by Cee, DW
“Then he died when I was in eighth grade, and his death devastated me. My mom and I had both lost the love of our lives and our best friend. This was also when I started to finally grow and develop physically. I was a mess in every way when I got to my grandparents’ home in LA.”
I held back my tears the best I could in order to finish my story.
“When we got to LA, my mom went through bouts of depression, and it terrified me. I forced myself to come out of my shell and tried to be everything my mom wanted me to be—cheerful, lively, and strong. She did her best to stay content and this was when she and I bonded. Even with my grandparents around, we felt like we only had each other. Rather than spending time with friends after school, I spent all my time with my mom. She told me everything she could about Dad up to when my memory clicked and I shared about all my days with Dad when it was just the two of us. She had become my love and my new best friend. Then she died the end of my junior year, a few days before my birthday.”
At this point, I couldn’t hold back. Jake held me and let me cry. My body shook as I sobbed uncontrollably thinking about both Mom and Dad. No matter how wonderful Jake was or how much he loved me, or how much I loved him, he could never replace the love my parents gave me while they were alive. I regretted not having appreciated this love and not having spent more time with Mom.
“A year later, Max came into my life and soon became my best friend, my love, and my only family. Four years later, I lost him too. My heart’s been severely broken three times. I don’t think I can stand another heartbreak. That’s why I’m so cautious with us. I’m sorry I frustrate you, but do you think you can be even more understanding of me than you’ve already been and allow me to move at my own pace? I know I’m being unfair to you, but this is the only way I can be in a relationship right now.”
His eyes bore a tender and heartbroken expression.
“Emily, I love you regardless of how fast or slow our relationship has progressed. I am happy to do what you’ve asked if you will promise to do one thing for me.”
I looked up at him, wondering what that one thing would be.
“Promise me you will stop looking at me as the one who will break your heart, but try to accept me as your new best friend, your eternal love, and the one who wants to create a family with you. That’s what I want to be for you.”
In my mind, it wasn’t entirely possible to believe what he’d just confessed, though in my heart I desperately wanted to believe him. Nevertheless, I nodded my head and agreed.
“By, the way,” he added, “when’s your birthday?”
I guess we had never asked each other this very important question.
“May 20th,” I answered.
“No way!” he said in amazement. “My birthday is May 19th. We have almost the same birthday. We’ll celebrate our birthdays together and for two full days, OK?”
I nodded my head once again.
Sunday was a precursor to our Hawaii trip. Jake went in early to check on his patients and came over by 7:00. He woke me up, as usual, and milled around the house while I showered and got ready.
“How do you function on so little sleep?” I asked while putting on makeup.
“I’ve never needed much sleep. Three or four hours a day is sufficient.” He sat on my bed flipping channels, waiting for me.
“I need at least eight hours, and I feel like I’ve been on your schedule this entire week. Good thing I’m on vacation. I’ve taken a nap almost every day this week. It’s pathetic!” I said laughing.
Jake walked over and hugged me from behind. “What do you want to do today? I feel like I’m starting my vacation early. Whatever you want, we’ll do.”
“Anything?” I asked.
“Anything,” he answered. “Speaking of, I have a question for you. What are some things you’ve always wanted to do?”
“What do you mean?” I was a bit unsure of this open-ended question.
“You know, like if money were no object or in your wildest dreams, you’d like to…”
“You mean like a bucket list? Aren’t I a little young for a bucket list?”
“Emily Logan, your list,” Jake commanded.
“OK.” I thought about it for a minute and came up with a short list.
#1—I want to hear Andrea Bocelli sing in some outdoor stadium in the hills of Tuscany.
#2—I want to take a series of cooking classes in Italy, France, or Japan.
#3—I want to climb all the steps of Machu Picchu
#4—I want to eat a formal Kaiseki meal in Japan
#5—I also want to go on a dining spree in Spain
#6—I want to live in New York City for a while
#7—I want to spend a few nights in a hut in the middle of some island—like the ones you see in travel magazines.
#8—I want to learn to ballroom dance.
#9—I want to go on one of those trips with that chef from the No Reservations TV show
#10—I also want to be a judge on Iron Chef
“That’s about all I can think of off the top of my head. Of course, you covered a few of them already with our gastronomic feast in Napa and Carmen. Although, if I had a choice, I’d see Carmen performed in Paris. And speaking of Paris, #11—I want to picnic at the Tuileries Garden with someone I’m madly in love with. That’s all,” I finished with a satisfied smile.
“None of those are too hard to accomplish, except for those two items toward the end.”
“I’m a simple girl,” I answered. “Can we go shopping today? I still haven’t bought your mom a gift. I can’t show up to your house for Christmas dinner without a gift for her, especially not after she takes me to Hawaii. You have to help me buy something for her.”
We walked through the flea market, attempting to find Sandy a clock. Jake told me his mom collected clocks from around the world. It took many hours to leisurely walk through the entire flea market, but I finally found the perfect gift.
At dinner, Jake continued to ask about my pre-Jake years.
“Emily, what did you and your family do during the holidays? Do you have a lot of family?”
“No. I don’t think I have much luck when it comes to family. Both my parents were only children and my paternal grandparents passed away when I was young. They were old when they had my father. We didn’t know each other very well,” I replied while trying to decide between eating the uni or amaebi sushi.
“When my parents were both alive, we used to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas at home, and my maternal grandparents would visit us. After my dad died, the four of us spent holidays together in LA. It wasn’t too festive, as you can imagine, cooking a Thanksgiving meal for four people.”
We must have been hungry from the three-mile hike today. We plowed through a dozen orders of sushi and were already on to coffee and dessert.
“Green tea flan and a café con leche, please,” I asked the server. Jake just ordered a cup of coffee.
“So after your mom and grandparents died, who did you spend your holidays with?”
I could see where Jake was taking this conversation. That same sadness in his eyes that I had seen during our weekend away, when I told him about my parents dying, made an appearance again. He wanted to share in my sorrow. He felt my every pain. Deep in my heart I knew I loved this man as much as he loved me. How could I not? He was already so much a part of me.
“I spent a few holidays with Max’s family, and a few with Sarah’s family. One Christmas, both Max and Sarah were out of town visiting relatives so I spent it alone. That was a sad Christmas.” I tried to smile, not wanting Jake to feel this loneliness that had suddenly landed back in my heart. “I sound so pathetic, huh?” I grinned and fed him a bite of my dessert.
“Why didn’t you go with Max to visit his relatives? Were you not invited?” Empathy caressed his voice.
“Are you seriously asking me why I didn’t go on a trip with my boyfriend at the t
ime? Shouldn’t you be thrilled that we never went away together? Well, I guess there were a few group trips.” I made a concerted effort to lighten this conversation. “To answer your question, Dr. Reid, I didn’t go with Max because I never felt completely accepted by his family. They were very nice to me, but I always felt like an outsider. I couldn’t break into their family bond. No matter, obviously I was not meant to be a Davis.”
Jake reached over and caressed my hand. I didn’t think I needed comforting, but I accepted his touch.
“Oh, my sweet Emily…my love…” Jake murmured. “I hate thinking about you being alone. Why couldn’t we have met earlier? I would’ve filled your void. I won’t ever let you be alone again.”
With all my heart I wanted to believe Jake.
Chapter 6 Paradise
I met Jake’s parents for the first time at LAX. Sandy, a fairly tall, slightly round woman in her late fifties, gave me a hug and welcomed me with a warm smile. Bobby, a tall, light-skinned and very handsome man in his midsixties, also greeted me with a family-style bear hug and kiss on the cheek. Nick was also there with a brotherly smile that made me feel very welcomed into the Reid family. Nick took our bags, whispered something in Jake’s ear, and checked them in with the rest of the family’s. Jake stood just steps away, grinning.
“Where’s Jane?” Jake put his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek in the middle of my question.
“She’s still in San Francisco. She will meet us in Hawaii around the same time we get in.”
Turning to Sandy and Bobby, I expressed my appreciation. “Thank you very much for inviting me on your family trip. I couldn’t sleep last night thinking about getting to know all of you.”
Sandy beamed a tender look only a mother could give. “I’m so glad we finally get to meet. All Jake does is talk about you.”
“I hope he only tells you the nice things about me.”
“According to my son, there’s nothing bad about you.”
My cheeks went red, and Jake led me to the boarding area. The only other time I rode in first class was when Jake upgraded my seat when I flew out to New York to meet Sarah. Because I’d slept the whole way there, I didn’t fully appreciate the comfort of the plane ride.
Today, I realized this was way better than my first experience. It almost felt illegal to experience such comfort while others were cramped in coach. The seats were double the size of what I was used to, with one attendant to every five passengers. I was thoroughly spoiled.
“I don’t know if I can ever fly again in my usual economy seats,” I lamented.
“Stick with me and you’ll never sit back there with the masses again.” His tone was more arrogant than I’d ever heard, but I knew what he was saying was more for my sake than for his ego.
Laughing, I turned to talk to Jake about Hawaii, when out of nowhere his lips attacked mine. Jake refused to let me pull back, though he saw my extreme discomfort with his family sitting right in front of us.
“Excuse me, Dr. Reid,” the flight attendant interrupted apologetically. “We need you and Ms. Logan to return your seats to their upright position, as the plane is about to take off.”
Mortified, my face turned bright red as I heard giggles from his parents and brother.
“What are you doing? You can’t make out with me on the plane in front of ten people. You have to stop.”
Jake laughed at me, rose up the armrest and pulled my body close to his. Separating our two bodies was not an option. To my delight, he showed no mercy.
We landed in Maui at 8:00 a.m. and rented two cars—one for us, and another for the rest of the family. We met Jane at the hotel, got checked in, and left for our first activity. We drove to a helipad where a helicopter waited to take us on a scenic tour. We flew over the Haleakala National Park and Crater, the Hana Rainforest Preserve, the largest rainforest in America, and through countless number of waterfalls.
I wanted to tell Jake how the scenery took my breath away but didn’t want everyone to hear through the headsets, so I sat quietly enjoying the view and the warmth of Jake’s caresses throughout the ride. After lunch, we met up with a guide and hiked a five-mile trail leading to a dormant volcano. The end of this hike led to snorkeling, which eventually turned into scuba lessons for me, as I hadn’t ever been scuba diving. If this weren’t enough excitement for one day, Sandy and Jane wanted to go to a late afternoon yoga class to unwind. I honestly just wanted to go to my room and sleep the rest of the night, but of course, there was the luau. Who can come to Hawaii and not attend a luau? One would have thought we were leaving tomorrow with all that was conquered today. After the last hula dance/fire breathing show, I got up to say good night, and Jake walked me back to my room.
“I can go by myself. Why don’t you stay with your family a bit longer?” I encouraged.
“Are you kidding? I’m just as wiped out as you are. Nick made me go surfing while you were at yoga.”
“Not that I’m complaining, but why does your family feel the need to do everything in one day? I had a wonderful time, but I am so exhausted, I don’t know how I’m going to function tomorrow.”
Jake started laughing. “That’s just how all of our trips are. Go, go, go, go, go!”
As much as I wanted to conk out immediately, I hopped in the shower while Jake stuck around to use Jane’s computer. When I got out of the shower, Jake was fast asleep, snoring on my bed. I’d never seen his sleeping face before. He looked so sweet! My heart did revolutions thinking about waking up to this every morning. Then all of a sudden, the insecurities spun out of control.
Sigh…heartbreak…tears…
I sat down on the edge of the bed and wiped away my tears. Jake. I love you so very much. What am I going to do if you leave me? How will I piece back my broken heart? It took me a few minutes to talk myself back into reality. I didn’t want to get caught up in this made-up heartbreak, nor this happily ever after feeling. No matter the myriad of times Jake mentioned forever with me, I wouldn’t go down that road again till I was literally walking down the aisle. It hurt too much when fantasies morphed into an ugly reality. Dry-eyed, I nudged Jake’s shoulders to wake him up.
He didn’t budge. After a few more tries, I gently placed my lips on his and kissed him many times before he realized what was happening. He jostled awake, grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me onto the bed with him and continued our kiss—though not as gently. His arms around me were like a steel cage.
“Emi.” Jake had a serious expression on his face. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing’s the matter—except for the fact that you’re sleeping in my bed. Please get up and go to bed.” He didn’t look convinced till I kissed him some more.
“I am in bed,” he murmured between kisses.
“No, your own bed!”
He pretended to snore. I tried to get up but his grip around me got even tighter. With his body holding mine hostage, there wasn’t much I could do.
“Love, let’s just sleep like this,” he coaxed.
“My hair is still wet and your sister will be here any minute now.”
“Oh yeah.” Without moving, he easily freed one hand to reach in his pocket and began texting.
“What are you doing?”
He handed me his phone.
Jane, sleep in my room tonight. I will sleep here with Emi.
He sent the text before anything could be done.
“Too late.” He smiled a wicked smile. “It’s done. Now sleep here with me just the way you are and let’s talk tomorrow morning. I am very tired.” He showered fading kisses upon my face, and I knew there was no way out. I fell asleep comfortably in his arms that night.
The next morning, my body froze from the shock of pain. Yesterday’s activities had crippled me. Once again, I’d fallen asleep with Jake holding me. I wondered how I could give in so easily to spending the night with him when I wouldn’t give in to Max’s attempts all those year
s. The only answer I could come up with was that I was too tired to push him away—but I knew this wasn’t the whole truth.
Realizing my robe had unraveled itself in the course of the night, I tried to get up but my aching body wouldn’t listen. Eventually I managed to tie the robe around myself, and forced myself out of bed. Jake immediately complained.
“Emi…come back to bed. It was amazing being in bed with you the whole night. Let’s stay a little longer.”
“Jake, we have to meet your family for breakfast. We might be late already. Oh gosh, what will your family think?”
“They will think nothing of our night, and even if they do think something, who cares?”
“I’m hopping in the shower. My hair is a mess from sleeping with it wet. Go back to your room and get ready,” I commanded.
“Can I hop in with you?” he dared to ask.
“No! Go, please,” I begged.
Smiling faces greeted us when we got to the breakfast table. Everyone seemed to be quietly laughing at a joke that Jake and I were not privy to. I felt uncomfortable, and Jake looked smug that he had wormed his way into my bed last night.
“What’s on the agenda for today?” I asked trying to change the silent subject.
“We’re going to the Maui invitational to watch our basketball team play,” Sandy told us.
“Mom, I gotta warn you, Emi’s not a fan of our school.” Jake’s remark brought on a round of boos for me.
“Emily, your school’s playing here as well. We’ll get you tickets to that game. You and Jake can go together,” Jake’s father offered.
“Thank you, but that’s OK. You don’t have to bother. I’d like to spend the day with the family, if that’s all right with you.”
“We would love nothing better!” exclaimed Sandy. I spied an enormous smile on Jake’s face that filled my heart with joy.
