by J. L. Berg
Smiling, I nodded. “Yeah. It has all those things you mentioned that apparently make a great movie, but more than that, it just makes me feel good every time I watch it. It was sort of a tradition with my dad and me. Every year, we’d find a quiet night to sit together and watch it. I’d cry, and he’d hold me. And now—”
Oh jeez. Here we were, back at the heavy subject matter.
I really was rusty at this date thing.
“And now, you’ll watch it with me,” he offered.
“Yeah?”
Smiling, he took my hand again. “Yeah.”
“Do I still have to watch Braveheart?”
He laughed, bringing my hand to his lips. “A deal is a deal.”
“Dammit.”
Our entrees arrived shortly after that, and we enjoyed a heavenly meal, courtesy of one of Pine Hurst’s best chefs. As we sat there, I couldn’t help but wonder what life would have been like if Sawyer hadn’t given up on me all those years ago.
What if it had been him and me all those years together?
Would life had ended up differently?
Would we have been this happy?
“Do you want dessert?” Sawyer asked as our plates were picked up.
“No,” I answered firmly. “I’m ready to head home.”
His green eyes met mine, and I knew he understood.
I was done waiting.
I was done wondering about the what-ifs.
I just wanted him.
Here, now, and maybe even forever.
That crazy, anxious feeling I’d had while getting ready for our date began to return as we drove home.
How long had it been since I was with a man?
When you had to ask yourself, you knew it was too long.
To add to the stress of the situation, I had quantity to deal with. Specifically, the fact that I’d been with only one other person—Sawyer’s brother.
If that wasn’t awkward, I didn’t know what was.
Time for some nervous sweating to begin again.
During our meal, when the aroma of well-cooked food and the glow of candlelight had been fueling my confidence, I’d thought I had nothing to lose. In fact, I’d been so focused on everything I had to gain that I hadn’t had time to think about anything else but the feeling of it all.
Now that the romantic setting was gone and I was sitting in Sawyer’s cold car, the smell of his pine air freshener quickly bringing me back to reality, I couldn’t think of anything else but the negative.
This would change everything.
Were we ready for that?
Was I ready… at all?
As we pulled into my driveway and he shut off the engine, I let out a staggering breath as he turned toward me.
“I can almost hear your heart beating from here.”
Trying to play it off, I smiled. “Just cold.”
“Elle.”
“Fine,” I relented. “I’m nervous.”
“That’s better.”
“I’m a hot mess, Sawyer. Like, certifiable, I think. Are you sure you want to take all this on?”
He gave me a once-over, that sexy little smirk making an appearance. “Oh, yeah.”
Giving him a playful push, I felt a shiver run down my spine, but unfortunately, it had nothing to do with the plans we had for the night.
“I told you before, Elle. Messes don’t scare me. Now, come on,” he said. “Let’s get you inside before you freeze.”
Still on point with his date protocol, he stepped out of the car and ran around to open my door, taking my hand to help me out of the large truck. As my heels hit the ground, my gaze turned upward and met his, and I felt that deep pull.
That connection.
Was I ready?
I still wasn’t sure. But I wanted to be.
We walked hand in hand to the house, and as I unlocked the door, he played with the loose curls around my face and kissed my cheek. Sweet gestures that turned my insides into mush.
The house was dark when we entered. Moonlight filtered through the windows, and as I went to flip the light, Sawyer stopped me. Turning me around, he pulled me into his arms.
“We don’t have to do anything tonight, Elle,” he assured me. “As far as I’m concerned, this has already been an amazing evening.”
My eyes had adjusted to the dim light, and I could now make out his features. Staring up at him, I reached, cupping his rugged jaw with the palm of my hand. “I’m scared I won’t be good enough,” I confessed, revealing my deepest fear—the one I’d been holding closest to my chest. Infidelity in my marriage had not only caused distrust, but it had also shaken my confidence to the core.
“Not possible.”
“How can you be so sure?”
A smile spread across his lips as he pulled me closer. “See this?” he said, wrapping his arms around me. “Put your head on my chest.”
I did, immediately feeling the beat of his steady heart.
“You and I are like puzzle pieces Elle; two halves of a whole, just waiting to be reconnected. When we come together, it will be perfect.”
His words were beautiful, and I wanted to believe him—to be that girl who just got caught up in the moment and swooned.
But I wasn’t. I was the damaged divorcée who needed every assurance that I wasn’t going to be hurt again.
“But what if it isn’t perfect?”
He looked down at me and shrugged. “Well, you know what they say about practice?”
Unable to hide my laughter, I buried my head in his chest, slightly embarrassed and maybe more than a little turned on.
Pulling back ever so slightly, he tilted my chin upward. “Do you want to go make some coffee? Maybe work on the journals some? Or we could always watch Braveheart.”
Seeing him there, with the moonlight hitting the bridge of his nose and the subtle curve of his jaw, ready to do anything to make me happy, I knew.
I just knew.
“No,” I answered, dropping my coat to the ground.
“No? Okay. Do you want me to just go? It is getting kind of—”
“Sawyer,” I pleaded, “stop asking questions and kiss me.”
His eyes widened, understanding blooming across his face. Bending down, he did exactly as I’d asked, kissing me for the first time since that night in the kitchen.
That felt like ages ago. How had I gone so long without this?
How had I gone through life, not knowing the tender touch of his hands on my body or the gentle caress of his lips on mine?
Our kiss deepened as we learned each other. My hands found the inside of his jacket, pushing it off his shoulders to fall to the ground. His fingers buried into my hair, and soon, we were gravitating toward the living room.
I hadn’t really thought about where I wanted this to happen—only that I wanted it to. Sex in my childhood bedroom on my twin-size mattress didn’t sound ideal, and I definitely wasn’t going to suggest any other room in the house, so the living room was as good a place as any.
At the rate his hands were roaming my body, I would be okay with the floor too. Anything to get that man’s clothes off quicker.
As we shuffled into the living room, kissing and moving, moving and kissing, my feet hit the sofa, and we paused.
Breaths heavy, lips swollen, Sawyer looked down at me with hesitation. “Tell me you want this, Elle. Tell me you’re not going to wake up and hate yourself in the morning.”
“What? No.”
“Are you sure? Because if there’s one thing I couldn’t stand, it’s to see regret in your eyes.”
“I could never regret you, Sawyer,” I promised. “Never.”
This must have been the words he needed because barely a second passed before his mouth was on mine again. His fingers left my hair, finding the strap of my dress and dragging it downward, and when his lips followed, I thought I’d died and gone straight to heaven.
I’d never been so conflicted in my life. I wanted to rip off his clot
hes right that instant and feel every inch of him, but at the same time, I knew we’d never have a first time again.
It should be savored, right?
“I want you naked,” his sultry voice whispered in my ear.
What was that I was saying about savored?
No idea.
“Yes,” I managed to say back as his lips dipped between the valley of my breasts, and I momentarily lost the ability to breathe.
Finding the zipper at the nape of my neck, Sawyer slowly dragged it downward until the dress fell to the floor.
Thank God I had gone with the sexy underwear tonight.
I felt somewhat timid, but his gaze made me feel just the opposite. Seeing him look at me like that—like I was some sort of forbidden treat in the dessert case and he couldn’t wait another second before devouring me whole—that erased any sense of insecurity I had left.
The doubt still lingering from my failed marriage vanished in the reflection of his hungry eyes, and suddenly, I was a lioness ready to claim her mate.
We kissed, long and deep, until it wasn’t enough.
I tugged at his tie. When he bent his head, I removed the blue silk and dropped it to the floor. Up next was his shirt. He watched intently as I went from button to button, slowly removing the crisp white shirt from his body. I’d hoped to find nothing but skin underneath but was met with another shirt.
“So many obstacles,” I murmured, making a small grin appear on his face.
When his hands reached down to the hem and lifted upward, I became a little less mad about the extra layer. Watching those biceps flex as he removed it was definitely worth the wait.
“Damn,” I breathed out.
“I was thinking the same thing,” he answered, taking me in.
I’d never been one for lingerie, but on a whim last week, I’d bought a black lace bra and matching thong.
Considering the way he was looking at me, it was turning out to be one of my better decisions.
I slipped out of my shoes, and he did the same.
I could feel my nerves creeping back. The confident lioness was retreating back into her den.
Always sensing my emotions, Sawyer spoke up, “Am I allowed to ask questions again?”
Titling my head to the side, I answered, “Sure.”
A simple smile spread across his face as his gaze shifted. Licking his lips, he bent forward and placed them on my shoulder. “Do you like it when I kiss you here?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered softly.
“Yeah? What about here?”
He moved lower, back down between my breasts. My head tilted back, feeling his hair brush against my skin.
“Yes.”
Bending down on his knees, he continued, “Here?” His trail took him south toward my belly button and to the edge of my panties.
“Yes.” My voice quivered.
His fingers slid under the delicate lace. He slowly removed it, placing tiny kisses on my hip bone before looking up at me. “You deserve to be worshipped, Elle, and I’m going to do my damnedest to prove that to you.”
Burying his face between my legs, he showed me just how a man worshipped his woman. His arms wrapped around my backside to hold me up, balancing me as my wobbly legs tried to give out.
It was torture and transformative at the same time.
I felt heat and lust.
Pleasure and joy.
I felt the womanhood—that innate femininity I’d lost since my divorce—return as my body reacted to his touch.
“Oh God!” I was frantic.
I needed more.
Sensing my desire, Sawyer stood, his face flush and his eyes wild. My arms wrapped around him, and our mouths fused together. When he tugged me tight against him, I could feel his urgency. Finding the belt to his pants, I quickly loosened it, never slowing our kiss. Once his belt was free, he stopped, pulling away before I had a chance to unzip his pants.
Before I could ask what was up, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a condom, holding it up. “I came prepared.”
“Right,” I managed to say.
I guessed if I wanted answers, now was the time. I could ask him if he always came prepared.
I could ask him how many dates he’d had that ended like this.
But I didn’t—because none of it mattered.
He’d said earlier tonight that we both had a past. He was able to look past mine. I had to do the same.
If I wanted him, I had to take all of him—the known and the unknown. The good and the bad. The comfortable and the not-so comfortable.
And if there was one thing I knew for sure, it was how much I wanted Sawyer Gallagher.
Ready to finish what I’d started, I undid the button of his pants as he watched intently. The zipper came next, and soon, the gray slacks were added to the growing pile on the floor.
Now, he stood before me in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. I’d imagined what this might look like—me and him, naked and alone. But now that it was almost here, I realized those fantasies had come devastatingly short of the real thing.
Hot, sexy, consuming.
There were too many words to describe the man before me, and as we tumbled to the sofa, my legs wrapped around him, I couldn’t help but feel like the luckiest damn woman to be here with him.
His hands moved to the clasp of my strapless bra, and I felt the lace loosen.
“Jesus,” he cursed as he tossed it aside. “My imagination did not do this moment justice.”
“You thought about us?”
Palming my breasts, he kissed the tender skin around my nipple before answering, “Every damn day.”
When our lips met this time, he took charge, shifting slightly to lean me back onto the sofa. Feeling his large frame above me, I felt cherished and protected. I also felt like my loins were on fire and about to combust at any moment if I didn’t have all of him.
Now.
Seeing the same sense of urgency in his eyes, I let my hands do the talking, sliding my fingers underneath the seam of his boxer briefs. He slid them off, taking care of the condom. Soon, there was nothing between us, and I felt his naked body against mine.
This was what I’d been waiting for.
I’d thought I’d be nervous.
I’d thought I’d panic and ruin the whole thing.
But looking up at him, seeing the devotion in his gaze, feeling the need in his touch, I knew there was nothing more right than the two of us in this moment.
As we came together, his body joining mine, I understood what he’d meant earlier. We were two halves.
And now, we were whole.
I broke my marriage vows today.
If I’m being honest with myself, I’ve been chipping away at them for months. Not-so-subtle glances, visits that lasted for hours, and the way my thoughts always seemed to drift back to him, even when I was away.
Today might have been the first true violation, but it wasn’t for a lack of trying.
I’d wanted this, more than anything in the world.
As I walked home, I tried to feel guilt. Remorse, something other than elation, but I couldn’t.
William had been brought to me for a reason.
I knew that now.
He was my second chance.
I’d never read truer words.
Waking up that morning, I felt such a sense of peace. Feeling Sawyer wrapped around me, our bodies cuddled under a thin blanket on the sofa, I knew exactly how my nana must have felt.
He was my second chance.
Lying on that sofa also had me feeling an extreme kink in my back. It was not meant for two grown adults to sleep on, so while I loved being in his arms, I quietly extracted myself to sneak off to the kitchen for coffee and a bit of reading.
And that was where he found me.
“I thought waking up to you naked would be the best view of my life, but,” he said with a hint of playfulness, walking up to place a kiss on the top of my head, “this v
iew is pretty good too.”
“Sorry,” I said. “That sofa was killing me.”
Stretching, I took a moment to appreciate the view. Dressed in his boxer briefs, he was nothing but muscle. Apparently, furniture-making was a good job to have.
“Yeah, I’m sore in a couple places too, but I’m not sure if the sofa is to blame.” He gave me a solid wink before heading to the coffeepot.
I immediately felt a blush heat my cheeks as I thought back to our night.
The feel of his skin against mine.
The rush of need.
The cries of pleasure.
“Do you have creamer?” he asked, breaking my thought process.
“Uh, yeah,” I managed to say, rising from my chair at the table. Heading for the fridge, I was stopped abruptly.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked, a determined grin on his face.
“Nothing,” I murmured.
His gaze dropped, eyeing the T-shirt I wore. Taking a step forward, he pressed his body into mine, and I felt myself melt into him. As our lips met, he pushed forward until I felt the counter hit my backside, and suddenly, I knew exactly what he had planned.
Spoiler alert: it had nothing to do with coffee.
As he lifted me onto the counter, I placed a hand on his chest. “Wait,” I breathlessly breathed out. “Do we have time?”
It was a weekday after all.
As we both looked around for a clock, it was me who found one first on the microwave display. “Seven thirty,” I said. “Do you think we can make it?”
A sly smirk spread across his face. “Only if we shower together.”
Pressing my lips together, I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ve always been into learning more about water conservation efforts.”
“Good,” he replied, hoisting me over his shoulder in a quick, swift movement. “Let’s go learn together.”
It turned out that water conservation could be a very titillating subject matter if taught by the right person. Sawyer was quite knowledgeable it seemed, and I was more than happy to be under his tutelage.
I had no idea how we were going to make it through the day at the store without trying to rip each other’s clothes off every five seconds.
“What do you say to a few ground rules?” I suggested as we finished getting ready to leave that morning.
