by S M Mala
Knowing they had to leave immediately, she took some fur slippers and made Pearl put them on, seeing her sore feet.
‘Do you think I’ve killed Honey?’ Pearl asked, and there was nothing behind her eyes, just confusion. ‘I’m not a very good mother, am I?’
‘You’re the best mother in the world, and we are going to find her now.’ Maddy shut the front door and grabbed Pearls’ hand but realised something was wrong. She was stumbling. ‘Are you feeling okay?’
The response was a nod as she pulled her down the road in the direction of the house.
All the time Maddy was trying to control the fear of finding the listless child while hoping her friend was okay. The faster she walked, the slower Pearl got, as if she didn’t want to go home.
When she got to the front door of the house, her hands were shaking as she got the spare keys, but the door was open. Maddy looked at Pearl who was on the verge of breaking down.
Her heart sunk.
There was silence.
Maddy led Pearl in and shut the door.
‘Pearl, listen to me. Stay here and don’t move. I’ll find Honey. Can you remember where she was? Where you last were?’
‘I don’t’ know,’ she sobbed, sinking to the floor. ‘I can’t remember anything.’
‘Honey!’ Maddy shouted, running around and looking in the downstairs rooms.
Then she ran up the stairs and noticed the cot was empty.
Every room she went into there was no sign of the child.
‘Honey,’ she said, trying to compose her deep fear that Pearl had done something stupid while all the time trying not to cry or be sick through the fear.
Then she thought of how Pearl was wet and went to the bathroom.
She was going to throw up.
Pushing the bathroom door open, she had visions of seeing the child floating in the bath. She took a deep breath and looked in, ready to perform mouth to mouth.
Honey wasn’t there.
‘Honey!’ she screamed out and noticed a pile of towels in the corner. ‘Honey?’
Maddy bent down and pulled a towel away.
There was the naked baby.
And she wasn’t moving.
‘Oh God, oh God, don’t do this to me!’ Maddy yelped and bent down to touch the child. ‘Honey?’
She picked her up in her arms, and her skin was warm to the touch. Moving closer, she placed her face so close to see if she was breathing and wasn’t sure if she could see anything. Then Maddy put her hand in the bathwater and flicked some water on the child’s face.
Still nothing.
‘Honey?’ she said again, knowing to shake her wouldn’t be good. ‘Honey, please open your eyes.’
This time she rushed to the sink and dipped part of a towel in cold water then placed it on her leg.
Honey’s eyes opened wide as did her mouth when she let out an almighty cry.
Maddy burst into tears, which was turning into a constant stream and sank to the floor.
She needed help and was worried about Pearl.
‘Pearl!’ she shouted out, wiping her tears on the towel while holding the upset child. ‘I’ve found her. It’s okay. Everything is going to be all right. ‘I need to get her changed, and we’ll be down. Don’t move. Wait for me.’
Taking her into the nursery, Maddy sang her lullabies and massaged her tender skin with moisturiser. She seemed hot but that was down to the weather and being under a towel.
Honey eventually stopped crying and started to smile.
‘There’s my good little girl,’ she said, kissing her forehead. ‘Your mummy is going to be so happy to see you.’
Holding her in her arms, Maddy went downstairs, ready to present the baby back to her mother.
But Pearl was in a heap on the floor.
Looking closely, she could see Pearl was out like a light.
It wasn’t right.
Maddy put Honey into her bouncy chair and switched the television on, rushing back to her friend.
‘Pearl?’ she asked. ‘Pearl, wake up.’
Then she moved closer.
Pearl’s breathing was very light, and it was only then she realised her friend wasn’t well at all.
‘Pearl!’ she shouted, aware that Honey would cry if she made too much noise. ‘Pearl!’
Maddy grabbed her phone and dialled the emergency number.
‘Hello,’ she said, her voice shaking and checking in Pearl who was bouncing in her chair. ‘My friend just collapsed and isn’t well. I don’t know what’s wrong. Please help.’
They went through a few things, and Maddy put Pearl in the recovery position, aware that her body was quite heavy.
‘Did she take anything? Is she on any medication?’ the man asked on the other end of the phone.
‘Not that I know of. She was in a panic because she thought she lost her baby.’
‘Can you look?’ he asked. ‘If she has taken something we need to know what it is, so they can treat her on arrival.’
‘I…’
She bolted up the stairs and ran into the bathroom then into Pearl’s bedroom.
That’s when she saw it.
The bottle of pills strewn on the bed.
‘Sleeping pills.’
Maddy was shaking and holding Honey in her arms as the baby drank from the bottle of milk. ‘I don’t know how many, but I put the container on the side with the remaining pills.’
She watched the paramedics look at the bottle and stepped away.
There was nothing she could see.
Maddy was blinded.
Her eyes were full of tears, and she held onto Honey for dear life, knowing that this was a mess and she would have to sort it out. In the moment of panic, while waiting for the ambulance, she texted Ted and told him to get to the house urgently.
‘Please help her,’ Maddy said, seeing Honey’s beautiful innocent little face. ‘I don’t know where her husband is. Please help my friend.’
Helplessly she watched on as the man and woman examined Pearl, both of them trying to talk to the unconscious woman.
Then she noticed a taxi pull up and Ted rush to the house. Maddy opened the door, and he flung his arms around her. His expression changed when he saw Pearl and looked at Maddy.
‘She thought she’d killed Honey and then couldn’t find her. Pearl’s head must have been all over the place. Why would she do this? Why take an overdose?’ Maddy sobbed as Ted looked like he was holding back his tears. ‘I don’t know where TJ is and-.’
‘I’ll go with Pearl to the hospital, and you stay here. Let me call TJ. Just look after Honey,’ he replied, his voice cracking. ‘This isn’t like Pearl.’
‘Who knows what she’s like right now?’
Suddenly they whisked Pearl off in a stretcher and Ted followed, getting into the ambulance. Maddy noticed the neighbours looking on and hoped no-one would even guess what happened.
She shut the door and broke down in tears, trying not to sob too loudly or upset the precious bundle in her arms.
‘How long have you been left with your mummy?’ she asked, wondering if the child had been fed, seeing the bottle was sucked dry. ‘Oh Honey, what are we going to do?’
Maddy made another bottle and this time Honey was less greedy and sucked on it like the little lady she was. Her eyes glanced around the living room. The place was a mess.
For the life of her, she couldn’t understand why they had left her alone knowing Pearl wasn’t well.
Any fool could see that.
Even Maddy.
‘She’s in hospital.’
Emotion choked her. ‘She was worried she had done something bad to the baby. I was so scared, but I knew she wouldn’t, not Pearl. But she did something to herself which I can’t get my head around.’
She couldn’t hold it in and broke down in tears with Stan on the other end of the phone.
‘You’re amazing for being there. Maddy, you’re not alone.’
‘I was so s
cared. I still am,’ she said, seeing Honey sleeping in her cot.
‘Are you okay? You don’t sound okay.’
‘I need to look after the baby and make sure she’s okay. I bathed and changed her. Honey’s used to me, so she’s fine but-.’ Again, she was choked by tears. ‘I don’t know if her mummy is. I better go. See you later.’
She hung up.
Unable to speak, there was nothing she could say to convey how she felt.
Maddy had spent a good hour cleaning up the house and making sure everything was back to normal.
But when she went into the main bedroom, Maddy cried her eyes out knowing what Pearl’s intentions were. And she searched high and low to make sure no stray pills were lying about.
So many questions were flying around in her head.
Her stupid little tantrum with Ted seemed so insignificant especially with the conversations and situations that had happened that day.
Really stupid.
Making sure the baby monitor was working, she went to the kitchen to put away the dishes. It seemed that Pearl had used each one and then put it aside. There were signs that her friend wasn’t thinking straight.
All the bottles were now sterilised, and she checked on the supply of baby milk and in the fridge which was packed to the hilt. Then she saw a bottle of white wine. Maddy shuddered knowing if she drank it she would be sick.
And that’s all she felt.
Like vomiting her guts up because she couldn’t understand what happened that day.
For the first time in what seemed like hours, Maddy sat in the kitchen, feeling the full force hit her.
The first thing that came to mind was to be sick.
There was such a weight in her stomach, it hurt, and she knew it was stress. The last thing she wanted to happen was to succumb to the need to throw up the immediate pain she felt.
But it was strong, and her head was telling her it was wrong, but her heart said she had to get it all out, as it weighed her down.
Maddy didn’t know what to do, feeling the fight in her body.
All she could do was cry because bad thoughts started to cross her mind about Pearl and Honey. Then she felt so angry at her friend for taking the overdose and couldn’t understand why she would do that, especially with Honey.
That hurt her so much she shook with anger and fear.
Checking her phone, Ted had left a few text messages.
‘Maddy, I’ll stay with Pearl, and you look after the baby. TJ is a mess, and he’s trying to get back as soon as possible. You did a good job. I’ll call if there are any changes.’
The next one she read made her want to gag.
‘They pumped her stomach, and she hadn’t taken too many tablets. No damage to anything vital, just her head, I guess. TJ is going to come straight to the hospital. Call me if you need anything.’
‘You selfish, selfish bitch, Pearl,’ she mumbled, angry tears splashing her cheeks. ‘How could you do that to us? How?’
Then the doorbell rang making her jump, and she was startled out of her dark, angry thoughts.
When she opened it, there was a bark and Stan was on the other side with Phyllis.
‘Maddy,’ he said, stepping forward and giving her a massive hug. ‘Maddy.’
She broke down and cried. It was all she needed.
A hug from the man she was falling in love with and a cuddle with Phyllis.
Her dark thoughts immediately disappeared.
‘It’s okay now.’
Stan and Maddy were sat on the couch, Phyllis lay near them. Maddy was in his arms and couldn’t stop crying. ‘And Ted says she’s okay?’
‘He’s with her waiting for TJ to arrive.’ She looked angrily at him. ‘When I get hold of that husband of hers I’m going to give him a piece of my mind.’
‘How was he to know she’d do something like this? How would anyone know?’
‘I knew.’ Maddy double blinked and noticed a beautiful picture of Honey. ‘Pearl’s not right, and I should have seen she wasn’t acting normally. Her eyes were glazed, and she was stumbling around, but all I wanted to do was find Honey. I knew Pearl would never hurt her, but I wasn’t sure about Pearl. I’m useless!’
She sobbed, knowing how desperate she felt.
‘You saved Pearl’s life and helped Honey. What you did today was amazing and still is. Pearl might be in the hospital for some time, and you’re here with her baby. She’ll be eternally grateful.’
‘Will she?’ Maddy sat up and looked at Stan’s confused expression. ‘Will she be happy I called the ambulance and got her stomach pumped out? Stopped her from committing suicide? Is that what she wanted? She’s an ungrateful bitch!’ Her body shook with anger. ‘That woman has everything, and instead of seeking help her pride got in the way. Can’t she see she has a life that any woman would want? A husband who adores her and a baby. They tried for ages and got help to get her. All that suffering she put herself through, and now she doesn’t want it? I hate her!’
Maddy sobbed harder into her hands, knowing the words sounded harsh, but it was how she felt.
‘You’re upset, and it’s not a nice thing to deal with. You’re strong, but she’s not at the moment. There was nothing you could do to make her see someone. Nothing anyone could do. Maddy, look at me.’ She shook her head in response. ‘Please?’
Slowly taking her hands away from her face she saw the smile that lit up her heart most days since the moment she met him.
‘I’m quite snotty,’ she said, seeing he handed her some tissues as she blew her nose. ‘I didn’t want to sound horrible and-.’
‘You’re a good person with a wonderful and joyful heart. I can see that so much more now than when we first met. I just thought you were a bloody do-gooder and slightly bonkers.’ He laughed as she smiled. ‘And you will be there for Pearl like you are for everyone you love. She didn’t do it to hurt you or TJ, not even Honey. The woman did it to hurt herself because she couldn’t cope. Thinking she had hurt her baby must have filled her with deep fear. Can’t you see? She couldn’t stand the idea of living if she harmed Honey.’
‘I feel bad! I don’t think she’s a bitch! She’s my friend!’ she wailed out, crying more than before as he laughed and hugged her. ‘And then Dora said-.’
She stopped in midsentence, not wanting to say another word.
‘What did Dora say?’
‘I saw her today, and she was silly,’ sobbed Maddy, feeling the pain in her stomach begin to throb. ‘And I fell for it.’
‘Maddy?’
‘It doesn’t matter.’ Wiping her eyes roughly she tried to smile but sobbed some more. ‘I can’t be scared. It isn’t right. I have to snap out of it. I’m responsible for a baby and I need to be strong. I have to be strong. And if Pearl-.’ Maddy shook her head furiously. ‘What if something is seriously wrong with her? What if she doesn’t want Honey? I’ll have to adopt her and raise her as my own.’
‘Let’s not run away with things.’
‘Suicide? How could she? I’m here to help. Why didn’t she say she felt that bad? I can change things.’
‘You can’t change things, no matter how much you want to, some situations are out of your hands.’
‘But I can try, can’t I? Can’t I?’
‘Morning.’
For a split second she had forgotten what happened in the last twenty-four hours then suddenly it hit her.
There was the sick feeling rising in her throat, but she held onto it.
Maddy turned to see Stan lying next to her in bed. The cot had been moved to the spare room, so she could keep an eye on the baby. Her other baby, Phyllis, was sleeping in the corner of the room, cuddled up on one of Pearl’s expensive cushions.
Stan smiled in response as she glanced at the sleeping baby who had woken up twice. The man in her bed had rushed down to the kitchen, at one point tripped up the stairs on the way back, to fetch bottles.
‘That baby snores,’ he said, starting to stretch.
‘You snore, and I like it. She gurgles in her sleep which is cute. Phyllis was also snoring away.’
Maddy smiled but it felt wrong, there was a sudden tug inside.
Her heart felt battered and her stomach twisted.
Reaching out for her phone she looked at the text messages and saw that TJ was at the hospital and Ted had gone home.
TJ’s message read,
‘She’s okay but very confused. I’m staying with her. Maddy, I’m sorry to put you through all this. I knew she was bad but not to this extent. Do you mind looking after Honey? I can call my mum to help if you’d like. Heidi is coming back tomorrow. Is Honey alright? TJ x.’
Maddy quickly replied.
‘Honey is wonderful and well. You stay with Pearl until she’s ready to come home. They’ll want to assess her. She needs help, and I’m here for her and you. Don’t worry. I’ve not wrecked your home just yet. X’
Stan took the phone out of her hand and read it. The cover had slipped revealing the top of his pubic hair. He caught her looking at him and glanced away.
‘You’ve got that look in your eye,’ he whispered, handing the phone back.
‘Which one?’
‘The one that shows you’re thinking about sex. I thought last night we behaved well.’
‘I want to have sex with you,’ she blurted out, seeing his eyes widen. ‘Just not with a baby in the room. My head’s all over the place. I quite like you touching me up. You do it well.’
‘I want to have sex with you,’ he replied, sitting up on his elbows. ‘Frankly, I don’t care who is in the room.’
‘Frankly speaking,’ Maddy said, starting to smile. ‘I see why you call your column that now.’
‘About my column,’ he said, immediately sitting up. ‘There’s something you should know.’
‘I know the sort of things that website talks about is pretty, well, it is pretty base.’ Maddy scowled. ‘I read some description of people being on a private plane and a famous singer giving the blokes in the band all blow jobs. It’s pretty demeaning.’
‘What did you say?’ Stan shook his head. ‘Have you read the women’s version? They are pretty cutting about men and their inadequacies.’
