I come home to you.”
“I don’t want you to go,” she said. It sounded like she was crying.
“I know,” he said. “I don’t want to go either. I just want to be here with my family. But I have a duty to my people to defend them.” There was silence for a few moments. “If anything happens to me, make sure the children are safe,” I finally heard the King say.
I couldn’t hear her response if there was one. I heard footsteps in the room, and then I heard the heavy door close. Moments later, I heard the Queen crying.
“Should we go out there?” I asked Isabel.
She shook her head. “No trust me, we should just stay in here.”
She walked over to the chair in my room and slouched over. “I wish I could see what’s going on,” she said. “I hate being locked up in here not knowing anything.”
“It’s for our own safety,” I told her.
“Yeah I know. I just want to see.”
“I don’t think that you’d really want to see,” I told her. “I don’t think any of us want to see it.”
“The knight that came in early this morning, told my father that we were taking heavy losses,” she said. “I hope that he’s going to be ok.”
“I’m sure he will be,” I said half trying to reassure myself. “He’s well trained, and he’ll have a lot of his best knights surrounding him. I’m sure they’ll make sure he’s not hurt. I’m sure he’s not even fighting. He’s probably just directing them in what to do.”
She shook her head. “No, I know my father. Trust me, he wouldn’t sit there and not fight. I just hate being locked up in here. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”
We heard the heavy doors open again and both of our heads jerked up.
“Mary,” we heard the Queen say.
A moment later Catherine came into the room. “I was told that we are to stay in here until we are called for later,” Catherine told us. “Isabel, I’m scared and my mother is crying.”
Sir Owen
When I came back into the apartments both the Queen and her sister in law were distraught and half out of their minds. I tried to calm them both, but neither would have any of it.
I felt pity for them. I couldn’t imagine what either one of them was going through. Both the King and his brother had ridden out to battle together. Both would be targets. I thought it was stupid for either of them to go, and I had tried to talk the king out of it. I had tried to tell him how dangerous it would be, but he was honor bound to defend his country, as well as Charles.
If they both died, the responsibilities of the kingdom would fall on their shoulders. I knew that Queen had no real desire to rule. She loved the King not because he was the king, but because he was him, and she was happy just to be by his side, and raise his child. She knew nothing, nor cared nothing for politics. I didn’t imagine Lady Mary did either.
I realized that the children must be able to hear them. When I couldn’t calm the ladies, I decided to make them my excuse, to excuse myself from the room.
“I think that I will go check on the children,” I said.
“Of course,” the Queen said. “Thank you for your thoughtfulness.”
I opened the door to Williams’s room. They were all sitting by the wall.
“Listening in on what’s going on out there?” I asked.
“No,” Catherine replied quickly.
“Catherine there’s no point in trying to hide it,” Isabel said.
William tugged on my arm. “We’re scared,” he said.
“Everything will be alright,” I told him. “The King knows what he’s doing, and he would never let anything bad happen to you.”
“I’ve already lost one father,” William said. “And I never knew my mother. If the King dies, what will happen to me?”
I looked down at his sad, scared eyes. “The Queen will take care of you,” I told him. “She’s your mother now.”
“But who will be my father?” he asked me.
“I will,” the words slipped out before I could stop them. I couldn’t believe what I had just said. I couldn’t be the boy’s father.
“Really?” He said. “You would be my father for me?” His eyes were bright. I didn’t have the heart to take back what I had just told him.
“Yes,” I said. “I will make sure that you are taken care of. Just like the King made sure that I was taken care of.” I sat down. “You know William, I was a young boy just like you when my father died and the king took me in.”
“Really?” He said.
I nodded. “How about if we play a game?” I asked them. “Something to take our minds off of what’s going on?”They all nodded. I reached into my bag and pulled out a deck of cards. I spent the rest of the afternoon playing card games with them.
It felt strange. I had been trained to fight, it had been my life’s work; learning how to defend my country. I didn’t want war, but if war came I prided myself on the fact that I could defend those I love. I want to defend my kingdom. Apparently I had been so good at my job, I was now a babysitter.
It felt wrong, to be held up in that room with children, while my friends, while my king, fought for our freedom. I should be out there, and instead I was playing some insipid card game with a bunch of a little kid.
I thought of my own child, and sister. I wondered where they were. I had heard Harold’s army was slaughtering villagers. Had my sister made it inside the palace walls with Matilda? Were they safe? I felt myself growing upset with worry. If anything happened to Matilda and my sister, I didn’t know what I would do. Surely they had to be safe, Arthur was a knight. Surely he had gotten them inside the palace walls before the battle started. I should have been there. I should have made sure they got to safety. I was a knight and I couldn’t even be there to protect my own child.
I tried to calm myself. Someone had to do this job. Someone had to make sure the kids were safe in case anything happened. My stomach dropped. What if something did happen? I wondered. Was I ready? Would I be able to defend them? The enormous responsibility of what lay on my shoulders suddenly hit my like a brick wall. I hadn’t realized how much weight was on my shoulders. If I died in battle, that would be honorable. But what if I died to trying to defend the king’s family; my family; I would be a failure.
I realized it was no longer an insult for the King to have asked me to be the one to defend them. I now knew what he had meant when he told me I was too important to risk in battle. But was I really worthy of it? I thought about my own men, who I had appointed to help me. Had I chosen correctly? I had sent some of my best into battle because they were too skilled to be spared. Should I have saved them for the protection of the family? Were the men I chose to stay behind capable enough?
Later that night, I thought that children had gone to bed. I sat in the common room, waiting for my relief, and waiting to hear word of the battle.
William tip toed out of his room.
“You’re supposed to be asleep,” I said.
He shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep,” he replied. “There’s too much on my mind.”
I didn’t really want to spend any more time with the kids that day. Hours of entertaining them, while the Queen tried to get herself together was enough. But I couldn’t help myself from wanting to help the boy whom I felt some strange connection to.
“What’s on your mind?” I asked.
He came over and sat down in the chair next to me. “I’m just worried about the king,” he said. “To everyone else he’s the king, but to me, he’s like my uncle. He was my father’s best friend you know.”
I nodded. “I remember your father very well.”
“Well,” he went on. “Before I was old enough to understand he was the King, and understand what that even meant, I had been raised to call him uncle. For the longest time I really thought he was my uncle. It wasn’t until I was older until I figured out that my father really wasn’t the brother of the king. But you see, I still loved him all
the same. I love him for more than a king, I love him as if he were my own blood.”
I nodded. “ I know what you mean William,” I said. “ I love the king as if he were my own blood as well. Sometimes I can barely remember what my own father looked like.” I caught myself surprised at what I had just shared with him.
“I understand,” William said. “Sometimes I can’t remember my real father anymore either. I don’t want to forget him.”
“You won’t forget him William. One never forgets a father’s love.”
“Not even if you forget what he looks like?” William asked.
I shook my head. “I can’t remember that much about my own father anymore, but I can still feel his love,” I said. “I know that he’s watching down on me, proud.”
“I know what bothers you,” William said.
My head shot up. “What do you mean?” I asked.
“You were distant all day. I know why.”
“You do?”
“Well yeah. You’re upset not to be out in the battle. So am I,” he said.
“You know nothing about what you’re talking about,” I said suddenly feeling agitated.
“Well, yeah I do,” he replied. “My father was a knight, and his father before him. I can’t be a knight though, the King has forbid it. I know how it feels to want to be part of that, and not be allowed to.”
I was floored at his observations. How had he known how upset I’d be about it? His voice echoed in my head. Could it be I wondered? Perhaps the King had wanted me out of the battle for the same reason that he had forbid William to pick up the
Guardians of the Throne; Part I Page 16
