But then she was talking, and all he could do was get lost in the sound of her voice and drown in the deep pools of her eyes.
“Sam, I’ve never been more sure. I want this. I want you. I want us to do what we’ve never done with anyone else. I want us to have something special.”
He let out a low laugh. “Everything we’ve done is special. All of it.”
“But this is different.” Her spill of dark hair shifted against the pillow. “You know it is.”
“I know.”
Her fingers tightened. “I want you to be my first in this.”
Sam groaned, remembering the last time she’d offered him that chance. She’d been eighteen, sitting at the edge of her narrow dorm bed in a pair of low-waisted jeans, refusing to meet his eyes as she offered him the thing he’d been scowling down assholes for years to protect. As she told him it didn’t have to be a big deal—it didn’t have to mean anything.
He’d shot across the room, choking on too many four-letter words fighting to get free at once. Because everything she was saying was wrong.
She wasn’t supposed to ask him for anything like that. Didn’t she know about the promises he’d made to her brother and her dad? The promise he’d made to himself?
And to have her say something like her first time wouldn’t be a big deal—that it wouldn’t mean anything? Screw that. For him, sure, that’s the way it had been. But Ava deserved more.
But then Ava was up flapping her hands in front of her, shrieking at him to calm down because it had only been a stupid idea, and he knew when he yelled at her, she couldn’t help yelling back and she’d just been looking for a simple way to take care of the pesky little problem of her virginity, and she’d thought he’d have the decency to help her out with it since he and her brother were the number one and two reasons, respectively, she was still burdened with the stupid thing.
Sam hadn’t figured out what to say by the time she stopped. So for a minute he’d just stared as she stood there, her foot tapping a mile a minute. Her fists balled at those narrow hips. Her big brown eyes shooting daggers at him as if somehow he’d been the one to start all this. So he did the only thing he could: he got back in her face and started to fight like his next breath depended on it.
Like it was the only thing keeping him from saying yes to the one thing he knew he couldn’t have. Didn’t deserve.
And soon enough Ava threw up her hands in a huff and stormed over to her mini-fridge, where she pulled out a Frappuccino and cranked the lid. Downing half the bottle, she turned toward the window and stared out over the quad. “I guess I was just thinking we’d been there to help each other through so many awkward first things, you know? I mean, my first period? My mom was out of town and you bought the box of pads for me because I was too embarrassed to go to the counter. And when you were going to sleep with that nasty Charity Linden, I went into the pharmacy and bought the condoms. I just thought this could be like that.”
He laughed, remembering how he’d thought he was being so mature walking down that forbidden aisle. He’d grabbed a box of tampons because that’s what all the girls talked about. But then he’d looked at the box, thought about the “application” process, and stuffed it back on the shelf, grabbing a box of pads instead. There’d been a million things between them like that.
Walking up behind her, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his chest.
“I’m sorry, Ave. But this would be different. I can’t.”
Ava had given him an affectionate jab to the ribs with her elbow. “Yeah. I know.”
So they’d laughed it off and put it behind them.
But a part of him couldn’t let it go. A part of him wished he’d been the right guy to do it—and that part went a little off the deep end when he found Ava’s birth control pills and an open box of condoms the next month.
That part of him, even years later, wanted to get as close to the first he’d given up as humanly possible.
Sam dropped a kiss to her lips, lingering there for a long minute. “I want to be your first in this. I want you to be mine.”
Jesus, her smile.
Rocking back, he dragged his shaft through all her silky heat. The heightened sensation of pure, unfettered contact nearly blew his mind and left them both groaning, tensed and ready.
And then he was positioned at her opening. Eyes locked, he pushed slowly inside, grinding down his molars as he worked through an onslaught of pleasure like he’d never experienced before. Yeah, he knew Ava’s body, but not like this. Tonight each inch he took was like a new discovery, and even the soft moans slipping past her lips sounded new, unfamiliar to his ears.
“Sam…oh God, Sam…this is crazy,” she gasped, her eyes wide, her breath breaking around the words.
Crazy didn’t begin to cover it.
“I know…so fucking good,” he answered, pulling his hips back and about losing it on the reverse stroke, because it was crazy, fucking good.
She was wet and slick and tight, and there was nothing between them to mute the experience. This was everything.
Everything there was.
Everything there could be.
And they were sharing it together.
And then Ava’s body was clenching around his thrusts, the sensation shocking and electric.
Her lips were parted, her cries sweet and sexy, fragile and demanding all at once. And if he wasn’t fucking careful it was going to be over all too fucking fast.
He sank deep and pulled back, indulging in the kind of long strokes he’d meant to hold that gathering pressure within him at bay. But the feel of Ava’s body parting around him and then clinging as he withdrew—Christ—he was barely hanging on.
And then she did it.
Ava broke eye contact, propping herself up on her elbows…so she could look down the length of their bodies.
Holy fuck.
“Ava,” he bit out her name, his hips working faster and harder as he wrestled with the brutal choice of where to look himself. Because the sight of his uncovered cock, slick with her cream as he shafted in and out of her body, had the caveman in him wanting to throw back his head and roar, but compared with the equally chest-thumping vision of Ava’s glazed eyes fixed on the point of their union, the soundless movement of her lips as she sucked and held one breath after another with his every driving thrust—unfuckingbelievable.
Like the soft sway of her breasts. He wanted those berry-red nipples in his mouth, ripe against his tongue. He wanted them teasing his palms, then caught between his fingers while he took her from behind. He wanted them hard and rubbing his chest as he made her come against the wall.
He wanted them just like this, freaking perfect as they bounced while he pounded harder into the body he never wanted to leave.
“Sam…yes…oh please!” And she was there, her sex gripping him like a fist, pulling him fast toward the edge, and then her cries broke off and her body arched hard beneath him, taking him right over with her.
The pressure gathered at the base of his spine released like a current running to his extremities and back, before pumping hard and deep into Ava’s body.
Marking the deepest part of her with the deepest part of him.
Fuck. Talk about caveman.
But he couldn’t help it. Like he couldn’t help the words he’d said to Ava so many times before, but never like this. Never with this depth of connection underscoring the emotion pushing them past his throat.
Knowing she would understand, he stroked the side of her face and met her soulful brown eyes. “I love you.”
Chapter 23
He loved her.
Ava blinked. She swallowed. Took a deep breath and thought about trying to pinch herself just to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. Only considering Sam was still buried inside her where he’d come without a condom less than a minute ago, then looked tenderly into her eyes and said those three little words she’d fantasized her whole life about hearing like this—the
whole pinching thing might ruin the moment. Especially since there was every chance Sam hadn’t said them the way she hoped they were intended.
In a world that was fair—a world where parents weren’t taken before their time, where children knew only hugs and safety, in a world where love was never unrequited—there would be only one way to interpret those three little words after what had just happened between them.
But in this world where Sam and Ava lived, life wasn’t always fair.
Which meant those three little words could mean any number of things.
Ava blinked again, this time with the realization that might not be such a terrible thing after all. Because if she said them back…they could mean whatever Sam thought they should.
So maybe just this once she could say what she meant. Set the words that had been bubbling up in her chest since she was a girl free with all the emotion she’d never allowed to accompany them before. She could give him everything in her heart without worrying about the ramifications of Sam seeing more than she wanted him to see. Because Sam wouldn’t see anything he didn’t want to.
And after all, there was still the chance…maybe…
Reaching up, she caught a few sun-brushed stands of hair between her fingers, and meeting his eyes, gave Sam a truth she never thought she’d be able to share. A truth that might still count as a lie depending on how he took her words—how she let him take them.
She didn’t care. To let the words out just once with the feeling that was behind them, to set all that too long-contained emotion free, to live in the bliss of that instant before she really knew what he meant…She couldn’t resist.
Parting her lips to answer him, Ava expected the words to spring past with the ease they’d always found before. But after so many years of fighting to contain the emotions behind them, they wouldn’t come.
Her throat was too dry. Too tight. Her tongue refusing to work.
She tried again, afraid Sam would look away and the moment, her chance, would be gone forever. And this time, when she pushed the air from her lungs, she managed the words herself. “I love you too.”
Sam’s eyes searched her own. The corner of his mouth curling into the satisfied grin that had been making her heart skip for twenty years.
He dropped a firm kiss to her lips and winked. “I know you do.”
And then he was easing out of her body, dropping another kiss at her shoulder, backing off the bed as he asked about breakfast the next morning. Casual. Easy.
Like always.
That buoyed feeling in her chest started to fade. Not that she’d let it show.
Pulling the sheet above her still sensitive breasts, she tucked her knees beneath her. “How about waffles? We could make them.”
“We” was stretching it. Sam would make them. She would gather the ingredients and lay them out, but mostly her contribution was limited to reading aloud the bits of news most likely to get a rise or laugh out of Sam while he cracked eggs and eyeballed vanilla.
But what mattered was they’d still be within their own little bubble at home. She’d have him to herself. And if things were changing between them, they’d have the privacy to explore it, to voice those precious words again.
“Waffles? Sure. Whatever sounds good to you.”
Ava nodded, smiling as he flashed another grin at her from the gap in the bathroom door.
Only all she could think was, guys didn’t say “whatever” after those three little words when they meant what they were supposed to mean.
Because those words, said the very first time the way they were supposed to be meant, weren’t easy. And they weren’t casual.
She’d known better than to let herself think for even a second that things had changed.
—
“Boss, you want us to start early again tomorrow?”
Sam looked up to where Jesse Erikson was packing his tools. Their work for the day done.
“Nah, man, we’re back on track. Thanks for putting in the extra hours. Bathroom is looking good.”
Normally when Sam’s delivery schedule started going to shit, like it had when the subflooring needed replacing and the custom vanity came in six inches too short and the electrical turned up bad for the Collier job, he went a little nuts.
His reputation meant everything to him. From before he’d had his name behind his company, from before Ava’s dad got him his first job with the man who would become his mentor, from the first time Mr. Meyers gave him the chance to help out with mowing the lawn, giving him the opportunity to contribute in some way to the family that treated him like he belonged, the job he’d done was the absolute best he could do. It didn’t matter how long it took; he worked until the job was perfect. Until there was no room to criticize. No matter how big or small the task, he set the bar high for it. It was the only way he could prove to the people who trusted him that he was worthy. The only way he could show them how much he appreciated the opportunities they gave him. The only way for him to let them know how much he cared.
So he busted ass to make sure fuckups were at a minimum, and that his actions made lies of every hateful word his father had ever said. That when people heard his name, they associated it with something of value.
Yeah, he took the commitments he made seriously. And weeks like this one had always put him on edge. Only instead of him needing to hole up in his office, triple- and quadruple-checking delivery dates, stock, schedules, and every other damn thing he’d already checked, he worked his hours, made sure everything was on track, and then closed up shop…to get back to Ava.
Jesus, the fantasy file was filling up faster than they were burning through it. The maple syrup–butter thing from the weekend—holy fuck. It had put the best ideas in his head. Ideas that were multiplying like rabbits even as they spoke.
He’d teased her that at the rate they were going, they were never going to clear that file. He’d been joking, mostly, but the look she’d given him reminded him there was a ticking clock. Yeah, he didn’t exactly know where they were in the countdown, but that startled expression said it was on.
Which made sense. Hell, he knew they couldn’t go on like this forever.
Ava was going to want something more from the kind of guy she deserved it with—a guy who knew how to fall in love and believed in marriage and wanted the zillion kids Ava had talked about when she was in high school. And killing time with him only meant she wouldn’t be open to the possibility for that much longer. So yeah, it couldn’t last. But he wasn’t ready to give it up. Not just yet. And based on the pleading, desperate sounds she’d been making in his ear just that morning, Sam got the sense she wasn’t quite ready to give it up either.
Jesse cleared his throat, reminding Sam the guy was still there. A reminder he needed more and more, it seemed, in recent weeks.
Letting out a short laugh, he shoved a hand through is hair. “Sorry, distracted.”
“No problem—I know how it is when we get behind. But we’re looking good now, yeah?”
“Yeah. We’ll be out of here on time. It’s all good.”
“Cool.” Jesse dug his keys out of his pocket. “Say, you don’t know anyone looking for a puppy, do you? Sadie Mae got out awhile back and we’ve got a litter looking for homes. Half retriever, half hell if I know.”
An hour later, Sam was pulling Ava through the Eriksons’ front gate and knocking on the door to the small bungalow.
“Sam, seriously, what’s gotten into you?” she laughed, pulling away when he pinched her hip.
They didn’t know anyone in Jesse’s neighborhood, so there wasn’t any harm in giving in to his desire to touch her.
“And what are we doing here again?”
He squeezed her hand, pulling her close. “Wait and see.”
Ava’s eyes narrowed, her chin pulling back, but he could see the excitement in her eyes.
She was going to flip.
The front door opened and Jesse greeted them with a comfortable smile, and a to
ddler with pink cheeks and a pile of auburn corkscrews tumbling around her face perched on his hip. “Come on in, guys. Excuse the mess. The stink. The noise. Take my word for it—with just one, it’s not nearly so bad.”
“One baby?” she asked, looking more than a little confused.
Jesse laughed, and then Ava must have heard. Little yips and scuffles coming from somewhere deeper within the house.
“No way,” she gasped, looking from Jesse to Sam and back. “You’ve got puppies?”
Jesse waved them to follow and Sam tucked her under his arm, pulling her in close just the way he liked. Leaning down toward her ear as they walked, he said, “I’m thinking we should get a boy. I know girls are so cute, but I’m afraid a pretty little thing like that would have me wrapped around her paw so tight, we’d never get her trained. With boys, I know you don’t take any crap, so I feel like we’d have a chance. Yeah?”
Ava stopped walking, her eyes gone saucer wide. “Sam, what are you saying?”
They were almost to the back porch where Jesse had set up the puppies’ kennel, so Sam pulled her the rest of the way, too excited to stop.
“What does it sound like I’m saying? I’m getting us a puppy. They won’t be ready to come home for more than a month, but we can still pick one out.”
Chapter 24
“You want us to get a puppy together?” The words were barely a whisper, because what was this? She knew she hadn’t been wrong about the way she’d interpreted Sam’s “I love you” after the bachelorette party. He hadn’t said it again. Hadn’t even hinted about it.
There weren’t any questioning looks. No meaningful silences just begging to be filled with a discussion about their deepening relationship.
He’d just been Sam, same as if he’d told her he liked bacon more than sausage.
Which meant those three little words said with so much emotion had been about friendship. They’d been about a moment between them that was special.
She’d accepted it, mostly.
Only now he was talking about a dog. A puppy.
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