Joran was perplexed by how she dealt with the situation. She had blocked him completely again, but his other instincts told him she was hurting. On the outside, Ky’ara maintained a perfectly calm exterior, she spoke politely and even smiled occasionally when the others talked to her. But her smile never reached her eyes anymore—they remained cold and empty, devoid of any sparkle of life—and she never cried openly. She spent a lot of time with Mier now, and the motherly woman watched her worriedly, helpless in the face of such a convoluted problem.
Finally, after endless weeks, the day of departure arrived. Everyone was gathered in front of the city gates; the horses were saddled and their packs full of provisions. Mier drew Ky’ara aside just before they left. She gave the girl a searching look, and then asked pointedly, “Have you tried talking to him again?”
Ky’ara shook her head mutely.
“I think you should.”
“He’s made his decision already…” Ky’ara said, only a touch of bitterness in her tone.
“I’m not so sure,” Mier told her.
“I won’t make things harder on him.” Ky’ara’s voice was firm.
Mier sighed and laid a hand on her arm. “I think you’ve misjudged him, you know. But I suppose there’s no help for it right now—you’re too stubborn to break this silence and he’s too afraid.”
“Afraid of what?” Ky’ara asked, in spite of herself.
“Afraid he might hurt you, and afraid of what you may think of him,” Mier answered, raising her eyebrows slightly at the sulkiness in Ky’ara’s voice. “If you absolutely refuse to talk this over with him, then I have some advice for you, though I’m not sure you’ll like it.”
Ky’ara shrugged, looking blankly over the woman’s shoulder, refusing to meet her eyes.
“Stop this right now.” The note of anger in Mier’s voice snapped Ky’ara momentarily out of her mood.
“What?” she asked, startled.
“You have an important task ahead of you and you won’t be able to do it if you keep acting like you have for the past few weeks. If you won’t do anything about this yourself then you have no excuse to go around like you’re half-dead!” Mier’s voice was sharp.
“I—” Ky’ara started to protest, actually getting angry—perhaps the first real emotion she had shown or felt in weeks.
“Locking yourself away from people won’t heal this wound.” Her voice was softer now, but still firm. “Your journey will not be a simple one, and I don’t think you will find what you seek if you do it half-heartedly.” She sighed and looked into the distance. “There are a lot of people depending on you to help this world, don’t let them down, okay? And remember, I love you…Goodbye.” Mier kissed her on the cheek and then walked back to join the others who were staying in Doraicolé, leaving Ky’ara standing alone.
With a sigh of frustration, Ky’ara walked back to her horse and mounted. “We might as well get going,” she said agitatedly.
The others looked at her in surprise. She had hardly spoken for the past few weeks and when she did it was only in reply to a direct question. Some of them glanced worriedly at each other, but most seemed relieved that she was showing some sort of emotion. Taren rode to the front of the group, carefully avoiding Ky’ara’s eyes.
“She’s right, everything is ready; we should leave.” He nodded to the people waiting to see them off. Calistra acknowledged his nod with one of her own and gave a sharp command to the soldiers at the gates. Two bulky guards began winding levers on either side of the gateway, raising the metal bars that crisscrossed and locked the massive stone doors together. Although the doors were carefully balanced, they were so massive that it still took four soldiers pushing on each to overcome their weight. Ky’ara’s horse stirred impatiently beneath her, perhaps sensing the girl’s own anxiety. Through the returning haze of numbness and pain, she could still feel an inkling of the relief that she had felt weeks ago, when she discovered their destination. Finally, they were going somewhere.
The little company moved forward, some turning to wave to those who stayed behind. Ky’ara could only look ahead, riding silently as the others expressed their farewells in shouted goodbyes. The only other person not to call back was Amischel. She rode passively next to the troubled girl, glancing back only once, and then returned to staring shyly down at the ground as she unconsciously guided her horse down the steep mountain path. If Ky’ara had cared enough to pay attention, she would have noticed that the woman next to her was deep in thought, lost in some inner struggle that kept her mind entirely occupied. As it was, she only took slight notice of Amischel’s pensive mood, though somehow it registered subconsciously that this was because Jeorj wasn’t with them. This aimless thought, combined with Mier’s comments and the fact that they were actually on their way, broiled in the back of her mind for the length of the day’s ride. By the time they set up camp, it had begun to break her out of the emotionless void she had spent the last few weeks in.
She actively helped in starting the fire and cooking the meal, surprised to note how many people were coming along. She had been so absorbed in her own situation that she had barely paid any attention to what had actually been going on during the planning and preparation to leave. Joran and Taren were both there, of course, as were Hallahna and Amischel. But she hadn’t expected the company to include Sukylar, Lauryn, or Geri. The mischievous captain was accompanied by three other soldiers who Ky’ara didn’t recognize, but she could only assume that they were there for an added measure of protection and to guide them through the treacherous terrain to the base of the mountain.
As she dished out bowls of stew for the others, she was surprised by how friendly everyone was to her. It was like they hadn’t seen her for months, which, in retrospect, she supposed they hadn’t really. Sukylar approached and took his bowl from her with a bright smile and a murmured “welcome back.” Ky’ara looked up in surprise, wondering if she was really acting that differently from before.
Staring after him, she didn’t realize that the next person was waiting for their food until Geri tugged the bowl from her hands. She looked up and then immediately dropped her gaze. In the past few weeks she hadn’t seen much of Geri, and when she had it had always been with Calistra, when he behaved.
“Ky’ara? I was just wondering, I know you’re not very happy right now, but…well, I guess I just want you to know I’m always here.” His voice broke through her thoughts, but she wasn’t angry.
“No Geri.” She shook her head slowly, her voice firm and steady. Looking up, she met his gaze squarely and dropped her emotional barriers for a moment.
He looked faintly startled, and then nodded gently. “I understand.”
“Thank you,” Ky’ara whispered. He turned to walk away, then changed his mind and set his bowl down before turning back and giving her a swift hug.
“Just for old time’s sake,” he said softly, and Ky’ara was surprised to sense that it was true; he wasn’t trying to win her over anymore. He was just being kind. What surprised her the most was that she actually appreciated it.
* * * * *
Taren turned back to his food and ate another bite. No one bothered him. In the past few weeks he had grown reticent and withdrawn—not shutting himself out completely like She seemed to be doing, just keeping more to himself, and spending a lot of time lost in his own thoughts. Even so, he still noticed everything that went on around him and he was perfectly aware of it when Geri hugged Her. His fingers tightened around his bowl so hard his knuckles turned white.
A moment later he relaxed his grip, resigning himself to allow her the choice. It cut him deeply to see how much pain she was going through, but he knew whenever he was around it hurt her more. So he kept his distance. In the beginning he had tried to approach her and explain things, more than once. But every time he had come near, her eyes had gone totally vacant and glazed over with a pain so intense it made him want to hurt whoever had caused that pain. The problem was, he couldn�
�t cause himself pain any worse than what he was already going through.
* * * * *
After three days of intense travel through still snow-clogged passes and steep trails of ice, they finally arrived at the base of the mountain. They had lost one pack horse in a small blizzard on only the second day and would have lost the other if not for Taren’s quick reflexes. There had been little time for talk, or even thought, during the arduous journey. By the time they reached the forests that encroached on the peaks they were all exhausted mentally and physically.
Ky’ara watched as the others set up camp just under the first overhanging boughs of the forest. She didn’t have enough energy to pretend right now, and though it made her feel slightly guilty to leave others to work, she just couldn’t bring herself to even dismount just yet. A small smile flitted across her face as she observed Lauryn. The girl was kind-hearted and outspoken. She laughed and smiled a lot, but could go serious in an instant, and she had a stubborn streak in her. Her mind was also ridiculously flexible, giving her the ability to talk or maneuver her way around anyone or anything. Ky’ara supposed she had learned that on the streets at a young age—it was how she had survived.
Now Lauryn used another of the skills she had learned growing up: the ability to sneak. Ky’ara observed silently as the young girl walked soundlessly through the snow, carrying a rather large handful of the stuff, and dumped the wet powder down the back of Joran’s shirt. Her victory cry was drowned out by Joran’s indignant screams. Then she was off across the snow, before the boy had even stopped attempting to shake out the unkindly “gift.” Joran turned and chased after her, threatening her playfully as she threw taunts at him over her shoulder. Lauryn was a terrific runner, but no matter how fast she could move, she was no match for a Keeper. Joran caught up with her in an instant, catching hold of her arm and causing her to spin around and sit down quite suddenly in the snow.
“Ha! Got you!” he crowed, taking in the startled look on her face with utter amusement.
Lauryn smiled as Joran reached down to help her up and took his offered hand graciously—then threw the snowball hidden in her other hand right at his face. Before she could run away, Joran snagged her other hand and pulled her back. Then, trapping both her hands in his own, he leaned forward and kissed her. Lauryn stood perfectly still, eyes wide, as Joran released her and ran back to help the others, whistling cheerfully. Ky’ara watched the girl’s reaction even as small pangs of—envy?—shot through her heart. The girl slowly reached up with one hand and touched her lips gently; then a slow smile spread across her face and she turned to skip off the other way in order to help Amischel with the horses, victory shining in her eyes.
Ky’ara finally dismounted and began to unsaddle Angallia, shoving the pain away angrily. She hated being this way, hated feeling so self-absorbed and pitiful. Why couldn’t she just get over it? Why couldn’t she find it in herself to feel happy for Joran and Lauryn, or even just adult disdain for their flirtatious behavior? But the only emotion she could dredge up was the incomprehensive jealousy, the repetitive thought that ran through her mind over and over again: Why can’t I still have that too?
That night, Ky’ara dreamed again. The misted lake and hidden island had haunted her sleep for so long she could hardly remember what it felt like to sleep through the night, but she had trained herself to shrug it off and go right back to sleep. This time it was different. After the hazy image of the island dissolved into blackness and she woke, Ky’ara turned over and tried to go back to sleep as usual. But this time her sleep was not dreamless till morning.
* * * * *
She walked silently through a hazy world of white mist. Time passed indefinitely, and she found herself once more on the shore of a lake. The water was the clear shimmering blue of a sky in the summer and the enclosing forest cast green shadows into the fog. The echoes of children’s laughter floated to her through the haze and the bustling sounds of a city reverberated in her mind. Feeling unafraid, she stepped forward and glided across the water, searching. When she felt sand beneath her bare feet, she stepped lightly onto the island and felt her way forward, her view still obstructed by billowing silver-white clouds. Her hand suddenly made contact with bark, and she carefully felt the expanse of the tree trunk and made her way around it. Underneath her feet, the ground was scattered with twigs and leaves and stones, but she continued on, driven by sheer curiosity.
* * * * *
Golden sunlight illuminated Ky’ara’s face and she slipped out of the dream reluctantly. She sat up and rubbed the remaining vestiges of sleep from her eyes then hurriedly changed into fresh clothing beneath her heavy blankets. The morning was freezing. A light snowfall during the night had covered the canopy under which they all slept with enough of the frozen moisture to make it sag in the middle. Ky’ara shivered and made her way quickly to the fire outside in order to warm up properly. The sun had risen already—barely a shadow was left to remind them of the night—and burned off the light cloud cover to reveal a startlingly blue sky.
No one else in the camp was up yet except for the sentry who waved cheerfully to her and made a comment on beautiful weather. A few of the others were beginning to stir beneath their mounds of blankets, so Ky’ara smiled back and chatted aimlessly with the man, one of Geri’s friends who had come along as an extra soldier. She had found that she liked the three men that accompanied them. They were solid, down-to-earth people, but still amiable and easy to get along with. Ky’ara built up the fire a bit more and warmed some water to wash her face and hands, and then set to making breakfast. In a little over an hour everyone was awake, fed, and the campsite was cleared to show little sign of their passing.
It took them four more days’ travel over the snowy terrain to make it to Kaltor, where Hal and Jenie lived. The farther north they traveled, the warmer it became, and the deep snow softened and soaked through their clothing. Temperatures now varied from just below freezing during the night to just above it in the day. By the time they had reached Hal and Jenie’s little town, what had formerly been two-feet tall drifts had shrunk to barely a hand’s length in height and in some spots the ground was half-exposed in a dirty froth of mud and snow and dead grass.
Hal welcomed them all warmly into his household even though Ky’ara offered to rent rooms in town. She was afraid they would overcrowd the poor family’s small house, but the proud man had insisted that there was plenty of space for them all. Jenie viewed the new crowd at her house with only slight trepidation and then threw herself into preparing food enough for twice as many in Ky’ara’s eyes—but no one ever left any food uneaten when it was Jenie’s cooking.
The furniture was moved against the walls of the main room, so that Sukylar, Geri, and the three soldiers could bunk down on the floor. Joran and Taren took a small room just off the kitchen, and Amischel, Hallahna, and Lauryn were given the main guest bedroom. To her relief, though it left her feeling guilty, Ky’ara had her own room. She wasn’t sure who had explained the situation to Jenie, or if the motherly woman had simply picked up on it on her own somehow, but their hostess had been carefully sensitive to Ky’ara the whole day.
Now, as she laid her head back into the pillow and felt the tears come, Ky’ara was supremely grateful for even the small comfort of finally having complete privacy when she broke down. She curled on her side as she sobbed, clutching her blanket around her as though it could somehow keep her from falling apart. Finally, the tears subsided and she fell into a fitful sleep filled with her usual disturbing dreams...and a strange nightmare. Instead of waking immediately after entering the misted forest on the island, Ky’ara felt her dream mutate and slip into another. Darkness closed around her as the trees faded away and she was suddenly surrounded by an oppressing feeling of emptiness. The sense of something dangerous nearby persisted, and, unable to sleep any longer, she woke just before the sun rose.
During their short stay Ky’ara grew increasingly apprehensive of their imminent departure. In
some ways she wished they could all stay here forever, spending their days with the three cheerful little children running under their feet, talking late into the night, and eating Jenie’s delicious food. But then sometimes she felt stifled by the crowd of people, even friends, and wished that they could hurry with the preparations so that she could once more be on her way. She was torn between wishing her friends could all come with her and hoping that somehow her pain would lessen when she was away from all these people and didn’t have to pretend anymore.
Either way, members of their company began to leave on the morning of the third day and Ky’ara found it was only a slight relief. Geri and his three companions departed early in order to make the trip to a small outpost at the base of the mountains and set up a patrol there to help investigate and eradicate the trolls that had begun wandering closer to the rebels’ secret hideout. The outpost was far enough to the east that it would lead the enemy in the wrong direction if they sought to enter the mountains in search of Doraicolé, but close enough to lend itself as a first line of defense for the rebel headquarters. Geri had wanted to accompany Ky’ara all the way to Eléirathös, but Calistra had thought it more prudent to keep their group small, to avoid government attention—and perhaps also because she seemed to like keeping Geri on a short leash.
Hallahna left that afternoon, accompanied only by Irakyll, her dragon. She was returning to her clan so she could direct their alliance with the rebels from the other side and reunite with her family again after her long absence over the winter. On the fourth day, Sukylar and Lauryn set off separately, each to follow up on clues and do further research to aid in the search for the lost druid city. Sukylar had said only that he had some contacts that might be able to give him information on information the government may have hidden—old history books or possibly a map to where Eléirathös may have been. Lauryn wouldn’t say where she had gotten her information, but she was headed to the ruins of an ancient mansion and they all could guess who had told her where to look.
The Keeper's Heritage Page 5
