‘Remember, Ava,’ he called. ‘It’s all in the run-up.’
I nodded, a smile creeping into the corners of my mouth. It was time for some extreme whack-a-mole!
Ethan and Alun picked up speed, thundering across the grass towards us. And a good thing too. Odette had finally managed to get Jeb off her nose. She shook him and hurled him towards the ground.
‘Die, fluffball!’
My stomach did a 360 flip. But Ethan and Alun were on it. Racing past the giant glimmering boulders, the dragon swished his mighty tail, catching Jeb with the tip and flicking him upwards.
‘Nice one,’ Ethan grabbed hold of Jeb, gripping him like a rugby ball. ‘Now, Alun!’ he called. ‘Sherbet!’ Still clutching my quivering puppy, he bounced down Alun’s scaly ribs, landing on his feet and legging it towards Bertie.
I crossed my fingers. And my arms. And my eyes. I mean, if Alun got it wrong and squirted the wrong type of sherbet, we’d die. But we had to trust him. Just like he’d trusted us.
Alun let out a mighty snort and the air grew heavy with sweet, sugary powder. A most excellent job! Not a single burning corpse in sight. Coolio – I was ready to take down my EVIL auntie.
Above me Odette was giving it loads with the extreme cursing. I could hear her – I mean, the whole of Biscotti could probably hear her – but I couldn’t see her.
And, more importantly, she couldn’t see me. When the sherbet cloud disappeared, I was hiding among the boulders behind Alun with my front wheel pointing at his tail.
Odette, covered in a film of purple dust, darted from side to side above him. ‘I’m coming for you, Ava!’
Wrong! I was coming for her. Holding the handlebars steady, I pegged it towards Alun. Eyes fixed on the top of his head, I leant forward then back, keeping my arms and legs straight. My front wheel lifted off the ground and I lowered it on to Alun’s tail. He snorted and flattened his scales, my wheels drumming over his bony spine as I shredded up his back.
Almost at his head now, I tore my bike pump from my sock. With my other hand, I pulled my handlebars back. Thanking the good goblin for BMX, I flew towards Odette.
Thwack! Bang on target. I brought the pump down hard on the top of my EVIL auntie’s skull. It flashed, and blue sparks shot from her ears. The sparks spread around her head, her hair alive with fiery blue light, then fizzled out like a spent firework. She opened her mouth, her shiny red lips a perfect circle, and plummeted from her broomstick.
I fell right beside her.
‘Ava!’ Ethan stepped over Odette’s twitching body. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Yes. I think so.’ Jeb jumped out of Ethan’s arms. Whimpering, he sniffed my grazed cheek and licked me gently on the nose. I eased myself up to sitting and pulled him close. Burying my face in his soft fur, I squeezed my eyelids together. I wouldn’t cry. Not even with relief.
‘Gnarly,’ Ethan continued. ‘I won’t lie, you’re the most radical princess since Leia.’
Who? I stood up.
‘It was rather impressive.’ Bertie’s thick orange skin was damp with sweat. He kept looking at the twitching Odette. ‘But you do know Dad’s going to kill you when he finds out about that bicycle?’
I pulled him close and hugged him. ‘You’re OK, then. Come on, let’s get out of here.’
Odette had stopped twitching and was now lying perfectly still, her clothes crackling with electricity. But she had magic. We were not safe yet.
Ethan picked up his bike. ‘Suits me.’
‘Wait! Doreen. Where’s Doreen?’ Panic rose in my chest at the memory of that bloodcurdling scream.
Bertie picked up my rucksack, straining with the weight of the petrified microcorn. ‘I’m afraid she doesn’t look well. But you know how unicorns bounce back.’
Doreen did not look like she was bouncing back any time soon. She’d been frozen in motion, her front legs kicking in defence, teeth bared.
‘Oh my giddy goblin, no!’
‘Be calm, sister. She’s a microcorn. She has plenty of lives to spare yet—’
Alun nudged Bertie with his muzzle and looked over at the giant fool’s-gold boulders. He licked Bertie’s orange cheek and, reeling his neck back in, unfolded his wings and took off.
‘Like, thanks, Alun.’ I put my hands on my hips and watched him zoom upwards into the sky. A trip through the Black Forest in the dark it was, then.
‘Oh, you can’t blame him.’ Bertie pointed at the boulders where a shadowy figure had emerged. ‘That ridiculous haircut is enough to scare anyone.’
‘Like, no way.’ Ethan grabbed my arm. ‘It’s a punk riding a unicorn. Where’s my phone? I’ve got to get a selfie with him.’
Like, no way indeed. The unicorn whinnied, her horn glowing in the orange dusky light. She rose up on her back legs, the rider holding on to her mane with one hand and raising the other arm in salute, fist clenched. The sun reflecting off his gold tooth, he smiled.
‘What?’ Ethan stopped fiddling with his phone. ‘I’m not lying – I’ve seen that punk dude before in the café.’
I’m not lying either. I’d seen the punk too. It made like zero sense, but on the back of the unicorn sat the spiky-headed man. And just in case that wasn’t enough to make your brain explode, racing along behind him on a bright pink mountain bike was . . . Mum!
If Mum was shocked by the fact her youngest child was now part-boy part-vegetable, she didn’t show it. She threw down her bike and they ran towards each other, Bertie’s oversized pumpkin-head wobbling like a bobble-head doll.
‘Hurry, Sir Louseylot,’ she called. ‘We’ve found them.’
Wowzas, I had no idea Mum could run so fast. Her Other World trainers must have helped. She had jeans on too and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail which she wore low under a baseball cap. She threw herself at Bertie, smothering him in a tight bear hug. Pausing to blow me a kiss and fuss Jeb, she began to examine his pumpkin head.
The spiky-headed man broke away from the rest of the group and sped towards me and Ethan. He jumped down from the unicorn and straightened his silver tracksuit top. There was a P emblem on the front, just like the one on my bike pump. On the back was written the word ‘Surveillance’. He pushed his mirrored sunglasses up.
‘All right, princess,’ he said. ‘Fancy meeting you here.’ He turned and held his hand out to Ethan. ‘Kevin,’ he added. ‘Pleased to meet you. Now if you don’t mind, where is she? My chakra crystals are going ballistic.’
Like, what! Could things get any weirder? He was chuffin’ Kevin. Chuffin’ Kevin, of the chuffin’ chakra crystals. So, that’s why he’d been following me.
‘Guys?’ Kevin sniffed and rubbed his nose.
So much for the surveillance jacket – Odette was just behind us – I mean, did he not have eyes in his head?
Ethan pointed towards my EVIL auntie. But before Kevin could even move, there was a flash of light and we were swallowed by a cloud of luminous purple smoke. The smoke disappeared as quickly as it came . . . and with it went Odette.
‘Oh, bother,’ Mum said, approaching with Bertie and a bizarrely grey Sir Louseylot. ‘That is unfortunate.’ She placed an arm around me and kissed my head. ‘Thank goodness you’re OK.’
‘You’re not angry—’
‘Shush.’ Mum put her finger on my lips. ‘We have more pressing matters to attend to.’ She waved at Ethan like he was an old friend.
Ethan waved back, unsure. His confusion was not helped by the fact Mum was wearing a Foo Fighters T-shirt. Yes, I know – parents in band T-shirts. Kill me now.
Ethan wasn’t the only one giving out funny looks. Kevin shot Sir Louseylot the evils. ‘That’s your fault. I told you we didn’t have time to stop and say hello to your mum.’
‘And I told you, I had to go to the toilet.’ Close up Sir Louseylot looked like a statue. Even his clothes were grey and he had a weird sheen like the polished rocks Bertie collected. He edged a leg carefully over the dappled Shire horse he was riding. Holding
on to the mane, he paused and stared at the ground.
‘Just jump, you wuss.’ Kevin tutted and bent down to examine the ground where Odette had disappeared. ‘I just don’t get it,’ he continued. ‘Petrification, teleportation: she was always such a rubbish sorceress.’
‘Your Other World surveillance has failed again,’ said Louseylot primly. ‘If anyone is to blame for this mess, it’s you.’
Kevin put his sunglasses back on. ‘I’m beginning to wish I’d left you frozen in the forest.’
Leave the petrifying for the knights! Of course, that’s why Louseylot looked like a statue. He’d been turned to stone by those pesky forest sprites. I knew that dude was a rotten egg – it would take more than chocolate blossom to disguise his stink!
‘Stop arguing, you two.’ Mum placed her hand on Bertie’s forehead. ‘The priority must be to get the children to safety. Kevin, I’ll take Bertie on Estella, if you please. He’s burning up.’
Bertie slipped his hand into Mum’s. He was unusually quiet. Hopefully, it was just the shock of it all.
‘Of course, ’Phia. But remember she’s prone to bucking.’
‘I’m perfectly capable of riding a unicorn. You just concern yourself with getting Avariella and her little friend home. And don’t forget poor Doreen. Thank goodness for the bumper crop of wart blossom this year.’
Mum climbed on to Estella. The unicorn threw her head back, trotting nervously from side to side, but grew calm again when Mum whispered softly into her ear.
‘Still got it.’ She winked at Kevin. ‘I think you’re forgetting, I was a dab hand with a unicorn back in the day.’
‘Back in the day?’ This was getting weirder and weirder.
‘Yes, back in the day when I led the Protectors, sweetie. You’re not the only princess who was destined to kick butt!’
Trumpets . . . ? An ogre blowing its nose . . . ? Alun flying outside my window . . . ? No, it was definitely trumpets I could hear. I jumped out of bed and threw back the curtains.
I shut them again.
Oh.
My.
Giddy.
Goblin.
There were people everywhere. The courtyard was, like, totally rammed. Holding my breath, I stepped closer to the window, my toes creeping under the soft velvet hem of the drapes. I eased them open and peeped through. Galloping unicorns, I didn’t just dream it. This was really happening.
The bedroom door sprang open and Mum bounded into the room. She was wearing jeans and a silver tracksuit top like Kevin’s. Mmm, I wasn’t sure if it was cool or embarrassing . . . but it was definitely an improvement on the Little Bo Peep dress.
‘My brave, amazing girl,’ she said, throwing her arms around me and squeezing me with the force of an extremely hungry cobra.
I fought myself free from her suffocating grip, and she put her hands around her mouth like a megaphone.
‘Flo!!!’ she called.
And, like, I’m uncouth, Dad!
Flo, Mum’s lady-in waiting, appeared holding a shiny purple dress I’d never seen before and never wanted to see again. She was followed by Jeb, who was wearing a satin onesie that matched the dress. He licked me, then threw himself down on the rug and started chewing the cuff of his trouser leg.
‘Not that, silly billy,’ Mum said, shaking her head at Flo. ‘The bag. The bag.’
‘Sorry, ma’am.’ Flo hung the purple dress on the clothes rail. She disappeared again and came back with an oversized paper bag.
‘Go on,’ Mum said.
I reached inside the bag and took out the silver tracksuit top. Like, wowzas. It was the same as Mum’s except it had a turquoise number one on the back. There were some jeans too and a stretchy T-shirt.
‘Come on, Ava, hurry.’ Mum grabbed the hem of my nightie and pulled it up over my head.
Normally, this would have annoyed me bigstyle. I mean, I’m old enough to dress myself. But given the cool clothes, I kept my gob shut and let her help me.
‘Wow, you look amazing.’ She took the platinum-handled brush off the dresser and brushed my hair into a sporty ponytail. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. What was Dad going to say?
Mum gave my ponytail a final tweak and opened the bedroom door. ‘Now hurry, your people are waiting. You too, Sir Jeffrey.’
I picked up Jeb and followed Mum along the corridor, pausing at the family portrait that was painted just before I was born. Grandad George stared down at me, his eyes smiling. How could Odette do that, turn against her own family? Why did she want to bring darkness to Biscotti?
Mum put her hands on my shoulders. She kissed the top of my head. ‘Grandad would have been so proud of you. He was devastated when Odette turned to the darkness. He blamed himself.’
I felt a warm feeling in my tummy. Me and Mum, talking properly.
‘But why?’
‘Because it was Grandad who reopened the portals after they’d been closed for hundreds of years. He was desperate to find a reason for Odette’s evil streak – he pinned it on the Other World, convincing himself it was the greed and materialism that had corrupted her.’
‘And was it?’
The sadness in Mum’s voice turned to anger. ‘You’ve met her, right? Evil to the core. Even as a child she was dangerous and unpredictable. Grandad put it down to clumsiness at first – boiling her fish, frazzling her hamster – she was young, she hadn’t taken control of her powers. But as she grew older, he could deny it no longer. He finally saw what everyone else saw: Odette enjoyed being evil.’
A cold chill ran down my spine. I curled a lock of Jeb’s fur around my finger and hugged him tight. Mum was right. The way Odette had bounced up and down on her toes after she’d nearly drowned me, she was having an ace time. And she was so confident, free like nothing could stop her. Just like I felt when I was on a BMX. Maybe we were alike in some ways – some.
‘No,’ Mum continued. ‘Odette could never take the throne. But when Grandad told her that, she decided to take it for herself. And she’d do anything to get it. You’ve seen what she did to Maude when she refused to help with her plans for world domination.’
I still couldn’t believe what Odette had done to Aunt Maude: frying her brain, she’d called it. No wonder Maude was so frightened when we talked about the one they sent away.
Mum sighed and took my hand. She squeezed it gently. ‘Grandad was never the same either. Only it was his broken heart that never recovered. Your father took over the throne and had no choice but to banish Odette.’
I felt suddenly cold. Bertie was safe, but I knew this wasn’t the end of it. Odette was not going to just disappear. She wanted her throne back.
‘Come now, my little fluff-louse.’ Mum ran her finger gently over my cheek, wiping away the tears. How could I have been so wrong about her? There was so much more to Mum than the right royal fashion disaster I’d taken her for.
And there was more to me too. I just hoped Dad could see it.
I’d soon find out.
Dad was waiting with Bertie near the gold-embossed doors that opened out on to the balcony. Ooh, sunglasses please – Bertie’s neon-orange knickerbocker suit could have lit up a small village. You’d have thought he’d want to avoid orange after the struggle the Godfather had reversing Odette’s pumpkin-head charm, but apparently not.
He nudged Dad, who was busy helping Periwinkle wrestle Doreen’s jaws from an oversized potted fern. Yay! The Godfather was right about her being back to normal in no time. Sure, she was a bit grey and one of her legs was shorter than the others, but she was still Doreen. I leant close to Mum, waiting for Dad’s reaction to my tracksuit, but there was no disapproving look or lecture, just a smile and a kiss. My heart did a front flip flair– perhaps he really did mean what he’d said last night? Perhaps Dad really was proud of me.
‘Good morning, Avariella,’ he said, ‘are you ready?’ He took Jeb from me and gave him to Mum. ‘The doors please, Periwinkle.’
The noise hit me like a snowb
oarding yeti. Sensory overload or what! Half of Biscotti was there – clapping, cheering and calling my name, their colourful silk flags and streamers dancing in the gentle, chocolate-scented breeze. Like any chance of me getting my mitts on some of that chocolate eggnog?
I waved – a proper wave, not one of those halfhearted princess jobbies that makes it look like you can’t be bothered – and the cheering grew louder. So I waved again, this time with two hands. And I kept waving until the trumpeteers trumpeted their dragon-fart tune again.
‘Thank you, citizens,’ Dad said to the now silent crowd. He nodded at Periwinkle, who picked up a red velvet cushion. On the cushion there was a helmet – a silver helmet with a giant P on it, just like the emblem on my tracksuit and bike pump. My knees went all wobbly.
Dad picked up the helmet. He held it up to the crowd. Hushed whispers bounced around the courtyard. Nobody had a clue what was going on. Dad waited until everyone was quiet again. He smiled at me – I mean, twice in one day – and placed the helmet on my head.
‘Proud citizens,’ he said. ‘I present Princess Ava, Prima Protector of Biscotti.’
The whispers were replaced by silence. People shook their heads and scratched their chins, wondering what the jumping jelly beans was happening. I couldn’t blame them. I’d struggled to believe it too. But finding the portal, discovering BMX, it turns out it had all happened for a reason. I may not have magic like my aunties, but I had something that was perhaps more important. Just like Mum before me, I was one of the few who could harness the energy of the bluestone. And that meant I was duty-bound to protect my homeland.
‘Think of the stone as a kind of thermostat,’ Kevin had said on the way home last night. ‘Some people aren’t cut out to manage the gifts they’re blessed with. They want power and use their magic in the wrong way. This disturbs the energy in the kingdom. The bluestone gets wise and seeks to return the balance – it wants to protect the groovy world it created. That’s where the Protectors step in. They sort out whatever evil shenanigans the knights can’t deal with and turn the thermostat back down.’
Princess BMX Page 12
