by Cee, DW
“Well that golden child put me in an awful mess and when I see him, I’m gonna kick his ass back to Nepal.”
“What did my brother do? Or better yet, what are you blaming on Donovan?”
It was at times like these where I knew blood was thicker than water. I gave my best friend my meanest school-girl look.
“Don’t give me that Rachel McAdams’ Mean Girl look. We are adults now! I am going to have a baby in seven months.” She reprimanded with a lame giggle. Talk about stupid-ass! “Let’s go home. Al is making breakfast for us, and you can tell us all about what happened with your love triangle.”
“Jane!” I got a nice big welcome from Al, Becky’s undergrad love and husband of five years. “Beck and I are taking the day off and taking care of you. Come have breakfast and tell us all about your worries.”
Somehow I got the feeling that these two were laughing not only behind my back, but straight at me. “What’s going on here? Why are you treating me like an invalid?”
“When you called, you sounded like a pissed-off invalid.” Becky said with a mouth full of eggs and sausages.
“Do you need to shove so much food in your mouth, and at the same time?”
“Hey. I skipped breakfast this morning to go pick you up, Girlfriend. Al offered to go, but I didn’t think you wanted to see him—so I got up, made a sign, skipped breakfast, and drove in crazy traffic to make life a bit easier for you.”
“Um...lovely wife?” Al approached cautiously. “I think that plate of sausage belongs to you. I’ll cook some new ones for me and Jane.”
“Why?” She answered with her mouth stuffed with food.
“Because you spit all over that plate. You need to stop talking and just eat.”
“All right, Miss Jane Reid. I’ll stop, if you start.”
I went through the last twenty-four hours, event by event, with these two who were hanging on my every word. Becky even stopped eating for a while when I told her what Max said to me at the airport when he broke up with me. Then, she almost choked on her food when I told her what he said to me at the airport when he gave me my birthday present. By the time I got to the story of me throwing the Tiffany box back at Max, she was almost hyperventilating.
“But what if there was an engagement ring in there?” Between her food OD and my story, she was short of breath. Was this the kind of stuff that really happened when a woman got pregnant, or was my best friend just being overly dramatic? “How could you just throw it back at him without looking to see what was inside? What if it was a cute locket or your favorite pendant, or even a pair of earrings?”
“Who the hell cares what was inside that box?” I was angry that Becky cared more about the gift than what Max did to me the second time. “He pissed me off. He raised my hope, then he crushed it. He didn’t just crush it, he demolished it, stomped on it for good measure, then spit on it for fun. That’s what he did.”
“Tell me one more time what he said to you when he gave you the box.”
I had to think about that for a while. Once I realized he hadn’t come back to be with me, I was in such a state of shock, his words were like adults talking in muffled-trombone voices in a CBS Charlie Brown Special. All I heard was “wa, wa, wa, wa, wawawa.”
“Well???”
“Shit, Beck. I don’t know! He said something about having too many of these in his possession.”
Her eyes lit up like the Christmas lighting festival on the Magnificent Mile. “You see‼!”
“No I don’t see‼!”
“He still has that ring he gave Emily, and with your ring...that makes for ‘too many of these in his possession.’”
The possibility that Becky opened up, hit me like a freight train. FUCK!
Stage 2—Denial: “This was so not happening to me!”
“Shit, Becky. I have to call him. I need to see if he was really going to propose. Where’s my cell phone? I gotta find out.” I kind of lost it.
Becky got up and hugged me. I wanted to push her away, but since she was pregnant, I just sat back in my seat and cried. I was such a stupid, selfish, moronic bitch. I actually made a mockery of our love and I threw the ring back in his face. Why the hell did I do that? What would make me want a stupid fling with Donovan when I had the best man I could have ever asked for, in Max?
“What am I going to do, Becky?”
“You are either going to pull yourself together and move on from this, or you are going to catch the next flight out to Mexico and make amends with Max.”
“But he doesn’t want me anymore,” I bawled. I cried loudly and pathetically enough to force Al into the other room. “He left me. He’s left me for good.”
Becky kind of shook me and told me like it was. “A man who was going to propose to you doesn’t just walk away and end things because of what might have happened between his girlfriend and another man. It’s not like you slept with my brother, or even kissed him...right?” She doubted me, too.
Stage 3—Desolation: “Just leave me alone. I wanna be by myself!”
“Forget it, Beck. I’m going to get a hotel room, sit in the dark and cry all day. I can’t believe I threw back my engagement ring.” I howled some more. “What if I never get married?”
“Will you get a hold of yourself? I might have to do what they do in the movies and slap you if you don’t stop crying.”
“My life is over!”
I just lost it. I’d never been so pathetic as I was this morning. Al came out, whispered something to Becky, nodded yes, and went back in the room.
“Here. Eat this.” Becky brought out two tubs of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. I thought both were for me, but she took Cherry Garcia and left me with Coffee, Coffee, Buzz Buzz Buzz. Who was the freakin’ genius who came up with these names? Someone actually got paid to do this kind of stuff?
We were both silent until the last bite of ice cream was in our stomach and were satisfied.
“Everything good?” Al peeked out the bedroom door finding it weird that I went from loud to silent. He probably found it weirder that Becky and I were drunk off of ice cream.
It took me a while to answer back. “Sorry, Al. I’m good now. I think I’m done crying. I’ll try and put everything into perspective, and get out of your way, soon.”
“Stay as long as you like, Jane. You’re always welcome here.”
I wailed again. “I’ll never find a guy as nice as your husband, Beck!” Al made like a tortoise and put his head and limbs back into his shell.
Stage 4—Detestation: “I hate you for breaking my heart!”
“I’m going to fly over to Mexico and give Max a piece of my mind, that freakin’ heartbreaker. Who does he think he is? It wasn’t like I was going to cheat on him. So I wondered for a split second about a possibility with Donovan Taylor. His ex is living with his parents! He’s still in contact with her, and he’s going to be alone with her for an entire fucking month!”
I wanted to scream, but didn’t want to freak out Al any more than he was already freaked out.
“Just get it all out, Jane. Once you do, there’s no more crying over spilt milk. You move on with your life, you got that, Jane Sydney Reid?”
“Damn right, I got it!” And here’s where the ice cream really kicked in and I went a little Taylor Swift, karaoke-loopy. “Max Davis—’we are never, ever, ever getting back together! WeeeeE are never, ever, ever, getting back together!’”
“Uh-oh!” Becky lamented. “How the hell can a pint of ice cream make you deranged enough to sing a teeny-bopper song?”
It was downright embarrassing, but I couldn’t help myself. It was total diarrhea of the mouth. “‘I used to think, that we, were forever ever ever, And I used to say never say never...But we are never ever ever ever getting back together!’”
“Shit! Where is your brother?” Al joined in the lamentation.
“I’m such a mess. Sorry, Al. Sorry, Becky. Let me get out of your
way. You are both so happy with your marriage and your new baby. Sorry to cast a shadow on your rainbow of happiness.” I was a blubbering mess. How was I going to ever live this down?
Stage 5—Dealing: “What can I do to get him back?”
“Jane. You’ll get married, soon. You’ll have kids soon after, and you’ll create your own happy family.” Becky put her arms around me and hugged me. This made me cry even harder.
“Do you think I should go and apologize to Max for thinking about cheating on him?”
“Do you want to? Did you really think about cheating on him?”
“To be honest with you, your brother has been a damn thorn in my side since I got back, and I did wonder what it would be like to be with him.”
“I think this time away will do you both some good. Since you and Max are broken up now, why don’t you hang out with Donovan for a while and see if this is what you really want. If it is, then you’ll know it was a good thing you and Max broke up. If it isn’t, then go to Mexico and charm Max back into your life.”
Stage 6—Depression: “It’s over. I’ll never get over him”
“Max won’t take me back, even if I beg. He’ll always be the one who got away. Or maybe, it’s more like, he’ll always be the one I sent away.”
“There are many more fish in the sea.” Becky answered.
“But none as understanding and loving as Max. You don’t know him like I do. He loved me so much and I couldn’t just accept it and be happy. I had to be a greedy bitch and want more.”
“How do you know there’s not another one better than Max, out in the ocean?”
“You think your brother would have patiently waited for me while I flirted danger with another man?”
“You’ve got a point there.”
Stage 7—Defeated Acceptance: “I’ll be all right.”
“I’ll get through this, Becky. Life will be okay. It’ll take some time getting used to the fact that we are no longer together, but I’ll be fine. You’re such a good friend.”
“That’s the spirit! You’re a tough cookie. A breakup isn’t going to bring you down. Be strong. You’ll be better than fine!”
“Thanks, Becky. What shall I do first as a woman on the loose?”
“Hello, my vixen. Don’t you look like hell,” Donovan stated, walking into the guest bedroom.
Shit! Did I just call myself a loose woman?
June 27, 5 + 2 Stages of a Hook-up
Stage 1—Confrontation: “Look at what you’ve done to me!”
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“My sister called me right as I was about to board my plane and told me to come fix the mess I created, then hung up on me. I had no idea what the hell she was talking about, so I rearranged my flight plans and stopped by Chicago to visit my favorite sister and brother-in-law.”
“You’re such a kiss-ass.” Al laughed.
“And you can kiss my ass, dear brother,” Donovan retorted. “Who died here?” He asked all of us, then pointed his attention to me. “And why do your eyes look like Antonio Margarito’s after Manny Pacquiao beat the shit out of him a few years ago?”
“Smooth, big brother. Really, smooth!” Becky was holding me back because she knew that right about now, I was about to beat the shit out of Donovan for putting me in this situation.
“Was that when Kate bought you those ringside tickets at Cowboy’s Stadium? That was an awesome fight. You get all the cool chicks.” Al took this conversation somewhere I didn’t want it to go.
“That knock down fight was the best...” Donovan joined in the conversation completely non-sequitur to the situation at hand.
“YOU!” Donovan jumped back a few steps when I yelled at him. “It’s all your fault. If you hadn’t brought those damn ‘let’s have sex’ tickets yesterday morning, I wouldn’t be in this mess. I’d be settling into my new home with Max.”
Donovan turned to Al and whispered, “You know what’s going on?”
“Yep, and it’s not pretty. You’re in deep shit, my man.”
“How deep?”
“Asphyxia, deep!”
Donovan touched his neck and got uncomfortable. “Lunch, anyone? My treat.” He smiled.
Stage 2—Conciliation: “Can we all just get along?”
“Yeah. Why don’t we go to our favorite brunch place, get some food into our stomach, and figure out where we should go from here.” Becky spoke and Al wholeheartedly agreed.
“You’ll feel so much better after you’ve eaten, Jane. You said you didn’t even have dinner last night. Once you get food in your system, you and Donovan can go somewhere quiet, or stay here while Becky and I go somewhere quiet, and talk this all out.” Al kept us as far apart as possible in the cramped elevator.
I gave Donovan the evil eye all the way to the restaurant, at the restaurant, and our ride to the Magnificent Mile for some unwanted shopping. Damn, you know it’s a bad day when I use the most sinful oxymoron—unwanted shopping.
Somehow, in the middle of perusing the racks at Nordstrom, Donovan snuck up next to me. “You want to tell me what happened, so I can try and fix it for you?” He did look apologetic. “I assume something went wrong with Max, and I’m sure I’m not your favorite person right now, but I’d like to make things better for you. You know you’re very special to me, my vixen. I don’t like seeing you sad.”
I decided his openness and genuineness won him a bye.
“See you tonight...or not,” Becky winked at us and walked off into the sunset with her husband.
“Where shall we talk? At a restaurant? A walk in the park? Right here while shopping? Go for a drive? Somewhere private like my hotel room?”
“You have a hotel room, already? You’re not staying at Becky’s?”
“I don’t invade my siblings’ privacy, unlike my siblings.” He flashed a comforting smile that made me think perhaps everything was going to be okay...for now. “I’m right here at the Peninsula. Let’s go.”
I decided to walk in silence and think through what I wanted to say to Donovan, what I wanted from Donovan—whether I wanted anything from this man at all, and where the two of us would go from here.
Stage 3—Candor: “Let’s get it ALL out.”
“What happened?” We sat in two very comfortable chairs with a glass of brandy or whatever this shit was that I was drinking, and I started the long-winded explanation.
“What Max was not happy with yesterday morning, was my wavering.”
“I don’t recall you wavering.”
“I didn’t tell you to go to hell, but instead I listened to all you had to offer. And if I were to be honest with myself, I did wonder for a brief second whether or not I could go away with you without Max finding out.” I took a large gulp of this nasty drink. “So, I did more than waver. To Max, I cheated on him.”
“Al mentioned an engagement ring?”
“We don’t know what it was. Becky brought up the possibility that the Tiffany box might have been an engagement ring. It doesn’t matter since I threw it back in his face.”
Donovan busted up laughing. “I love that about you. You can’t hide your feelings...unlike someone I know,” he whispered those last few words.
“I’m going to be completely honest with you.”
“All right.”
“I know I’m being unfaithful to Max again by saying this, but I am attracted to you, or so I believe.”
He laughed. “Thanks. I ditto the sentiment, especially the ‘or so I believe’ part.”
“Since you’ve shown interest, I have wondered if a relationship would be possible with you, easier with you. But, I’ve never ever thought that a relationship would be better with you.”
He didn’t look offended with that remark. “Ditto!”
“What do you mean, ‘ditto?’ You’re not even in a relationship right now so how could you think a relationship would not be better with me?”
&n
bsp; He raised his eyebrows and told me I was being stupid with just one glare. “Next...”
“I’m hurt right now. My heart is broken and I don’t know when it’ll mend.” I paused to hear him utter, “Ditto,” but he didn’t make a sound. “I don’t know what to do, or if I should do anything at all, other than shut myself in a room and cry.”
“I’ll be honest with you.” I welcomed his honesty. “I regretted what I did yesterday morning. I shouldn’t have tempted you, I shouldn’t have encouraged you to cheat on your boyfriend, and I’ll be the first to admit that I was an asshole for doing what I did.”
“My brother get a hold of you?”
“Yeah, but as soon as I left your room, I thought this and wanted to kick my own ass for being such a prick.”
