by S M Mala
She groaned, feeling like she was lost in the sensation.
A throaty choke came from her mouth as she realised the deep sound from him, his head buried in her neck, his hips pumping her for every last ounce of pleasure as he stopped, then shook. Her hand ran down his perspiring back, and he felt good.
Slowly he moved his head and looked at her, pushing the hair away from her face.
Maddy wasn’t quite sure what the expression was.
There was kindness in the eyes and a look of bewilderment as he smiled.
‘You,’ he whispered. ‘It could only be you.’
‘What?’ she asked, smiling back.
‘You barking Maddy. There’s only one of you, and that’s good.’
‘Why?’
‘Because it just is.’
She had no idea what he meant but took it as a compliment as she kissed him within an inch of his life.
‘No!’
She gasped for air while bolting up straight, unable to breathe.
The nightmare was horrific, and Maddy was frightened out of her wits.
It all seemed so real.
Trying to reach out to hold onto Pearl and Dora who was slipping away.
She ran and ran as fast as she could, but they were out of her reach.
Maddy knew she had to save both of them and while she grabbed onto Pearl, her other hand tried to reach out for Dora, but it slipped.
She screamed and screamed, but nothing came out of her mouth until Dora floated away until she couldn’t be seen.
Touching her forehead, she felt the sweat and turned to see Stan sleeping peacefully beside her with Phyllis at his feet. The dog looked up as if knowing she had suffered something bad then whimpered.
Maddy stroked her head gently then got out of the bed, tripping over Stan’s brown leather notebook.
Her body shook as she walked out naked through the door and grabbed her dressing gown before heading downstairs.
All the time her mind was swirling about losing Pearl and Dora, knowing she had to save both but not sure if she managed to do anything. As she swallowed, her throat felt sore, very much like it did when she used to throw up.
She put her head in her hands and knew that she was at a loss for what to do when it came to Dora. The idea that her life was slipping away, and nothing could be done made her anxious and upset. Even the phone call after she saw her that afternoon told her that Dora wasn’t getting better.
And Maddy had been no help because she didn’t want to discuss it when the child needed her the most.
Sat at the dining table, she switched on her computer and started looking at things Dora had mentioned how they would plan their funerals and what they wanted.
With every last gumption she had, Maddy looked for coffins that could be tailor-made to your requirement, checking out styles, costs, and timelines. She knew Dora had time on her hands, but if she showed her what work she had prepared, then it would mean that Maddy had listened and understood.
But it still made her feel sick.
It was after fifteen minutes she had to stop.
The positive thoughts were dissolved because she didn’t want to be doing it, looking for things that would mean Dora would have gone.
Would have left her for good.
The pain she felt was terrible, and she wanted to break down and cry once more, knowing that was the only way she could cope.
‘I’m useless,’ she whispered then jumped when something touched her hair
Stan was standing behind her. Then he sunk down to his knees and looked up.
‘I had a nightmare,’ she said, swallowing hard. ‘Did I wake you?’
‘Only when you’re not there,’ he replied and kissed her knee through the dressing gown. ‘I’m not going to ask what it was about.’
‘I’m scared because I don’t know what to do.’
‘Do nothing.’
Maddy placed her forehead against his.
‘Stan, when you’re bored of me, and you want it to end, just say. It might take a while for me to get my head around it, but I don’t want you to end up disliking me. That’s the last thing I want. Sometimes I don’t want to hear things that will make me sad, but I need to know. I will be able to cope, so don’t think I can’t. I can.’
‘Why are you saying this?’ he asked, grabbing her arms.
‘Because you think I’m an irritant and soon you’ll figure I’m a useless irritant. Full of good intention and hot air. I don’t want you not to like me. I don’t want to let you down as well.’
‘As well as who?’
‘Everyone I try to help.’
‘You know what we did up there?’ he said looking at the ceiling. ‘In my bed.’ She nodded. ‘That’s a special kind of like so you don’t need to think I find you irritating or I am bored with you. We’ve just scratched the surface.’ Stan looked over her shoulder at the screen. ‘And don’t look at coffins if it’s going to upset you. Come back to bed.’
He grabbed her hand and walked her back up, but when they got to his room, Phyllis had taken over and was sprawled in the middle.
‘She does that,’ he said, shaking his head solemnly. ‘And you do that as well.’
‘Come to my bed then.’
‘What sort of coffin does she want?’ he asked, making Maddy look at him. ‘It’s obviously not normal as I saw a camper van themed one.’
‘Red with white spots,’ she replied, shaking her head. ‘She says the combination makes her smile. And she wants the inside material to match.’ Maddy stopped then leaned against Stan, unable to walk for a moment. ‘I just…’
There were no words to describe how she was feeling.
Stan put an arm around her waist as he opened the door and walked into the bedroom.
‘You and I will visit her tomorrow, and we can go through it again. Maybe you need an extra pair of eyes and ears on this. I’m a very level-headed person, and sometimes you need an outsider’s perspective on things.’
‘Stan.’ Maddy felt the quivering of her lip and was trying hard to hold it all in.
‘Maddy.’
She lunged at him because that’s all she could think of to do.
And he lunged back, wrapping her in his arms and flinging her onto the bed.
‘I think a lot of sex will keep you happy and your mind off other things,’ Stan said, yanking open her dressing gown. ‘And I’m certainly going to try.’
‘Oh!’
He headed straight between her legs, his mouth kissing her as his fingers parted the lips. The long slow licks made her tingle as she took off the dressing gown and opened her legs wider.
Not knowing what to do about this sudden passion pounce, Maddy threw herself back on the bed and let him do his job, stroking his hair and knowing that she would take a little longer for her body to react.
Stan seemed aware of this as he pulled at her inner thighs, trying to tighten them to make his tongue work succeed.
‘I need you,’ she said, groaning out and watched as he lifted his head, wiping his mouth on the bed sheet. ‘I need you so much right now.’
He stared at her and then looked deep in thought before he kissed her gently on the lips.
There was an expression of confusion and as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t. Stan sat on the bed and pulled her up, so she could straddle him, all the time examining her face and body.
‘You keep looking at me like that,’ she said. ‘Is something wrong?’ He shook his head from side to side and smiled. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Sure, I’m sure.’
He kissed her, but she was surprised when he pushed inside making her jolt.
‘I’ll be safe,’ he said, as she bit her lip. ‘We don’t want pups just yet.’
Holding onto his shoulders, she started the move up and down his shaft very slowly, kissing him at the same time.
They stared at each other, and she felt a deep sensation in her chest knowing it was love. And his skin felt s
o good against hers. Hard and solid, burying its way into her soft flesh.
‘Harder. Screw me hard.’
He plunged and pulled her hips as she sat back and balanced on her arms. Getting to his knees with her backside on his lap, he pulled at her lips and plunged as hard as he could making her jolt.
And it was hard and fast, her hole tightening with every movement he made.
Then she was pushed down, and he grabbed her breast, squeezing it tightly as his other hand held her thigh and he screwed her non-stop to the point she couldn’t take anymore.
‘Don’t make me come too quickly,’ she said, groaning.
‘You make me want to come.’
Then he let out a little scream and pulled out, rubbing his shaft as he quickly squirted his love juices over her pubic bone, looking like he was going to faint.
She looked down at her spread legs, the glistening white translucent juice against her dark skin and at the man she loved. Who was on the verge of passing out.
Stan could take her mind off the things that would eventually upset her the most.
And he was right.
He could make her happy.
‘Why won’t you let me read it?’
Maddy was walking with Stan to Dora’s house. ‘I’m interested.’
‘No,’ he said, starting to frown. ‘I don’t want you to. Not now.’
‘As opposed to maybe yesterday?’ She laughed at his frown but decided not to pressure him more.
Right now, there was a calmness in her soul solely down to him.
‘I’m interested, that’s all. When we’re in the pub with the crowd, they seem keen to speak to you about it. I only wished they read my work and thought the same. But it’s not as funny or glamorous.’ Maddy sighed. ‘I could read it anytime, you know. It’s not as if it’s hard to get hold of.’
‘Madeleine,’ he said, starting to look cross. ‘I don’t want you to, and if you do, I need to be there to explain.’
‘Explain what? That it’s misogynist bull?’
‘I’m not a misogynist and never treat women in a detrimental manner. That’s not me, and it’s down to your false misconception of what sort of place I work for. But I am honest in my observations, and sometimes people don’t like it.’
‘You said something mean about me, didn’t you?’ she replied, knowing he probably had. ‘I can take it. A lot worse has been said, you know.’
‘I don’t want you to ‘take it’ as you say. We all have different interpretations of things, and that’s how people are. We don’t all think and do the same. Some people like one thing and some the other.’
‘You wrote about all the sex you’ve had with other women.’ Maddy felt upset saying it so looked down at the ground. ‘Like you prefer hard abs as opposed to a soft, round cherubic tummy.’
‘Is that what you think?’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ she shrugged getting to the gate. ‘Whatever you wrote, you did it for a reason.’
‘Maddy!’ Dora said, flinging open the door, the voice weak as she propped herself up against the door. Maddy’s heart crumbled seeing her look so fragile, yet so beautiful. ‘Hello, Stan.’ The girl blushed then smiled.
‘I see,’ Maddy mumbled, shaking her negative thoughts away. ‘Another one under your spell.’
‘I like you being with me the best,’ he whispered as she tried not to grin. ‘Hi, Dora. Do you mind me latching on?’
‘Maddy said you were going to come and that’s a good idea.’ The girl looked at Maddy as if she was a silly child. ‘She needs some help.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Maddy replied, walking up to give a massive hug. She could hear the deep breathing and gurgling in the lungs as she closed her eyes. ‘I didn’t expect to have a conversation like that, and that’s why I was a little odd.’
‘A little odd?’ Dora smirked. ‘You’re always odd. We’re matching today.’ They were both wearing blue dresses with spots as Stan tried not to smile. ‘Where’s Phyllis?’
‘She’s at the parlour getting her nails done,’ replied Maddy, flashing Stan and smug glance. ‘A woman needs to be preened and pampered on a regular basis.’
‘Great,’ he sighed and walked into the living room.
Linda was in there as she heard him speak before kissing her.
Suddenly she felt Dora’s hand in her own and noticed she was being stared at.
‘I will be better and more understanding, but I don’t see why we’re talking about it now.’
‘While I can talk, I want you to know what I feel and what I want,’ Dora replied, squeezing her palm. ‘It’s really hard for mum, and you’re the only one I can tell.’
‘I know, I know.’
Maddy took a deep breath and walked into the room to find Stan whispering with Linda.
‘See that man,’ she said to Dora so the other two couldn’t hear. ‘He seems to attract women.’
‘He likes you a lot.’
‘I’m working on it that he likes me and just me alone.’ Maddy smiled catching Stan’s eye.
Then she noticed something.
He looked upset and forced a smile.
Dora grabbed her hand and yanked her to sit down as Maddy wondered what Linda had said to make him suddenly so upset.
‘I’ve got my book,’ he said, reaching into his despatch bag. ‘Where is it?’
‘I’ve got my notepad,’ replied Maddy, taking it out of her rucksack. ‘You probably left it under the bed.’
‘Under the bed?’ Linda asked, her sad face starting to light up.
‘He stayed the night in my spare room,’ was her quick reply. ‘He likes the bed and so does Phyllis. Anyway, shall we begin?’
‘I’m pleased you came back again today,’ Linda said, sitting forward on the armchair. ‘As you know, it has been hard for us, and you’ve been brilliant for all these years. Dora thinks the world of you, so do I.’
‘Right but there’s a ‘but’ coming, isn’t there?’ Maddy said and noticed Stan looked away.
‘We think it’s best that Dora spends some time in the hospice as it’s getting hard for her. She needs the 24-hour care,’ said Linda, squeezing her hands together.
‘I’ll come and stay,’ interjected Maddy quickly. ‘I know how to change the tubes and do the medication.’
‘And she has to be lifted to the toilet, washed and changed when she’s not well.’
‘I’m strong. There’s a hoist, and I know how to work that.’
‘Maddy, she’s going in tomorrow.’
Knowing she wasn’t supposed to get upset or ask the obvious questions, Maddy nodded her head up and down.
‘Did I tell you Dr. Bob was or maybe is married to that thing that bullied me in school,’ she replied, looking straight at Dora. ‘I’m not sure if I think being under his care is such a good thing as he has appalling taste in women. I could look for somewhere else and-.’
‘Don’t you raise money for the hospice?’ asked Linda, weakly smiling. ‘Dr. Bob is still a good doctor, though I did hear his current wife is a bit feisty.’
‘I can think of other words.’
‘Maddy,’ Stan hissed, trying not to smile. ‘There’s a thirteen-year-old in the room.’
‘She said that Tara girl and Ted shagged that’s why she wasn’t speaking to him,’ added Dora, as Stan’s mouth dropped open. ‘I might be little for my age, but I know about the birds and the bees.’
‘Really, Madeleine?’ said Stan, glancing over at Linda. ‘I’m sorry about that, but you’re probably used to her.’
‘You don’t want to know what she told Liam about the use of the word rubber and what it meant. He was quite upset for days and wouldn’t use the end of his pencil for ages,’ Dora said with a wide grin. ‘That was quite funny.’
‘You’d only want to go into the hospice if you thought you were unwell.’ Maddy turned to look at Dora. ‘And I mean really unwell.’
‘Have you been listening? Can’t you see?’ sighed Dora. ‘Can you
tell me I look okay?’
‘You’re beautiful! You always look well and-.’
‘Maddy, open your eyes. Am I the same as I was six months ago? Can I walk about freely and do things I used to do? I’m now being pushed in a wheelchair. Please, can’t you see? Mum’s finding it hard and I’d rather be in a place I know.’
‘But.’
That was all she could say knowing things were escalating.
‘I’ll come and visit every day until you’re better,’ she heard herself say, knowing that’s not what they wanted to hear. ‘I am going to Rome, but I’ll cancel if-.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ smiled Dora then flashed Stan a little glance. ‘I didn’t think you’d still want to go.’
‘Italian ice-cream, Dora,’ she said, knowing what the girl was implying.
‘Come and help me get some tea, Stan,’ Linda said, getting up and walking to the kitchen. ‘I think they need to have a one to one.’
Stan smiled and then followed her out of the room.
‘Dora, I don’t want to be useless. I know I have to be strong. It’s just that I can’t contemplate you being unwell.’
‘Mum is struggling. It’s hard for her and I want some time alone.’
‘In there?’ snorted Maddy. ‘People are forever walking into your room. There’s no sense of privacy.’
‘But the people walking in know what I’m going through and are in my shoes. I don’t have to explain or apologise for being ill. It’s just accepted and-.’ She let out a little cough, and her breathing was slightly erratic. Dora composed herself and took a deep breath from her oxygen mask. ‘I want things to be easy.’
‘I’m not going to Rome if you’re not well,’ she whispered. ‘I can do it another time. I’ll only think of you and get worried.
‘Maddy.’
‘Dora, you need me, and I know I have to man up, as they say. I want everything to be okay, everyone to be better. Even Pearl is getting advice and seems to be on the mend, but it’s early days. I have three little angels to look after, and I must do a good job.’ Then she thought for a moment. ‘Delay going in.’
‘I don’t want to.’
Her heart sank realising the decision had been made.
They sat in silence, and she looked at the floor then at Dora’s pained expression before she gave her a massive hug.
