by Siobhan Muir
“Wait, Karma. Hear me out.” I dropped the duffle at my feet and held up my hands. “Please. I should’ve told you long before today. Hell, I tried to tell you last night. That’s no excuse. It is what it is, and I can’t change it now. I should’ve made more effort and when we started this, I didn’t know you. But I know you now and I’m not hiding anymore.”
“Oh, I can see that, Marshal DeVille.” She stopped in front of me, her eyes glittering. “And now I know who you are.” She smiled, dark secrets in her eyes, and I shivered. “The question is, do you know who I am?”
I licked my lips and swallowed hard. If anyone had asked me two weeks ago if I believed karma existed, I would’ve agreed to the abstract concept of retribution for actions rendered. But after what I’d seen today with the men in the warehouse who’d lied, cheated, and killed just to make a little money, I realized Karma was the karma, just as Loki had said.
And I’ve fallen in love with her.
That might have been the most unsettling idea of all. I’d always believed in karma, I just hadn’t counted on an actual being. But I’d made love with her, laughed with her, danced for her. She watched me with those wise and unusual eyes, waiting for my response, and I wondered what my future would hold, what kind of karma I’d accrued based on my actions.
And on my lies.
I wanted to say they weren’t actual lies, just omissions of the truth. But that equated to splitting hairs. I’d lied to the Concrete Angels about what I did, and I’d lied to Karma about why I was in the area above Fort Collins.
“I need to tell you something, and I’m afraid it’s gonna piss you off.” I wanted to grab her hands to keep her from walking away from me—or me from her—but I tightened mine into fists. “I wasn’t honest when I first talked to you at the lake.” I rubbed the back of my neck. Why was it so hard to come clean? “As I told you, I didn’t just stumble across you at the gas station. I followed you there.”
She’d lost her smile and slid into her stoic, inhuman mask. She hadn’t gone all ‘death angel’ on me yet, which I counted as a damn good thing, but she wasn’t all warm and human-looking either. My heart rate sped up.
“So the full truth is I’m a U.S. Marshal investigating the disappearance of FBI Agents Dirk Hopkins and Arnold Eisenburg. The last report we had, they’d been here with the Concrete Angels, so I needed to get into the compound to find out what part you all played in their disappearances and their actions with Backlog.”
Karma raised her chin. “Dirk Hopkins left here without a scratch on him. He was alive the last we saw him. As for Arnold Eisenburg, I have nothing to say about him.”
What I saw in her gaze made my blood go cold. She was telling the truth. She wouldn’t say how Eiseburg died, but she knew something about it.
I nodded slowly, aware of the fine line I was walking. “Hopkins and Eisenburg were subjects of my investigation, not just because they died in suspicious circumstances. But also because they were members Backlog.”
“I know this, Coop. What’s your point?” She tilted her head and anger glittered in her eyes.
I grimaced. “The point is, I came up here to find out if the Concrete Angels were working with Backlog. In that time, I’ve figured out that the club was being used.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Are you telling me this because you don’t like lying to me, or because you don’t want bad karma to come to you?”
Chapter Seventeen
Karma
The question hung there between us and Coop opened his mouth to say something. But he closed it again without a word and my heart contracted with his silence. Pain, anger, and fear flooded my system as my gut sank. My breathing grew labored as the emotions rose to choke me. This was my true mate, and his only fear consisted of consequences from his actions, not from hurting me.
“Both.”
I tried to take solace in his answer, but I’d gotten to know him pretty well over the last few days and knew when he hedged his bets. There was more to his answer than he was saying, but I couldn’t tell which direction he leaned.
“And what have you concluded from your investigation while pretending to care about me?” My voice came out cold and hard, and my hands tightened into fists.
“Let me address all the issues in your question before you cut me or my balls off.” He swallowed hard and met my gaze. “I suspected that the Concrete Angels had a hand in killing Arnold Eisenburg, aka Roy, but I can’t prove it. I know he didn’t die in the wild fire, but that just shows he was killed and dumped. Not by whom.”
I tilted my head and raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to save his ass or die trying.
“I can’t show any evidence to support a connection between the Concrete Angels and the death of Agent Dirk Hopkins. None of your members, not even your nomad Luke Everfall, were present in Searchlight, Nevada around the time of Hopkins’ death, and whatever killed him aged him damn near beyond recognition. The ME said he was a mummy when they found him, but the last time he was seen on camera was in a Vegas casino. There’s no way that kind of desiccation happens by natural causes.”
Of course, he wouldn’t find evidence for Hopkins. Karma didn’t work like that. Retribution came, but not necessarily from those Hopkins had wronged. We’d made sure of it, especially by having his body dumped down a 400-foot mine shaft by a contractor. As for what killed him, I didn’t know that. Loki said he’d take care of the means, I just helped by upping the timeline.
“I also found out that Backlog was using you through Roy to siphon money from your endeavors straight into their coffers, and using your contacts to make sure their agenda was promoted and achieved.” He dipped his chin to show his earnestness. “The Concrete Angels weren’t collaborating or colluding with the Backlog. Any apparent collusion occurred because of proximity, not a direct contract.
“Hell, Roy was even siphoning money from the FBI with help from Dirk Hopkins, but both of them were doing Backlog’s dirty work.”
Anger kindled in me over Roy’s betrayal, but I calmed myself with the knowledge that he’d received his dose of karma and the matter was settled.
And that’s not really what’s pissing you off. No, what really pissed me off was my true mate was an undercover U.S. Marshal and I’d only met him because he hoped to indict my club for murder.
Coop stopped and licked his lips. “And I never pretended to care about you, Karma. I always did. I knew from the moment I met you, you were someone special and magical, I just didn’t understand how magical. I never hid my feelings for you and I never intended to lead you on or hurt you.”
“No?” Anger shivered off of me and I shook with trying to contain it. If I got too angry, people were made to pay for their actions a helluva lot faster and harsher than necessary, and I ended up exhausted for days. “Instead you just fucked me while you milked me and my friends for information. And you weren’t honest with me about it. How the fuck am I supposed to trust you ever again, Coop?”
I stopped and widened my eyes. “Wait, is that even your name? Or is that your carefully constructed alias, meant to distract and deflect?”
“Cooper DeVille is my name. The story I told you about Rosé was true.” Pain tightened his lips and the skin around his eyes. “And I told you I was an investigator.”
“You said you were a private investigator, not a U.S. Marshal. You said you’d help find the money stolen from us, but you did it to uncover our complicity with Backlog. You said you loved me…” I trailed off as the cold reality hit home. “Given your previous half-truths and outright lies, why should I believe you?”
“Oh, glory, Karma.” He took a step toward me but I kept the distance equal by taking a step back. The wounded look on his face pierced my chest, but this was his fuck-up, not mine. “I’m shit with words. My ex always told me that, but I’m also shit at hiding my true feelings. My boss told me that. I fell for you the moment I met you, I just hadn’t recognized it for what it was, which is why it took me so long to ve
rbalize it. I loved you then, I love you now. I’ll love you forever.”
“Stop.” The pain and agony his words extracted from me felt like torture. “Stop. Those are just pretty words. You don’t mean them. Because if you meant them, you wouldn’t have lied to me, hidden who you are. You would’ve come clean.”
“I am coming clean. I’m telling you now.”
I shook my head and tears slid down my cheeks. I had no idea I could cry, but apparently that came with the physical body.
“You’re only telling me because Loki and Torch figured out who you really are. You wouldn’t have ever told me as long as your cover story held up.” My breath caught in my chest as sobs robbed me of clear speech. “You would’ve lied to me forever…just…so…you could…keep…fucking…me.”
“No, Ma’am, I was trying to tell you…”
I shook my head and backed farther away. “Get away from me. Get…out of…here and leave…me…alone.”
Sweet glory, I’d never hurt this badly. I’d lived a long time in this form, but I’d never felt that kind of agony. I’d had gunshot wounds and been stabbed, but the new pain took those and multiplied them a thousand times until the betrayal equated to someone jabbing needles into every joint in my body.
“Karma, wait…”
I couldn’t look at Coop and see his anguished face. I couldn’t take that he hurt, too, because someone had to pay for this loss and action. Someone had to reap the consequences and experience the karma from it, and I’d paid with my heart. A very human heart despite my inhumanity.
I shook my head and turned, bolting for my cabin. The other Angels had gathered to watch our confrontation and I slammed into Torch and Viper, stumbling hard enough to knock them back a few steps.
“Karma, honey...” Viper tried to catch me, but I shoved her away.
I broke free and headed for my sanctuary, trying to find a place to retreat and hide from the pain. So much for the big, badass Enforcer. Coop called my name again but I didn’t look back as I fumbled to get my keys in the door. It took me three tries and one bloodcurdling scream of frustration before the door opened and I spilled into the dark interior.
I tried to catch my breath and stop the sobs raking my body, but the more I forced myself to calm, the harder the emotions whipped through me. I couldn’t find reason or serenity, and I couldn’t find solace. I scrambled to the bedroom and grabbed a pillow to muffle my wails. But it smelled like him, my true mate, and there was no holding anything back.
****
Cooper
Oh, that went well.
I couldn’t have fucked up any more than if I’d tried. I should’ve made the effort to tell Karma even when Loki interrupted us. I should’ve tried again that morning. I stood in the middle of the yard with my duffle at my feet and my heart bleeding out inside my chest as Karma walked away. I watched her fumble to get into her cabin and I wanted to help, but the forbidding faces of the other clubmembers made me hold my ground.
I shifted my gaze to them and met a wall of anger, disgust, and hostility. The woman beside Torch looked like she’d flay me alive. Torch, though, gave me a look of sorrow and compassion. Why he thought I was worth his sympathy, I had no idea, but at least he didn’t outright hate me.
I shook my head and picked up my duffle, turning to walk to my car. Out of nowhere, a tall, feminine body hit me and shoved me against the vehicle, anger in every one of her movements. I rolled with it and braced for impact again until I recognized Oriana Hunter’s angry face.
“What the fuck, DeVille? I told you to tell her. I told you not to hurt her.”
I wanted to spit in her face and defend myself, but there wasn’t anything I could say that would change the present. Instead, I nodded.
“Yeah, you did.” I gestured back to the yard behind her. “And you saw. I told her. But it doesn’t matter now. She knows who I am and so do the rest of you. But for what it’s worth, I’m glad I helped you find your money and I’m glad I came here.” I paused and met her hazel gaze. “Take care of her for me, will you?”
“Better than you.”
I nodded again, taking the venom in her voice as my due. “Yeah, I suspect you will.”
I turned away and got into the car, closing the door behind me without another word. There wasn’t anything I could say that would repair the damage I’d done. I started the car and backed out, heading for the gate. No one tried to stop me or shoot me, for which I’d always be grateful. Even Gopher wore a look of sad disappointment rather than disgust. I counted that as a good thing.
I drove out of the compound and the gate closed behind me, locking Karma away from me with a finality my heart couldn’t take. I’d resume my life as Marshal Cooper DeVille and I’d turn my attention to taking down Backlog. But my heart screamed its agony the farther I drove from the Concrete Angels, and tears overwhelmed my eyes, sliding down my cheeks to soak my shirt. I didn’t cry often, but it hurt bad enough to override my usual stoicism.
So this is what it’s like to have loved and lost. Lucky me. I squared my shoulders and drove home, hoping the investigation would help distract me from the damage I’d done.
Chapter Eighteen
Karma
It took me a few days to come out of my cabin, and even then it was because my physical body actually needed to eat. I’d survived on coffee and tea, but I’d grown shaky and needed sustenance to continue living.
Why exactly do I need to go on living?
With the pain so overwhelming, I considered using up all my life years and fading back into the nebulous energy of consequences that was my true self. I’d never felt pain until I got the physical body and at the moment, it seemed like a much better option than the agony and betrayal hounding me.
I struggled to leave my cabin, but I couldn’t hide forever. Someone would come looking for me and force me back into the world of the living. I just wish it would be Coop who comes looking. Except he was a liar, only here to get information out of me and the others. Anger flared again and I damn near sagged against the doors of the clubhouse. Instead, I pressed my hand against my gut and pushed through. I’d somehow survive because my body stubbornly refused to die.
It was midday according the clock over the bar and not many people were in the clubhouse. I had no idea what day it was or what all the club had planned, but it seemed remarkably deserted. Grub had set lunch out and he’d made something fancy I didn’t even know the name to. I served it onto a plate and sat down at one of the empty tables, trying to find interest in eating.
My mind ran around in angry little circles as I stuffed the food in my mouth, but I couldn’t taste a damn thing. Thank goodness none of the foodie members of our club were nearby. And Goddess help us if Grub finds out.
I don’t know how long I sat there trying to choke down the food before I noticed someone standing near the table. I only realized they were there because smoke drifted past my face, smelling of charred meat and molten rock.
I glanced up and met Torch’s peacock green gaze. “Hey Torch, what’s up?”
“Mind if I join you? I didn’t want to get my ass handed to me, karmically speaking.” He gestured to a chair at the table and I nodded. He sat down, his gaze narrowing. “Thanks. How are you doing?”
I didn’t bother to answer as I shoved more food into my mouth. I hadn’t showered in at least two days, I still wore the same clothes, and I’d barely slept.
“How do you think I’m doing?”
“I suspect you feel like ground up dog shit with a side of death warmed over. You pretty much look like that.” His voice held banked amusement, but I sensed concern underneath.
“Thanks.”
“He tried to tell you who he was.”
Pain rose up in my chest, damn near choking off my breath. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
He nodded. “I know. But I gotta tell you I think he was good for you.”
This time I did choke. “You think a deceitful liar is good for me?”
/>
“Cooper DeVille isn’t a liar, Karma. That’s just your anger talking.” Torch sat back in his chair. “He was an undercover cop trying to get answers and he hadn’t intended to get close to anyone. Then he met you and the parameters of his investigation changed. He just couldn’t switch gears fast enough.”
“He is a liar, Torch. He could’ve told me the truth.”
“And then what? How would you have reacted when he did that?”
I stared at him sullenly, not liking the answers to that question.
“Not good enough? Okay, how about this.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “What would you have done in his shoes? Same situation, but you’re the one investigating and you found a man you wanted above all others.”
“I would’ve finished my investigation and gotten out so I could connect with him when I could be honest.”
“Bullshit. You would’ve done exactly as he did. Okay, sure, you might have told him who you were a day earlier, but you’d enjoy him as much as you could before breaking the news.” Torch shook his head. “This is an easy fix, Karma.”
“How, Torch? How is any of this easy?” I dropped my fork and pointed at him. “He’s my true mate and he lied to me. How can I trust him to tell me the truth? How can I know any of it is real?”
He snorted and more smoke drifted up from his nostrils. “Real? You want to talk real? Okay, when did you tell him you weren’t his species? When did you tell him that the creatures he thinks are imaginary—dragons, angels, gods, gargoyles—are actually real and live around him? He’s human and we’ve hid from them since the dawn of time. When did you tell him you weren’t like him?”
