“He already tried,” I mutter, looking at my palm as I try to breathe through a tight chest. “She said no. Got him to agree to taking us along on his world tour.”
“For serious?” He pushes his bottom lip downward. “Go Nomes.”
“I still think he’s trying to fuck her,” Marcus grunts, busy trying to wipe the makeup off his face.
“Meh, no reason she can’t do the rounds like the rest of us.” Jack shrugs. He’s been sitting quietly on a stool while we all sit around acting like someone just died. “Maybe when he’s finished with her, me or Lach will get a turn.” He laughs, and I don’t think he means anything by it. But his laughter is cut short when Marcus steps toward him and kicks the stool out from under him, sending him sprawling on the floor. “Dude. What the fuck?”
“You’re an idiot.” Lachlan laughs, watching Jack right himself and the stool. “These two are like her fucking guardians or something. You don’t have a chance with her. Hell, I don’t even think these two have a chance with her either. She’s better than the lot of us.”
“She’s better than everyone,” I say, my tone making out like it’s an inconvenience to me. Picking up my stuff and heading toward the door. “I’m out of here, guys. Have fun at the party.”
“Hang on. I’ll come too.” Marcus says, getting up to follow me out. I simply look at him and nod, knowing that this is his way of making things cool between us.
We drive back to the hotel in silence and it isn’t until we pull up in the parking garage that he speaks to me. “Listen. About last night. I was really pissed off when I saw you coming out of her room and I said that stuff just to get to you. I never slept with her. I…” He lets out his breath and shakes his head slightly. “I always saw her as the kind of girl I’d settle down with you know? I don’t know. I just really like her. I always have. I actually…I think I love her.”
“So do I,” I admit, focusing on the symbol in the centre of my steering wheel.
“Fuck man. What do we do about it?” he asks, looking over at me.
I shrug my shoulders. “Nothing. She doesn’t want either of us,” I say, as I get out of the car and head up to our room. Marcus doesn’t follow, he just stays sitting in the van.
Thirty-One
Naomi
Over the next couple of weeks, a few things happen.
The tour continues. We visit Darwin, Perth, Adelaide, and Hobart. Each of these cities only has one night booked, so it’s a huge amount of work to arrive, set up and prepare for one show, only to pack it all up and travel to the next city to do it all again.
I start spending a lot more time with Dan, he’s really nice and so normal. I wouldn’t expect a guy as famous as he is to be sitting around talking to me about movies and the music of other people. But, I’m really enjoying my time with him, and I’m looking forward to continuing our working relationship over the coming months. We’ve already applied for our working visas through his record label. Part of the deal is signing Matiari to make the process of getting us all over there easier. I like that it means Theo won’t be busting his arse so much. As a band, we’re getting everything we ever wanted.
On top of this, Theo and Marcus have started to act like human beings. This is kind of freaking me out, because I’m so used to them being strained around each other. And I’m used to Marcus going off after a show and getting drunk and sleeping with whichever pretty girl takes his fancy that night. But they’re even beating me back to the hotel most nights. I’ll come in after hanging out with Dan and I’ll hear them through the door of their room, talking and laughing together, sometimes I hear them working on songs.
A couple of times I’ve wanted to go in and join them. I even stood at the door, with my hand lifted and ready to knock, but before I could, they erupted into a fit of laughter. So instead of knocking, I just let my hand rest on the door, connecting with them that way as I smiled to myself, listening to their camaraderie, and happy that they’ve found each other again. This is what I wanted.
It seems I’m excellent at bringing other people together. But I’m terrible at finding connections for myself. And Dan doesn’t count, because I’m not interested in him like that.
I miss home.
“Finally,” Stephanie yells into the phone when I call her the morning we’re due to fly to Melbourne. “You know I’ve been calling your mother for updates? What happened to my best friend privileges? And what happened to my FaceTime call with Dan Stolle? There are photos of you two everywhere. Are you dating now?” I smile at her barrage of questions. It was exactly what I needed.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve seen your texts. We’re just keeping odd hours these days, and I didn’t want to wake you up,” I explain. “It’s good to hear your voice.”
“Same to you, Nomes. I’ve been missing you.”
“Me too,” I whisper, my voice cracking a little as all of my emotions burst out to the surface. Steph is the one person I’ll tell everything to, and just connecting with her over the phone makes me realise how much I need to talk.
“Hey, what’s going on? You sound upset.”
“It’s just…” I cry out the whole sad and sorry state of affairs I’ve found myself in. I tell her about what happened with Marcus on stage, what happened with Dan, and then Theo in my room, the deal I struck for the band, and how I told them they couldn’t touch me anymore and now they’re staying as far away from me as possible.
“Holy shit, Naomi. I've been so excited because of those photos of you with Dan Stolle, I thought you were out there having the time of your life,” she says when I finally stop.
“No. He’s just a friend. I mean, we kissed once, but that was as far as it went.”
“You’re killing me,” she mutters. And I laugh, wiping my nose with a Kleenex.
“He’s actually really cool and down to earth. I can talk to him. So he knows I’m caught between Marcus and Theo.”
“And what does he say about it?”
“That I should stay platonic. He thinks relationships ruin bands. I know he’s right. I just…”
“Can’t seem to stop thinking about them? Or perhaps one in particular? A goth boy perhaps?” she suggests, her voice calm and understanding.
“I don’t know, Steph. I wish we could all just go back to before the tour when Theo didn’t want to be around me and Marcus was just flirting for fun. It’s just so serious now. This is supposed to be fun, you know?”
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I—”
She keeps talking, but I don’t hear the rest because there’s a soft rapping on my door.
“Oh, Steph, I’m sorry there’s someone here. I’ll have to call you back.”
“OK, well I’m proud of you. And I can’t wait to see you perform in Sydney. Gary and I are dying to watch you on the big stage.”
“Thank you. I’ll call you again as soon as I can.”
We disconnect, and I head towards the door as my visitor knocks again and says my name. My heart does an excited jump in my chest. It sounds like Theo. Smoothing my hair and my shirt, I breathe into my hand to smell my breath, noting that it’s fine. What am I doing? Rolling my eyes at myself, I set a smile on my face and pull the door open.
“Are you packed? It’s almost time to go,” Marcus says, looking serious.
“Um… sure. Do you need my bags for the car?” I ask, standing to the side to let him in when he nods. I’m not going to lie and pretend that I’m not looking past him in the hope that Theo is here too. But my heart sinks. It’s just Marcus. “I’ll just double check I have everything.”
“Are you happy, Naomi?” he asks suddenly, watching me as I open and close the cupboards and drawers.
“I…” I start, not fully understanding the question, or what he wants me to say.
“Because I’m not. I mean, it’s great I’m getting along with Theo again. But… this is hard for me.” I don’t think I’ve ever seen Marcus’s face look so severe before. All the usua
l fun and frivolity he displays is missing and he looks…tired.
“I’m sorry, Marcus. I’m not trying to make you unhappy. I’m just trying to stop us all from fighting. I don’t want to ruin this opportunity for us. We have so much ahead of us.”
“Do you think that when this leg of the tour is over we can talk? Properly, you know? Lay it all out on the table before we head overseas.”
“Yeah. I think that might be a good idea,” I say, feeling terrible that I’m making him unhappy. That was never my intention.
As we ride the lift down together, we look at each other a few times and exchange a few uncomfortable laughs. Honestly, I don’t know about this chat he wants to have. I want to come to an understanding, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to give him what he wants. Just like I don’t think he can give me what I want. He’s not the right brother.
Thirty-Two
Naomi
“What’s going on with you and Dan Stolle?” Jack asks on the plane as we fly to Melbourne to play the next two nights at Rod Laver Arena. “You seem pretty close and you’re always in the papers together, holding hands and shit.”
“We’re just friends,” I tell him.
“So you’re not gonna travel with him and stay with his band instead of us when we head overseas at the end of all this?”
I laugh a little and close the cover on my kindle, giving him my full attention. “No. Why would you think that?”
“Because you play their encore every night, and he wants you working on their next album. You’ll have to tour with him eventually, you know.”
“I know. And Matiari will be their support act each time. It’s the only way I agreed to it.”
“So we’re like, the pity act?”
“What? No.” I frown. “Why say that?”
“I don’t know. It’s just we were going nowhere then you turn up and we’re going everywhere, but we’re riding your coattails.”
“Would you rather I leave the band and we give up this opportunity to tour and be signed by an international label?”
“No.” He knits his brow. “That’s not what I’m saying. I guess things were just easier before.”
“Yeah. I guess everything, even success comes at a price.”
“Do we wanna pay it? I mean, what about you and those two?” he asks, nodding his head toward where Marcus and Theo are sitting.
I look over at them and watch them as they speak animatedly, feeling my resolve slipping just that bit more. I can’t help but wish I was sitting there with them…holding Theo’s hand.
“I don’t know,” I reply softly.
“You know that if you pick one, they won’t be doing that anymore,” he points out as we both watch the brothers burst into laughter.
“It’s why I’m trying to stay away.”
“That’s not going to work forever, Nomes. The longer we’re on the road, and bigger we get, the more likely this is to blow up. I just hope I’m not in the room when it happens. We’ve got a long way to fall now, you feel me?” he says, sliding his headphones over his head and turning his iPad on. I guess this conversation is over.
I re-open my ereader and go through my books, my finger hovering over the one I was reading to Theo. A pang of longing thuds in my chest, and I look over to where he’s sitting, catching him watching me. His dark eyes connect with mine and I swear time just freezes. I don’t even think I’m breathing. I don’t know how long we stay like that, but it ends all too soon when he seems to realise what he’s doing and his brow creases just before he turns around and doesn’t look back.
My eyes prick a little, and I blink rapidly as I look down at the book we were reading. I press my finger on the screen until the menu pops up and hit delete. But when the confirmation message pops up, asking me if I’m sure, I can’t go through with it and power the device off instead. I can’t focus on reading now, anyway.
* * *
When we get to our next hotel, I settle into my room on my own again. As per usual, we’re all on the same floor. The men all have adjoining rooms, and I’m across the hall. I’ve become so fast at unpacking that I have everything away in about ten minutes. I’m slightly bored, and tired of being on my own whenever we’re not practising or performing.
Pocketing my key, I walk across the hall and raise my hand, listening to all four men talking on the other side. Butterflies swirl in my stomach as I stand there frozen. After the last couple of weeks, I feel a little awkward coming over to them all like this. I take a deep breath and knock solidly on the wood three times, fidgeting on the spot as I hear them on the other side of the door asking if anyone ordered something.
The door pulls open and I’m greeted by a smiling Marcus, his light brown hair has grown to the point where it constantly falls into his eyes. He reaches a hand up to brush it away. “Hey,” he says. “What’s up?”
I want to ask if I can come inside. I want to just bounce on in there and pretend everything is the same as it was before the tour, but I chicken out. Taking the safer road instead.
“I um… was just wondering what time we’re going,” I ask, now feeling a little like an intruder as he stands in front of me, blocking the door.
“I don’t know. Hey Theo,” he calls over his shoulder. “How long until we’re going?”
“I don’t know. A couple of hours,” he replies. I move my head slightly to the sound of his voice, but I can’t see him past Marcus’s broad frame.
“OK,” I respond quietly, taking a step backwards, getting ready to return to my room. To be on my own…
Feeling like the kid who doesn’t get picked for the sports team, I sit on my bed and sulk for a while before taking out my violin. I play Vivaldi’s La Follia, it’s something I haven’t played since I was at the School of Music, but for some reason, it’s the first thing that comes out of me when I put the bow to the strings.
Closing my eyes, I feel the music flow through me. It enters my ears, spreading through my veins like it’s being carried by my blood, mingling with my melancholy. When I finish, I feel my emotions buzzing along the surface of my skin.
A loud clapping shocks me out of my reverie, causing my eyes to fly open and focus on the figure leaning against my door frame.
“You left your key in your door,” Theo explains, holding it up for me to see.
“Oh, thanks,” I say, setting my violin on the bed beside me.
“I haven’t heard you play classical for a long time. Is something wrong? Trouble in paradise?”
“What?” I ask, furrowing my brow in confusion.
“With you and Dan.”
“There is no me and Dan. We’re friends. That’s it.”
“I just thought, since you’re always going out with him and the photos…”
“Well, you’d be wrong.”
He pulls his lips into his mouth as he takes a few steps into the room and places my key on a small table.
“You know, you never did finish reading that book to me. Maybe on the next flight… perhaps we could sit together?”
“Maybe,” is all I say as I put my violin back in its case.
“I’m so sorry, Naomi,” he says after a beat, his hands in his pockets as he meets my eyes.
“Don’t be. It’s easy enough to assume.”
“No. Not about Dan. I’m sorry about Brisbane. I was drunk and I… I messed up.”
Tears spring to my eyes as that night flashes to the surface. “Yeah. You really did,” I admit, wiping at my eye as a tear sneaks out of the corner.
“I just… I miss you.”
With a nod, I sit and stare at him, drinking in every detail. I’ve been missing him too. There’s something about him, something that makes me feel like I belong, something that makes me want to risk everything to be with him. Because he gets me. And I get him too. But I don’t know how to make this work.
“I’ll um, just…” he says, blowing out a charged breath as he backs away and places his hand on the door.
�
�Don’t go,” I blurt, my voice more of a burst of sound than actual words.
He freezes his movement and looks back at me, his dark eyes holding everything I know, and everything I want. Without giving it too much thought, I stand up and rush him, going up on my toes and throwing my arms around his neck.
“I miss you too,” I whisper, closing my eyes tightly as his arms encircle my waist and he lets out a relieved sigh. “I’ve missed you so much. I’ve wanted to talk to you. But I didn’t want to ruin anything. I’ve just… I’ve been so lonely without you and I need you in my life. If we have to give all this up to do it, that’s OK. Because I don’t want any of this without you anymore. I’ll go back to working the bar. I’ll join another band. I’ll do anything. Just don’t walk away again. Don’t tell me no anymore.” I gasp, and bury my face in his neck, not wanting to let go.
“Naomi?” he says after I’ve finished babbling.
“Yeah?” I lift my head to look up at his face, my heart skipping a beat as our gazes collide. Please.
“Don’t slap me this time?” He slides his hands up so he’s cupping either side of my face, thumbs brushing away my emotional tears before he brings his mouth to mine. Cue the angels singing.
Glorious ripples of desire go zinging through my body as our mouths move sensuously together. It’s so much more beautiful than it was the last time we kissed, this kiss is filled with all the want and the need we’ve been harbouring for each other over the years. This is the kind of kiss that changes lives and forges destinies.
“I love you, Theo,” I say, not wanting to let him go.
Melody: Beautiful Series, book three Page 22
