by Cee, DW
“Michael, you didn’t scare me.” I said softly. This one man flew a dozen hours to clear up what he considered a misunderstanding, and that one man had kissed my cousin who was already dating a wonderful man.
“Then why did you leave so suddenly? I was so worried, I begged my grandfather to lend me his plane so I could come see you. I thought I had lost you forever. Thank God your mother answered your phone and told me where you were; otherwise I would not have been able to find you.”
His distraught look was endearing. I felt bad that I had made him feel so terribly after our last conversation.
“I’m sorry you misunderstood and flew all the way over here, Michael. I came home because Emily was going to have her baby. I wanted to see the baby being born, so I left as soon as I got the call from Jake. It had nothing to do with our last conversation.”
Michael’s wrinkled face unwrinkled itself and he was finally smiling. He came over and hugged me. “Are you sure I didn’t scare you? I know I came on too strong and I know you weren’t ready to hear all that. I just can’t help myself where you are concerned.”
Everybody started clearing their throats to get our attention. I looked up over Michael’s shoulder and saw the entire room staring at us. As much as I tried to hide it, I couldn’t help but wipe the tears that filled my eyes once I saw Donovan and Jane again. I hoped my family would think I was tearing because I was happy for Jake and Emily, or because of Michael.
“Let me introduce you to everybody here, Michael. This is Emily, my dear cousin-in-law, and this is her husband Jake. This here must be their beautiful newborn, and these are the twins, Ellie and James.” As soon as I mentioned James’ name he looked up at me with a fabulous smile and put his arms out so I could pick him up. Oh, how I had missed this boy. “You seem to know my grandfather already, this is my brother Doug, my cousins Nick and Jane, and a family friend Donovan.” I didn’t look at Jane or Donovan when I mentioned their names. I just couldn’t look at them anymore.
“Hello, it’s nice to meet you all. I’m very sorry for the intrusion on your special occasion. Emily, please accept my apology for barging in on such a private moment.”
“No apologies necessary. Any friend of Laney’s is a friend of ours. We’ve spoken on the phone right after you and Laney met, haven’t we? And Laney has spoken only great things about you.”
“I’m honored you remember me, and that Laney has spoken to you about me.” Michael was cute the way he spoke with Emily. He looked like a little boy trying to impress his new school teacher.
“Should I not remember you? You have something to hide?” Emily was now teasing him.
“Oh no! I’m thrilled Laney talked about me to her family. She talks about you, your children and your husband all the time. Why, I feel like I know the four of you as though you were my own family. In fact,” he said turning toward Jake, “I need to get to know Jake better as Laney tells me that she wants to marry someone just like Jake. She has told me that the bar was set pretty high by your husband,” he addressed Emily again.
“Oh brother,” I heard Donovan lament. “Don’t inflate his head anymore than it already is. He’s going to use up all the oxygen in this room.”
“You’re always welcome to come take lessons from me, Donovan, old buddy. I won’t even charge you.” Everyone laughed. I looked away.
“Laney.” Michael brought the attention back to me. “I’ll get a room near your family home. I will stay here as long as you need to be with your family. But, will you promise to go home with me? I’ve got the plane at a hangar not far from here.”
“Would you be OK with leaving now?” I asked quietly with high hopes that he’d agree.
“Now?” Everyone said together.
“But you just got here,” Emily whispered. Her pleading eyes and the baby in my arms made me want to surround myself with the only love I was secure in—that of my family. But right now, this wasn’t the place for me. Once I rescued my heart from his pain, I’d come back home with a smile.
I went and hugged the one person in this room who’d understand me and whispered, “I walked in on Donovan and Jane kissing just a minute ago. I can’t stay. It hurts too much.” I started crying again but I wiped the tear before anyone else noticed. “I’m sorry.”
“I understand. I love you, Laney. Take care of yourself and be careful not to give your heart away too easily after what you saw today,” she warned.
“I’m ready,” I squeaked and put on the most genuine smile I could muster. “Bye, everyone. See you next June.” Before I could leave, I stopped to kiss the top of Jake Jr’s. head and to hug and kiss my favorite twins. “I’ll miss you,” I whispered and gave James and Ellie another kiss.
Michael opened the door for me and my body turned to Donovan one last time in hopes that he’d stop me from leaving. Especially now with Jane in his life, there was no reason for him to take another look at me, but I needed that hope to stay alive. When I saw him talking to Jane instead, the flicker was snuffed.
It was done.
Michael tried to hold my hand down the hallway, but I couldn’t let him. I just wanted to find an empty room and cry my heart out.
“Delaney.” I heard. I stopped. I breathed again. “May I speak to you, privately?”
“I’ll hold the elevator for us,” Michael said, while squeezing my arms in comfort.
“Thank you.”
“Are you leaving early because of me and Jane? Because if you are...”
“I’m leaving because it’s time I leave and let go. That was why I left in June, and today I realized for certain that there’s no place for me here.” There’s no place in your heart for me.
“Delaney, what you saw wasn’t what you’re thinking,” he tried to explain.
“It doesn’t matter what I think. It never did.” Those tears swelled again. “Thank you, Mr. Taylor. You’ve made my life that much brighter for knowing you. I’ve loved every moment of our...friendship.” I love you, Donovan Taylor. “Bye,” I said with a bright smile.
“But Delaney, you’re not listening to me. Jane and I...” My next move wasn’t what I had planned, but I leaned in and hugged him knowing this was the last physical contact I’d have with him, ever again.
“Good-bye...” I said aloud, but then whispered, “Donovan.” I pulled away but he wouldn’t let me go. The tears rolled down my cheeks.
“Don’t leave me. I’ll explain everything. It’s not as it looked. I miss you. Don’t do this to me.”
I pulled away with a sad smile. Pursing my lips so I wouldn’t cry any harder, I said, “Good-bye,” one last time and ran into the elevator.
“You all right?” Michael’s concern was evident, but he was gentleman enough to let me cry. I was a mess in the elevator and Michael, the kind man that he was, just let me be.
The trip back “home” was quick, luxurious, and quiet. I decided to try and sleep part of the time, and edit papers the other part of the time. Michael had copious amounts of paperwork to do for his father’s estate, and he gave me space to work out the turmoil raging in my heart. During my “sleep,” the image of Donovan and Jane kissing in the hospital wouldn’t leave me.
“Hello. I’m looking for Emily Reid’s room.”
“Over there.”
“Thank you.”
“Stop, Donovan. You’re tickling me. Stop making me laugh. I don’t want to do this again.”
“One more time, Jane. Let me try this one more time.”
What he was trying “one more time” was holding my cousin in an intimate way and attempting to kiss her. His back was to me, but what I saw was unmistakable. He had his arms around her and was about to kiss her. Coming upon this scene, I was so shocked, I didn’t know what to do. I just stared and kept telling myself to leave the room, and yet I couldn’t help but stay and watch their affections unfold. Donovan and Jane saw me as I left them to their private act, but I didn’t stay to hear their explanatio
ns – not that they needed an excuse for their actions. How could life be so cruel? The man I didn’t want was willing to give up his entire future for me, and the man I wanted wasn’t willing to give up anything for me.
“Laney?” Michael brought me back to the present. “Would you like fish or steak for dinner?” I was in such a deep reverie that I didn’t even notice the flight attendant standing before me.
“Neither if that’s OK? I’ll just stick to water, thank you.”
The flight attendant walked away. Michael put his work down, came over, and sat next to me.
“Are you ready to talk? Can we be honest with one another?”
“Sure,” I agreed, it was time for honesty, and a decision-making time for me.
“When I first saw you in the hospital room, we could all tell that you’d been crying. No matter the beautiful smile you put on in front of your family, even I could tell you were heartbroken.” Michael had me tearing again. “And since you had a talk with your family friend back at the hospital, you’ve been teary-eyed and hurting. What has you so sad, my duchess?” The last thing I wanted to do was a tell-all confessional. However, I knew I couldn’t lie to him; I knew I didn’t want to lie to him. If there was ever a chance that I could grow to like or even love this man, I needed to start today by being honest with him.
“I have been obsessed with, infatuated with, and in love with someone since I was ten years old.”
“Was it the man who came out right before we got into the elevator and asked to talk to you?”
“Yes. His name is Donovan Taylor, and he is Jake’s best friend since they were young. He’s a decade older than I am, and he’s known me all my life. When I was twelve, I was so in love with him, I actually asked him to marry me.” I laughed at the thought.
Michael pretended to be heartbroken “You mean my proposal wasn’t the first in your life?”
“Well, yours was the first proposal to me.”
“Good to know. What did he say when you asked him to marry you?”
“Well I’m not exactly sure that he knew it was from me, though I’m pretty sure he knew but...”
“How does he not know who proposed to him? Did you blindfold him as you asked him?”
“No,” I laughed. “I asked him to marry me in the form of a note in his pocket.”
“Seriously?” Michael looked shocked. “You wrote him a note and asked him to marry you? How did you deliver this note to him?”
“We were all swimming one day at Jake’s house and I shoved it in his pocket before leaving.”
“So how was he to know who proposed to him? What if he wanted to accept your proposal? Where would he go find you?” Michael was finding this whole situation quite amusing. “I wish I had known you when you were younger. You are charming now; I can just imagine how much more adorable you would’ve been as a ten-year-old.”
Michael was always a gentleman, and he had a way of making me feel special. It was a wonder why I couldn’t give my heart to somebody like this, rather than somebody who always mangled it.
“I’m sure he knew it was me. I was always dropping notes in his pocket. I had such a big crush on him when I was little.”
“So no one else had a crush on him? It was only you? For sure he knew that it was you who proposed to him?”
“I don’t know… I guess it really doesn’t matter. He never came to answer my proposal.” I did my best not to sound too sad. I tried to look at the comical side of me as a twelve-year-old proposing to Donovan. “I had no chance with him then, and I have no chance with him now.”
“I’m relieved to hear that you have no chance with him now, but may I ask why you believe you have no chance with him? If I were him and I knew you were interested, I would wake up and smell the tea, immediately.”
“Right before I walked into Emily’s hospital room I took a wrong turn and walked in on Donovan and my cousin Jane.”
“What did you exactly walk in on?”
I laughed nervously. “This isn’t something I want to keep reliving, but I have a feeling I don’t have a choice but to tell you.” I hoped Michael would let it go, but he sat next to me patiently waiting my answer. “You’re going to make me spell it all out aren’t you?”
He nodded yes. “Considering that I have asked you to marry me, and I have proclaimed in front of at least ten different people that I’m giving up my future dukedom for you if my grandfather disapproves, I would like there to be complete honesty between the two of us, if you don’t mind.”
“I walked in on them embracing...holding...kissing....”
“And that obviously broke your heart?”
“Was it that obvious?” Damn! I guess all those people were right. My face was too expressive to lie.
“You put on a good show for your family back in the hospital room, but I don’t think anyone was fooled.”
I smiled in response. “I don’t know Michael. I don’t know if it was the fact that he was kissing another woman, or the fact that he was kissing my cousin Jane, I don’t know what broke my heart more.”
“May I be honest this time?”
“Sure.”
“I think perhaps that Donovan was a schoolgirl crush you have kept in your heart for so long, you believe you still love him, even today. Maybe since he’s been in your life, for as long as you can remember, you’ve never had a chance not to love this man. But that was back when you were a little girl and now you are a woman. Perhaps it’s time to shake off the old and bring in the new. You told me from day one that you were starting a new life. That means that there should be an absolute clean slate—especially in your heart. Could I be a part of this clean slate? Would you be willing to start new with me?”
It was at this moment I decided to give this man a chance. He was honest and openly refreshing. I appreciated the fact that he did not want to hide anything from me. He put everything out there for somebody like me and the least I could do was give him a chance. Who was I to make anyone tell his grandfather he’d give up his future?
“All right. A new beginning from here on out.” I hoped.
“Splendid!” Michael showed off a brilliant smile. “And that new beginning starts at my grandfather’s country home. He’s dying to meet you, and I’m dying to show you off.”
“Michael,” I said cautiously, “I need you to take it slow with me. I know you’re almost at the finish line already, but just remember we hardly know each other. We met a month ago, and I don’t think I can accept anyone’s proposal within a month. If you are in agreement with that then I am willing to meet your grandfather, re-introduce myself to your parents as your girlfriend, and start a new relationship with you.”
Michael came closer and embraced me. I couldn’t say that it felt bad to be embraced by Michael, but it wasn’t quite right either. “Laney, you truly are the shine to my sun and the light to my moon. I will make you happy. I will convince you that I am the right man for you.”
Once we got back to London, Michael went home to take care of our arrangements to his grandfather’s home, and I went to Gram’s to pack for the week we were staying. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted, but I felt bad the way I’d left things with Emily. And I also missed James and Ellie. While going through the motion of leaving for another trip, the phone rang.
“Hello?” I answered, surprised that anyone was calling me already.
“You got home safely?” Emily whispered.
“Yes.” I whispered back. “Why are we whispering?”
“The baby’s sleeping. He fell asleep while nursing, again. He’s such a good baby, already. I am so in love again!” Emily sounded adorable talking about her new baby. “I worried that there wouldn’t be enough love in me for this little one, but I was wrong. He’s so sweet and such a darling.” It was always beautiful hearing Emily talk about her kids. “This little one looks like a cross between the twins and reminds me very much of a male version of Ellie.”
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br /> “So he reminds you of Jake?”
“I guess he does. But enough about me and the kids. How are you?”
“I’m all right. I felt terrible for leaving you so quickly, but I think I made the right decision.”
“That Michael is quite the ardent suitor. You heard him, didn’t you, when he told his grandfather that you meant the world to him?”
“Yeah. I did. We had a nice talk on the plane coming back to London.”
“Yeah? What was the talk about?”
“I decided to try for a relationship with Michael.”
“You did?” Emily sounded surprised and disappointed. “I was hoping you wouldn’t jump into anything so soon. What you saw with Donovan and Jane wasn’t what you were thinking. They explained it to me.”
I didn’t want to think about that scene again, but there didn’t seem to be a choice.
“Emily. That scene at the hospital hurt, but what hurts most is the fact that Donovan is so flippant about what he wants. He doesn’t care who becomes collateral damage. It’s all about him and that’s how he’s always been. Finally, I’ve come to admit that’s not what I want in a man. I want a man who’s willing to make sacrifices for me, who’ll love only me, and who’ll always put me first.”
“You think Michael will be that man for you?”
“I’m unsure, but I won’t know till I try. All my life I have waited and put off relationships hoping Donovan might notice me…that he might come to love me. Those were childish and foolish dreams. I don’t want to dream anymore, and I don’t want to live in my own world anymore. I want to live in reality.”
“But your hopes and dreams are what make you so special, Laney. Why do you want to give those up?”
“I don’t know Emily,” I hesitated to explain myself. “I feel like if I don’t give those up, I’m forever going to hope that somebody who doesn’t want me will want me one day. And I’ll never be able to move on. There’s no knight in shining armor. There’s no Prince Charming. I have to live in reality.”
