by Greg Iles
Perhaps my private testimonial to Tims heroism moved Father Mullen to be brave. As the priest continues, my gaze drops from his face to the heads and shoulders of the family in front of me. Dr. and Mrs. Jessup are as shattered as any parents whose child precedes them in death. Julia sits beside them with the baby on her lap, bereft and bewildered. She has not made eye contact with me today, though weve stood only a few feet apart more than once. But now her son peeks over her shoulder and finds my eyes, his own filled with bemused innocence. I search for the father in the boys face, but where I find Tim is twenty feet closer to the altar, in the gleaming bronze casket I will soon help carry to the cemetery where we met on the night before he was murdered.
That night, Tim told me not to blame myself if anything happened to him. But today the very silence of his closed coffin seems a screaming indictment of all my recent failures. Am I the only one who hears it? I probably look normal, even detached, to those assembled here. But inside, a storm of emotion is slowly gathering force. Here in this mystical atmosphere of candles and incense and holy water, other things Tim said that night come back with the accusatory weight of deathbed charges. I had promised the people so much, he reminded me. How could I consider walking away from a battle Id scarcely even joined? The silent echo of his words makes me bow my head in shame, and with shame comes anger and resentment.
Stealing a covert glance at the disinterested faces behind me, I wonder how these people would react if I resigned as mayor. They know nothing of the actions of Jonathan Sands, or of the threat posed by the Magnolia Queen. My stepping down would send a short-lived wave of gossip through the city, and then someone else would take over the job. Life would go on as before. Many in these pews would be happy to see me go. Several among them fiercely resisted my early efforts to change the educational system in Natchez, as one would expect from a group that supports a strong Catholic school. And all pointed out the contradiction of my preaching a move to the public schools while supporting my alma mater, which is private.
Despite his bold reading, Father Mullens homily is vague and aimed squarely at the faithful in the pews. He might have written it specifically not to offend Charlotte McQueen. As he speaks, I sense melancholy regret in the crowd, but not the dazed sorrow people usually feel at the funeral of a man in his forties. Most here todaycertainly my peersalways expected Tim Jessup to die young, probably long before now. Except for the lingering questions about how he died, theres a sense of anticlimax about this ceremony. As people kneel and sit and stand as though controlled by a central computer, I feel a wild urge to stand, take the pulpit, and do what Dr. Jessup has probably given up hope that I will dotell the truth about Tims life and death.
But what would it accomplish? Would these people rise as one, march down Silver Street, and drag Sands and Quinn off the boat to face a rough justice? Would they burn the Magnolia Queen where she lies? Such things have happened in Natchez before. Games of chance and horse racing were always popular here, among both the aristocracy on the bluff and the riff-raff below. But in 1835, when the organized gamblers of Vicksburg fled to Natchez Under-the-Hill after several of their number were hanged, prominent Natchez attorney John Quitman led a group of citizens down Silver Street, rounded up the offenders, flogged them savagely, and drove them out of town. Such clean outs occurred regularly in the old days, and sometimes involved more than horsewhips. But no similar uprising would happen today. Such things are left to the police now. If the authorities dont pursue a case, people assume theres no real wrongdoing, at least none they need concern themselves about.
My frustration feels alien after the buoyant exaltation I experienced outside the cathedral, where my old classmates expressed endless admiration for my work as mayor. Seeing so many boyhood friends gathered together was a shock to my systema different kind of shock than those Ive endured for the past few days, but a shock nonetheless. For two years, Ive received a steady stream of calls and e-mails expressing thanks and respect for my commitment to the town. All have written or spoken of how much they miss Natchez, and how badly they would like to return. I never doubted their sincerity, at least during their nostalgic moments. But the fact is, almost none have returned. Most cant, of course. Theyre successful, ambitious professionals who cannot earn a living in a town without a thriving economy. Theyve established families elsewhere, most in the suburbs of large cities. During holiday visits over the past two decades, theyve noted that Natchez has declined from the idyllic years they remember, and theyve expressed a desire to help save it. Yet this urge passes, and few bother to send annual checks to St. Stephens Prep, much less to inquire what they can do for the town. I cant condemn them for that. Prior to moving back home, I experienced the same sentimental feelings during my own rare visits, yet I didnt move back to Natchez with the intention of staying, but rather to give Annie and me a safe haven to grieve over Sarah. I certainly didnt come back to save the town.
And I have not saved it.
In fact, I have conspicuously failed to do so. Since I was twelve years old, Ive known that the key to renewing this city is leading the white population back to the public schools, yet I have proved unequal to the task. The reasons are complex and deeply rooted in the history of the state, but also of the nation as a whole. Sitting with my old classmates, I see that more clearly now. For despite living in suburbs in the north or west, most of their children do not attend public schools. Before the funeral I heard one mother complain (brag) about how long shed had to camp out to get her youngest child admitted to kindergarten at the most exclusive private school in Portland, Oregon. The petrified truth is that throughout history the affluent have always sent their children to exclusive schools. What makes Natchezs problem seem special is that the poor and lower-middle-class populations are predominantly black. This results in a system that appears to be racist but which is actually segregated by economicsas are the schools in most other states. Racism may contribute to this economic reality, but thats a national problem. To imagine that I could solve in four years a problem that the best minds in government have been unable to solve in five decades was pure hubrisas Caitlin pointed out before I ran for office.
Father Mullen is preparing to conduct Communion. As ushers begin escorting the Catholics down the outer aisles, I ponder what my old schoolmates said outside the cathedral. The pipe organ fills the foot-shuffling silence, but when the cantors voice joins in, I block out both and focus on my memory of the voices I heard on the cathedral steps. At last I recognize the unfamiliar timbre I heard there. It was the tone one uses when speaking to a martyr, or to a fool. Though they dont verbalize this feeling, the men and women I grew up with are amazed that Ive been willing to pay the costs of returning home to try to change things. First among those is the education of my childnot because we have a racist school system, but because the first-class education I received at St. Stephens is no longer to be had here at any pricenot even at St. Stephens. This realization steals my breath for a few moments, and to fully accept it is almost more than I can bear.
The only thing that could have prevented the present crisis was foresight during the boom years of my childhood. If community leaders had worked then to diversify the local economy away from oil production, and if white citizens had supported the public schools, Natchez would be a different city today. Political and economic opportunities were squandered that may never present themselves again. But short of a time machine, what I need to save this town is the people who have flown in for this funeral. Natchez needs the bright young citizens who benefited during her prime to return the favor. She needs their intelligence and energy, their desire to remake the city into the image of their dreams, a place where their children can experience the kind of childhood they enjoyed, but where those kids can also return and raise their own families if they choose to. But that is a pipe dream. The conversations I had a half hour ago told me that. Tomorrow, my old classmates will
say good-bye to their aging parents and fly back to their own families. Other towns and cities will be the beneficiaries of their energy and intelligence; other schools will receive the fruits of their labor. They will always speak wistfully of Natchez, and many may retire here after their children leave for college, but with a few exceptions, thats it. The same is true of most young black people who leave Natchez after high school.
So, I wonder, with a wretched emptiness that borders on despair, what the hell am I doing here?
What does it mean to save a town anyway? American towns have been growing and withering since the 1600s. The idea that a city that has survived for almost three hundred years needs me to save it is more than a little egotistical. Natchez will always be here in one form or another. It stands on high ground, well watered and fertile, with a mild climate hospitable to crops. Even in 1927, when the Mississippi swelled to a terrifying seventy miles wide at Natchez, the city stood high and dry above the closest thing to Armageddon the Mississippi valley has ever known. In my messianic zeal to resurrect what I saw as the best part of the citys past, I simply lost sight of the fact that no matter what I do, Penn Cage will be but a footnote in the long history of this once great river town.
As the Communion service proceeds, and Father Mullen drones about the body and blood of Christ, my thoughts turn to my own family. For the past two years, Ive tried not to think about what my political crusade has cost, but the price has been high. I lost Caitlin at the outset, because she didnt share my vision. I deprived Annie of the culturally rich experience she might have had in a larger city. I put my writing career on hold, giving up an absurdly large amount of money in exchange for a public servants salary. And for this I got the privilege of beating my head against a wall of stubborn provincialism and hidebound tradition for two dispiriting years. Ironically, my actions have actually exacerbated some problems. The magic I worked on Mrs. Pierce opened the gates to the Magnolia Queen and all its depredations. Tim Jessup lies dead twenty feet away from me, and despite my national reputation as a prosecutor, Ive been unable to bring his killer to justice.
Pathetic. Thats my verdict on the Penn Cage administration.
While I waited for Tim in the cemetery that first night, I reflected that Id rarely failed at anything, and that Id never quit. True Southerners, I was always taught, surrender only when the means to fight no longer exist. But the Southern mythos of noble defeat gives me no comfort today. Am I to sacrifice the education of my child in a vain quest to save something that is merely changing, as all things do?
Penn? whispers Sam Jacobs, nudging me in the side. Its time to do our thing.
The Communion service has ended. Father Mullen is walking around Tims casket, sprinkling holy water. Rising like a sleepwalker, I take my place beside the casket and help roll it down the long aisle to the cathedral doors.
I recognize almost every face in the pews. As I pass, dozens of eyes seek mine with a beseeching look. What are they asking? How did Tim die? Why did he die? Or do they have deeper questions? In their puzzled faces, I sense a longing to know why the feeling of unity they experience on occasions like this cannot be sustained throughout the year, as it once was in this town. But the answer is sitting among them. A town that cannot sustain its children through adulthood cannot survive, except as a shadow of itself.
When the ushers open the cathedral doors, the sunlight blinds me for several seconds. Luckily, my pupils adapt by the time we reach the head of the broad steps, where we lift the heavy casket from the gurney and carry Tim down the ten steps that have brought older pallbearers to grief. Without quite admitting it to myself, I had hoped to find Caitlin waiting outside, but one scan of the intersecting streets tells me shes not here. As we slide the casket along the rollers inside the waiting hearse, Sam Jacobs, a Jew, pats the side of the coffin and says, See you at the cemetery, Timmy. In that moment I recall two thoughts I had the last time I saw Tim alive, which was at the cemetery, on Jewish Hill.
One is the lesson my father learned in Korea: Heroism is sacrifice. The second is that most of the heroes I know are dead. Tim was one of those heroes. He chose a martyrs death as surely as some deluded saint from the Middle Ages. Looking down Union Street, lined with the rental cars of everyone but Caitlin Masters, the selfish voice that I usually suppress speaks loud and clear in my mind: Are you going to live a martyrs life? Will you sacrifice your daughters education and the second love of your life to fight a battle you no longer believe is winnable?
Penn? says a mans voice. Are you okay?
Turning away from the hearse, I find Paul Labry standing beside me. Paul is Catholic, but he did not attend St. Stephens with Tim and me, and so was not asked to be a pallbearer. Despite this, hes stayed close to me today, knowing that Im working under great strain, even if he doesnt fully understand the reasons for it.
Im fine, Paul. Thanks for asking.
Are you riding with Drew and the other guys?
Looking past Labry, I see Drew Elliott beckoning me to a black BMW a few cars behind the hearse. I guess so. Youre going to the burial, right?
Of course. Unless you need me to do something else.
No, I want you to come. I want to speak to you afterward.
Pauls face takes on a worried cast, but he knows this isnt the place to ask for details. The congregation is spilling down the steps now, and car engines are starting all along Union and Main. Is anything wrong? he asks softly.
No, no. I just want to ask you something. Something I should have asked you two years ago.
Intrigued, Labry takes my elbow and starts leading me away from the crowd, but I pull free and quietly assure him that nothing is wrong. Im just upset by Tims death, I tell him. Well talk after the burial, okay?
Sure. Ill see you at the cemetery.
While Paul heads up Main Street, presumably to get his car, I tread slowly toward Drew Elliots BMW like a man crossing the last mile of a desert. The flicker of an impulse to search for Caitlins face among those on the sidewalk goes through my mind, but I dont raise my head. Shes not here. She made that decision this morning. Squinting against the glare coming off the concrete, I suddenly realize that I know the answer to my silent questions. Some people have chosen to see me as a hero in the past. I traded on that reputation to gain the mayors office. But Im no hero, not by my fathers measure. Im certainly no martyr. My work here is not finished, not by a long shot. But I am. This time, when my old friends leave Natchez to return to their families, I will follow them with mine. This time I choose the future, not the past.
My crusade is over.
CHAPTER
39
Caitlin crosses the Mississippi River Bridge with her heart pounding. She is sure she has found the girl who passed Linda Churchs note to Penn at the Ramada, and she did it with two phone calls. The trick was figuring out whom to call. Caitlin had only caught a glimpse of the girl at the hotel, and mostly walking away, at that. But shed seen enough. The giveaway was the hair. At first glance the girls hair had looked short, but as she walked away, Caitlin had seen the telltale mane hanging out from the tail of the jacket. Caitlin hardly ever saw waist-length hair anymore, and when she did, it usually meant one thingin the Deep South, anyway. The other thing was the girls eye makeup. Not only had she worn twice as much as she needed, but it looked as though it had been applied by an eight-year-old trying to imitate her teenage sister. These two things together told Caitlin that the girl was wearing her idea of a disguise. And what she was disguising was her religion.
Caitlin had been fascinated when Penn told her that Mississippi had the highest per capita number of churches and also the lowest literacy rate. Three years ago, she had used these statistics as the launching point of a story on charismatic religions. People speaking in tongues, faith healing. For her, the most disturbing thing about doing the story had been her cont
act with the younger girls in the churches. She could see that they aspired to be like other teenage girls, but they had been raised in families with nineteenth-century values, or certainly pre-Eisenhower-era twentieth-century values. Her portrayal of these churches as patriarchal and sexist had upset a lot of their members and got some girls in trouble with their pastors, but it had also opened a lot of eyes to a closed society.
A couple of the women shed spoken to had remained kind to her, and so the moment Caitlin suspected that the girl who delivered the note might be Pentecostal, she had checked her files at the Examiner and made some phone calls. Using what shed gleaned from Penns description, she said she was looking for a tall girl who had probably lost a lot of weight in the past year or two, and who might have a job in Vidalia. That was all it had taken to get the two pieces of information she needed: a name and a location. Darla McRaney, the Bargain Barn on Highway 15.
At first Caitlin had been tempted to tell Penn what shed discovered. But then shed realized it would only prove to him that his jab about her penchant for following a story was on target. If this trip led any closer to Linda Church, Caitlin had promised herself, shed tell Penn immediately.
The Bargain Barn is a long, low-slung building just off the highway, that looks as if it might once have been a brand-name store. During all the time Caitlin lived in Natchez, shed only been inside it once, but her memory is clear. The store sells everything from clothing to housewares, medicine to ant poison, all of it cheap both in quality and price.
Only a few cars are in the lot. Caitlin parks between two of them, then locks her car and walks through the glass door. An elderly man wearing an orange vest greets her with a puzzled smile, and she walks past him into the clothing section.
