by Cee, DW
Rejected. She had outright rejected my proposal even though I’d asked her to think about it. I begged her not to say no but just to consider it. She did none of that. Her answer was a flat-out no. Was I wrong thinking that this girl wanted to be with me the rest of her life? She always appeared so complete when we were together. There was no way I was wrong in thinking that no matter what she could or could not admit, she loved me as much as I loved her. We were perfect for each other.
With a guilty face she said, “I’m sorry. Are you hurt by my response?” She kept repeating “I’m sorry” as though I hadn’t heard it the first, second, or third time.
Was I hurt by her answer? Was she kidding me? Angry, I turned the car back on and started driving her home.
“Jake, we just started dating. Why do we need to move so fast? Can’t we just enjoy ourselves?”
I was going to keep quiet but I couldn’t hold back. “Emily, why can’t you even consider the proposal? Why do you need to reject it so quickly? I’ve known since the day we met at the grocery store I wanted to marry you. Can’t you see how much I love you? Why are you so scared all the time?”
I became more upset than I would’ve liked. “Hurt?” she asked. I was devastated. But, broken up as I was, I didn’t want to unnecessarily scare Emily. I knew she walked on eggshells when I went into my tirade.
“Jake, it’s been two months. How do you know already? How do you know a few months down the road you will still desire forever with me? Maybe we were both caught up in the bliss of Hawaii.”
The bliss of Hawaii? Now I was furious. “Why do you always doubt my love for you? Is it because of Max? Just because he callously dumped you rather than marry you doesn’t mean I’m going to do the same thing to you. Don’t compare us! Are you still not over him? Is this what your rejection is all about? Would you have said no to him if he had asked you to marry him?” I yelled loudly enough hoping that Emily didn’t catch my name immediately changing from Jake to Ass. I would have to do some serious groveling to get back in her good graces for all the accusations I had just thrown at her.
“Why are you bringing Max into this?” Emily yelled back. She went straight from penitent to angry.
“Forget it, Emily! Forget I just proposed. Let’s forget everything.”
Those were not choice words, but they were what I blurted out. I saw Emily turn her head toward the window and she went silent as well. My ears strained, listening for muffled cries but my eyes were too fearful to go searching for proof. I drove as fast as I could to her house. When I pulled up to her driveway, she got out of the car and fearfully asked, “Do you want to come in and talk?”
My eyes swiftly averted from the drops of tears that dotted her every eyelash. “No. Let’s just forget this whole ordeal…just forget everything. I’ll see you later,” was all I said.
The light in her eyes extinguished faster than I could finish my sentence, and the roar of her pain was deafening. If my legs were long enough to reach my rear end I would have used one to give myself a life-threatening kick. Nevertheless, I ignored her pain and dwelled on my need to placate my hurt feelings and my bruised ego. Did this girl not comprehend I had never loved another enough to want marriage? What about my attentiveness and loving kindness would possess her to refuse me? She was an enigma!
Half a block down from Emily’s house, I sat in the car berating myself. You are a world class idiot! Loser! Moron! I did exactly what I told her I would never do—break her heart and leave her. As much as I denied it, my girlfriend and almost fiancée was crying as she left my car. Who was I kidding? She cried the whole ride home. Aargh! How did this vacation go so wrong?
Proposing after only two months; yelling at her for turning down my proposal; taunting her about a proposal that never happened, one that I knew broke her heart—what an ass I was!
I definitely shouldn’t have brought up Max. I knew he wasn’t the reason she turned me down. Knowing Emily, she was probably scared again. She couldn’t let herself believe I loved her enough to want to take care of her the rest of her life. She was right. It was too soon for her. I would give her more time and ask again when I saw that she was ready.
Bravely, I walked up her driveway and rang the doorbell.
It felt like someone was stabbing me in the heart with an ice pick when I saw Emily greet me with that painful look of dejection.
“Hi,” I whispered, unsure whether she would take me back. “Can I come in? Can we talk?”
In silence, she stepped away from the door and away from me. Reaching for her arm, I pulled her into my body and held her as if my life depended on it. I couldn’t lose her now, or ever.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! It killed me to see you walk away, so hurt by all the things I said to you.”
Before she could reject me I feverishly spewed out everything that was on my mind.
“I knew you’d be hurt, I knew you’d be crying, but my ego got the better of me and I couldn’t stay to work this out. My head needed my mind to be clear before I could come back and find a resolution. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m sorry I was so angry with you. And I’m really sorry that I brought up Max and said all those asinine words to you.” There was only a dead silence. “Emi?” I kissed the tears from her eyes. “Why are you so quiet? Talk to me,” I begged.
“Where does this leave us now?” she asked, her voice shattered.
“What do you mean?” Was this her way of breaking up with me?
“You told me twice, ‘let’s just forget everything.’ Does everything include us? If so, I’d like for you to be honest with me. Since I turned down your proposal, I get it if you want to break up with me.”
“Unbelievable!” Did I hear this girl correctly? She was crying because she thought I was breaking up with her? Oh, Emily. I really needed to have a talk with her.
But, before any talk…I grabbed her beautiful face and kissed her like she’d never been kissed before.
“Does that answer your question?”
Not surprisingly, she shook her head no.
Emily! I sighed to myself. Obviously the first kiss hadn’t convinced her. She was issuing a challenge that I gladly accepted. Practically swallowing her mouth we disengaged only when it was obvious we would soon pass out from a lack of air.
Her big brown eyes were unconvinced…still!
Before bringing my head down for another round, I exclaimed, “I can do this all day until you get it.”
“Wait!” She stepped away, breathing hard. “Let’s talk.”
I waited for her to make the first move. Little by little she moved away from me to the other end of the couch and sat there for a while reassessing.
“What did you mean when you said you wanted to forget everything?”
“Emi…I just wanted to undo the mess I had gotten myself into. I’d said so many careless words to you. I didn’t mean to bring up your heartache with Max. I know you don’t love him anymore. In some ways, I was mad, hurt, jealous—there were so many emotions going through my head, and I said everything that came to mind. There was neither discretion nor discernment, and I’m sorry.”
“Why would you be jealous? Of what? Of whom?”
“Of Max, I suppose. There was a time you wanted him to propose to you. I thought maybe you’d want the same from me…”
“Jake. I know I haven’t made myself very clear on this subject, but I am absolutely in love with you.”
I KNEW IT! She loved me! Happy days were here again.
“Say that again,” I issued my own command while creeping closer to her.
Her face finally broke into a smile. “Which part? That I haven’t been too clear with you or that…”
Tease.
Our bodies formed a straight and perfect lower case L on the couch with me on top.
“You love me?” I questioned while necking my way back from perdition.
“I am irrevocably in love with you, but I’m no
t ready to marry you. Can you deal with that?”
“Do I have a choice?” I murmured still unable to take my lips off her face. “This just means I have to work harder to get a yes out of you on both accounts.”
“Huh?” She giggled as I sucked on her neck.
“Sex and marriage! In that order, starting now, if possible.”
That’s when I got kicked out of the house.
I left Emily’s to go home and unpack before dinner. I tried to convince her to come with me but she decided to stay home, rest, and get ready to meet all my relatives tonight. As soon as I got home, Nick asked me to go shopping with him, so we left for the few specialty shops we knew would still be open.
“Jake? Nick?” Mom called out. “Can you guys stop by the caterer’s and pick up some more place settings? I don’t think they sent enough.”
“Sure. Can you call me the moment Emily gets here?”
“Will do, Son.”
Several hours into our shopping I called home to see if Emily had come by.
“Dad. Has Emily arrived?”
“Oh yeah. She’s been here for a few hours now.”
“What? How come no one called to tell me? Nick, hurry it up. Let’s go home. Emily’s there already.”
We zoomed home and I raced upstairs looking for Emily.
“Here you are. I searched all over the house for you.” I came over to embrace my girlfriend.
She shied away from me and asked, “Why?”
I gave her an incredulous look. Apparently the two women in my life were planning another New York trip without me. I protested heavily and told Emi I needed to be there with her. That’s when Jane protested even more heavily and tried to get me to stay home. Knowing how much Emily loved New York, there was no way I was going to let her experience it again without me.
In the end, Emily came up with a peaceful solution and had the four of us, Nick included, travel to the Big Apple. It wasn’t quite what I had in mind but as long as Emily would be there, I was happy. Using Emily as bait Jane got me to agree to a dinner at Masa for all four of us. Emily might not see me the week prior, as I’d have to work extra hours to pay for this meal.
I was dying to get Emily alone in my room. I pulled her away from Jane and toward my room even before they got to say a proper good-bye. Emily was amazed at the size of my room. I never thought it was that large until she kept mentioning how grand it was.
“So…” I hesitated to bring up this morning, “are we OK?”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You were the one upset. Here lies a scar on my heart,” she pointed to what I saw as her left breast rather than her heart, “because of your asinine actions this morning! Jane was right. You can be really nasty when life doesn’t go your way.”
Dear God. “This is going to be another Allison situation, huh? You’re going to use my folly against me for the next month.”
“A month? Are you kidding me? This is worth at least a year.”
Enough with the talk, I picked her up and dropped her on my bed.
“Jake…your parents…your entire family is in this house, she whimpered while we made out like it was our last kiss.”
“I don’t care,” I responded in between my lips staying busy on her body and my hands trying to undo all the buttons on her dress. Today of all days, she had to wear a complicated dress. I had half her dress undone and Emily stopped protesting and started participating. Almost done, victory was only a few buttons away.
Then there was a loud knock on the door.
“Jake…Oh, Jake…” It was Nick, my own brother, keeping me from the finish line.
“GO AWAY!” I yelled at him.
“Mom told me to come and get you and Emily. Everybody’s waiting. Dinner’s about to begin. Come out soon, or I’m going to have the chief come up and get you,” Nick started bellowing. He knew I was irritated.
“Nick, I’m going to remember this next time you have a girl up in your room,” I threatened.
Emily jumped out of bed as soon as I got off of her body. She laughed though I knew she too was sorry it ended.
“Jake…” I heard Emily call my name but was in such a foul mood I didn’t answer her. “Jake. Can I give you your Christmas present before we go down?”
Like a child, my face lit up at the talk of a present. Emily walked over to her purse and brought out a book that was nicely tied together with ribbons and a bow.
“What is that, Emi?”
“You have to promise me one thing,” she said before giving me the present.
“OK. I promise.” Without even hearing what it was that I was promising to, my head bobbed yes.
“This is a journal I started writing soon after we met. I wrote in it after every date or conversation or even a fight. My initial intention was to journal my feelings and thoughts. This wasn’t written for anyone to read but me. When I thought about what I wanted to give you for Christmas, I knew you would most appreciate my heart. Whatever I felt during our time together…it’s all in here.”
My mind was in a state of shock. She was actually going to open herself up completely to me and show me all that was in her heart. This was huge progress. I would have to propose again very soon. She was almost there—ready to take that last step. I loved this girl infinitely, and now I knew for sure she loved me just as much.
“I’m sorry I’m so frustrating. You’re a patient man to deal with someone so indecisive. This journal will hopefully answer all your questions and take away any doubt you might still have about us.”
She left me speechless.
“So back to the promise.” She pulled away from my embrace. “You can’t read this till after I leave.”
“Why not? If you wrote it you know everything that’s in there.”
“It’s embarrassing. You can enjoy it when I’m not around. I also don’t want to see your ego blowing up page by page. Your head might burst.”
“Can I take a peek before dinner?”
“No! I’m taking this back if you don’t keep your promise.”
“All right. I promise. I can’t wait to read it.” I had an eager smile. I would have to start tonight.
“I’ll leave it over here on your bookcase.”
Halfway down the hall, Emily stopped me again. “I love you, Jake, and I’m really happy to be here with you,” she professed.
I swept her off her feet again and tried to take her back to bed, but she forced us downstairs.
My poor Emily greeted the entire family and tried to memorize all their names. Mom had hors d’oeuvres laid all around the living room, and I saw Emily’s attempt to eat fail each time as she got accosted by an aunt or uncle or cousin.
“She’s super hot!” Doug came up to me and whispered. “Where did you say you met her? Does she have a sister? Isn’t she more my age than yours?”
I whacked him on the back of his head. “Don’t even think about it. She will soon be your cousin, not a possible date.”
Aunt Barbara also came up to me to rave about Emily. “She’s so sweet. I approve of her wholeheartedly.”
“Thanks, Aunt Babs.”
Mom sat us in the middle of the table so Emily could converse with as many people as possible.
“Jake,” Emily whispered.
“Yes, Love?”
“Who is sitting across from you? I can’t remember her name.”
“That’s Susan, and next to her is Glen; they are with Uncle David and Aunt Deborah.”
“I feel like I’m in school and there’s going to be a pop quiz on names and faces.” She sounded a bit worried.
“You’re doing great. No one expects you to know everyone’s name tonight.”
“Stay near me tonight. I might need you to keep reminding me who is who.”
“You don’t ever have to tell me to stay near you.” I leaned in to kiss her, but of course Emily moved away with a frantic please-no-PDA look on her face. I lau
ghed and kissed her anyhow. I hadn’t seen her face turn rosy in a long while.
The chief monopolized my Emily from the onset of dinner. While the soup was being served he told her many unnecessary stories of all the staff members I’d dated. Though, I didn’t mind him telling her stories of all the women who wanted to date me.
“Jake told me about many of these women. He sure did date a lot of girls…” She let out a cute sigh.
“You must have had your share of dates, Emily. You’re absolutely beautiful. Men must follow you around all the time.” Uncle Henry said with a wink.
“Thank you for the compliment, but no, I didn’t date much. I was never as popular with men as your nephew has been with the ladies.”
“You mean guys weren’t lined up to ask you out?” Sadie asked.
Emily shook her head no. “Stupid me…I met a guy my first day in undergrad and I dated him all four years. Then, a year and a half and no dates later, I met your cousin and now I’m stuck again.” Her lips spread slightly and she had a devilish look in her eyes. “Maybe I should stop seeing your cousin and date around a bit, huh? Do you think I’ve missed out?”
All my cousins shook their heads yes.
“There are so many men in this world. Why commit to one for so long? How will you compare who’s the best if you haven’t dated other guys?” Susan asked.
“Hey, let’s not give Emily any unnecessary ideas. And, Emi, you are kidding, right? Don’t blame your college years on me. That’s when you should’ve dated around, not now.”
Uncle Henry changed subjects and asked, “So, Emily, are you coming to the pre-party and football game with all of us on New Year’s Day?”
“Um, I don’t think so,” she answered. “I wasn’t invited. Plus, I’m a Bruin.”
Every head turned our way, and Emily got an ovation of boos.
“Maybe I should leave,” she whispered in my ear. “They don’t like me here anymore.”
I put my arms around her and kissed her head. “I love you, and that’s all that matters.”
She gazed into my eyes and whispered, “I love you too.”
