Distrust

by Lisa Jackson

  “’Bout time.”

  Bracing herself for an emotional reaction from her son, she said, “I was going to wait until we were home, but you may as well hear it now: Your dad is back in town.”

  Cody didn’t move a muscle, just stared at her with round brown eyes. “You saw him? When?”

  “Earlier. He stopped by the house looking for you. He’ll be back for dinner.”

  “Tonight?”

  “Tonight.”

  Letting out a piercing whoop that any coyote would envy, Cody pounded his fist against the seat of the truck and grinned from ear to ear. “I told ya, didn’t I? I told ya that he was comin’ home.”

  “That you did,” Dani admitted, turning the old truck into the drive. The pickup bounced its way up the lane. “You never lost faith.”

  “This is great!” Cody said, beaming and hardly able to sit still.

  When Dani parked the old truck near the side of the house, Cody reached for the door handle and climbed down, but Dani took hold of his arm. “Cody—”

  “Yeah?” He swiveled his head around, his bright teeth and dark eyes flashing eagerly.

  She had trouble finding the right words, but her face was lined with concern. “Look, I don’t want to burst your bubble, but I just don’t want you to be disappointed. Don’t expect too much of your father.”

  Cody jerked his arm away from her and gestured dismissively. “He’s back, Mom. That’s all that matters. And if you weren’t so hung up on Chase McEnroe, you’d be happy, too.”

  “Chase has nothing to do with this.”

  “Like hell!”

  “Cody!” But the boy was off, dashing across the gravel and beating a path to the back door.

  Dani lifted the two sacks of groceries she’d bought before she’d picked up Cody and walked inside the house. Setting the bags on the counter, she listened to the sound of the shower running and Cody’s off-tune singing.

  “I hope I’m up to this,” she thought aloud, placing the meat and vegetables in the refrigerator. Feeling that the dinner with Blake was sure to be a disaster, she put the rest of the groceries away and started preparing the meal. The first step was lighting the barbecue on the back porch. After seeing that the charcoal was burning, she came back inside, noted that the shower had quit running and started cutting greens for a salad.

  Cody, wet hair gleaming, was back downstairs in fifteen minutes. He was wearing some of the new clothes they’d purchased in Butte and a smile as wide as his face. “What can I do to help?” he asked.

  “Here, why don’t you slice the loaf of French bread?” She took a deep breath and added, “Look, I wasn’t too crazy about what you said to me earlier.”

  “What?”

  “You know what. Just try to control your temper, okay?”

  “Okay,” the boy agreed sullenly, looking out the window before grabbing a knife and slicing the loaf.

  Dani pursed her lips and gazed fondly at her son. “Don’t you like Chase?”

  Cody shrugged. “He’s okay.”

  “I thought you were getting along—”

  “I said he’s okay, didn’t I? It’s just that he’s not Dad, if ya know what I mean.”

  “I guess I do,” she said, feeling a dull pain deep in her heart. Cody would never accept Chase as a father or even a stepfather while Blake was around. And, regretfully, Cody had that right, she supposed.

  “When did he say he’d be here?”

  “Six-thirty.”

  “It’s almost that time already.” Cody looked out the window and his brows drew together in vexation. “You’re sure you said six-thirty?”

  “I’m sure. Now, don’t worry; he said he’d come,” she replied, slicing a ripe tomato from the garden and trying to ignore her own doubts about the evening.

  “Aren’t you going to change clothes or something?” Cody asked as he fidgeted between the front door and the kitchen.

  “No.” She started buttering the bread.

  “But you could put on one of those dresses—you know the ones you always wear when Chase comes over.”

  Dani whirled to face her son. She saw the expectation in his eyes and had to bite her tongue to keep from telling Cody exactly how she felt about his father. Instead she put her hands behind her and gripped the counter tightly. “Look, Cody, I don’t ‘dress’ for Chase or anyone for that matter. I realize this is probably hard for you to understand and I don’t really know what you think is going to happen tonight, but you may as well know that there’s no chance your dad and I will get back together.”

  “You don’t know that—”

  “I do,” Dani said firmly.

  “But maybe he’s staying!”

  Dani couldn’t stand the pain written all over Cody’s eager face. Looking out the window, she saw Blake’s pickup turning into the drive. With a sinking feeling, she said, “Your father said something about staying at Uncle Bob’s, looking for a job around town, but that doesn’t mean it will work out. It also doesn’t mean that he and I will ever get back together again. And I already told you that Blake couldn’t stay here in the house with us.” She turned to Cody, her eyes honest and kind. “You have to face the fact that it’s over between your dad and me.”

  “But you won’t even give him a chance—” Cody heard the sound of Blake’s pickup and froze. He went to the window and watched as his father slid out of the truck, stretched, and with hat in hand, sauntered up to the front porch.

  As soon as Blake knocked, Cody opened the door. Blake Summers and his son stared at each other for a minute before Blake opened his arms and the boy ran to him and hugged his father fiercely. “Dad,” Cody choked out and Dani’s heart nearly broke.

  “Well, look at you,” Blake said, clapping Cody on the back and then holding him at arm’s length. “Ain’t you grown up?”

  “Not quite,” Cody muttered.

  “Oh, I don’t know ’bout that.” He walked into the kitchen and watched as Dani, balancing a platter of raw steaks, stepped outside to broil the meat.

  Through the screen door, she could hear Blake and Cody talking, slowly at first and then more rapidly. Like long lost buddies, she thought, trying not to worry. Cody had the right to know his father; she couldn’t deny him.

  “How about gettin’ your old man a beer?” Blake asked, and soon the sound of a can popping open reached Dani’s ears.

  Oh, God, Blake, please don’t drink. From firsthand experience, Dani knew that Blake Summers and alcohol didn’t mix. Never one able to hold his alcohol, Blake became at first friendly, then belligerent, and eventually violent when he drank. It was only one beer, she reminded herself, and maybe he’d changed.

  Nonetheless, she couldn’t get the steaks turned and broiled fast enough.

  When she returned to the kitchen she found that Blake and Cody were in the living room involved in a heavy discussion about the NBA draft. Safe enough, Dani thought with relief and tossed the salad.

  “Time to eat,” she called over her shoulder, and Blake got up and stretched. He took the spot that used to be his at the table.

  “That’s where Cody usually eats,” she said.

  “It’s okay,” the boy insisted. “Dad can sit wherever he wants to.”

  “Thanks, son. And how about another beer?”

  “Sure.” Cody nearly tripped over himself to get to the refrigerator to serve his father.

  Inwardly cringing, Dani served the meal, and smiled politely at Blake’s compliments.

  It took some effort, but she slowly began to relax as the conversation flowed easily and stayed clear of sensitive subjects. Blake seemed to take a genuine interest in Cody, and though Dani still didn’t trust the man’s motives, she was pleased to see how Cody responded to his father. Soon the meal was finished and Dani served dessert.

  “Apple crisp,” Cody said appreciatively as she set the pie plate on the table. “My favorite.”

  “Mine, too,” Blake agreed with a slow grin.

  News to Dani; Bl
ake had never been one for sweets.

  “You know,” Blake said, his near-black eyes moving from his son to his ex-wife. “Your mom is one of the best cooks I’ve ever met. That was a fine meal, Dani. Fine.” He leaned back and patted his belly to show his appreciation.

  Dani felt her jaw tightening, but forced a thin smile. “Thanks.”

  “Always did say you were a helluva cook.”

  She let that one slip by; no reason to get into an argument in front of Cody. Her son wasn’t old enough to understand that Dani wanted to be more to her husband than a cook and a maid. “How about coffee?” she asked, her nerves raw. Soon, she hoped, Blake would tire of their company and leave. Blake shook his head. “Too early for me.” He reached for his beer and realized the can was empty. “I could stand another one of these, though.”

  “I think we’re about out—”

  “No, Mom. There’s one more can in the fridge and another six-pack on the back porch.”

  “But it’s warm,” she protested.

  Blake held up his hand and waved in the air before smiling at Cody. “No matter. Why don’t you get me the last cold one and put the rest in the cooler, boy?” Then, ignoring the challenge in Dani’s eyes, he settled back in his chair and lit a cigarette.

  Cody got up to do as he was asked, but Blake put a hand around the boy’s wrist and winked at him. “After that, you can go out in the pickup and reach under the seat. I got you a surprise.”

  “I don’t think—” Dani started to say, but held her tongue.

  “Great!” Cody’s eyes lit up. As quickly as possible he served Blake the beer and hurried out the front door.

  Once the boy had gone outside, Blake smiled to himself and nodded in satisfaction. Popping the tab on the aluminum can and watching the frothy beer roll down the side, Blake squinted thoughtfully through the smoke from his cigarette and offered Dani a seductive grin. “You’ve done a helluva job with him, Dani. He’s a good kid.”

  “Can’t argue with that.” She began to clear the table and put the dishes in the sink.

  “Thank God for small favors,” Blake said.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Just that you’ve been on my case since I got here, spoiling for a fight.”

  “I just don’t think I’m ready to have you back in town,” she admitted. “Cody and I were getting along just fine without you.”

  Blake leaned back in the chair, propping his boots on Cody’s vacated chair, his eyes becoming slits as he watched her work. “I can see that. It couldn’t have been easy doing it all by yourself.”

  She lifted a shoulder. “It wasn’t so bad. We’ve made out all right. Like you said, he’s a good boy.”

  Stroking his chin and rocking the chair back on its two hind legs, he said, “I can see that. But then, he’s had a good mother.” Blake’s voice was soft and warm, almost tender, but it didn’t touch Dani the way it once had. In fact, Blake’s attempts to close the gap between them only increased the distance. He stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray.

  “You don’t need to compliment me, Blake, but what I would like to know is why you want anything to do with Cody.” She stacked the dishes near the sink and turned to face him and all the old anger that she’d tried to repress for her son’s sake rushed to the surface. “It’s been seven years, for crying out loud. Seven years! ”

  “Maybe it’s not just Cody I want,” he said.

  That did it! What little patience she’d held onto was instantly replaced by anger and resentment. “I don’t want to hear any of this, Blake. You had plenty of chances to come home, way back when we both wanted and needed you, but we don’t; not anymore—”

  He stood and walked over to her and wrapped one big hand around her waist. “Just relax, Dani, and remember how good it was between us.”

  “I remember, all right. I remember that I was never enough woman for you—wasn’t that how you phrased it?—that you never slept at home, that you didn’t want Cody, that you tried to get me to sell my land, when my mother was ill, to pay your damned gambling debts! If you think for one minute that you can con me into believing that you’ve changed, you’ve got another thing coming!”

  She stepped away from him and though he reached for her, the ice in her eyes and proud lift of her chin convinced him that she meant every word she said.

  “I’m only putting up with you because I think Cody has the right to know his father!”

  An excited scream came from outside and Cody ran into the house carrying a brand new .22. “Hey, Mom, look. Dad bought me a gun!”

  “What!” she said, horrified.

  “It’s just a little .22,” Blake said.

  The anger she’d felt earlier was nothing in comparison with the rage that consumed her now. “You can’t keep a .22,” she said, shaking as she looked first to Cody and then past her son to Blake. “What’s the matter with you?” she demanded. “You can’t give a nine-year-old boy a rifle!”

  “It’s not a rifle; just a .22. I had one when I was his age.” Cody’s grin fell and to his embarrassment, tears started to form in his eyes. Hastily he swiped them away. “Come on, Mom, lots of kids have ’em.”

  “And you’re not ‘lots of kids.’ You know how I feel about guns. They’re a big responsibility.”

  “He can handle it.” Blake said.

  “How would you know? You’ve been gone most of his life! How can you tell after just an hour that he can handle a .22 for God’s sake!”

  “Dani—”

  But she couldn’t think straight. All she knew was that Blake, whether intentional or not, was ruining her relationship with her son. “I think you’d better leave, Blake. It’s late.”

  “Mom, no!” Cody wailed, looking frantically from one parent to the other. “It’s barely eight o’clock. Dad, please, stay—” Eyes red-rimmed, Cody stared at his mother, silently pleading with her to change her mind.

  Dani felt like dying on the spot, but though her insides were shaking, she ignored the desperation in Cody’s eyes and said softly, “And when you go, take this damned thing with you.” She took the gun from Cody and shoved it into Blake’s hands.

  “You can’t—” Cody said, tears now streaming down his face.

  “Maybe when you’re older,” she said, touching her son’s shoulder. He recoiled as if she’d bitten him.

  Blake’s face turned granite hard. “Maybe I judged you too quickly, Dani,” he said furiously. “Looks like you’re not such a perfect mother after all.”

  “Just leave, Blake,” she said through clenched teeth. “Before we say something we’ll both regret and our son can’t possibly be able to understand.”

  “I think you’ve already taken care of that!” he replied, his dark eyes blazing as he took the gun, offered a few words of comfort to his boy and walked out into the night. Cody stood at the screen door, crying and sobbing bitterly.

  “Cody, I’m sorry that—”

  “No, you’re not!” the boy said, turning and screaming at her. “You’re glad he’s gone! You chased him away! Again! You didn’t want him here, didn’t think he’d come back and now that he did, you sent him away!” Sniffing and wiping his hand under his nose, Cody glared at his mother. “I hate you!” he said angrily. “I wish I lived with Dad!” He stomped up the stairs and slammed his door so hard that the windowpanes rattled.

  “Oh, dear God,” Dani whispered, supporting herself by holding onto the railing of the stairs. Cody’s shot had hit its mark and Dani felt her heart crumble into a thousand pieces. The one thing in the world she’d hoped to avoid, she’d managed to do. Inadvertently she’d pushed Cody away from her. Walking up the stairs she stopped at Cody’s room and quietly tapped on his door.

  “Go ’way.”

  “I think we need to talk.”

  “No!”

  She cracked open the door. Cody was lying on the bed in the semidarkness. His back was turned to her. “Son—”

  “Leave me alone!”
/>   “Okay, I will,” she said, fighting her own tears. “But we’ll talk in the morning and I want you to know one thing.”

  No response. He didn’t move except for the rise and fall of his shoulders and back as he breathed.

  “I love you, Cody, and everything I do is because I want to protect you and help you grow up to be a responsible person. Believe me, not letting you have something is really harder than giving in.”

  “Sure. You just didn’t want me to have something my dad, my dad, gave me!”

  “No, Cody—”

  He sat up suddenly and turned his red face to her. “You said you’d leave me alone!”

  Quietly she closed his door and walked down the stairs to the living room. She saw the empty beer cans on the hearth, noticed the still dirty pots and pans in the sink and realized that her life would never be the same. Blake was back in Martinville and for some reason known only to him, he wanted to make amends with his son. Maybe she was too suspicious; maybe she should take Blake at face value, believe that he’d finally grown up and wanted to share the responsibilities of a son. . . .

  Cold dread settled between her shoulder blades. It was already starting, she realized in wild desperation. Blake was back and was trying his damnedest to increase the rift between Cody and her.

  “I can’t let it happen,” she told herself as she picked up the beer cans and tossed them into the plastic sack on the back porch. “No one is going to stand between me and my child!”

  She tried to clear her mind and found it impossible. Her thoughts were swimming, her entire world off balance. “If only they’d leave us alone,” she thought, thinking about Blake and Caleb.

  Walking down the two steps to the backyard, she looked up the hill to the Johnson farm and her thoughts turned to Chase. Where was he and when would he be back? If he were here, things would be better so much better.

  * * *

  The next morning Dani had already watered the garden, fed the cattle and horses, showered, dressed in clean clothes and started breakfast before she finally heard Cody rustling around upstairs. He came down the stairs a few minutes later. Barefoot, tucking his shirt into his pants and eyeing his mother cautiously, he walked into the kitchen.