by Cee, DW
“Early Saturday morning.”
“What time? I’ll come pick you up.” Though our conversation was more formal than I would’ve liked, it made me feel good to know that she wanted to pick me up.
“I’ll grab a cab home and come pick you up for Bacara first thing Saturday morning. I need you ready early, OK?”
“Sure.” She paused and my heart dipped, as I wondered what she was thinking. “I miss you, Jake.”
Relieved with this last comment, I told her, “I can’t even begin to explain to you how much I miss you. See you tomorrow, Beautiful.”
Perhaps I overreacted to our conversation back at the airport. I’d be with her soon and that was all that mattered.
The sun was barely out when the plane landed at LAX. Thinking that Emily might have called, I checked my phone, and there was an ominous message from the chief telling me to come to the hospital first thing in the morning. After a week in Atlanta, he couldn’t possibly have me working, or so I hoped. I got to Mom’s, slept a few hours, then went in to see him.
“What’s going on, Chief? I’m going away with Emily this morning to Santa Barbara. You don’t have me working, do you?”
“No, but Roger passed away yesterday, and they are having a viewing today and a memorial service tomorrow. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to attend.”
I gave Chief an incredulous look.
“I’m sorry, Jake. I want to let you go, but he was the president of the hospital, and he died while under our care. Though it wasn’t our fault, we need to show our respect and support his family.”
“Well, can I leave after the viewing then come back tomorrow for the memorial?”
“That would be fine. Just stick around and help out where you can.”
I contemplated going over to Emily’s to explain what was going on but then decided to call her instead.
“Jake! Are you back?” I loved how excited she sounded knowing I was home.
“Hi, Beautiful. Did I wake you?”
“No. I’ve been awake waiting for you to call. When can we leave?”
“Sweetheart, can you go with Sarah and Charlie? I ‘m going to have to meet you there.”
Though she didn’t make a sound, I heard the sigh and envisioned the frown that marked her face as well.
“OK. What time do you think you’ll come?”
“I need to attend a viewing that begins sometime in the afternoon, then I’ll drive straight up there. I’m...”
“Don’t worry about it..” She cut me off before I could apologize. “I’m going to leave your car key on my kitchen counter. There’s a spare key to the house under the mat by the back door. Use it to get in the house. I guess I’ll see you later.” She sounded skeptical. I hated not being able to keep my promises, especially to her.
“I’ll see you soon.”
I got back to the cardiac ward and everyone was in a somber mood. Continually checking my watch, I went about my day waiting for the viewing to begin.
Hi, Sweetheart. How’s Bacara?
Her responses were always quick.
Lonely.
I don’t think she realized how affected I got whenever she told me she was lonely, especially since this was strictly my fault.
I’ll be there soon. Will you be lonely enough to allow me to kiss you in public?
Perhaps. You will never know till you get here.
Do we still have the same roommates?
We do but if you show any signs of not showing up, Sarah will bolt to the other room. Which means... I will be even more alone. It’s all up to you. Come soon.
Will do.
It was dinnertime and there was no sign of a viewing. I asked the chief if I could leave, and he informed me that Rebecca Stein, Roger’s widow, had just been hospitalized and their family requested the chief and I be her attending doctors. Someone was out there doing his best to keep Emily away from me. I dreaded this next phone call.
“Are you on your way?” She didn’t even say hello.
I couldn’t answer.
“Oh no. You’re not coming.” Once again, it wasn’t a question, it was a statement. “Sarah, you can move next door,” I heard her lament.
“Sweetheart, I don’t know how I’m going to make this up to you. I probably won’t get up there at all now.”
“I don’t know either. It’s going to take you many tries to make things right.” Being her understanding self, she tried to sound chipper.
“I’ll be happy to make it up to you the rest of my life.”
Silence. I felt like I was performing a monologue.
“Emily?”
Silence again.
“Emily!” I tried to illicit a response.
“Yes?”
“Why are you so quiet?”
“Well... I wish you wouldn’t make me any promises you won’t be able to keep. The rest of your life is a very long time from now.”
I knew I deserved this but it stung to hear her say it. “Wow. I think those are the most hurtful words you’ve said to me. How can you disregard my sincerity?”
“Jake...” Simultaneously she started and stopped her thought.
“Yes?” I needed to finish this conversation with her. This was an extension of our LAX conversation. “Emily, what’s on your mind?”
“I know you mean well but you can barely keep a dinner date with me. I can’t think much beyond what we have right now.”
“Emily, that’s not fair. You know I want to be there with you. These are circumstances beyond my control.”
“I know and I don’t blame you for these circumstances.”
“Then why can’t you believe me? Why can’t you see much of a future for us? This is what you said at the airport too.” I knew she had some reason she wasn’t willing to spit out. She had been so understanding up until now. It couldn’t be my schedule holding her back. “What is it you’re not telling me?”
“Jake, even after four years of believing I would spend the rest of my life with someone, this someone woke up one morning and stopped loving me. I can’t believe after four weeks, your mind could be made up so easily.”
Anger. Rage. Frustration. All these emotions ran up and down my body but came to a screeching halt as soon as I heard whimpering on the other end.
“I’ll talk to you later,” she said and quickly hung up.
I wanted to call back but decided against it. She probably needed some time alone. I would try calling later.
Thinking through our conversation, this girl, whom I loved dearly, had loved another man dearly. Though I didn’t think she still loved him, the hurt was far from being gone. Not having any family most likely compounded the hurt when he left her so suddenly. Whenever I got a reprieve from this job, I vowed to shower her with love and erase the hurt that lingered.
The next morning I woke up to a kind text.
I’m sorry for hanging up on you. I didn’t mean to sound so doubtful. I really miss you and am frustrated I won’t see you for another week. I leave on the 8:30 p.m. flight out of LAX. Do you think you can come see me before I leave for New York?”
I’ll be there. I really miss you too.
She texted back a smile.
After a long surgery on Rebecca Stein, I made a mad dash to LAX. It was nearly 11:00 p.m., and I was hoping Emily’s flight got postponed and that she would still be there. It wasn’t a good sign since she wasn’t answering her phone, but I wanted to go check just in case. I sprinted to her boarding area and frantically searched for her and Sarah. Not seeing either of them, I only confirmed Emily’s theory that I couldn’t keep my promise and that there really was no future for us.
With hope lost, I turned to leave when I saw my angel curled up in a fetal position, asleep on one of the chairs. Her face looked like she had been crying with a tear drop still fresh on her cheek. There weren’t enough days for me to make this girl happy and all I’d done to her this weekend was
made her cry. I knelt down and wiped away her tear.
Startled, she jumped. “Jake!” She hugged me and confirmed my belief or perhaps my hope—that she loved me too. “I’m so happy to see you. I’ve missed you so much.” Tears rolled down her pale cheeks.
“I’ve missed you too, Beautiful.” I pulled away from her to look at her face. She was a mess. “Don’t cry. I’m sorry I keep breaking my promises to you. You know I want to be with you, right?”
Her face looked hesitant.
“And you know when you’re not with me, I miss you more than anyone I’ve missed in my life?”
Her face looked like she wanted to say yes but her head shook no.
“How could you not know all this? Do you still not understand how I feel about you?”
“I thought…I thought maybe you were using work as an excuse to end what we have.”
“Emily, you crazy girl, what would make you think such a thing? Do I not make myself clear when I tell you how much I like you?”
“I just have a hard time believing. I was so sad thinking it was over. I don’t know if I like this effect you have on me. You have this way of making me feel amazing when we’re together but when we’re apart I feel lonelier than I’ve ever felt. No one has affected me like this before. I know we can’t be together all the time, and I don’t want to sound so needy. I know how important your job is to you and how important you are to your job.”
Funny how just a few minutes ago I thought she was going to break up with me. Who knew she was thinking the same thing about me. Tonight I realized buried inside this beautiful person was a fragile girl who needed stability—something I haven’t been able to provide for her with my hectic schedule.
“Should I be thrilled I make you feel amazing, or should I be upset I make you feel lonely?” I chuckled despite her teary disposition.
She laughed along with me.
“Emily, I’m sorry I keep breaking my promises to you. I want you to promise me though that you’ll tell me whenever I make you feel sad or lonely, OK?”
She nodded her head again and I pulled her back into my body.
“How am I going to let you go away for a week now? I’m going to miss you so much. Are you sure you don’t want to stay at Jane’s just in case I come to see you?”
“I’m sure. Sarah and I have a hotel in midtown.”
“Where is Sarah, by the way?”
“She got on the original flight. She had to meet her sister at JFK but I waited for you. Barring any more emergencies, I knew you’d come for me. I really wanted to see you.”
“Oh, Emily.” I really will make this up to you the rest of my life. I love you. “When is the last flight out?”
“They’ve started calling us. I need to board soon.”
“Let me see your ticket.” Horrified at the thought of Emily trying to sleep sitting up, I went up to the desk and changed her seat. Starting now, I would do everything in my power to take care of this girl. She would never second-guess my intentions or my love. I would love her unconditionally. Without a doubt, this was the girl I wanted to be with the rest of my life.
“Emi, I changed your seat so you can sleep on the plane. Have a wonderful trip and call me often.”
“Jake. It’s only a five-hour flight. Why did you spend so much money? It’s unnecessary.”
“Sweetheart, I’ve only just begun making up for all my broken promises. Believe me when I tell you I’ll take care of you from now on.”
She nodded her head one last time. Before I let her go I kissed her in public in front of a horde of people boarding the plane. She didn’t pull away, but she did turn her usual rosy color.
“So for the record, I am asking you a month in advance, you are spending Christmas with me and my family?”
“Are you asking me or telling me?”
“Both. It is at my parents’ house, and if you don’t show up this time, my whole family will think I’ve made up some phantom woman.”
“Christmas it is. I’ll call when I land. I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too. Have a good flight.”
I watched her walk in and left the airport satisfied. I knew we were headed in the right direction. Now if only I could get a decent length of time with her so I could get a commitment out of her with this ring. Only then would I be relieved, knowing she was wholly mine.
Chapter 6
How Much Do I Love Thee?
My phone rang right on cue.
“Good morning, Beautiful. Did you have a good flight?”
Without answering my question, she started with her own.
“Jake, did you send me a driver? Who is this gentleman holding my name on a piece of cardboard?”
“Yup. The driver is there for you. He’s going to take you to your hotel. Just tell him which hotel you’re staying at.”
“Jake!” There was disapproval in her voice. “I’m not that helpless. I like taking the subway.”
“Emily, who really likes taking the subway? It’s too much of a hassle from the airport. You’d have to take the AirTrain, then transfer to a subway, or take the train into Penn, then get on a subway. Just get in the car. He’ll take you straight to your destination.”
“OK, but no more of these unnecessary luxuries, OK? It’s a bit too easy to get used to this.” It sounded like she was holding back a giggle.
“Get used to it. I’m going to dote on you for a very long time. Enjoy your day and call me with updates.”
“Thank you. I’ll text, you call.”
The rest of my day went slowly. Of course since Emily was out of town, there wasn’t much going on at the hospital. I was tempted to buy myself a ticket and go visit her in New York. A phone call was a more realistic choice.
“Hi, Jake!” Never could I tire of the excitement I heard in her voice when she answered my call.
“What are you and Sarah up to?”
“Hi, Jake!” I heard Sarah call out.
“Tell her I said hi.”
“He says, hi,” she whispered over to her best friend.
“I’m going to have to have a talk with Charlie. He has yet to call while Jake sat you in first class, sent you a driver, plus has called already,” Sarah grumbled to herself.
Emily proceeded to tell me about her morning. “Since you were kind enough to send me a driver, I asked him to stop by the Doughnut Plant and I picked up a dozen donuts for me, Sarah, and Lily, her sister.”
“Oh, I like that place. Jane doesn’t live too far from there.”
“I had three donuts this morning. I ate two tres leche and one blackout. I might be a bit heavier next time you see me,” she confessed like a schoolgirl.
“That’s gross to eat three donuts.”
“I know. I also went next door and had a bialy.”
“Emily. Did you not eat up at Bacara?”
“No, I waited for you the whole time, remember? I couldn’t eat because I missed you so much.”
“Eew!” I heard someone shout. I assumed it was Sarah’s sister, Lily.
“Well, since it’s my fault you didn’t eat well up in Santa Barbara, I made reservations for you at Le Bernardin tomorrow night. Do you and Sarah have plans already?”
“Le Bernardin?” The foodie in her couldn’t hide her excitement. “I tried for weeks to get a reservation. How did you do it so easily? I wonder if Eric Ripert will be in the kitchen.”
“He’ll be there. I checked. Sweetheart, I’m being paged. I’ll call again later. I miss you.”
“Bye. Have a good day.”
I went about having a nice day, as it was a short one. The chief let me off early, since I did double duty out in Atlanta. Attempting to be a nice big brother, I surprised Jane and picked her up from the airport. She looked stunned to see me. I didn’t know why she was so surprised. Wasn’t I the poster boy for an ideal older brother?
“What on earth are you doing here? Are you here for me?
” She still wore a shocked expression.
“You want to catch the van home? Should I leave? Some thanks I get for trying to be nice.”
“Why aren’t you at work? Hey, I hear you have a new girlfriend. When do I get to meet her? Tell me about her.”
“Her name is Emily and she’s a school teacher. She’s the same age as you. She’s actually in New York right now. I wish I could be there with her.” In my mind, I pictured what she and Sarah might be doing. There were six more days of this drudgery till I could see her again. “Hey, Jane. Can you try this on for me?” I took out the eternity band from my glove compartment.
“What’s with the monster ring?”
“I bought it to give to Emily when I ask her to be my girlfriend but I’m unsure about her size.”
“A bit sappy for you…I’ve never seen you this enamored with a girl. All those years with Kelley, had you given her anything like this?”
I ignored her commentary on my past love life. “Jane, this girl is it. She’s the sister you’ve been wanting your whole life. It drives me crazy I can’t progress as quickly as I would like to. I don’t think she’s thinking marriage just yet.”
Jane put the ring on her finger and it looked stunning. Goosebumps ran through my body thinking about Emily wearing this ring.
“Jake, it’s beautiful but can I give you a piece of advice?”
“What?” I wasn’t going to listen if she said anything negative.
“This is too serious if you just started dating. Get a necklace and have her wear it as a pendant. I can’t see any girl wanting to put this on her finger after one month of courtship.”
“You think?”
“I know. Where’d you get the ring?”
“Cartier.”
“Let’s stop by. I’ll help you pick out a necklace. I have to say, I’m impressed. This ring is gorgeous. I think Emily will like it.”
Not able to hold off any longer, my fingers dialed Emily’s number again. Her excited voice loomed over the speaker phone.
