by Linde, K. A.
“Maybe we could pretend we haven’t woken up and go back to bed for the rest of the day,” Julian suggested.
I dropped my bag onto the side table and ran a hand back through my messy bob. “As much as I’d like that, you have things to do today.”
“Yeah. I don’t want to though.”
“Tough,” I teased.
He stepped forward, like he was going to draw me to him, but then the front door burst open. We stumbled apart in confusion as Ashleigh Sinclair strode in.
“Hey, baby,” she crooned. “I think I figured out our little distribution problem. Why are you not returning my calls?”
I gaped at her. She was in some white skirt suit with an actual silk scarf tied around her neck and four-inch nude high heels. Her hair and makeup were done up, as if for an event. She looked flawless as she carried a black leather folder before her.
“Ashleigh,” Julian said, his voice dipped with warning.
She smirked at him. “Don’t you look charming in this little…number?” She gestured up and down at him, still in basketball shorts and a worn-out T-shirt. “We’re going to need to get you cleaned up, so we can make the meeting with the distributors.”
I looked back and forth between them in confusion. “What is going on?”
Ashleigh sighed heavily and turned to me. “Oh, you’re still here?”
“Still here? I’m his girlfriend. What are you doing here?”
Ashleigh shot me a look of straight pity. “He didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“Ashleigh, this isn’t the time,” Julian said.
I whirled on him. “Tell me what?”
Julian held his aching head. “There was a…problem with the distributors. So, I asked Ashleigh for her help because she knows them.”
“When?” I snapped.
“Uh…Friday night.”
I saw red at those words. I stumbled back a step from him. The man I’d spent all night and morning taking care of. And now, he was telling me that the night that he’d refused to take my calls or answer my texts was the night he had been with his ex-girlfriend.
“And you never thought to mention that when I was trying to get ahold of you that night?”
“My phone is really broken,” he said hastily. “I don’t have it.”
“Is that why you aren’t answering my calls?” Ashleigh said.
“And the next day at the soccer game?” I accused. “Or the vineyard party?”
“There’s an easy explanation for why he didn’t tell you,” Ashleigh said with a viperous smile.
“Stay out of this,” Julian said, wincing all the time.
“Oh no, I think she’s right,” I said, glancing at Ashleigh. “For once, we’re actually in agreement. There’s clearly a reason you didn’t tell me.”
“I didn’t tell anyone,” he said. “The distributors came back with some bullshit excuse for why they wouldn’t work with Wright Vineyard. I panicked and went to Ashleigh to try to figure out if we could fix it. It had nothing to do with her.”
“Didn’t it? Isn’t that why you didn’t tell me? Why you didn’t go to me?”
“Why would he go to you?” Ashleigh scoffed. “What do you know about business? What contacts do you have?”
My breath came out uneven as the first working of a panic attack clouded my vision and wobbled through my body. I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t want my body to take over for me, but I was helpless to stop it. And I’d forgotten to take my anxiety meds this morning. Oh fuck…
I scrambled through my bag, seemingly uncaring that they were both watching me have a freak-out. I shook a pill out into my hand and downed it dry. I didn’t even care at that point. I couldn’t care. Not when my entire body threatened to shut down as reality washed over me.
Julian had hidden this from me. He’d lied to me about it. He’d gone to his ex-girlfriend, who he’d claimed to hate. And yet, he’d chosen her over me. Her. Over me.
What had I been thinking all this time? That things with Julian were just too perfect. If something looked too good to be true, it probably was. I’d been living in this dream world. Julian and I were happy, and nothing could break that. Everything was fine. I belonged here. Finally right here, where I’d always wanted to be. I’d been dreaming, and now, I was awake. The bubble had burst. The dream world was gone. Only reality invaded my mind as I stared at what could have been and saw only what was.
“This isn’t what it looks like,” Julian insisted.
“It’s exactly what it looks like.”
“Jesus,” Ashleigh said. “Don’t you see that she has a problem? She’s taking pills right in front of your face now, and you’re not wondering why?”
I swallowed harder, glaring at her.
But it was Julian who, just for a fraction of a second, went from concerned to confused. “What pills are you taking?”
My voice turned steely. “Oh my God, as if that’s anyone’s business.”
“See,” Ashleigh said, “I told you she was doing drugs.”
I gasped at the words and stared at her in shock. “I’m what?”
“When I saw you at the charity gala, you were doing cocaine in the bathroom. I saw you all sweaty, pupils dilated, wiping your nose. I’ve seen the addict behavior before.”
I shook my head. “You are out of your goddamn mind. You will say anything to try to get Julian back.”
“I don’t have to say anything but the truth.”
And then I saw the moment in front of me. Julian wavered at Ashleigh’s words. He didn’t even see her for the slimy bitch that she was. That she was trying to tear us apart by accusing me of bullshit. He didn’t even see what was standing right in front of him. I was furious with him about hiding the distribution issue and going to Ashleigh, but that look…that look broke me.
“Fine. Believe what you want,” I said. I snatched up my purse and stormed past them both and out of the house.
Annie pulled into the driveway when I stepped outside. Thank God I’d texted her earlier, or I’d have been walking home. My hands were shaking as the side effects of my panic attack lingered on the periphery.
Julian dashed out after me. He was in no position to run, but our argument must have put his hangover on hold.
“Jen! Jen, wait,” he called, reaching for me.
“I don’t have anything to say to you,” I told him.
“Please, I don’t know what she’s talking about. I don’t know or care about any of it. I don’t want you to walk away. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“You lied and hid and second-guessed me and made me second-guess myself. Tell me, Julian, how are you any different than your dad right now?”
He whipped back as shock hit him full on. He opened and closed his mouth. Then it all cleared in his face as he saw exactly what I’d said. “I…I’m not. I’m not him.” He reached for me again, snagging my hand and pulling it to him. “Jen, please.”
And I wanted so badly to give in to him. Julian Wright was the boy I’d pined after. Who I’d always said that I wasn’t good enough for. But standing here, after all the bullshit I’d walked through, I was realizing that maybe I’d been wrong all along. Maybe he wasn’t good enough for me.
I’d spent my life tiptoeing around the word no. I hated saying it. I couldn’t say it. I wasn’t capable of it. I was a pushover, and I complied with what everyone else wanted. I’d never found my own voice. But if this summer had taught me anything, it was that I had to stick up for myself to get what I wanted and to get the respect I deserved. In my friendships, in my career, and now, in my relationship.
“No,” I said softly.
“What?”
“No,” I said more forcefully. I extracted my hand. “No, no, no, no, no. And no.”
“No what?”
“No to everything. No, I’m not going to just get over this. No, I’m not going to stay and listen to you try to dig yourself out of the grave that you dug yourself. No,
I don’t owe you an explanation. So, just no, Julian. No.”
He stared at me, slack-jawed. He’d never seen me like this before. And that was okay because I’d never seen me like this before either. I kind of liked me like this, to be honest.
So, I stepped back and left him standing in the driveway. I got into the passenger side, and Annie had wide eyes.
“How much did you hear?” I asked as she pulled away.
“Uh…everything.” She touched my hand. “Are you okay?”
“No.”
The word rolled off of my tongue again as the realization of what I’d done finally sank in. Then I started crying and didn’t stop for a long, long time.
38
Julian
Jennifer had left.
She’d left with Annie and not even looked back.
I’d done this.
My head felt like someone had split it in two with an ax. My stomach wasn’t doing much better. Every nerve in my body was on high alert. I was hungover as fuck. And yet, it was my heart that hurt the worst.
Worst of all because I had done this to myself. I’d driven Jen to make this decision. I’d never heard her speak like she had just spoken to me. And I’d deserved every word of it. Fuck.
And I couldn’t even go after her. One, I shouldn’t drive right now. She had been right about that. Two, I had that fucking breakfast with Jordan and Weston. I’d already been deeply not looking forward to it. Now, I wanted nothing less. And finally, she didn’t want me to. She’d made that clear. I had to give her space even if it was the last thing I wanted to do.
I headed back inside to find Ashleigh sitting at the kitchen island on her phone with the leather notebook in front of her, as if nothing had happened.
“You should leave,” I spat.
She held one finger up as she finished her text. I thought about taking her phone out of her hand and throwing it into the yard.
She looked up. “Sorry, what, babe?”
“I am not your babe. We are not together. You have no right to barge into my house ever. Ever.”
She just smiled. “Well, I tried calling you.”
“As I told you Friday, my phone is broken.”
“Still? That’s so irresponsible.”
I took a deep inhale. “Get out of my house, Ashleigh.”
“Okay, but first, let’s talk about the distribution meeting. I talked to George and explained the situation. So, we have another meeting with him today via Zoom. Let’s get you into a suit and get this wrapped up.”
I stared at her as if she’d sprouted an antenna. “Did you not hear a word I just said? I want you out of here.”
“Julian, baby,” she said, stepping up to me, “what’s important right now is the business. We can discuss what we’re going to do after we figure out this distribution issue. Together, we’re such a powerful team.”
“You know what, Ashleigh? I just realized something. Something I should have figured out a long time ago.”
“Hmm?”
“If I have to work with you to get this settled, then it isn’t worth it.”
Her mouth popped open. “How dare you!”
“I want you out of my house. For all I know, you told George not to give me the contract and made yourself the only option.”
Her cheeks colored. “I wouldn’t…”
“Yes, you would,” I said flatly. “You have, and you would. You’d do anything, and in my own fear, I forgot that. I just wanted this so bad. But it’s not worth my integrity or my girlfriend.”
“You’re really going to side with a drug addict over me?”
I took a deep breath. “I don’t know what those pills were, but Jen is nothing of the sort. I would have noticed if my girlfriend was on drugs.”
“But at the gala—”
“Enough!” I snapped. “Enough. This is enough. I’m done, Ashleigh. I was done months ago, and you need to move on. Just move on and stop ruining my life.”
Tears came to her eyes as she closed up her notebook and tucked it under her arm. “I can’t move on from you.”
“Too bad. You’ll have to find a way. Now, kindly get the fuck out of my house.”
She swallowed. For a second, she looked like she was going to try to argue with me. But there must have been something in my eyes, something resolute, because it made her finally turn and walk toward the door.
“I still love you, you know,” Ashleigh whispered as she pulled it open.
“I don’t think you know what that word means,” I told her.
She nodded once, her jaw clenched, and then exited my house.
I wanted to not move another muscle until this hangover was gone, or better yet, get rid of this fucking hangover and find a punching bag to channel this energy into, but I didn’t have the luxury. Not for either option. I had this fucking breakfast.
I didn’t even have time to care about my clothes as I called an Uber to come get me. I left on the clothes I was wearing, threw on a hat, and headed to Stacked, a hole-in-the-wall breakfast joint.
When I arrived, it was bustling. Way more people than I’d thought would be there. I didn’t know how Jordan expected us to have this conversation in public. Let alone somewhere this public. God, I wanted to reschedule. It was too bad Weston was leaving on the first plane out of Lubbock to head home and deal with his own family problems.
“What happened to you?” Jordan asked when I walked up to the entrance of the restaurant.
“Why?”
“You’re wearing basketball shorts in public.”
“Yeah?”
“Julian, you’re obsessed with your clothes.”
“Yeah.” I shrugged. At least my headache was finally taken care of, thanks to the Tylenol. But I still felt terrible.
“You’re wearing a baseball cap,” Jordan said. He flicked the brim.
“Yeah, I get it. I look like shit. I’m hungover, and Jen just broke up with me.”
Jordan reared back. “Jennifer Gibson…broke up with you?”
“That’s what I just said.”
“How? Why? Fuck, Julian, I’m speechless.”
“Tell me about it. I’m a fucking idiot. That’s why she did it.”
Jordan arched an eyebrow. “What happened?”
I nodded away from the restaurant and laid it all out as we walked. The bullshit with the distributor, the yo-yo they’d strung me on, how I’d gone to Ashleigh, that Ashleigh had then shown up at my house this morning—all of it. Jordan listened without judgment, and when it was all out, he just sighed.
“Well, yeah, you kind of earned that.”
I ran a hand down my face. “I know. But…but is she right?”
“About Dad?”
I nodded. I couldn’t help it. I’d always wanted to be like dad. I’d worshipped the ground he walked on, but it was always Jordan who was more like Dad, who had gotten his praise and appreciation, who had wanted to run the business. And I was always more like Mom. I resented it. It was why it’d all hurt so bad when he turned out as terrible as he did because he hadn’t just ruined himself as a father; he’d ruined himself as my role model and idol. Now, the last thing I wanted was to be like him…after what he had done.
“Am I like Dad?”
“Yes,” he said without question, and I winced. “But so am I. Do you know the reason that I invited Dad back into our lives?”
“No,” I admitted. “I thought you wanted to move on.”
“Well, yeah, I did. But the other thing is that I’d talked to Mom, and she’d made me see that I wasn’t just the bad parts of my father. He isn’t one-dimensional, and neither are we. I’m not just his anger and pride and fear. You’re not just the guy who hid something from his girlfriend. We’re both the good parts of him, too. The guy who loved completely, who showed up to all of our events, who wanted the best for us. And I wanted a relationship with that man.”
“But we just got the bad out of him all over again.”
Jordan nodded. �
��We did. All over again. So, yeah, you’re like Dad. The good and the bad. He helped raise us, so that’s the hand we were dealt. It doesn’t define you though unless you let it.”
I sighed in a small measure of relief. “Thanks, Jor. Now, what the hell am I going to do?”
“Well, first, we’re going to look into the distributor. If Ashleigh was working against us on this, then we can go after her legally. We still have all the shit from this winter. I wish you’d come to me with this earlier. I could have seen if Wright Construction had any contacts.”
“I should have. I just…didn’t want to let you down.”
Jordan smiled and patted my back. “You couldn’t let me down, Julian. I’m so proud of your work. You love that job. That’s all I want for you.”
“It felt like I had all this pressure on my shoulders.”
“You did. Pressure is good but not if you’re going to ignore the people who care about you. We’re here to help and carry the burden.” He shrugged. “It’s a hard lesson to learn.”
He wasn’t wrong. I hated learning this. Hated that I’d been stupid enough to go back to Ashleigh after everything.
“What do I do about Jen?”
Jordan shrugged. “Mom told me once to grovel. Flowers and chocolates are always a good choice.”
I laughed. “No way does that work.”
“Worked with Annie.”
“Bullshit. She’d already forgiven you.”
Jordan rolled his eyes. “Whatever, ass.”
Weston pulled in, in his rental car and waved at the pair of us, where we stood away from the rest of the crowd. We were going to have to finish this up now and have that long-overdue conversation with our half-brother. Seeing Weston’s tentative smile made me understand that we might be losing our dad in this, but maybe we’d be gaining so much more.
“Do you think she’ll forgive me?” I asked before Weston reached us.
“Give her time. Jen loves you. She’ll come around.”
