by R. H. Hull
Another lengthy, uncomfortable silence engulfed the kitchen where they sat. Out of nervousness, Rebecca had taken a bite of rather cold food, but then stopped. She joined the silence as she looked down at her hands that she had quietly folded in her lap. Her brother Tom glanced at her, but then he also looked down silently.
While Rebecca’s mother continued to look quietly and lovingly at her beloved daughter, Abraham Yoder began again, "We have talked about this before, Rebecca. When you begin to see young men for purposes of going places or dating, you are to **only be with young men who are from our Eden River Mennonite Order, or one that is similar in tradition and belief, and that believes in leading the simple life of our Order, who knows our values, our way of life, who know that we are not ‘of** the world’, who can work and talk with those who are from ‘the world’ but cannot have close relationships with them. That is final, Rebecca—as I have said before, FINAL!" The kitchen resounded with his deep voice.
Rebecca looked silently at her father and mother, again with tears welling in her eyes. And, although she had many things she would like to have said, remembering her Mennonite upbringing, she said quietly, “Yes father. I will try my best to understand.” She then looked down at her hands that were folded in her lap.
Rebecca’s father, again quietly but firmly, looking directly into Rebecca’s eyes responded, “You will do more than try, Rebecca. You will obey!” And, then after a brief pause, he continued with greater firmness in his voice, and with distinct pauses between his words, “Do—you—understand? If you should fall in love with someone from ‘the world’ and marry him, you know well the consequences! Rebecca, tell us what they are!”
She looked up at her father, and responded quietly, “I could be excommunicated from our church and would humiliate my family. I would be shunned,” she said without expression.
Her father continued, “We no longer excommunicate children from their family, but I can promise you that it would not be a pleasant place to visit, and the husband, or wife as he looked directly at Tom, would not be welcome in our home, or to attend holiday meals or other special family occasions in our home. He or she would be shunned from our family! In the case of Tom, he and his wife, if she was not of our faith and tradition would also be shunned from the special occasions of our family.”
Rebecca continued to sit at the table, her head lowered, looking at her folded hands. She was sobbing quietly, tears falling into her napkin covered lap and onto her folded hands. Suddenly she left the table without asking to be excused, and ran to her room while covering her face with the cloth napkin that she had held in her lap. Her supper was left at the table nearly untouched. She closed her bedroom door tightly and fell on her bed, still sobbing.
When Rebecca had run upstairs to her room, her mother looked quietly at her husband. She, too, had tears in her eyes. She understood what her husband had said to Rebecca, but she wasn’t so sure that the rules of their Mennonite Order had not become outdated. Perhaps her husband had become so isolated from the rest of the world that he had lost touch with others who also lived there—people who were just as moral and God fearing as those of their faith and heritage—perhaps as moral and God fearing as he felt himself to be!
Further, some of the women of her ‘Women’s Farm Home Organization’ were not of their Mennonite Order, but they were certainly as good and moral as their Mennonite friends and neighbors, perhaps in some instances even more so. Further, she knew Jacob’s mother and grandmother well, and she knew them as fine upstanding farm wives who seemed every bit as moral and upright in their beliefs as her own family! She also knew that Jacob’s family had farmed successfully in their community for a number of generations. They were a good and upstanding farm family, even though their farms were much larger than theirs, and they were likewise wealthier.
Even though Jacob’s family was considered ‘of the world,’ she was well aware that ‘of the world’ did not mean that they were not good people. She considered Jacob’s mother to be a friend, and did not consider her to be ‘of the world,’ whatever that meant—she wasn’t even so sure anymore that ‘of the world’ really meant anything!
Rebecca’s mother looked at her husband for a moment, and then said quietly, “Do you feel that you did the right thing on Rebecca’s behalf?”
Abraham Yoder was obviously upset, and all he could say as he arose from the table was, “Rebecca is not to see Jacob! What is happening to the young women of our community? Our Old Order Mennonite faith and traditions and beliefs make us different from those who live in ‘the world!’ Doesn’t Rebecca know that? What has happened to her?” he growled!
Rebecca’s mother, Abraham’s beloved wife replied quietly, “It is young love, Abraham—it is young love, and that can be an uncertain and tenuous experience, but sometimes it can be a wonderful adventure for young people. Please don’t be too hard on Rebecca. She has confided in us truthfully, without hiding, without sneaking about to be with Jacob. She trusted us that we would understand that she and Jacob would like to simply be together for an evening at school. Rebecca could see nothing wrong with her request. And, to tell you the truth, you made her desire to see Jacob appear to be a sin, rather than a simple and truthful request! We must respect her for being forthright and truthful with us, Abraham. At least we must let her know that we respect her for that!”
Rebecca’s mother had never spoken to her husband in that tone before, and did not know what to expect. But he simply rose from his chair at the head of the table and stormed from the kitchen without saying more. In his mind, the matter was closed. As far as he was concerned, no further discussion was needed or warranted!
Rebecca’s brother Tom remained at the kitchen table, still trying to comprehend what had just taken place. The philosophy and the stance regarding those ‘of the world’ had been taught to both he and Rebecca, but had not really been tested in their home. Tom was not totally aware of their father’s strong commitment to the credo of their Mennonite faith. It had not been tested until this evening. But, from what their mother had said in response to their father’s interpretation of and commitment to those beliefs, it appeared to Tom that perhaps her interpretation and conviction to remaining aloof and separated from ‘the world’ was not quite as rigid as that of their father’s, and in his mind, she had demonstrated a more reasonable interpretation.
Chapter 12
Rebecca had run up the long flight of stairs to her room and closed the door. She was laying on her bed, her head cradled in her arms around a soft pillow. After the conversation with her husband, her mother also climbed the stairs and knocked on Rebecca’s door, hoping to console her daughter.
Rebecca, after a long pause, finally asked who was at the door, and her mother said softly, “It is me, Rebecca. May I come in?”
Rebecca paused again, and then reluctantly said, “Yes, mother, come in—if you want to.” Her mother opened the door quietly, walked over to Rebecca’s bed and sat on the bed next to her. After a moment of silence, she asked, “Can I do anything for you Rebecca?” She placed her hand on her beautiful daughter’s shoulder, and then began to stroke her hair as she had done so often when Rebecca was a child and was not feeling well.
Rebecca thought for a moment, and then said through her tears, and with a slight shade of bitterness, “Yes, mother, you can change father’s mind! I do not understand him! I do not understand his prejudice against those who are not of our religious Order. Jacob and his family are just as moral and good as our Eden River Mennonite young people—even more so, as compared to bullies such as that awful Saul Koehn!”
Rebecca’s mother replied quietly, “Perhaps many are good and moral, but your father is of the Old Order of Mennonites. He still believes that we are to remain separate from those who are not us.” What I mean is, not of our culture and beliefs. He firmly believes that we are to remain apart from those who are from the society that is outside of our culture, our Mennonite Order and culture that requires a simp
le life, and a simple life of service.
“But,” Rebecca asked, “Does the simple life make us better people? As I have said, Jacob is a good person who comes from a good farm family who has been successfully farming in our community for a number of generations! I simply do not understand!”
Her mother sat quietly on her bed for a while longer while Rebecca continued to lay silently with her head cradled in her arms on her pillow. She finally said in support of her daughter, “Something good will happen, Rebecca. I have a feeling that something good will happen. Let’s have good thoughts and see what happens.” Then, Rebecca’s mother rose quietly from Rebecca’s bed and left the room as silently as she had when she entered.
Elizabeth Yoder went downstairs to the kitchen where her husband Abraham had just returned to the table, holding a cup of coffee. “How is Rebecca?” he asked.
“Frankly, not well,” Rebecca’s mother said in a rather strong voice. “She doesn’t understand your bias against Jacob and his family,” she continued without hesitation. “And I also wonder, since I have absolutely no bias against them! They are good people.”
Abraham replied without expression, “They are, simply put, not a part of us—our beliefs, our heritage, our church. Do you have any idea what the members of our community would say if we allowed our daughter to be seen with a young man who is not of our faith and heritage? I, a deacon and prominent member of our church, would be a laughing stock! I would be disgraced!”
Elizabeth, his wife, had never spoken to her husband in a reprimanding manner, but she truly felt like he deserved it now. But she tried very hard to speak in as understanding and loving way as she could muster at the moment, “So, Abraham Yoder, your concern is not for Rebecca, but for yourself?”
His head jerked up with a look of surprise, for his wife had never spoken to him in that manner before! For a moment he said nothing, but seemed to be in deep thought. “No,” he finally said. “I am thinking of our family, but primarily at this time of Rebecca and her—our reputation in this community. I am also a part of this family, and therefore my reputation is also involved. I am also thinking of you and Tom and our standing in our church and community. We are respected members of our community. We and our ancestors have upheld our Old Order Mennonite heritage throughout the generations, and we are not going to give that up simply because Rebecca has a silly notion that she wants to go out on a date with a young man ‘of the world’!”
“Thank you for your concern, Elizabeth. What you said to me is partially correct. Yes, I am concerned about my name, my reputation, but more than mine alone, our name is the name and the reputation of our family in our community. That is my greatest concern! And, this is the final word on the matter! Rebecca will not see Jacob Swenson!”
Rebecca’s mother wisely realized that at least for the present time, she and Rebecca were engaged in a losing battle with Abraham Yoder, her husband. At least presently he was not going to change his position. The happy moments when Rebecca was able to see Jacob in her father’s store were now just a memory, but at least she had the memories that brought her a pleasant feeling.
‘Oh why,’ Elizabeth thought, ’Did her husband have to feel as he did? It just did not seem fair that he felt so strongly that Jacob and Rebecca were not to be together!’
As Rebecca continued to lay on her bed, her chin snugly on her pillow, eyes wide open, she began to feel strongly that she must tell Jacob the truth about her father’s feelings regarding him and his family. In her family, truth is of utmost importance. She had been taught that virtue since early childhood. She must trust that Jacob will understand her father’s position, and also her sincere desire to still see him and to be with him in spite of her father’s mandate that she not be permitted to associate with him, or to even be seen with him.
How can Rebecca explain her father’s beliefs about those ‘of the world?’ How could she explain to Jacob about her Mennonite community’s determination to keep their children away from those of “the world?” She and her brother are going to high school in ‘the world?’ Why was ‘the world’ such a bad place? And, how are the people who live in ‘the world’ so different from those in her community, other than the churches they attend, and a few of their basic beliefs?
The difference, perhaps, may lie in the simpler life of those in her Mennonite community. Rebecca was aware that perhaps not all in ‘the world’ have family prayer time each morning before their day begins. And, the cars in ‘the world’ were not as plain as those in her community where nothing other than dark blue, black or dark grey was acceptable, and their cars did not have hub caps, chrome, and the bumpers must be black. The reds, greens, yellows and other bright colors of cars in ‘the world’ were representative of that other world, and not acceptable in accordance with the beliefs of the Old Order Mennonites.
Or, perhaps it was their manner of dress! Rebecca became very aware on the first day she attended high school that her clothes were quite different from what the other girls were wearing. The other girls were wearing blue jeans, pretty sweaters, or finely made slacks or skirts worn above their knees, with matching blouses, fine hose or no stockings at all, and nice slippers, shoes with small heels, or sneakers on their feet. They looked so pretty and stylish!
Rebecca’s school dresses were all homemade of cotton print material, puffed sleeves at the shoulders, and a high neck, dark hose, and coarse black or brown oxfords. Instead of nicely styled hair, hers was pulled back into braids and knotted tightly in the back, with a white cap perched on the top of her head and straps hanging loosely about her shoulders. Her clothes were sewn by her mother, or by her own hands, but they were at least always clean, starched and nicely ironed. And always, in accordance with the standards of their culture, with the hem just five to six inches above the ankles.
Rebecca wondered why Jacob seemed to enjoy being with a girl who had to dress so differently from the others in their high school—in such a plain manner, and with no lipstick or other makeup like the other girls wore so nicely. They looked so fashionable, just like she would see on the covers of magazines she saw in the grocery store. Rebecca knew that she shouldn’t envy them because envy was not a virtue. But it was difficult not to—at least just a little.
Suddenly Rebecca felt very plain. Perhaps her father was correct. People from their community and their heritage, including her, are different. So, why would Jacob want to be seen with her?
One way or another, she must talk with Jacob. He said that he would wait for her answer regarding whether her parents would allow her to go to a school activity with him. Rebecca wanted to get to school as early and quickly as possible the next day so that she could see and talk with him.
First, however, she wanted to talk with Sarah, her best friend. She wanted to tell her about what had transpired that evening, and to tell her what her plans were, at least at that point in time. But there was a problem. In her home, there was but a single telephone. It was located in the kitchen where her parents spent most of their evenings sitting at the dinner table. Rebecca despised the fact that she did not have access to a telephone that would permit her to talk in private!
She would appreciate privacy on many occasions when talking on the telephone, but she seldom had that luxury. On the other hand, it was fortunate that her family had a telephone at all! It was not within the culture of their Eden River Mennonite Order to have such conveniences. Telephones were traditionally not a part of the simple life they were to adhere to. But, for emergencies and other important occasions, a telephone was thought to be an essential convenience.
Above all else at the moment, Rebecca needed to talk to Sarah to tell her what had transpired and to gather her advice. She valued Sarah’s common sense. She mustered her courage and walked downstairs to the kitchen. Her mother was just finishing washing the dinner dishes, and her father did not seem to be in the vicinity. As Rebecca entered the kitchen, her mother acknowledged that she had left her bedroom, but purposely did not
act surprised. Rebecca felt more comfortable telling her mother that she would appreciate some privacy while she spoke with Sarah.
Upon accepting Rebecca’s request, her mother quickly washed the last few plates from dinner, and left the kitchen to sit in the living room. She picked up the book she had been reading, and was willing to sit and wait until Rebecca had concluded her conversation with Sarah.
Rebecca dialed Sarah’s telephone number, waited for the operator to connect her to Sarah’s home and let the phone on the other end ring. After the third ring, Sarah’s mother picked up the receiver and answered. Rebecca told her that she would like to speak to Sarah. Sarah’s mother told her that she would get her, and placed the receiver carefully aside. The next voice she heard was that of Sarah.
“Hi Rebecca,” Sarah began cheerfully. “What’s up with you this evening?” There was a long pause on the other end of the line, and finally Rebecca replied, there was a great deal of sadness in her voice. “Well…I don’t know how to begin…I…”
Sarah’s reply went from her usual happy voice to a dramatic change, “Oh Rebecca! This sounds serious! Your voice definitely does not sound happy!”
“No, I’m not happy,” Rebecca replied. “It has been a very sad, perhaps even a soul changing evening! I do not know what to do. I need your help, or at least your advice!”
“Okay,” Sarah whispered loudly into the phone, “Something is bothering you Rebecca, and I want to know what it is! You are going to tell me, aren’t you? Do you need help? Do you need me to drive over?” Sarah did not want to sound frantic, but wanted to help if she could!
Rebecca paused again, and then replied, “Sarah, I’m just trying to decide where to begin. I need your advice and counsel.”
By now, Sarah was speaking nearly with a hiss through clinched teeth, “Give me the short version! Then we’ll decide where to go from there! I need to know what is wrong…now!”
