by L. D. Davis
“Your mother and I tried to warn both of you,” Fred said, glaring at us. “We warned you that Donya’s career and your schooling would push you apart, and you both were so damn headstrong and thought you knew it all.”
“That was a long time ago,” I objected softly and then winced when he glared daggers at me.
“And your inability to use your head then is having a calamitous affect now,” he growled. “You two had plenty of opportunities to fix your relationship. Emmet, when you graduated from law school, it was your bonehead decision to move hundreds of miles away.”
“That’s bullshit,” Emmet argued. “You and Freddy wanted me down there to help out!”
“I wanted you to help out temporarily!” Fred roared. “I didn’t tell you to stay there and start your career! You could have sat for the New York and Connecticut bars. I know Donya was still traveling and busy, but her main residence was in New York. You could have made it work then, but you chose to stay in Florida.”
Emmet looked away from his father with his brow furrowed.
“I maybe pushed him away,” I said in a small voice.
“Real men fight for what they want!” he snapped at me. “And you…”
“Leave her alone,” Emmet demanded.
Fred ignored him and said, “As soon as you knew you were going to retire from modeling, you should have gone to him. Instead, you married someone you didn’t want.”
“I loved Jerry,” I said defensively.
“That may be, but he wasn’t the one you wanted. I walked you down the aisle, Donya,” Fred said harshly. “I felt your hand shaking on my arm. I heard your anxious breaths and saw your tight, fake supermodel smile meant to appease anyone looking at you.”
Emmet looked at me now with questions on his tongue, but he remained quiet.
“I had just found out Casey was pregnant,” I said helplessly. I was startled to feel tears on my cheeks. I wiped them away and said, “I would have canceled the whole thing. I begged him to ask me not to marry Jerry, but he couldn’t because he had just found out he knocked Casey up.”
“He shouldn’t have had to ask you not to marry Jerry!” Fred shouted.
“I begged you not to marry him,” Emmet said angrily. “I was on my knees begging you not to marry him!”
I shrunk back from the angry, yelling men and choked on a sob. Having both of them bitterly angry with me was too much.
“But she did,” Fred said, looking at his son. “And you married Casey, and that should have been the end of it. You both made your decisions, as poor as they may be, and now you have to deal with it. If you’re not happy in your marriage, fix it or get out, but this…” He pointed at the ground between us as he looked back and forth at us. “This is unacceptable behavior. You are married with children. Casey is a good woman and does not deserve this from you,” he said to Emmet. He looked at me and said, “I don’t know what is going on between you and Jerry, but don’t cheapen yourself this way.”
Emmet’s chest rose and fell rapidly as he stared at the ground again. There were too many emotions churning inside of him for me to get a fix. Suddenly he turned his back on us and took several quick steps forward. He halted for a moment and his hands flexed at his sides. He started to look back over his shoulder, but snapped his head forward and stormed down the sidewalk.
The tether contorted and quivered and groaned in protest. I put both hands on my chest in an attempt to keep my heart from bursting from my ribcage and splattering red on the white snow.
Fred put his hands firmly on my shoulders.
“When you were still practically a little girl, you asked me how you would know if you were doing the right thing,” he said earnestly. “What did I say to you?”
“That I’d know when I was doing it,” I said as tears continued to pour from my eyes.
“Does this feel like the right thing, Kiddo?” he asked in a harsh whisper.
I shook my head and then a loud, keening sob broke free. Fred held me tightly and rubbed my back.
“Kiddo, I’m not telling you to ignore what your heart wants, but this isn’t the way to do it. You are my sensible child, and I expect you to be sensible. Do you understand?”
I nodded my compliance.
Fred stepped back and pulled a handkerchief out of the inside of his tux jacket. He wiped away my tears, and like I was a little kid again, he even wiped my nose.
“Let’s get you back inside so you can get my beautiful granddaughter to bed,” he said with a heavy sigh. He offered me his arm, and I took it, much like I did when he walked me down the aisle.
By the time we made it back inside, Emmet and his family were gone.
Jerry stirred next to me, bringing my mind back to the hotel room hours later, and the man beside me. I rolled on my side to look at his dark profile. There was a time when I couldn’t get enough of looking at his handsome face and long eyelashes and touching his strong body. I couldn’t remember the last time I paid it any mind.
His reaction to Rosa was unacceptable, but maybe I didn’t help matters any. Jerry relished his time with me before I got pregnant. He soaked up every minute, even if he knew I was in the stands watching him play. Maybe if I gave him more of myself, he would soften again and maybe whatever it was that emotionally blocked him from his daughter would start to fall away.
When I stripped away my clothing and straddled my husband that night, I knew my reasons were selfish. I wanted to feel better. I wanted to push away the pain in my chest, but I thought it could be a start, too. Maybe things could change, and I could be happy with Jerry again.
I shut off my brain and allowed my body to succumb to a physical pleasure that only proved to farther scar me emotionally.
Chapter Fifty-Five
I had just fallen asleep when Rosa’s cries came through on the baby monitor. I waited to see if Jerry would go to her this time, but he rolled over, nudged me in the side, and told me Rosa was crying.
Sighing, I rolled out of bed and stumbled to the nursery. My baby stood in her crib, nose running, cheeks flushed, and tears were dampening her cheeks. She had been sick for days, we both had, and even though we had gone to the doctor when she first got sick, there seemed to be no improvement. She had been asleep for a couple of hours, but then I couldn’t fall asleep because I had been coughing. I was pretty sure I had bronchitis, but I hadn’t had time to take myself to my doctor.
“Hey, pretty baby,” I said to her as I reached for her. When my hands made contact with her body, I felt the heat of her skin through her pajamas. I quickly picked her up and put my hand on her forehead. She was burning up.
I rushed over to her dresser and grabbed the thermometer. I took her temperature and my heart dropped. 103.3 was entirely too hot for anyone, but especially someone Rosa’s size. I raced into my bedroom.
“Jerry,” I called his name as I looked around for a pair of shoes or slippers to put on. “Jerry!”
He rolled over, grumbling, and pushed up on his elbows.
“I need you to get up and take us to the ER,” I said hurriedly as I struggled to push my feet into a pair of sneakers. “Get up!” I cried before racing out of the room with a crying Rosa.
I took her back into the nursery and gently put her down on the changing table so I could change her diaper. Dusky sat at my feet, looking up at Rosa and whining with worried eyes for a moment before wandering back out of the room.
“And get a couple of her juice cups from the fridge, please!” I called out to Jerry through the open door. “And maybe grab a few snacks incase she’s feeling better enough to eat later.”
I quickly stripped her out of the diaper only to realize I had no wipes. They were across the room on top of her dresser. Jerry appeared in the doorway then. I didn’t pay much attention to his facial expression, but I probably should have.
“Give me those wipes, will you?” I asked, with my hand extended, but my face turned back to Rosa.
I heard him pick up the box of wipe
s and a second later I felt something hard slam into my side. I looked up just in time to see the sippy cup soaring through the air. I gasped and turned my body to block Rosa, and the cup slammed into my back. I looked over my shoulder in absolute shock as the second cup flew through the air and slammed into my upper arm. Jerry wasn’t a pitcher for the team, but he had a very strong throwing arm. I knew whatever he threw at me would leave a bruise. And he wasn’t finished…
He snatched up the small pink lamp off of the dresser and threw that to the floor, but the heavy book of fairytales, he threw at me. The dog stood outside of the room barking at Jerry as I watched with wide, disbelieving eyes as he began to wordlessly trash the nursery.
Pictures were pulled from the walls and thrown to the floor. The baby monitor was hurled into my back. Toys and stuffed animals were thrown at me and to the floor. When he began to stomp toward us with nostrils flaring and fists closed tight at his sides, I scooped Rosa up and tried to move away. He shoved me out of his way, sending me crashing into the crib and I nearly lost my footing as I struggled not to drop my screaming baby. I had just enough time to turn away from him as baby powder, diapers, lotions, and other baby items were thrown at me. Powder floated through the air after he threw a larger bottle against the wall in front of me and it busted open. Dusky was still barking, but he was not an aggressive dog. He didn’t enter the room to avenge Rosa and me.
“I am fucking tired,” Jerry said evenly behind me. I heard him trudge through the mess and walk out of the room past our whining first addition to our family. A couple of seconds later our bedroom door slammed shut.
I was stunned, absolutely bewildered, and hysteria was building inside of me, but I had to ignore it. I couldn’t think about what just happened because Rosa needed a doctor. Breaking down was not an option. Not an option.
With trembling limbs, I put Rosa back on the changing table and quickly put her in a diaper. I zipped up her pajamas and put her in the crib, the only safe place in the room, so I could quickly pack her a bag. I stuffed it with clothes, diapers, wipes, and her now empty cups. I was vaguely aware that my shirt was damp from the juice, but I didn’t care. I threw the bag over my shoulder, grabbed Rosa and carefully navigated out of the room. I hurriedly put her in her coat even though I worried that it would make her hotter. I didn’t bother to grab anything for myself to put on; there was no time. I picked up my purse and then raced out of the door to get my baby to the hospital.
*~*~*
For a year, I tried to save my marriage and convince my husband to love his child. I changed up my hair and lost a few pounds. I stopped wearing sweatpants and beat up clothes around the house, and I made sure my hair and makeup were done every day. I hired a babysitter so Jerry and I could go out alone and we had at least one mandatory date night a month. I started attending his home games again, and I went to one away game a month like I used to do. Sometimes I would bring Rosa to the home games, but mostly she stayed with the sitter.
It seemed to be working for us as a couple. Jerry was nicer, downright sweet sometimes, and he started calling me princess again, but he was still distant from Rosa. He held her, he talked to her, and he helped out with her, but it was clear that his heart wasn’t in it. He rarely even smiled at her, even when she grinned up at him and looked at him adoringly. By the end of the year, I realized that he was never going to be close to her. I tried not to let that affect us as a couple, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that his relationship with Rosa was a part of us, and if that wasn’t strong, neither were we. His complete meltdown in the nursery was solid proof of that.
I sat in the hospital next to Rosa’s little body in the big bed as the nurse adjusted the IV embedded in her little arm. I was still in a state of shock and barely functional. My head was cloudy, and except for what I felt for the baby, I was otherwise numb.
Rosa was expected to be okay. Her lungs were clear, and she tested negative for the flu. It was a bad viral bug, for which there was no cure, but they were treating her symptoms. When the nurse asked me if I would like to get looked at myself, I declined. It would take me away from my baby, and I wasn’t leaving her room for anything.
As the sun began to rise outside, I knew I had to make a decision. I couldn’t go back home. I didn’t have my cell phone to call anyone, and I wasn’t sure who to call. I couldn’t remember if Emmy and Luke were back from their vacation yet. Fred had a heart attack only a month after the wedding. I didn’t want to stress him out by going down to Louisiana, so I immediately ruled that out. Mayson had her own problems, and my other friends weren’t people I’d let into this aspect of my life.
When the sun was up fully, I asked the nurse to find a phone number for me. When she returned a little while later, I took my credit card out of my purse and dialed the number. Rosa and I were not going back home. Ever.
*~*~*
I handed the cab driver a hundred dollar bill.
“Wait here. If we go inside, you can leave and keep the change, but if we can’t get inside, I will pay you another hundred to drive us back to the city to a hotel.”
He nodded his acceptance and wished me luck.
I climbed out of the car with Rosa in my arms and my purse and diaper bag on my shoulders. It was snowing pretty hard. It had just started when the plane I chartered landed. The talkative cab driver said they were expecting almost a foot of snow on top of the half a foot that was already on the ground.
I walked up the driveway, noting that it was empty of cars. It was a little disheartening, but I thought maybe they could be in the three car garage. I went up the two steps and opened the storm door. My hand was poised to press the button for the doorbell when I felt him, stirring around inside, beyond the door.
I hesitated and thought about turning away, but where would I go? To a hotel maybe, but my body was failing me, and I needed help with Rosa, and besides, it was already too late. If I could feel him, surely he could feel me. I pushed the button.
I heard muffled voices and seconds later the door opened, and Emmy stood there looking at me with a stupefied expression. The sight of her made relief rush through my body and suddenly the weight of the past sixteen hours slammed down on me.
“Shit,” Emmy cried, rushing forward to catch Rosa and me. “Luke!”
My world was darkening, but I felt Emmy take Rosa from my arms and I heard her panicked voice, and then I heard his voice, yelling.
“What did he do to her?” Emmet demanded. “What did he do to her?”
Rosa started to cry as I was lifted into strong arms, but it wasn’t Emmet. Luke’s voice was close to me as he called my name, but I could barely hear him over Emmet’s shouts. Rosa continued to cry, frightened by the hysteria in the room, and then Kaitlyn and Lucas joined in until there was a chorus of small crying children.
“Emmet calm down!” Emmy yelled. “You’re scaring the kids.”
“Donya, open your eyes,” Luke said calmly after lying me on a couch.
“Tired,” I murmured as I tried to force my eyes open. I started to cough uncontrollably and Luke lifted me into a sitting position and rubbed my back.
“What’s wrong with her?” Emmet demanded.
“She’s burning up,” Luke said. “You should probably call an ambulance.”
I opened my heavy eyes to slits after my fit of coughing passed. Luke was right beside me, supporting me. Emmy was standing in the middle of the room holding Kaitlyn with a phone to her ear and looking at me anxiously. Emmet stood behind her, holding Rosa, trying to comfort her, but unable to shake the panic that gripped him as he looked at me.
“I’m just tired,” I whispered and only then did I realize how dry my lips and mouth were.
“I think you’re more than tired,” Luke said. “What happened?”
“I think I need a divorce lawyer,” I said. I smiled and weakly lifted a hand to touch his face. I don’t know why I smiled. It wasn’t funny.
And then I went to sleep.
Chapter Fifty-Six
“This isn’t my sock,” Luke announced, holding up a pink, frilly sock. He was standing in the hallway dressed in a suit with one shoe on and one shoe off.
“Oh, that’s Rosa’s,” I said and snatched it from his hand. “Thanks.” I patted his chest and continued to my temporary bedroom.
“What are you doing?” I heard Emmy ask.
“I can’t find my blue sock!”
“So put on another sock.”
“Do you know what kind of a field day Vivian will have with me if she sees me wearing two different socks? I want my blue sock. It matches this suit.”
I shook my head and closed the door. Vivian was Luke’s arch enemy, a barracuda of a lawyer that made grown men quake in their shoes—according to Emmet and Luke anyway, but it was she that Luke asked to represent me in my divorce.
I liked her instantly, though her personality was a bit intimidating, even to me. She played dirty, without being illegal—I think. Before Jerry could even oppose anything I was asking for, Vivian sent his lawyers pictures of the bruises on my body from all of the shit he had thrown at me, and pictures of the wrecked room.
Luke and Emmet had acted quickly. They contacted Mayson who had a spare key to the townhouse I shared with Jerry. While he was out of the house for his daily trip to the gym, which he did not deviate from even after abusing his wife and child, Mayson went in and took pictures of the still wrecked room. He hadn’t even bothered to clean it up two days after I disappeared from his life. She grabbed my dog Dusky, my cell phone, my bracelet and a few other small things and took off before Jerry could return.
