family and to get away from Emmy. It was about three months later that Emmy learned that she was pregnant. In my opinion, it was questionable who the father was, but Emmy seemed adamant that it was Luke, but she did not tell him. She carried on with her reckless relationship with her boss, Kyle, for another few months, but then something happened around the very beginning of the year. It was still unclear what exactly had transpired, but it had changed her—irrevocably changed her. Emmy was broken and I had no idea who or what gave the killing blow. One day, without even telling me, she picked up and left the state and went down to Louisiana.
I later found out that Kyle was in rehab for some unknown addiction, and when she caught wind that he was going to get out, she begged me to take her far away. I took her to the only place I could think of, I took her to Helene and Marcus in France. She stayed with them in their country cottage until she was probably way too pregnant to fly overseas, but she made the trip home nevertheless and gave birth to Lucas, a beautiful, blonde haired baby boy in Louisiana.
When Lucas was five months old, he and Emmy flew to Chicago where she broke the news to Luke and told him he was a father. A week later she moved in with him. They weren’t together as a couple, but Luke wanted an equal share in his son’s life, and he was owed much more than that.
Whenever I spoke to Emmy, she was only a shell of the woman I used to know. I always pretended that she didn’t sound like a walking dead woman. After each phone call, I would be on the verge of tears. I had no idea what had killed her spirit or how to help her, but calling her was out of the question. I didn’t want to burden her with my problems. A small part of me wondered if she even had the wherewithal to care.
I still couldn’t believe that Jerry suggested I terminate the pregnancy. With that reoccurring thought, Emmet’s words bounced around in my skull.
“He’ll never give up anything for you.”
Those words stung me now. Jerry expected me to give up something I had always wanted while he gave up nothing. In fact, since we got married, he had given up nothing. I wanted to quit modeling, so I couldn’t hold him accountable for that, but my whole life orbited around his. I took good care of him. I cooked, I cleaned, and I threw myself into his career. I did all of the charity events that the team wives did. I went to every home game, even when I was in school and working hard on getting my degree. The one away game a month he required soon became three or more, because he wanted me there. The media always commented on what a devoted wife I was and Jerry liked how that made him look.
I didn’t have a job, because being Jerry Vasquez’s wife was my job. My degree sat useless in a drawer. Even though going to any of my family’s gatherings could be awkward, what with my ex-fiancé and his new wife and baby, I would have liked to have had the option, and I lost that option when I married Jerry. Every holiday or special occasion was spent with his family here in the States if it was within baseball season, but during the winter holidays, we traveled to the Dominican Republic.
My social life was nearly nonexistent because I spent so much time just being Jerry’s wife. Mayson was the only friend I really had since Emmy left and I didn’t get to see her often.
I didn’t mind being selfless for Jerry. I felt useful and my husband loved and adored me, but after his selfish suggestion, I suddenly felt…used and unappreciated, and I was having a difficult time with the fact that Jerry had never given up a damn thing for me, just as Emmet had predicted.
Emmet wouldn’t have asked me to give up my baby, I realized. As far as I knew he didn’t expect Casey to do that either, even though he clearly wanted me and not her. In fact, he gave up a great deal to do the right thing by her and Owen. Emmet had made some poor choices over the years, but I knew he would always try to make the right decision for Owen, and I supposed even for Casey.
I had an unexpected yearning for Emmet. How different my life would have been had I married him instead of Jerry. Dealing with Casey’s pregnancy had seemed impossible back then, but I wondered if the pros would have outweighed the cons of that situation. I would have Emmet, who loved me unconditionally and wanted kids as much as I did. He would have appreciated me and he wouldn’t have cared if I got fat and got stretch marks from a pregnancy.
Sighing, I decided I needed to push those thoughts out of my head, because what-ifs didn’t mean anything. I had to work with the reality that I had created for myself and hope for the best.
Chapter Fifty-One
I almost backed out. My fingers were poised over my phone, ready to dial Emmy and tell her I couldn’t make it. I would feign sickness, exhaustion, or Braxton Hicks. If I had to, I would troll the internet and find some way to put myself into labor.
It was that thought that made me put my phone down and give myself a mental slap.
“Really, Donya? You’d risk your baby’s life?” I asked myself aloud as my hand automatically rubbed my round belly. “I’m sorry,” I told my baby girl. “I didn’t mean it. It’s just that I’m nervous about seeing Emmet again and meeting his wife and kid.”
She kicked me for my stupidity.
It was Lucas’s first birthday, and Luke and Emmy were throwing a big party at Luke’s sister’s house. I was due to give birth in a little more than a month, and my doctor had advised against traveling, but I had not seen Emmy and Lucas since they moved to Chicago, and if I didn’t see them this time, it would be several more months before I would have the opportunity.
&nbs
p; Late in the winter, Emmet, Casey, and Owen also moved to Chicago. Luke offered Emmet a position in his law firm and Emmet took it. When Emmy told me that Emmet was considering it, I knew he would take it, because he still had the same job he had told me he hated. I wasn’t sure how I felt about him living closer to Emmy. It increased the odds of me running into him whenever I visited his sister, but then again, I probably wouldn’t visit very often anyway, at least not for the first year of my baby’s life.
Emmet and his family were going to be at the party. It was going to be the first time we saw each other since the day I married Jerry and left Emmet crying for me in front of the pond.
I could already feel him, I felt him the moment the plane landed. With my sensitive, hormonal emotions in place, I didn’t know how I was going to handle being in the same space with him. I didn’t know how I was going to react to Casey in person. How was I going to react to Owen? He was an innocent three-year-old boy. Could I possibly resent a three-year-old?
My cell phone rang, dislodging my thoughts about Owen and his parents. It was Sam calling to tell me she and Fred were ready to go. I grabbed my purse and checked my hair in the mirror, being careful not to look at my wide body, and then left to meet Sam and Fred in the lobby.
Fred typically drove slow enough to drive anyone crazy, but the ride into the burbs felt as if he had kicked it up to warp 8, because before I could really prepare myself, we had arrived at Lorraine’s house. The pull of the tether was instantaneous. I walked behind the old folks towards the house knowing I wouldn’t be able to stop myself if I tried. Emmet was calling to me, and even after all of the insanity we had been through, my body and heart still answered his call. I was equally relieved and terrified.
There were a few people hanging out in the front yard smoking. I looked at them with envy, because I could have really used a cigarette, but under no circumstance is a pregnant, smoking woman either attractive or acceptable.
You’re being ridiculous, I told myself. You have been in the public eye for over sixteen years and have done some terrifying stunts, and you can’t handle this? You got this! He’s just a guy…
