by Jessica M.
I knew when Don first agreed to move back in, he was still angry and believed he was only moving back in for the baby’s sake, but Don and I had been with one another for our entire adult life and there was no way he and I would be in the same house with no connection. That’s what always drew us to one another. Our connection was out of this world. It wasn’t just sex either. We got each other. We complemented one another well. It had always been like that and now I knew that it always would be. Yes, I’d be the first to admit I was unsure of my marriage. Unsure of our love, but after last night, I was one hundred percent sure that my marriage was on its way to pure bliss. All the feelings I had for Don when we first met were there again, and I was going to do all I could to make sure he knew this was where he belonged. Waking up to him and watching him sleeping next to me, all I could do was smile. We were back in our happy place. Easing out of bed, I quietly grabbed my phone and headed into the bathroom. I had to meet up with Maddox one last time so I could tell his ass we were over for the millionth time. Locking the door behind me, I sat on the toilet to text Maddox back.
The church in an hour.
Dumb ass must’ve had his damn phone in his hands because the little bubbles on the iPhone that signified he was typing a response popped up right away.
I’ll be waiting.
Sending him the thumbs up emoji, I leaned forward to start the shower.
My plan was to deal with Maddox early so I could try getting in to see the doctor about my pregnancy.
Rev. Harvey Howard
Watching my baby girl sleep in this hospital bed had me wanting to tear Karmen a new asshole. Yes, I was a pastor, but I was also human being and a father. Kashae was my world. Oh, stop it! I loved Karmen too, she just made it hard sometimes to do so. Karmen was so rebellious and she tried her hardest to get Kashae to be the same way, but I wasn’t having it. When the opportunity presented itself for me to have a larger church that was already established, I knew it was God answering my prayers, but damn, I would’ve never left my baby girl behind. I should’ve followed my spirit when my wife suggested it. Instead, I let my guard down and here she was laid up in this bed looking like a modern day street walker. Her hair was cut, her body was covered in that tat mess, she had a piercing hooked through her nose, and she didn’t look like my innocent Kashae at all.
I didn’t bother fussing at her or anything last night because my only concern was that she was alive and well, but now that she was out of the woods, when she woke up, I needed some answers, and fast. Kashae knew this way of life was unacceptable. The calling I had on my life could not be tainted by her ways. Her sister had already gone off to do as she pleased and I couldn’t have her doing the same.
“Hey, I got you coffee.” My wife came through the hospital room door holding two coffees in her hand.
I couldn’t front, my wife was fine for her age and she kept herself up at all times. Kalissa wore the finest jewelry, the best clothes, the newest weaves, and her nails and feet were always on point. One might wonder why I didn’t treat her the best, but it was way deeper than just control. My wife was emotional, always acting on her feelings. That’s why I, as the man, had to keep her in her place. This thing with me and Kalissa started years ago when we first got married. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I couldn’t see life without her. But being a young pastor came with jezebels.
They flocked to me thinking I would be this famous pastor one day, believing they would take Kalissa’s place in my life. I had no problems with the females, and the closer I got to marrying Kalissa the more they flocked. And when I actually married her it became worse. I had no idea what the illusion was about being with not only a married man, but a pastor that was married. Women were everywhere I turned and my flesh took over. In my younger years, I never had women like most of my friends and colleagues so when I noticed all the attention I was getting, I took advantage of it. Sleeping with as many women as possible in my first few years as a pastor, it got me caught up.
A young woman I met on my first conference out of town as a newlywed followed me to the men’s room during an intermission and when I came out, she was on her knees, unzipping my pants, and went in like a pro. I could’ve stopped her or pulled back, but it all happened so damn fast. I was a man before anything and she played on that. One thing led to another and when she stood from her knees, she shoved me in that empty stall, riding me all the way to the same heaven I preached about. It was a mistake, and I realized that right when my orgasm shot through her middle, but I couldn’t stop dealing with her. She made sure she kept me coming back every time with her nasty mouth skills she worked on my manhood. Every time I met up with her, I instantly felt guilt and regret, but it never stopped me from being with her.
They say God gave warnings before he exposed you, and that’s exactly what he had done. He showed me sign after sign that what I was doing to my wife was wrong, but I ignored the warnings because I wanted my flesh to be fed. Ivy was doing everything Kalissa wasn’t. No, it wasn’t an excuse. I knew I was my wife’s first so she was very inexperienced just like I was, but having Ivy was fulfilling a fantasy that every young man dreamed of. She wasn’t wife material by any means, but she filled a void I’d craved for years. Six months after being married to Kalissa, there was a knock on our front door and there stood Ivy on my doorstep with a baby bump and a list of demands. From that day forward, Kalissa and I were never the same. The trust was gone and the love was forced from that point on. I saw it in my wife’s eyes every time I looked at her, and I never stepped out on her again, but the damage had already been done.
My wife started drinking, hence the reason I think our daughter Karmen was a drunk as well. She grew up watching my wife take her problems to the bottle, and now she did the same. I kept quiet about my daughter’s affairs because she and I were already not as close as I hoped for, and I wasn’t trying to do anything to make the relationship worse. Watching the relationship between her parents caused Karmen to rebel. She saw that we weren’t happy, but how we had to portray the perfect family in front of others was killing her. My daughter grew up hating me because of the way I treated her mother. They had a bond that not even I could get in between.
Discovering that Ivy was pregnant, my wife had revenge on her brain. We didn’t have sex, we slept in separate rooms, she was crying all the time and drinking her cares away. My wife was beyond unhappy. We were newlyweds already in separate bedrooms. That was unacceptable in my eyes. While we should’ve been having sex in every room of our house, we were as distant as ever. No matter what I tried to do to get our marriage back on track, Kalissa was over it. She claimed it was one thing to cheat, but to bring another child into the marriage was a no go.
Calling herself getting back at me, she ended up having a one-night stand with a stranger. She said she didn’t even get his name. They had drunken sex in his sports car and they never kept in touch. Six weeks after her one-night stand, she found out she was pregnant with Karmen. As bad as it hurt me, how could I not take her back and forgive her? It hurt me to my heart that I was about to raise my first child with my wife that she made with another man.
Karmen knew nothing about me not being her biological father, but the older she got, it messed with my head that my wife had given her most prized possession to a stranger. I already know women are screaming, but you did it too, and that’s true and maybe it’s biased of me, but when a woman had random sex it just seemed wrong. Dirty. Disgusting. Hell, nasty!
“Thanks.” I grabbed the cup from her hand as she sat in the chair next to me.
Finally watching Kashae move around, I hopped up, sitting my cup on the counter before rushing to her side.
“Baby, how did this happen?”
“I’m ok Daddy.” I shook my head no.
“You are alive, but you’re far from ok baby. What is all of this? I haven’t been away that long and look at you.” I flicked her hair with my hand and tapped her nose ring before dropping my head.
“I’m grown Daddy, and I like these things. Like you said, I’m alive, so you can go back to your church business in Tennessee now.” Her voice was different than I remembered. She was my baby, but she looked different, sounded different. Everything about her was no longer innocent.
Karmen.
Yes, she sounded and acted like Karmen with her stank ass attitude. I should’ve never left my baby here with her. She was a bad influence.
“Don’t talk to your father like that Kashae,” my wife chimed in from across the room.
“Just leave,” she whispered before turning over on her side, ignoring me and her mother.
“When I leave you’re going with me,” I demanded.
“I will not.” She turned to face me with a scowl.
“You must be high on these drugs they’re giving you to talk to me this way. So, sleep it off. I’ll be back when the drugs wear off.” I jerked the hospital door open and left my wife alone with our daughter in the room. I needed a breather.
Heading out the exit of the hospital, I decided to head over to my old church to get my mind off things and see how things had been since I left.
First Lady Kalissa Howard
Watching my husband fly out the door was somewhat of a relief. He got on my damn nerves putting Kashae on such a high pedestal. She was a young, beautiful twenty-year-old who was just now getting her first glimpse at life, due to him and his overzealous religious rules. My husband acted as if he had never committed one sin in his entire life. The way he wanted these girls to live was ludicrous.
When he repented of his wrongdoings, it was like he forgot what it was to live and mess up. We couldn’t live for our kids, but he tried his damndest to do just that. He was driving Kashae away with his craziness just like he had done to Karmen.
From the time Karmen could walk and talk, she and her father never clicked. I knew it was because of my infidelity. He never had a bond with Karmen like he did Kashae, and it wasn’t her fault. He provided for Karmen financially and he was there at every father-daughter dance, every awards ceremony, and every other way a father should be, but it was a show. He didn’t care for her and she surely didn’t give a damn about him. My daughter never learned that Harvey wasn’t her biological father, at his request. He said it was his punishment for stepping out on me with that hoe named Ivy and bringing her into our lives.
Indeed, I did step out on Harvey because of what he did to me, but I wasn’t honest about with whom. I’d forever take that to my grave. I wanted to hurt him, the way he hurt me, but not like that. My plan was never to get pregnant but after multiple shots of gin, my thought process was hindered. All I knew was my husband could never find out who really fathered our daughter.
Thinking of how I felt when Ivy had the nerve to show up at my door step all those years ago sent chills down my spine. Granted, I wasn’t a fool and knew that my husband was the most sought-after pastor of his time, so when the women began to flock I prayed hard that he wouldn’t fall, but my prayers must’ve fallen on deaf ears because six months into our marriage, his mistress was standing on our doorstep, with a baby bump and devious grin spread across her face with a bunch of demands. The bitch had a list of demands longer than a child’s Christmas list if we wanted to keep her and her baby quiet and of course, we went to a lawyer friend of ours and had papers drawn up. There was no way she would hold Harvey’s infidelity over our heads for the rest of our lives. A week after going over her demands and getting everything in writing, we met with her and she signed her life away.
She settled for fifty thousand dollars that my grandmother happened to leave me in her will, we bought her a new car, things she requested for her baby, we covered medical expenses until he reached eighteen, and got the bitch a new house and her end of the deal was no contact at all with any of us, and if she ever reneged we could sue her for breach of contract and she would then have to repay every dime. As the smart, greedy home wrecker I knew she was, she stayed away as planned.
My husband never mentioned the boy and neither did I. It was like we both moved on without ever giving it a second thought. As a man, I often wondered if he ever thought about how his only son looked. What his name was or even tried looking Ivy up, but instead of questioning him about it, the safest thing seemed to be to just leave well enough alone. The only reason we knew she was having a boy was because her slick ass tried to send the ultrasound to the church mailbox, but luckily, I was the one to check the mail every day. If someone else had gotten hold to that ultrasound, it would’ve been hell to explain. I knew she thought if Harvey found out it was a boy he might change his mind, but one thing she didn’t know about Harvey was he was about his business and anything that jeopardized him moving up the ladder to have his own church, he stayed clear of. She was one mistake he never repeated again.
That ultrasound was the last time we ever heard from Ivy. We told our lawyer to contact her and remind her ass that she was supposed to leave us alone or her ass would be in court. Taking heed to what he said, the threat worked because that ultrasound was the last contact we got from her.
Sipping my coffee, I watched my daughter from a distance. She was for sure not the Kashae Howard we left behind only three months ago. She was grown up. Her body, demeanor and that attitude had grown tremendously. She was finally growing into herself. I smiled thinking it took us leaving for her to discover who she was. It was killing her father because she was his ride or die as I often joked and called her, but Kashae needed this. She really did. Most parents thought they were doing their kids justice in protecting them and setting rules, but how would they know what to do if they never lived? The best teacher was experience and my daughter was finally getting that. I lived by if it didn’t kill them, it made them stronger, and that’s why I encouraged her to stay back with Karmen and Adonis.
Karmen.
Jesus, she was my baby. I loved to watch her in action. She had that spunk and spontaneity I used to possess before I married Harvey. Maybe that’s why I admired her. Hell, I think I envied her and how she stood up to her father. I didn’t have the balls to stand up to him, but every time Karmen did it, I felt like she was doing it for the both of us. I hated knowing he mistreated her because of me.
Finally standing to make my way over to Kashae, I walked over placing my arm on her shoulder.
“He loves you, that’s all,” I whispered.
“I know,” she responded.
“Kashae, can I ask you something?” I waited.
She was silent, but then she nodded.
Her back was still to me as I leaned forward, hugging her from behind.
“I love you too and I know we don’t talk much, but I do.”
“I know Mama.” She shifted her body and now we were facing one another.
I wasn’t sure, but as she looked back at me, her skin was glowing and her nose was a little wider than I remembered.
“Are you pregnant my sweet child?”
She watched me with wide eyes and before she could answer, her hoodlum little friend walked through the doors with a young man that looked just as hood as she did.
Kissing my daughter’s forehead, I smiled.
“We will continue this conversation later when I come back from the hotel. I need to freshen up.”
Not bothering to speak to her company, I lifted my purse from the seat I was previously occupying before heading outside to call me an Uber so I could go back to the hotel.
If my daughter thought this conversation was over, she was sadly mistaken.
If Kashae was pregnant, her father was going to die on site and take me with his ass.
Adonis
Last night with my wife was everything. I didn’t think it would be possible to love her again, but I was wrong. Being with her and witnessing this new person was a beautiful thing, but as much as I wanted to pretend that my sister-in-law was not possibly pregnant with my child, it just wasn’t going away.
No matter how good Karmen and
I were getting along, it wouldn’t take away the fact that I had been having an affair with Kash. And not just an affair, but Kash and I were planning a life together, possibly away from South Carolina, but now that my wife and I seemed to be back on track and about to have a baby, I needed to talk to Kash as soon as possible to see what she planned to do.
With my in-laws in town, I wasn’t sure if they were still at the hospital or not, but I needed to see what was on Kash’s mind ASAP.
Realizing my wife had gone already for the day, I slid out of bed to hit the shower. I needed to go back to my place to get some more things before heading into work. My wife would kill me if she ever found out about the place I had on the other side of town. I thought about letting it go, but what if Kash wanted to stay there with her baby? If she had the baby. Maybe the best thing was for her to get rid of it. Of course, I didn’t believe in abortions but with everything going on, it seemed to be the most reasonable thing to do at this point. There was no way Kash could have my baby and stay with me and her sister. That shit just didn’t seem right.
I had a long day ahead at the office. With my personal business spiraling out of control, I hadn’t been putting in work like I usually did.
Seeing a piece of paper next to the bed, I scooped it up to read it.
Hey love,
Last night was amazing. Thank you for making me feel loved again. I got an Uber back to my car and then I’m headed out to meet a few clients, hopefully see a doctor, and check in on Kash too, so see you tonight at dinner.
Love,
Your Wife
Smiling at the note, it sounded like the Karmen I met in high school. The fun-loving, carefree Karmen. The one I fell in love with. I was so happy she mentioned the doctor’s office because her drinking concerned me since she was now pregnant.
