“Aislinn, I—”
She put up a hand. “Wait. Let me finish, okay?”
“All right.”
“I was so gone on you, Jax. I made up a whole life with you, one where you left your wife and ran off with me. A lovers’ getaway to the Riviera where you were thoroughly impressed by my princely relatives was definitely involved.”
He started to reach for her again, but he stopped himself and said quietly, “Aislinn, nothing happened five years ago. You did nothing wrong.”
“Oh, but I wanted to do wrong with you. I was on fire to make a serious move on you. Remember that time in the stables, when I accidentally stumbled and landed in your arms?”
He opened his mouth, and then shut it without saying a word.
“Omigod. You’re actually drawing a blank on that, aren’t you?” Shaking her head, she buried her face in her hands. “You don’t even remember how I threw myself at you.” With a slow, deep breath, she straightened her spine and made herself face him again. “The good news is, that kind of did it for me—that you caught me and steadied me and asked politely if I was all right. Even in my love-addled condition, I knew you didn’t have a clue how I felt. I knew you weren’t the least interested in me or my not-so-secret passions. I realized that if you had known what was going through my mind, you wouldn’t have been able to run away from me fast enough.”
“But I didn’t know. And it doesn’t matter now.”
“Not to you, maybe.”
He suggested, “You could just...let it go.”
“I’m trying. I am. But I was so ashamed. You have no idea. So I wrote you that note about a family emergency and I left that afternoon and never came back—not until my supposed biological father decided to play matchmaker from the grave.”
There was another extended silence. Finally, he asked, “Is that all of it?”
A snort-laugh escaped her. “Don’t you think that’s enough?”
“It is a lot,” he finally admitted. “But if you’re beating yourself up for being attracted to a married man, stop. You were young and nothing happened. And as for all the rest of it, none of that is your fault.”
She wrapped her arms around herself and stared down at her bare toes. “I’m still not sure who the heck I am.” She slanted him a glance. “I know I keep saying that, but it really is bothering me. And I just think it’s a bad idea for you and me to fall into bed together again.”
Something changed in his face. A darkening. A shutting-down. She wanted to cry out at the loss of him—a loss she had just asked him for.
“I didn’t fall,” he said kind of stiffly. “For me, what happened in this bed last night was a choice.”
She couldn’t backpedal fast enough. “I’m not saying I didn’t want it to happen. I did. Very much. And you’re right, last night was a choice for me, too. Just kind of a hasty one.”
“Now I’m a bad choice.” His voice was flat.
She could not read him at that moment. “I didn’t say bad. I said hasty.”
“And I would call that a distinction without a difference.”
“But there is a difference. And, Jax, are you teasing me? Or pissed off? I can’t tell.”
He took time to give her question some thought. Eventually, he shrugged. “Maybe both.”
She’d definitely overstayed her welcome. “Well, I...”
“Good night, Aislinn.” He got up and went to stare out the window that overlooked the moonlit yard, those fine, wide shoulders set against her.
Yep. No doubt about it. Time to go. “Good night.”
She made it all the way to the open door between their rooms before he spoke again. “Did you ever consider that you can’t just let yourself go for it with me because then Martin would be right?”
She turned to find him watching her. “You’re wrong.”
His eyes held hers. In spite of her determination not to end up in his bed again tonight, longing burned and twisted down inside her.
When he spoke, his voice was low and lazy. “Your face is flushed and your mouth is trembling. Come on over here. I want to remind you of why you should be spending every night in my bed.” His eyes promised everything—another glorious night. A whole, thrilling, satisfying string of nights. Even across the room from him, she could feel his heat. She ached to run to him.
But she held her ground.
More denials would not prove her right. Still, she couldn’t stop herself from offering them. “It has nothing to do with Martin. I didn’t even know the guy.”
“It has everything to do with Martin. You’re so mad at him and, yeah, you have a right to be. But you could look at it another way. He put us in this situation because he was trying to give you what he thought you wanted.”
She outright scoffed at that. “Meaning you.”
“Meaning you and me together, which he believed would turn out great for me, too. I can’t speak for you, but for me, Martin’s matchmaking is right on the money.”
She knew that whatever she said next would not be helpful.
Apparently, he knew it, too. “Go on.” He gestured at the open door behind her. “Go. When you change your mind, it’s really simple. My side of that door will be open.”
* * *
Alone in her room with the door shut and locked between them, she fumed.
When she changed her mind?
Jax had an arrogant side. She’d never noticed that about him before. Not when she was twenty-one and following him around like he was Justin Timberlake and she was a love-struck thirteen-year-old drooling over the hottest guy in her favorite boy band. Not in the past couple of weeks when she’d married and moved in with him.
Above all, then and now, she’d always considered him a really nice guy.
Tonight, she’d learned differently.
He wasn’t above a little in-your-face jerkishness. Hitting her with all that stuff about how Martin was only trying to give her what she wanted. Calling the two of them having sex together really simple.
It wasn’t simple. There was so much to consider. Who knew how it would all work out? The man had broken her heart once while simultaneously hardly knowing she existed.
This time, if she let him, it could be exponentially worse.
When, he’d said. When you change your mind, like it was inevitable that she’d be walking through that door.
Uh-uh. No way. She was going to sleep in her own damn room for the required three months, help him out so that he wouldn’t lose the ranch he loved above anything or anyone. And make herself fifty thousand dollars in the process.
Win/win. End of story.
* * *
Distance.
As the week crawled by, they had distance, she and Jax. They spoke to each other politely, but only when they had to, avoiding direct eye contact whenever possible.
She scrupulously resisted the urge to try the door between their rooms at night just to see if his side really was open. If she tried the door, who knew what might happen next?
She wanted to find out.
But uh-uh. For once in her life she was taking the cautious path. So far, caution didn’t have a lot to recommend it. Caution made her droopy and sad.
Too bad. She was sticking in there, staying away from him, even though he’d offered to show her why she ought to be in his bed and all her lady parts had pined for an immediate demonstration.
Forget that. Caution was her catchword.
Because he’d said when instead of if. Because he’d dared to suggest that Martin Durand had turned their lives upside down for her sake. Because he’d shown her his jerkish side and now she knew for sure he wasn’t perfect.
* * *
Friday was payday at Sand & Sea.
Keely called Aislinn into the office to give her the check and to talk about the future. “S
o, what do you think? I would love to keep you on the schedule.”
“How about this? Hire someone and I’ll stay to help until the new clerk is up to speed. And any time you need me to fill in, I’m here.”
“Got something on a salmon troller?” Keely teased. It was an old joke between them. Whenever Aislinn got a yen to change jobs, she would threaten to try joining a fishing crew, which paid pretty well but included long hours, grueling work and a fair amount of physical danger.
Aislinn answered Keely’s joking question honestly. “I want to concentrate on making jewelry.”
“Can’t argue with that.” Keely was always encouraging her to spend more time in her studio.
“Something’s changed in me. I don’t get so easily distracted, you know? I can sit at the bench for hours now. I’ve designed some pretty, affordable pieces for my Etsy store and they’re selling like crazy. And I’m working on some higher-end stuff, a whole collection, if you can believe it.”
“I can believe it. I can’t keep your pieces in the store—and okay, you’re fired.”
“Perfect. Thank you.”
“In a couple of months, we need to discuss a show for you here at Sand & Sea.”
“A show of my own?” Aislinn’s current state of droopy sadness lifted a little. Her work had been included in a few group shows at the gallery, but her own show would be a big step, and she wanted that.
Keely was nodding. “We’ll make plans for it when you’re ready. Just let me know.”
Before Aislinn left, they discussed the upcoming family meeting.
Keely said, “Neither Matt nor Liam can make it to dinner this Sunday. So I set it up for next Sunday. Dinner at four and the meeting after. Everyone can come for that, including Percy and Daffy. Does that work for you?”
“It’s fine.”
Keely peered at her searchingly across the desk. “You okay? You seem kind of down.”
Aislinn sagged back in the guest chair and blew out her cheeks with a sigh. “Everything in my life feels up in the air, you know? At the same time, I realize it’s always been that way. I used to like it, being open to adventure and the next, new job. Never letting myself get tied down to a paycheck or a relationship. But lately...” The sentence died unfinished. She tried again. “Suddenly, I want something to hold on to, you know?”
Keely rested her arms on the desktop and leaned closer. “It’s natural for you to want consistency right now, I think.”
“Well, it just feels depressing.”
“You’ve had a big shock, found out everything isn’t what you’d always believed it to be. It’s huge. It would hit anyone hard.”
“And then I went and had sex with Jax.” She hadn’t realized she’d said it out loud until she saw the look on her best friend’s face. “Oops.”
Keely maintained a serious expression. “Was it good?”
“Oh, yeah. But the next night I told him we couldn’t do it again. I don’t think he believed me.”
“Have you done it again?”
Not yet. “No.”
“But you want to. A lot.”
“You know me too well, Keel. You always did.”
“And you don’t have to mistrust your own heart just because your life got turned upside down. You’ve always said that Jaxon’s a good man.”
“But jerkish. Sometimes he can be jerkish.”
“Often?”
“Well, no. Once, though.”
Keely looked at her patiently. “I get that you hate the position Martin Durand put you in, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make the best of it.”
“Jax said something similar. I got mad at him when he said it. But when you say it, it kind of makes sense.”
“Ais, you wanted that man so bad once. It’s obvious you want him now. He’s your husband. Frankly, I think you need to get out of your own way.”
“Okay, now I’m starting to get a little mad at you.” She actively pouted.
Keely shrugged. “It’s all right. I can take it. Just consider what I’ve said.”
“I will,” she promised. Maybe.
Or maybe not...
* * *
Jax had decided his best move was no move. He was actively keeping out of Aislinn’s way, letting her come to him.
By Friday night, he’d begun to see the flaw in his plan. She kept her distance and he kept his. At this rate, their three months could speed on by without the two of them sharing more than the most basic kinds of conversation. He would never get his arms around her again.
His plan wasn’t working. He needed to change his approach—or rather, he needed an approach. Because staying away from her only made it easier for her to avoid admitting how good they were together.
Saturday at lunchtime, Aislinn’s sisters drove up. The three pretty blondes in jeans, T-shirts and sturdy boots got out of the car as Aislinn came running down the steps to greet them.
Jax, Burt and Ace, on their way in from the stables to grab some food, halted halfway across the yard to watch as the women fluttered around, hugging each other, emitting happy, birdlike cries of glee. Watching them, a man would think they hadn’t seen each other in years.
Burt, as usual, muttered bad things about them to no one in particular. Ace gave an eager whine. Unlike Burt, Ace loved women. To him, the female of the species usually meant kind words, lots of strokes and pats and just possibly a treat or two.
As for Jax, he was hiding a grin. If he played it right, the three blondes could present a great opportunity to remind Aislinn of what a thoughtful guy he was, a guy she needed to stay married to indefinitely, a guy she wanted to sleep with—tonight.
And every night to come.
Inside, Erma had lunch ready. The men washed up and they all sat down to eat. The sisters chattered away about their jobs and the summer weather. Aislinn promised them a quick tour of her new studio and a stop on the side porch to visit the rabbits.
Jax seized his moment. “Aislinn, why don’t you bring your sisters out to the stables for a tour? You can go riding—I mean, if you all have the time.”
Burt sat there glaring, no doubt at the prospect of a bunch of talkative women invading his domain. But at least he kept his mouth shut.
Not that Jax even cared about Burt’s predictably crappy attitude. Aislinn had turned that gorgeous smile on him. “Thanks, Jax.”
Now, this was more like it. He asked the sisters, “Are you experienced riders?”
Grace said, “I’ve ridden a few times.”
“I’ve ridden, but not often,” said Harper.
“Me, too,” Hailey volunteered. “But not in the past couple of years.”
* * *
As soon as he and Burt got back to the stables, Jax chose three older, steadier horses and had one of the hands tack them up, along with Saint John, the gelding he already thought of as Aislinn’s, and the mare, Lady Jane, for him.
When the women appeared, he handed each a complimentary Wild River Ranch cap and showed them around, after which he had two of the grooms bring out four of the five saddled horses, leaving Lady Jane out of sight.
Grace, the youngest, spoke right up. “Jaxon, aren’t you coming with us?”
He modestly suggested that maybe the four of them would prefer to have the time on their own. “Aislinn’s an experienced rider, so you should be fine.”
The blondes protested. They wanted him to come, too. Aislinn was watching him, a small almost-smile on her face.
He was beginning to worry she wouldn’t speak up. But then she said, “Jaxon. Please. Join us?”
He called for Lady Jane and the groom brought her right out. Aislinn didn’t roll her eyes—but close. “That was quick.”
He was definitely busted, and he didn’t even care.
The ride went well, he thought. Aislinn’s sisters we
re pretty green. They were damn cute, though, three blondes and a hot brunette, their shining hair poking out from under their Wild River caps. It seemed to him they all enjoyed themselves. Things got iffy only once when Harper let her mare have her head and nearly ended up on the ground.
But the mare was a sweet-natured old gal. She knew she was losing her rider and slowed up. With a “Whoopsie!” Harper dragged herself up into the saddle again and everything worked out fine.
Back at the stables, the girls volunteered to unsaddle their mounts. He’d planned to let the grooms take over, but the sisters seemed sincere in their desire to do the job. And it was good for any horsewoman to put in the time to take care of an animal she’d ridden.
He and Aislinn led them through the process of which strap to uncinch in what order. Once they had the saddles off, they gave the animals a nice brushing and he even showed them how to check their coats for sores, bumps and dry spots and how to pick any bits of rock and debris from their feet.
Finally, it was all done. The grooms took the horses away. The sisters thanked him for playing hooky from his workday to take them horseback riding.
Aislinn brushed his arm. “This was great, Jax.” Those big coffee-brown eyes gleamed up at him and he had to actively restrain himself from hauling her up close and slamming his mouth down on hers.
“Thanks for inviting me along,” he teased.
She gave a little giggle, like they had a secret joke, the two of them. Best of all, she lifted up and brushed a kiss across his lips. He felt about ten feet tall and he couldn’t wait for the evening, when he would pull out all the stops to get her to maybe sit out on the porch and watch the sunset with him—and yeah, he kind of hoped for a little hot, sweaty, amazing sex later, but he wouldn’t push her. There was time to convince her that she needed to spend the rest of her life at his side.
When he got back to the house at a little before six, the car Aislinn’s sisters had arrived in was gone. He went on inside and found Erma at the stove. She said dinner would be ready in half an hour and added, “Aislinn said to check your cell phone.”
“She’s not here?”
Erma shook her head. “She left with her sisters.”
Almost a Bravo Page 12
