by Cee, DW
Emily eyed me curiously then giggled. I couldn’t believe I had a ring in my hand, a serious question of commitment out of my mouth, and all she could do was giggle.
“Are you going to answer? You’re making me nervous.”
“OK, so let me get this straight. You spend thousands of dollars to ask my permission to do what we are already doing now? Dating?” Now that she put it this way, the ring did seem a little over the top.
I reminded her that she was the one who needed clarity and a title to what we were doing.
“Aren’t we already exclusively dating? Have you been seeing other girls as well? Is that why it’s so hard to spend any time with you?” This joke I neither got nor wanted to laugh at. She saw the annoyance on my face.
“I haven’t had a desire or need to see anyone else. I feel blessed to be with you,” she reassured me. “I trust you and feel most secure when we’re together. You are the only man I want to be with.” These choice words melted my heart.
“What about Max?” I needed an answer to clear my doubts once and for all.
As much as I appreciated her words, I thought about the two of them last night and felt insecure again. Could there be a possibility she would want to get back together with him again? As she had said earlier, four years was hard to erase. She studied my face again and knew she needed to reassure me even more.
“I’m sorry you had to witness my first encounter with Max and his new girlfriend. Being such an awkward moment, I didn’t react the way I would have liked. I guess it hurt me more than I thought it would, even with you by my side.”
This was not what I wanted to hear, but she continued anyway. “But you and our relationship add so much joy to my life. I wasn’t lying when I said you’re the only person who makes me feel entirely comfortable. I’m elated when we’re together and lonely when we’re apart. Will this answer do? I would be honored to be your girlfriend.”
The second half of her statement definitely made up for the first half. I contemplated telling her how much I loved her. Not wanting anything close to a rejection after her confession just now, I decided to wait again.
Jane and Emily needed no introduction when they met at Quince. They instantly bonded. They began their conversation talking about New York. I didn’t realize how much Emily liked New York. She told Jane she wished she’d lived there at some point in her life. This was also something I’d have to try to do for her.
“Jake was so miserable when you were in New York.” Jane started talking about me. Emily smiled and squeezed my hand. “You should have seen him at Thanksgiving. We were all seated at a large table and we noticed Jake constantly looking down at his lap. Finally, Uncle Henry went over and grabbed what was in his lap—his phone, of course—and took it away from him. It drove him nuts that he was texting you, but you wouldn’t respond.”
“Well, by the time you all sat down for dinner, we were toward the end of ours and Sarah’s grandma was telling us stories of her childhood. I couldn’t get up from the table, nor could I text in secret, so I didn’t respond. I got so many texts that Sarah, my best friend, was really annoyed. She told me to go back home if we were constantly going to be on the phone with each other.”
“Yeah, well Jake got into trouble with Uncle Henry, but he didn’t care. He got his phone back and kept waiting for your response.”
“In all honesty, I was pretty miserable too. Apparently Sarah and her boyfriend, Charlie, had a bet going that week.” From the insane kiss she gave me at the airport, miserable was an understatement.
“Really? What bet was that?” I jumped into their conversation.
“Sarah believed I would come crying, begging to go home because I missed you. And Charlie believed I would feel too guilty to say so but instead, you would come to see me in New York.”
“So who won the bet?” Jane asked. “Who was more correct?”
“That’s hard to say. Sarah was right because that’s exactly what I wanted to do, but Charlie was also correct knowing I couldn’t do that to my best friend. Also, if I hadn’t stopped him, your brother would have spent Thanksgiving with us in New Jersey. I guess they both know me too well.”
After today and Emily’s many confessions, I felt like I knew her quite well. She appeared comfortable talking about her feelings concerning me as well as her past feelings concerning Max. We had made huge progress today as I had hoped.
“The whole family can’t wait to meet you,” Jane said, rolling her eyes. “Jake couldn’t stop talking about you at Thanksgiving. Supposedly he did the same at Uncle Dave’s birthday, one day after meeting you.”
“I’m nervous I’ll disappoint. I think Jake’s gone around telling too many exaggerated stories.”
“I have not,” I said. “The family’s only expecting the most beautiful and gracious woman, which would be you.”
“Great!” This time Emily rolled her eyes. “Now I’ll absolutely disappoint.”
Unnecessarily, Jane retold many stories about me and Kelley, and she started telling Emily about my temperament. Like a typical younger sister, she explained only the bad side of her older brother. Emily joined the bandwagon and complained about me being a workaholic. Jane had asked her what she liked about me, and Emily was being coy with her answer.
“Tell her, Emi,” I encouraged.
Her eyes glowed when she finally professed. “Jake has this amazing way of making me feel like I’m the only person in this world who matters to him. I feel incredibly special. Not only is he attentive, he’s a caring and loving person.”
She got it! That’s exactly how I felt about her and how I’d wanted her to feel. She was the one who mattered to me. Leaning over to kiss her I whispered, “That’s how I want you to feel, always.”
“Thank you. I do,” she responded with her own embrace.
Then I explained what I loved about my Emily. There weren’t too many things I didn’t love about her, but Jane reminded me we only had so much time before the opera started.
“If I had to sum up what I love most about Emily, it would be her honesty. Even though she knows it’s not to her benefit, she’ll still tell you what’s in her heart. I know way too much about her last relationship.” I shook my head in displeasure.
Emily looked mildly alarmed. “Was my honesty at lunch not to my benefit? Am I in trouble?”
It never ceased to amaze me how easily I could make her feel loved and anxious all within the same breath. Even after today, my girlfriend still couldn’t convince herself that I cared for her deeply. Once again I reassured her.
“I appreciate your honesty whether or not I appreciate your answers.”
Jane asked many questions about how we met and I went into our long story of the first night at the ER and the next two days we spent together.
“By the way, why are you guys going back down tonight? Jake, didn’t you ask Emily if she wanted to stay the weekend?” Jane posed a question that earned her whatever she wanted for Christmas. She turned to Emily, “You should stay with us in the apartment and go down tomorrow night. We could spend another day together. Are you uncomfortable with me being in the apartment? Do you want to be alone with Jake?”
I remained quiet and deferred all answers to Emily. Tongue-tied and flustered, Emily paused…turned to me for help—I didn’t help at all—then answered Jane. “Oh, no, Jane…I don’t feel uncomfortable with you. Jake didn’t fully explain what was happening today.”
“Then you’ll stay the night?” Jane sounded excited, but not nearly as excited as I was at the prospect of spending a night with Emily.
“I’d love that, Jane,” Emily relented.
Reaching over to hold Emily’s hand, she appeared nervous and in deep thought about something. I just tried to hold back my humongous smile, relishing spending two full days plus a night with my girlfriend.
“So, Jake, anything else you want to tell me about Emily?” Jane startled both of us.
Emily excused herself to go to the restroom, and I hugged and kissed my sister. She pushed me away with a disgusted look.
“What was that for?”
“That was my way of thanking you for getting Emily to stay the night. I asked her on Friday and she flat-out turned me down. What do you want for Christmas? I’ll get you whatever you ask for.” My grin traveled from ear to ear.
“You’re so lame! I didn’t do it for you. I want to get to know my future sister. I did it for me.”
“You could see her as a part of our family too, huh? Isn’t she fantastic?”
“Yeah, she’s pretty great. She’s so genuine and kind and very charming. I don’t know why she likes someone as selfish as you.”
“That’s not all she is. Let me tell you some other qualities you don’t know about my Emily. I love her strength. I’ve never met any girl who is such a survivor. She’s been on her own since high school, put herself through college, and then bought and created a home all by herself. She has worked for everything she has. Nothing has been handed to her. And yet she smiles and enjoys life. Her attitude is amazing.”
From the corner of my eyes, I saw Emily stop, waiting for me to finish, but also listening to what I had to say. Her once flustered composure turned dreamy, and I could see her lips curling the way only she could smile. I continued with a vow just loud enough so she could finally understand how much I loved her.
“But as strong as she appears, she’s terribly tenderhearted. I think this is what makes me so enamored with her. She hurts easily, cries readily, but loves deeply. She makes me want to care for her and shelter her from anything that may harm her. I’ve never felt such a strong desire to protect someone as I do for Emily.”
“Wow, Jake. I didn’t know you had it in you to love anyone so selflessly. I’m impressed and shocked. You’re not the Jake Reid I grew up with. Maybe Emily forced you to grow up.” Jane chuckled.
Emily chose to ride with Jane over to the Opera House only on the condition she would ride home with me. They were going to stop by some of the stores in Union Square to pick up bare necessities for the overnight. In the meantime, I got to the venue early and thought about renting binoculars when I saw these cool binoculars with built-in extendable handles for sale. I purchased one for Emily and, after a second thought, one for Jane too.
Sitting and waiting patiently in the box, a pair of hands covered my eyes and whispered, “Guess who?”
Always playful, I matched her surprise by grappling her arms around my side and pulling her onto my lap. My lips instantaneously landed on hers to stop her loud whoop from disturbing others in their boxes. Jane made some cheeky comment but smiled watching us have fun. Emily pulled away the second I let go of my grip.
“How many times do I need to tell you I don’t like PDA? It’s embarrassing!” she whispered, moving to her seat.
I put my arms around her as she sat down and leaned in to her ear. “OK. We’ll continue when we get home.” I felt her body stiffen as I gave her one last kiss on the back of her neck.
Several times during the opera I looked over at my love to see her engrossed in the performance. When we got back to LA, I’d have to look into getting season tickets to the opera. Mesmerized and moved by the show, I waited for the tears but surprisingly, there were none. No different than the supermarket; she had no idea I was watching her more than I watched the show. Jane glanced over at us a few times and gave me an encouraging smile.
“How did you like Carmen?” I asked Emily on the way home.
“I loved it. Never did I think I would enjoy opera this much. It stirred my emotions in so many directions. I was sad to see it end. Most of these are stories of unrequited love, huh?”
“I guess. I’ve never thought of it that way. You were completely absorbed in the performance. You didn’t even notice me the whole night.”
“Yeah, I did. I saw you watching me more than you watched the performance. I notice a lot more than you think I do, especially where you are concerned.”
I didn’t mind the sound of that. She paid more attention to me than she led on.
“Did you know I was staring at you the night we met at the market?”
“Kind of, but I thought you were looking at me, not out of interest, but because you thought I was weird for staring at cereal boxes at midnight.”
We both laughed. “That’s not wholly incorrect.”
Back at the apartment, we changed and met back in the living room. Without any prodding, Jane excused herself to make a phone call, and Emily looked tense, possibly because I looked so excited.
“So…where will you sleep tonight?” I asked. “My room, Jane’s room, or alone behind door number three?” I pointed showing her where each room was located.
There was a long, unbearable silence.
“Jake, I need to tell you something.”
I didn’t like where this was going already. What could she possibly want to tell me in the middle of this conversation? She knew where I was headed. All she needed to do was follow.
“I guess it’s time to confess since we’re at this juncture. Maybe I should have told you before accepting your ring. You might have had second thoughts about wanting me as your girlfriend.”
She sounded like a schoolgirl at confession again. This was definitely not going as I’d planned. “You’re making me nervous; what’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong,” she kept reassuring me, but I couldn’t trust her. “I want you to know that I’ve never, um…”
Yes? The suspense almost killed me.
“Well…I’ve never slept with a man before. You are literally the first man I fell asleep with earlier today, though nothing happened. I’m not planning on being with you or any man till I get married.”
I processed everything she had just told me. Relieved to know I hadn’t done anything wrong; confused as to how she and Max had held off for so long; happy that she had been with no one else; but chagrined realizing that she would not be with me tonight—these ideas all flashed through my head.
“You mean you and Max have never…”
“No, we’ve never been together in that sense.”
“But how? You dated for four years.” I needed to know! After this revelation, I respected Max a lot more. It couldn’t have been easy watching your girlfriend hold out on you for four years.
“It was hard, but I really wanted to save myself for whomever I might end up marrying. My mom was old-fashioned and she wanted me to wait till I got married. This was a promise I made to her before she died, and I’d like to honor her wishes. Also, watching my parents love each other, I thought it would be most special with the man I’d spend the rest of my life with.”
“What if that man isn’t as pure as you are?” Though there weren’t that many, I definitely couldn’t say she would be my first. Listening to Emily’s reasoning, perhaps I would have liked for her to have been my first love in that sense as well.
“That’s all right. It would be most perfect if we were each other’s first, but I can’t expect everyone to have the same beliefs. Are you OK with my confession? I’m sorry I didn’t bring it up earlier. I didn’t quite know how to approach this subject. Are you upset?”
Her head fell downward, and she worried again about being in trouble. I must have done something wrong during our short relationship to cause her such alarm so easily. This needed to change somehow.
“Disappointed, yes, most definitely yes; upset, no. I guess this happily speeds up our timetable,” I answered aloud. I was disappointed for tonight but glad thinking this was one more reason to ask her to marry me as soon as possible.
I kissed her good night and watched her walk into Jane’s room. Frustrated, I stayed in the living room and watched ESPN. The same highlights aired half-hourly, and conversation, coupled with bouts of laughter echoed through the night from Jane’s room. Somewhere between bouts of angst and frustration, I must have fallen asleep on the sof
a. Darkness and the flashing of infomercials greeted my weary eyes. It was probably close to 5:00 a.m., but I washed up and decided to go for a bike ride to get rid of all this curbed energy.
Was our conversation last night a nightmare or was it a reality, I had to ask myself. Was I really to wait until we got married? I didn’t want to think about this right now. I needed some fresh air. Browsing through the newspaper, I skimmed to see what was going on in the world.
“Good morning,” I heard my girlfriend whisper.
“Good morning, Beautiful. Why are you up so early?”
“I can’t ever sleep well outside my own bed. Are you going somewhere?” She had noticed my biking attire.
You had no problems sleeping in my arms yesterday, was what I wanted to say, but I held back. Scared but willing, Emily agreed to ride with me through the city. I didn’t know if having her next to me was the best solution to relieving this tension, but knowing that she was up, I wanted to be with her.
“What do you want to eat?” Of course I knew Emily’s answer.
“How about a greasy donut or an almond croissant and a latte?”
I led her out with our bikes and we headed south into the Mission District. She would love Dynamo Donuts and their Four Barrel coffee and Tartine. Who wouldn’t love Tartine?
“Wait,” she hollered. “You’re not thinking of riding all the way into the Mission District, are you?”
“Yup, you know this town better than I thought.”
“Yeah, I’ve been around the block a few times in this city.”
Considering my angst-filled night, this was not the right euphemism to use. “Apparently you don’t go all the way around the block in any city,” I answered sarcastically and rode off.
Her cackle echoed half a block down as she huffed to catch up to me. Emily’s response to my bitter pill fared lighthearted, as she coaxed her way toward a warmer response. I didn’t know if I was capable of giving it to her. I knew I was being childish but I didn’t want to accept the answer she gave me last night.
Dynamo Donuts looked like a bike-a-thon as all the cyclists had the same idea this morning. We locked up our bikes and stood in line to order.
