by Sandra Lang
I do not want to leave my warm cocoon. I curl my legs up to my chest and pull my blankets and furs further up my neck. Any minute now I know my mother will call for me to wake up and help cook our morning meal. Like every day, I lay in bed with my eyes closed until she wakes me… except today she does not wake me. I open my eyes just a little and try to remember why I am not in my hut and where I am in general.
“Are you awake and dressed, Akari?” My father calls from outside the tent flap.
“Uh, no. Give me a second.” I get up and quickly put on a thin dress before adding a long coat over it. “Okay,” I call to him.
He comes inside and sits on his sleeping platform. He sigh heavily and rubs his hands over his face. “Why did a tribesman bring you home last night?”
I mentally groan. “Tarok and I got into a fight and my friend made sure that I was okay.”
“Akari, I have to ask, Tarok said he saw you kissing this ‘friend’ yesterday. Are you leaving the tribe to be with him? I know it will not be the first time a woman has left her tribe for a man, but you have responsibilities to your tribe now and leaving is not the right thing to do.”
“I know-”
“Despite what may have happened four summers ago, your responsibility lies within the tribe as our Wise Woman and I am sorry, dear, but you cannot change that now.”
“Father, I know. I understand my responsibility and I am not leaving.”
“You are not?”
“No, I am not. I am here and I am staying with the tribe. As for Erak and I, there is nothing between us. We are more like family than friends. You do not have to worry.”
The tension in his shoulders releases and a smile breaks onto his face. “I am glad you are staying. And I imagine Tarok will be as well.”
“Do not get your hopes up for anything happening between Tarok and me.”
“I know you have feelings for him, Akari. There is no point in hiding it from me.”
“I was not trying to. How long have you known?”
“Since before you left to become the Wise Woman. You were never really careful about who you chose to gawk at. When you came back last fall, I was surprised you did not ask about him.”
I shrug and avoid making eye contact.
“He came around a lot while you were away. Especially after Sarali gave birth to Liral and your mother spent more time in Deep Forest than at home. I never understood why until you came back and since, he has always been around.”
“Trust me when I say that he is only doing it to make a stronger friendship between the Wise Woman and himself as future Chief.”
“I do not believe that, Akari.” He shakes his head. “And I know deep down you do not believe that either.”
He nods and then leaves the tent. I change into more appropriate clothing for the warm weather and then venture outside. The warm sun is just as I remembered it. The village is too. With all the other tribes here there are more people, yes, but the feel is still the same. The tribesmen and women from the other six tribes wave at me and offer hellos when I pass.
Right now I am looking for Masha. I had another dream about wolves last night and I think it is time I asked another Wise Woman about their meaning.
I find her talking with some of the Matrons from her tribe. I move to turn away and come back later when she waves me over. “Akari! Just the woman I was looking for.”
I smile at the old women who bid Masha farewell. “I have been looking for you, Masha.”
“I know you have. Come with me, please.”
I follow Masha through the village and up to her hut near the Shaman’s.
“Is there something you wanted to talk to me about or did you have a feeling I needed to see you?” I ask when we enter into her hut.
“Both. Take a seat while I make some tea.”
“Before I leave, will you get me some more of those tea herbs? We are beginning to run out.”
She smiles and nods. “I will make sure you get extra from Sinak before you leave.”
She sits with me when the tea is finally ready and looks at me as if she were seeing into my soul. “Would you like to speak first or shall I?”
“I am assuming yours is more important, so we should speak of it now and get it out of the way.”
“Very well.” She sets her cup down and rests her elbows onto the table. She folds her fingers and places them just below her nose. She looks me over for a minute before speaking. “Have you told them?”
“Told them what?” I ask innocently, sipping at the tea.
“You know well of what I speak. Have you told them or not?”
“No, I have not and I do not think it is their place to know.”
“But Natoak knows, does he not?”
“Yes. He makes sure I drink a cup of tea every day because of it.”
“You will have to tell your parents some time, Akari. This will not go unnoticed.”
“It has so far. As long as I keep drinking the tea, things will stay as they are.”
“That is not always the case, young one.”
“Well it is working so far and I see no point in telling them.”
“Okay. You do what you think is best. You are a woman after all and an intended woman before the summer’s end.”
I roll my eyes at her. “Please do not tell me you are talking about Tarok again. I thought I made it very clear to you that there is nothing-”
“You are so dull witted. How did you manage to become the Wise Woman for your tribe?”
“Please, do not spare my feelings, Masha,” I say with a roll of my eyes.
“He may be blind to his own heart, but I know that you are not. I saw the way you avoided looking at him all night. The way you tried to weasel your way out of dancing with him; how upset you were after dancing. I know you are in pain and you have been for some time. Things change and so do people. Do not let your mind cloud your heart.”
“He will never open his eyes, Masha. I have known this since I was fourteen. I doubt he has changed as quickly as you think.”
“Four summers ago he was a young man out to prove himself. He is still doing that, but now he is trying to learn how to take care of the people he will lead. What he thinks is best for him is not always best for his people. The life of a Chief is a fine balancing act. Learning to walk does not happen overnight. Being in love takes just as long to realize as to fall into it. Be patient with him. He is as in love with you as they come. He just cannot read his own heart yet.”
I sigh and concede to her point. “Can we talk of something else? I had a reason for coming here that did not involve Tarok.”
“What reason is that?”
“I have been having dreams of wolves. They have occurred every night for nearly two full cycles now. Natoak said that I was dreaming of a Spirit Guide. He said that the guide helps people when they are in need of spiritual guidance. We could not, and have not, figured out who the guide is meant for.”
“Have you seen any wolves while awake?”
“No, none that I can remember.”
“I believe the Spirit Guide is meant for you, Akari. Everything Natoak said is true. But from my experience, and that of my predecessors, the person dreaming of the animal is often the one in need of guidance. Something is going to happen that will move you away from the path you are on, if you have not already done so. This animal will help guide you to where you need to go.”
The answer satisfies me. I thank her for the tea and get up to leave.
“I think Tarok is looking for you,” Masha says.
“How could you know that? You have been with me for some time now.”
“A Wise Woman knows these things when you get to be as old as I am. One day you will feel the vibrations in the air as the rest of us do.”
“I will see you this evening, Masha.”
I walk out of the hut and back down into the village. Tarok finds me before I find him.
“Can we talk, Akari?” he asks.
“Of
course,” I reply shortly.
We walk to the beach and sit down on the sand.
“What do you want, Tarok?”
“Your father said Erak took you home last night.”
“He did. Is that a problem for you?”
“If you want to leave the tribe for him, I will not stop you.”
“If I wanted to leave the tribe for any reason, you could not stop me if you tried.”
“I know.”
I sigh and run my hands along my face. “What do you want from me, Tarok?”
“What do you mean?”
“If I was not the Wise Woman and you were not the future Chief, what would we be?”
What I want to hear does not come out of his mouth. I do not even hear what I do not want to hear. All I hear is the sound of breaking waves and the gap that has been growing between us get a little larger and fill with a little more silence.
His silence is all I need. Further proof to my idea that there was nothing between us. It was all a fabrication. The real truth of it is painfully clear. Four summers ago I barely meant anything to this man. Two cycles ago we were friends. And today I realize that all we will ever be is the Wise Woman and the Chief. Separate entities. Separate paths that cross or run in the same direction. Two paths that never join to form a new path. This is what we are. This is all we will ever be.
Even as I know this, and probably knew this all along, it still hurts. I still feel the sting, the sizzling within my chest. The flame goes out leaving me in a bitter winter of despair.
When I realized he did not know I existed, I ran away, using my journey as my excuse. I have nowhere to run this time. I am done running, however. I will stand my ground. If he wants to just be Wise Woman and Chief, that is what we will be. No one ever said I had to actually like the Chief in order to get along with him for the sake of appearances.
I stand up and walk away without a word. I do not look behind me. Once before I walked off because he said nothing. Once before I wanted him to come after me to prove he cared. This time I do not care if he follows me.
He never comes. And this is perfectly fine with me.
Five days later, we have to say good-bye. After a quarter cycle of trading and re-forging old friendships, we have given away all of the items we brought and have gotten the wares we need in return. It is a sad parting for everyone. I am going to miss Erak most of all. He hugs me tightly and I do not want to let go.
“Keep your chin up, Moon Child,” he whispers into my ear.
I kiss his rough cheek and whisper, “Promise me you will ask her.”
“I will, okay?”
“Thank you.”
He lets me go and nods. “Take care of yourself, Akari.”
I step up to Masha who hugs me then places a satchel into my hands. “Give these to Natoak. They are a gift from Sinak.”
I take the satchel from her aged hands. “I will, Masha. In case we do not see each other next summer, may the spirits look after you.”
“And after you, Moon Child.”
I nod and step into the empty place in Tarok’s canoe. He stands behind the canoe and pushes it out into the water. With ease, he jumps into the canoe and lets the swell of the returning waves drag us further out into the water.
The waters are calm, allowing us a pleasant trip. The paddle dips into the water, strongly propelling us forward. Tarok’s eyes bore a hole into the back of my body. I sit straight backed, my muscles holding me tightly in place.
The boats laden with wares start to pass us. I turn to look at Tarok over my shoulder and see the paddle lays across his lap and he is staring at me still.
“What are you doing?” I ask harshly.
“We need to talk.” His voice is stern like a father to an unruly child. His face is unreadable behind his strict reserve.
“There is nothing to talk about, Tarok.”
“You do not under-”
I stand too quickly. The boat pitches to the side forcing Tarok to counterbalance the movement. “I do not want to hear anything you have to say!”
“Akari, just-”
“No! Anything you have to say now, you should have said five days ago. I asked what you wanted and you did not say a word. So now you do not get to speak and I will not listen.”
The ocean beneath us surges. The canoe rocks and my weight being unbalanced as I try to sit once again is tossed over the side. Beneath the surface I feel the turbulent energy enclosing around me.
I kick and claw at the water, trying to bring myself to the surface. My head breaks the top. My eyes scan for the canoe and Tarok. I find them and he is reaching out to me. His mouth is moving; his words are inaudible. I swim toward him, but I do not move. Each surge forward brings a surge backward. I scream out his name as a wave pulls me further away from him. I watch him jump into the water as I am pulled beneath.
Chapter Thirteen
