by Cee, DW
“I’m not crazy about the timing, but if you like this Michael and if he’s good to you, I say enjoy yourself. He must be a wonderful young man if you chose him as your first boyfriend.”
“He is wonderful.” There wasn’t the enthusiasm one would expect when talking about one’s boyfriend, but I didn’t want to lie to my mother. “Michael isn’t Donovan in my heart, but he treats me like a duchess...maybe even a queen.”
“That’s all a mother could ask for in her daughter’s boyfriend.”
Mom and I ended up staying in New York for a week. During that time, I spoke to Michael several times, avoided all of Donovan’s calls and messages, and had the time of my life with Mom. By the time we parted, I had convinced Mom that I was strong enough to live alone in a foreign land again.
“Welcome home, Duchess.” Michael greeted me at the airport. “I trust you are refreshed and ready to start a new life with me?”
“Yes and no.” Michael frowned. “Buy me dinner and I’ll tell you all that’s on my mind.” My smiling face earned me a kiss that didn’t last long with all the airport goers pushing us along.
“You want a summer Pimm’s?” Michael asked when I couldn’t figure out what to drink.
“What’s that?”
He thought about it briefly and said, “Think of it as an English sangria.”
“Sounds delish!”
“Now that the important part is decided, should we talk?”
“Yes. Let me start by saying Mom was impressed with you the few times you both spoke. Mom and Dad worry about my naïveté and the fact that you’re my first boyfriend. After talking to you, Mom was reassured you wouldn’t take advantage of my lack of experience.” I laughed to alleviate the embarrassment.
“Oh.” I laughed even harder at Michael’s reaction. “I would have never guessed.”
“Donovan Taylor has had a stronghold on my life since I was ten. I built a castle, a fortress, and a moat, keeping everyone out until Prince Taylor rode in as my knight in shining armor.”
“OK...”
“And then I met you. You became my first friend, you made me laugh, and beyond question, you treated me like the princess I am not. While I appreciate your devotion and even adoration, my heart is still partly keeping a lookout from the tower of the castle. That hope hasn’t died.”
“And so...”
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that my selfish heart would like to believe I can stay in the tower and enjoy other suitors who come my way professing their love and adoration, while still staying on the lookout for the one suitor who’s not ever coming. But I know it’s not fair to a gallant suitor like you when I can’t promise you my entire heart. You told me on the plane that my feelings for Donovan were a schoolgirl crush. I don’t want to lie to you and say it’s that simple. I was in love with Donovan, and to a great degree, I still am in love with him. Closure will take a while and you’ll be caught in the middle. And I don’t want to do that to you.”
Now Michael laughed. “First of all, do you always talk in allegories and metaphors?”
I giggled in response. “Sorry, it’s the drama queen in me coming out.”
“While it doesn’t make me happy to know that this man has such a stronghold over your heart, I don’t think I can pass up the chance to get to know you better. You make my day brighter, you make me smile all the time, and I already love the little I know of you. My family enjoys spending time with you and believe it or not, Grandfather sent out another invitation to you in the form of a golf rematch.”
“Well, I am honored.” It made me happy to know Michael’s grandfather didn’t hate me. “Tell him I accept.”
“If you haven’t changed your mind, I’d like for us to date. I’d like to get to know everything about you and I think when you get to know all there is to know about me, you won’t be able to stop yourself from falling insanely in love with me.”
“Is that right?” I questioned with a chuckle. “Insanely in love? A bold statement there, Michael Bennington.”
“A correct statement, Laney Reid.”
“You know neither your title nor future wealth excites me at all. Though I have to admit your grandfather’s golf course might sway me a little more your way.”
“I knew placating that old man would have its advantages. Are we in agreement, Laney Reid? Should we date and see where this takes us?”
“Only if you are absolutely clear where I stand. I am not in love with you...”
“Yet,” he interrupted me.
“And I need to walk at my own pace.”
“Agreed!”
Dinner was a lot of questions and answers about me and the Reid family, and when we were done, we called out Ruby to join us for a late movie.
“Aren’t you just the jet-setter these days,” Ruby teased. “Los Angeles, New York, London – all within a couple of weeks. What’s next?”
“I don’t know. Should the three of us go somewhere?”
“Where should we go?” Ruby loved the idea. “How about somewhere exotic like Bangkok or the Amazon?”
“Rubes. Some of us have to start working. Let’s stick to this part of the world if we want to take a long weekend.”
“You don’t have to come. Laney and I are free to roam about for a year.” She had not a care in the world.
“What will you do after this year, Ruby?”
“To the chagrin of the entire family, I may go back to LA and start acting school. The life of a movie star suits me.” Ruby used her most dramatic voice to prove her point.
She continued to show us her acting skills when she grabbed hold of a call I refused to answer. “Hello?” She answered in a sultry voice that made us laugh. “Laney’s phone, but Ruby Aleksandra speaking.”
“Who does she get that from? Your mother?” I asked Michael, who nodded yes.
“Um yes.” All of a sudden, Ruby sounded like a little girl. “Hold on, please.” Michael and I died laughing.
Ruby handed me the phone. “Hello?” I answered between laughs.
“Hey there, Cousin. How’s life?”
“Hi, Jake.” I felt like I was home again talking to my favorite cousin. “Life here is bearable,” I winked at Michael after saying this. “How are you and your ever growing family? The babies are all well?”
“The babies are beautiful, my wife is absolutely beautiful, and we have some big news. I thought you should be the first one to hear.”
“Oh my God! Not another baby, already?”
Jake started busting up! “I’m sure that’s not the last time I’ll hear that question when I tell everyone I have big news. But, no. Number four is not on the way.”
“You don’t know how huge my sigh of relief was, Jake. So what’s up?”
“I have this opportunity to teach at two medical schools in and around London and work at their corresponding hospitals in the fall. Emily is encouraging me to uproot our family and live with you in Belgravia from August to December. Would you be willing to have us as guests in your home for a few months?”
“YES!” I answered so loudly Michael and Ruby jumped. “When do you arrive?”
“I don’t think we’ll get there any earlier than mid-August. It’s not easy to round up three little ones and move. We’ve got so much of their crap to sort out.”
“I am over the moon that you guys will come live with me! What can I do to help?”
“Gram will be calling you with instructions on how you can help. Are you sure you don’t mind us invading your privacy?”
“Jake, that house is so big, you guys could move in and I may still not see you for days. I can’t wait, Jake. You think maybe I can carpool with you on the days you teach and audit some classes? I’m itching to go back to school.”
“I don’t see why not. I’d love the company and as long as you’re willing to pay, I’m sure the school would love the tuition. I’ll call again soon with more concrete informat
ion.”
“Sounds great!”
I would be lonely no more!
The next few weeks passed by in a blur. The first thing that happened was Donovan. He had stopped by again, and this time he didn’t leave for almost an entire night. While out running errands for Jake, I got a call from Mrs. Haines who told me that Donovan was waiting for me. I stayed out later than necessary and waited for him to leave. Mrs. Haines left the flat after it got dark, and she told me Donovan was still in the library waiting for my return. Scared to face him, I spent the night in a hotel and went back home only after I had Mrs. Haines check the house for me the next morning. A few days after, Michael and Ruby took me up to the duke’s summer home for our golf rematch. The duke actually had a smirk on his face, which I chose to consider a smile.
We played twenty-seven holes and after beating him two out of three, he finally spoke. “Where the hell did you learn to golf?”
“My father. He wanted to play in the PGA and was good enough as a scratch golfer, but not quite PGA material. Plus, medical school and life as a surgeon didn’t give him much time to golf. So as soon as my brother and I were old enough to hold clubs, he had us out with him practicing.”
“Damn, you’re good. When’s your father coming to visit? Have him come out and play with me.”
“He would love that, Your Grace. In fact, the first time I came here, I took a picture of your backyard and my dad said it was the most beautiful backyard he’s ever seen. He would jump at the chance of playing here.”
“What are your intentions toward my grandson, young lady?”
“Are you worried you’ll have an ill-mannered American for a granddaughter-in-law?” I teased.
“I am worried you will hurt my grandson. He is in love with you already and thinks of you as part of his future.” The duke was in his serious mood again.
“I know, Your Grace. I can’t say that I’m in love with Michael, but I have been honest with him from the beginning and I have told him that I am not thinking of marriage.”
“This is one of the reasons why I don’t want you dating him. You’ll eventually break his heart. And I don’t want to see my grandson hurt.”
“I think it’s wonderful how much you love Michael, but I can’t give you any guarantees. The Bennington family reminds me a lot of the Reid family. It warms my heart whenever I see your family dynamics. Though, you’re a little pricklier than both my grandfathers.” I laughed. That didn’t bring out the same kind of laughter from the duke.
“Tell me about your grandfather. What was he like?” I found this to be an odd question especially coming from a man who showed no interest in getting to know me.
“I assume it’s Grandpa Jerry you want to know about since you already seem to know Grandfather Roland?”
“Tell me about both. Tell me what you think of both men.”
“My Grandpa Jerry reminds me a lot of my father. He was playful, had a great sense of humor and always looked at the brighter side of life. He worked very hard and provided a great life for his children and grandchildren. Even with so many grandchildren, he made each and every one of us feel special. Though he and Gram both favored my cousin Jake, we all felt loved by our grandparents.”
“He and your grandmother, I assume, got along well?”
This was another odd question, but I figured I would humor the duke and answer everything he asked of me.
“My grandfather adored my grandmother. He loved her till his very last breath. There was no doubt in any of our minds who was first in his life.”
“He sounds like a good man. Your grandmother was a lucky woman.”
“He was a great man. My grandmother could not have picked a better husband. My grandfather loved his wife, was generous to us all, and he left behind a legacy that none of us will ever surpass. That’s how special he was.”
“And Roland?”
“You probably know my grandfather Roland better than I do. I don’t know him very well because I only recently met him, but I can tell you that he loves my grandmother as much as my grandfather Jerry did. And from what I have experienced so far, he treats us like his own grandchildren. But in the end, if he loves my grandmother and treats her well, that’s all I can hope for.”
“So he’s good to your grandmother as well?”
“He is as ideal as my Grandpa Jerry.” I was curious to ask him why he wanted so many answers concerning my grandparents, but we were getting along so well I didn’t want to push my luck with him.
After twenty-seven holes, I was exhausted. Michael had to drive back home, so we finished up a quick dinner, said our good-byes and left with the promise that we would be back next weekend. As much as Michael enjoyed seeing me hanging out with his family, I knew he was frustrated with the lack of intimacy between us. We hadn’t spent much alone time, and I did everything in my power not to be too physically close with him. Aside from kisses here and there, I just couldn’t bear to let another man touch me. It felt somehow like I was betraying Donovan. Perhaps this alone should’ve been reason enough to end my relationship with Michael, but I enjoyed Michael’s company and I enjoyed his family very much.
“Can we spend any time just the two of us?” Michael asked with bitterness. He knew my reservation, and he was done with it. I was at a loss for words. “I won’t push you into anything you don’t want to do, but I’d like to do a little more than hold your hand at my grandfather’s home.”
“Can you give me a little more time? Let me think about us and I’ll let you know what I’ve decided when we go on our holiday?”
Michael wasn’t satisfied. “You’re more comfortable being alone with my grandfather than you are with me. I feel like you’re holding me at arm’s length, but I can’t complain because you have no qualms about breaking up with me.” What he was saying was absolutely true. I didn’t realize that a relationship was so tough. And I didn’t think that it would take me this long to let go of a man who had been in my heart since I was ten.
“Everything you say is true. I’m not going to pretend we are where we should be for two people dating. You’ve been nothing but patient.” I wanted to raise the white flag and give up. Apparently, I wasn’t cut out for a relationship. Friendships were my forté.
A frustrated Michael said, “I’m going hunting in Scotland with my uni friends. How about we continue this conversation after I get back?”
“Sure.” This was as close to a pink slip a girl could get from her boyfriend, and I didn’t feel as relieved as I thought I might. It hurt. I guess any form of rejection didn’t feel good. “When do you leave?”
“I leave in a couple of days and come back on August 8th. It’s a quick trip. We can head to Grandfather’s as soon as I’m back, then we’ll go straight to Seychelles from there. Be ready.”
“All right.” I did my best not to sigh.
Michael left without a proper good-bye and today I wished I had a swing on my front porch to chase away my blues. Since I didn’t, I walked my neighborhood instead and compartmentalized the hopelessness.
Today was the eleventh day I hadn’t heard from Donovan. It was hypocritical of me to search my phone for messages when I didn’t read any of them, but I still did it. Today was also the day Michael called me out on another one of my hypocrisies. I accepted the position of being his girlfriend, but I wanted nothing beyond friendship. I spent time with everyone else, so I wouldn’t have to spend quality time with Michael. He knew it, he called it, and I had to own it. Today, it felt like I had lost both men.
“Where the bloody hell have you been?”
“Hi Ruby.” I found Ruby sitting on my steps annoyed. “With all the construction happening, it was too noisy to stay home, so I went to our local library and did some work.”
“Who goes to a library nowadays?”
“What’s wrong with the library? It has comfy chairs, free wi-fi and a bathroom. What else can a girl ask for when she’s displaced?”
/> “How about calling your boyfriend or your boyfriend’s sister and asking if you could spend a day at their house instead of roaming like the homeless? Honestly, Laney, you are an oddball at times. Why would you go sit at a library all day when your boyfriend’s home is closer and much more inviting?”
“Maybe I don’t feel very invited right now.” All day I had done a good job of letting go of the emotions and finishing all the late projects. I stopped thinking about the fact that Donovan hadn’t reached out in twelve days and that Michael was angry because I was selfish and had used him to fill my need for a friend and a substitute family. I got all my work done and hoped to curl up to a good book tonight and forget my woes. Ruby had other thoughts.
“Come with me,” she demanded. “Why don’t we go back to my house and spend the night there with me?”
“I don’t think I should, Ruby. Michael and I are taking some time reevaluating us.”
“Laney!” Her exasperation wasn’t mild. “I think it’s only you who is doing any reevaluating.”
“You could spend the night here.” I hoped she would take my offer. “I would love to have some company.”
She looked like she was about to accept but she rolled her eyes and said, “I would but I think I’ve just been kicked out of your house.” She motioned for me to turn around and that’s when I saw a grinning Michael walking toward us. “I guess this is a good-bye for now. I’ll see you later.” She waved and walked toward her brother and beyond.
“Hi Michael.” I half whispered.
“Hello Duchess.”
“Are you here to say good-bye?”
He pulled me into his body. “I’m here to reassure you that I love you. I know you don’t love me in return, but I had this crazy urge to refresh your memory. I felt like an ass after I left your house yesterday and I haven’t been able to focus all day because I left us with so many question marks. There’s no doubt in my mind where you belong in my life. I will wait for you.”
“I don’t want you to wait for me. No, let me rephrase that, I don’t want you to have to wait for me. It’s not fair to you. Trust me when I say, I’m not worth the wait. I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed if and when I finally come around.”
