I looked down but kept my eyes on her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Good, but nonetheless, heed my warning,” Keeper Lilly Anna said. “I’m worried for both of us and the others too. Everyone on our side is scared.”
My eyes narrowed. “So, there is no transfer?”
“No,” Keeper Lilly Anna said, rolling her eyes. “I needed to talk to you. Everything is closed down until we can figure out what they know and what happened to your friend and Watcher Jones.”
“Do you think Hawk is dead?” I asked.
She sucked in a deep breath. “No one knows anything. We’re worried more people are going to go missing, and they’re going to blame it all on this sand storm.”
“I don’t know what to say about all this,” I said.
“There isn’t anything to say. Just watch your back, okay?” Keeper Lilly Anna said.
“I will.” The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach wasn’t just because I wasn’t going to get off the farms, I was truly worried for Hawk. “You’re part of the rebellion?”
She stared into my eyes and gave me a quick nod. Keeper Lilly Anna didn’t fully trust me.
“Non-believers are put to death,” Keeper Lilly Anna said. “We must follow the rules.”
“Yes,” I said.
“But there needs to be a change.” Keeper Lilly Anna exhaled.
She twisted her head toward the window as though she’d heard something. Her chest rose and fell with her quick breaths.
“If something happened to Watcher Jones, we’re all in serious trouble,” Keeper Lilly Anna said, her voice even quieter. “He’s the one in charge of the rebellion on the farms.”
Her eyes widened, and she placed her finger over her lips. Keeper Lilly Anna’s spine zipped up straight, and she changed back into her previous self. Keeper mode.
“So, what do you think of the cabin?” Keeper Lilly Anna asked.
“It’s nice,” I replied, still looking into her eyes.
She cleared her throat and pointed at the ground. “Well, I should get you back to Keeper Marie. I’m sure you have lots of work to do.”
I bobbed my head. “Blessings and Kindness.”
Keeper Marie waved as we approached. I wanted to slap her across the face for how excited she was to get rid of me.
“Did everything go well?” Keeper Marie asked when we were close enough.
“Farmer Church is absolutely lovely,” Keeper Lilly Anna said.
“That’s good,” Keeper Marie said, wrapping her arm around my shoulder.
Keeper Lilly Anna frowned. “I have a few more interviews I need to conduct. I’d definitely like to keep the lines of communication open.”
“Oh, okay,” Keeper Marie said, letting her arms fall in front of her.
She clasped her hands together. The disappointment nearly oozed from her eyes.
“Farmer Church is very happy working on the farms for you,” Keeper Lilly Anna said. “You must be doing something right.”
Keeper Marie pressed her lips into a smile. “Thanks. I try very hard, and Farmer Church has been with me for a very long time now. I just want the best for her.”
“Of course,” Keeper Lilly Anna said. “Isn’t that what we want for all our farmers?”
“Yes, it is,” Keeper Marie said, stretching out her hand. They shook. “Thank you for considering her.”
“I still may want to talk to her again in the near future,” Keeper Lilly Anna said.
Keeper Marie stiffened her spine. “Of course. You know where to find her.”
“I do. Thanks again,” Keeper Lilly Anna said.
I kept my head down, listening to her footsteps as she walked away. Keeper Marie grabbed my shoulder, squeezing tightly.
“I hope you were on your best behavior,” Keeper Marie said.
“Yes, Mum. I was,” I replied.
Her other hand popped up, gripping my other shoulder. She turned me toward the lake, pushing me forward.
“I hope that’s the truth. Our Great Mother knows the truth,” Keeper Marie said. Her fingernails dug into my skin so deeply she was going to leave marks. “I’ll know the truth sooner or later.”
“I did my best,” I said.
Keeper Marie shoved me forward. “Get to work.”
“Yes, Mum,” I said, moving my feet quickly to get away from her.
I may have liked the water farm, but my feelings for Keeper Marie were changing. She was getting rougher with each passing day. I worried that if she caught me on the wrong day, I wouldn’t take it. I’d fight back.
And with my chances of leaving the farms slipping away, I had to be careful with how I reacted to her abuse. The wrong day and I could end up getting hung from a tree.
I was only halfway to the lake when I heard the whistles.
26
A group of Watchers were gathering at the far wall around the lake, close to the fence. I ran to my usual spot at the wall, attempting to get a better look at what had drawn their attention.
My stomach twisted as my thoughts grew dark. I had to keep swallowing to stop the bile from climbing up the back of my throat.
“What’s going on?” Ivy asked as she came up beside me.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I just got here. You didn’t hear or see anything?”
Ivy shook her head. “No. We just heard the whistles and shouting.”
Farmer Watson stepped up on my other side, lightly touching my arm. I looked into her eyes, and she shook her head as if she’d read my mind.
Several Watchers climbed up on the wall. Three of them swung around the fence to the forbidden side. They didn’t seem worried about the dangers of being outside our territory.
They carefully got down to their knees and reached into the water. I couldn’t hear them talking, but I could see they were trying to communicate with each other.
“What are they doing out there?” Ivy asked, pressing her hand to her heart. “They’re going to get themselves killed.”
“I think they’ll see a wild beast coming,” I said, holding my hand over my eyes and squinting at the Watchers.
There wasn’t much out there beyond the fence for miles. It was a dry desert with few dead trees and shrubs. They’d see if something was charging toward them, and they’d have more than enough time to get back on the safe side of the fence.
“We don’t know what kind of horrible things are out there,” Ivy said. “I’m sure you’ve heard the stories of those who attempted to explore.”
“They’re just stories,” I muttered.
The three Watchers simultaneously fished something closer to the wall. I covered my mouth as they steadied the limp body in a gray smock on the edge. They held her in place as they shouted at the Watchers on our side of the fence, attempting to coordinate the moving of her body over to our side.
The woman's arms hung down lifelessly, swaying gently as they passed the body around the fence. My world started to spin.
Ivy dropped to her knees, howling as she clawed at the dirt. “No! Oh, dear Mother! No!”
My eyes blurred as they filled with tears. I didn’t need to get any closer to know that they had found Steph.
She’d pushed everything too far. Steph had been desperate to get back to the Capital, but her plan hadn’t worked.
I’d warned her. She hadn’t listened.
I sniffed and quickly wiped away a single tear that leaked out of the corner of my eye. Steph had gotten the exact opposite of what she’d wanted. She would forever be trapped on the farms.
The diggers had probably already started on her grave. My heart ached. The muscles in my chest tightened and pulled at my shoulders.
I wanted to run. I wanted to swing myself around the fence and just keep going until I hit whatever was out there that would stop me.
A beast?
A tribe of cannibals?
The Ocean?
Stories… just stories. Perhaps nothing would stop me except for a bullet in the back
from one of the Watcher’s guns.
Steph had drowned. Hawk was missing. Everything was a snarled mess, and there was no way to untangle all the threads.
It felt like everything had changed on the farms. Our predictable lives were suddenly and terrifyingly unpredictable.
Keeper Marie grabbed Ivy by the arm and hoisted her to her feet. She stood in front of the three of us, blocking our view. “Ladies, you need to get back to work. Keep your heads down and pray.”
“It’s her, isn’t it?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
“Get to work,” Keeper Marie said sharply.
She didn’t need to confirm my suspicions. I was just hoping that she would.
Everything on the farm needed to change. The rebellion had formed for this very reason, but it didn’t seem to be working. It just kept getting worse and worse.
There wasn’t anything I could do about it. I was just one person. I would have to follow along like everyone else—a cog in the never-ending nightmare. My only purpose was to keep things in the Capital running smoothly.
Numbness overtook me. Time passed, and I couldn’t recall any of it until we were standing there at Steph’s funeral the next morning.
The service was quick, even though it wasn’t only to honor Steph. It was for all of the people that hadn’t been found after the storm.
I thought they’d mention Hawk as one of the missing, but they didn’t. Keeper Lilly Anna was right, though, something was terribly wrong. He wasn’t being recognized, and he wasn’t present. Watcher Jones wasn’t there either.
Hawk wouldn’t have missed the funeral. If he were able, he would have been there. He’d met Steph, and he knew she was my friend.
Keeper Lilly Anna was there. She maintained her cold expression even though she was probably just as worried as I was that she’d be next. They didn’t know either of us were involved, or we’d probably have been lost in the storm too.
Commander Godfrey had brought me back to my cabin. If he had known, I wouldn’t be standing at Steph’s service.
The twisting in my stomach was painful. I leaned forward, clutching my abdomen.
I was worried. Frightened. Paranoid. The nausea was nearly debilitating.
I should be hard like Keeper Lilly Anna, but at least I could blame it on my grief.
It was all just too hard. There was so much loss… agony… and there wouldn’t be an end to any of it. It would just continue until I couldn’t take it anymore.
I was already at the end of my rope. The only thing keeping me standing on my feet was my desire to make sure my sister was okay.
I’d seen Mason. He was alive and well, although he’d lost his mind. I just needed to make sure Lizette was okay too.
In a way, I completely understood why Steph had jumped. She’d hit her rock bottom. If she couldn’t get back to the Capital, there was no point in her staying on the farm. How far was I from my breaking point?
Not far.
Not too far.
I squeezed my eyes together. When I reopened them, Watcher Brody was staring at me from less than ten feet away. I held his gaze for a long moment, but it quickly became overwhelming. It was like he could read all my thoughts. Every. Single. One.
It was intrusive—not that he had intended it that way. When I looked back up, he was still looking at me.
He was worried. That was all it was.
Watcher Brody was the only person left on the farms I could talk to. Everyone else was gone. I didn’t know exactly how much I could trust him, but I trusted him enough.
He’d helped me more than anyone else. But if he’d known my plan to escape, would he understand, or would he try to stop me?
I wanted to run to him. To throw myself into his arms and bury my face in his chest. Of course, I couldn’t do that because I was a terrible person. I was on the farms to be punished. Seeking comfort wasn’t something I would ever be allowed to do.
All I could do was stand there and stare at him while pain gnawed at my insides. Soon, there wouldn’t be anything left.
I felt like a zombie as the day progressed. Before I knew it, we were walking back toward the lake to work. Watcher Brody followed at a safe distance behind. A guardian watching over me. Even though he wasn’t close, he didn’t leave me, and for some reason, I was grateful for that. It was just too bad I couldn’t tell him as much.
“It’s going to be difficult for us over the next few days,” Keeper Marie said. “We’ll continue to work hard and pray to the Mother as we prepare for the changes. It will be hard, but she is there for us and will help us fight through. Our Mother is always looking out for us, isn’t she?”
“Yes, Mum,” Ivy replied.
I’d heard her words, but they went in one ear and out the other. I didn’t care. If the Mother was really always looking out for us, why had we just walked away from Steph’s funeral?
Nonsense. Absolute nonsense I didn’t want to hear.
“It shouldn’t be more than a few days before her spot on the farm is filled,” Keeper Marie said. “They’ll do their best to find someone that fits in our group nicely. It’s not a task they will take lightly.”
I moved my feet faster. I didn’t want to hear how there would be someone new in Steph’s bed. A new person taking up her space. And worst of all, Keeper Marie didn’t even seem to care.
She wasn’t grieving. Keeper Marie was already looking toward the future.
I grabbed my bucket and walked to the lake by myself. The back of my neck prickled as white and gray specks filled my vision.
I was lightheaded. It felt like my feet were floating inches above the earth, and I couldn’t find solid ground.
At the wall, I placed my hands down and looked out at the water, taking in slow breaths. It took several minutes, but the specks in my vision cleared. My breaths calmed, and I was able to start working.
Watcher Brody stood twenty feet away. He looked around at the other farmers, but he mostly kept his eyes on me. He was watching over me as a friend, not as a Watcher.
He was protective… or worried. Maybe both. I needed to talk to him and tell him everything. Everything.
He needed to know about Hawk and about Watcher Jones. I’d even tell him everything Keeper Lilly Anna had told me about the rebellion.
I couldn’t deal with everything on my own. I looked down at my feet as I carried my bucket of water to the tank.
Could Watcher Brody be trusted? Could I really tell him everything?
I didn’t want to make a mistake, but I needed help. Then again, if I told him, I’d potentially be putting him in danger, and I couldn’t do that either.
Somehow the day had passed, and it was time to head back to the cabin. Keeper Marie waved me over, but she didn’t wait for me. She must have been able to sense that I needed space.
If anyone saw her leaving me behind, she would have been punished herself. Of course, she’d probably find a way to blame me, and I’d be the one getting in trouble, but I didn’t care.
I didn’t want to be near her. She didn’t care about any of us. Keeper Marie hadn’t cared when Jaci had died, she didn’t care that Steph had drowned, and she most definitely wouldn’t care when I died.
The Mother would wrap her arms around me, and I’d be in a better place. Screw her. Screw every single one of the Keepers, Watchers, Commanders, and everyone in the Capital too.
“Hey,” a voice from behind me said. “You should catch up to your group.”
“Yes,” I said, keeping my head down. “I will.”
“Actually,” he grabbed my arm. “I wonder if I might have a quick word with you.”
I flicked a quick look up. My stomach swirled with worry. I was face to face with one of the new Watchers, and he was grinning at me in a way that sent shivers down my spine.
He looked far too eager to get me in trouble with the Commander. I shouldn’t have lingered.
27
Keeper Marie looked back over her shoulder. The
new Watcher gave her a big wave. She nodded and continued forward without checking back again.
“I was hoping I’d get a chance to talk with you,” he said, wiping the bottom of his lip as if he’d been staring at a grand Capital celebratory feast of some kind. “I’ve seen you around.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even know if I should say anything at all. The last thing I needed was to get in trouble.
“I’m Watcher Milton,” he said. “I’m new here, and I know there are certain rules, but I also know that a lot of the Watchers stretch those rules.”
My pulse quickened. “I should get back to my Keeper. She is waiting.”
“I don’t think she is,” Watcher Milton said. “She saw me with you. She knows you’re in good hands.”
I glanced at him again, waiting for him to remind me not to look at him, but he didn’t. He smiled when our eyes met.
Was he part of the rebellion? Did he have information for me? Or perhaps he was sent to capture me.
I looked toward my cabin. I couldn’t see it, but I knew the way well. I’d know every divot, every bump. There was a chance I could outrun him.
“I’m not exactly sure how to say this, but I have some nightshine, and I would love more than anything to share some with you,” Watcher Milton said.
He wasn’t part of the rebellion. The new Watcher was just an idiot.
Watcher Milton was probably the one I’d seen a few nights ago slurping down his booze from his secret bottle.
The man looked younger than me. His greasy hair was slicked to his sweaty forehead, and his puke green eyes reminded me of the sludge that collected on the outside of the wall at the lake. They were that same stomach-turning color of the build-up of slimy lake weeds and mud.
I placed my hand on my stomach. “I really should get back to my group. Work starts very early in the morning.”
“Are you kidding me?” he asked with a chuckle. “This is an honor.”
My mouth dried. I had no desire to spend time with the Watcher.
“Nightshine isn’t allowed on the farms,” I said, pushing my shoulders back. I lowered my gaze, but not much. I needed to be able to watch his expression, so I’d know when to run.
After The Fires | Book 2 | The Trials Ahead Page 14
