by Cee, DW
“Why do you need me to watch it with you?” Delaney probably would’ve been horrified had I explained where and how I wanted to watch this program with her.
“I’ll need someone to explain the storyline to me.”
“You’ll get it as the story progresses. It isn’t rocket science.”
“Can you for once just agree to one of my ideas rather than fighting me every step of the way? You sure you don’t want to go to law school, instead? You are one litigious girl.” I was annoyed, while she only grinned.
After viewing Gram’s gag gift of a toilet changed into a “throne,” we trailed behind everyone headed for the backyard. Jake, Jane and Nick had picked a clock-shaped coffin for their mother as a gag gift. I could feel Delaney shiver when the surprise was unveiled.
“Freaky,” I muttered.
“Uh-huh,” she whispered, turning her body into mine, “and with no litigious undertone. You see, I agree with you from time to time.” Though she quickly turned her face to listen to Jane speak, I could tell by the way her body shook that she was giggling.
“You’re a pain in the ass pretend-girlfriend.”
“What did you expect when you’re a cheating pretend-boyfriend?” With that comment, I pinched her on the side and she giggled loudly enough for those around us to stare.
“How can you call me a cheater? I’ve never cheated on anyone!” I complained while walking to Jake’s home for his unveiling.
“It matters not. I’ve decided to dump you after that cheating incident. I don’t date men who accept phone numbers of other women while they’re out with me.” She ran off as soon as she finished her statement.
Al appeared from thin air again. “This Reid family is a hoot. Each gift is funnier than the last. Are they always like this?”
“They’ve always had a great relationship with one another. This is one of the most loving and fun families I know. Even the Taylor family comes in second place when compared to the Reids.”
“The girl is fantastic, the family is fantastic. What are you waiting for? Why haven’t you proposed already?”
“Shut up, Al. Delaney is like a sister to me. She’s younger than Rachel and I’ve known her all her life. We are good friends, and I do not think of her in any other way than as a sister.” I didn’t think Al bought the lie.
“You keep telling yourself that…” Al walked off, and I rejoined my pretend-ex-girlfriend.
Needless to say, my best friend and perfect husband to Emily outdid every man on the block and gifted his wife a series of framed pictures for Mother’s Day. The first large frame was an illustration of the twins, the next was a montage of their love, and the last was a pictorial family tree. Asshole had all the women with goofy smiles and tears.
I could feel Delaney’s body sigh in reluctant contentment. “What’s with the sigh?” I asked.
“They’re perfect, aren’t they?”
I watched Jake and Emily with a child in each arm, kissing each other. “They are.” I could do nothing but agree. “You’re up next, Little Girl. You and your brother have something to top everyone?”
“You sure do have a lot of titles for me. I went from pretend-girlfriend to pretend-ex and now back to little girl. A girl could get whiplash trying to keep her head on straight with you.”
“You speak in riddles all the time, Delaney.” I seriously had no clue what the hell she was talking about.
She and her brother left to prepare for their big reveal.
“Have a twin,” Jake announced, dropping Ellie in my arms.
“Hello my lovely Elizabeth. You want your godfather to hold you?”
This precious baby nodded yes, gave me her sparkly smile, and put her chubby arms around my neck. I loved it when she hugged me. I kissed her head, then I kissed her cheek, and then I did what she loved best. I blew raspberries all over her cheek and neck. She laughed and laughed in glee.
“I think it’s time for you to settle down and have kids.” Al said. “She looks perfect in your arms.”
“That’s because my goddaughter is perfect.”
“Are you going to pursue this Laney Reid?”
I shook my head in the negative. “I’m not kidding you Al. She’s like a little sister. But I wouldn’t mind exploring something with her cousin Jane, if given the chance.” Did I really say this after getting along so beautifully with Delaney? Was I insane?
“Get the fuck outta here. Tell me you’re lying.”
“I wish I were. I’ve been thinking about this and I think she is the perfect girl for me.” It was a shit thing to do to retreat to the safety of Jane whenever thoughts of Delaney scared me.
“We talking about Jane Reid? The same Jane who is Becky’s best friend and Max’s girlfriend?”
“That’s her.”
“What makes you believe she is the perfect girl for you? Aside from the fact that she is taken already, and from what I can tell, also very much in love with her boyfriend, why would she be the right girl for you?”
“There are no extremes with us. We have a great friendship. Our work relationship is as it should be where she is my subordinate, and her brother is my best friend. After Kate, I’m tired of extremes. I don’t want a woman who is more successful than I am, older than I am, and richer than I am. I want to settle down with someone who doesn’t give me conflicting emotions. I just want everything to be seamless.”
“Then what’s wrong with Laney? She’s younger than you are, not as successful as you are, and still related to Jake. Unless she comes with a large trust fund or an old school dowry, she’s not as rich as you are, you two have a wonderful friendship, and it doesn’t look any more seamless than you and her. What’s the problem?” Al asked again.
“She’s too young. I don’t want the big age gap like I had with Kate. I just want everything to be normal.”
“Bro, you’re making a huge mistake. I think you and this Laney have that easy rapport you are looking for in a relationship. I could be wrong but she looks like she adores you, and the way you look at her and can’t keep your hands off of her, you reciprocate.”
“Well, you are wrong. We don’t like each other except as friends.” Why was it so hard for me to accept Delaney as my possible future? I needed to shut up and reassess my head.
With Elizabeth still in my arms, I took her up to Aunt Babs’ bathroom and we waited for Delaney and Doug to do their unveiling. The room burst into applause when the brother-sister duo unveiled a shower curtain with the chief’s front and back laminated onto a clear shower curtain. The completely naked backside won them the jackpot.
“You liked that?” I spoke to Ellie who clapped and laughed with the rest of us. I loved seeing her sparkling blue eyes crinkle with happiness. As much as my goddaughter liked me, when her mother came around, she jumped from me to her without even a good-bye.
Being free, I walked over to Delaney to congratulate her win. “That was an ingenious idea, Little Girl.”
She beamed. “Why thank you, Mr. Taylor.”
“Is someone calling me?” My father, who was directly behind us, spoke.
I explained to Pa, and eventually to Ma, about Delaney’s tendency of calling me Mr. Taylor. Ma and Pa didn’t recognize Delaney, so after a round of introductions, with Ma freaking out at how much everyone had “grown” when they were already all in their twenties, and Pa studying my interaction with Delaney, we’d drawn enough attention to gather a crowd.
“Laney,” Pa called, “you married?”
Her blue eyes turned even bigger than their usual size. “No, Sir,” she said softly.
“What do you think of my son? Isn’t he handsome?” Now, Pa was getting ridiculous.
Delaney stared at me longer than it was comfortable, and came away with a mischievous grin. “I guess he’s all right.” She answered with a devil-may-care attitude. I could tell she was trying to get the Taylors riled up. Her impish smile gave her away. I almost expected
her to wink at me and tell me she was joking. I decided to play along and defend my cause by telling her what others have told me—that I was better looking than the newest Superman.
She couldn’t keep her laughter to herself when she said, “I think you look like a mousy Harry Styles.”
Who the fuck was Harry Styles, and was this girl crazy thinking I looked mousy? Ma lost her cool defending me, Jake lost his head laughing, I lost it when she told me I wasn’t manly looking enough, but Pa stayed even-keeled and asked for an explanation. What she said was a complete surprise. I guess I didn’t know this girl as well as I thought.
“I like the weathered look.” She told my father. “You know...the Harley Davidson, beautiful tattoo, five o’clock shadow, mussed-up hair, look? You, Mr. Taylor, look a little too cleaned up. You’re the James Bond when he’s at the casino. I prefer the James Bond when he’s firing his Walther PPK, all cut up, with dirt on his face.”
She was a breath of fresh air and a surprise everywhere I turned. From pretending we were dating in order to get out of an unwanted date, to looking for a James Bond in battle, I had no clue what she was looking for in a man. “No Prince Charming from Cinderella?” I inquired.
“Prince Charming from Cinderella with a few tats, riding a Harley.” Who would have known she’d be looking for a mama’s boy with tats and a Harley?
“She’s the one for you.” Pa pulled me aside and did his damnedest to convince me. “She’s the perfect blend of innocence and sophistication.”
“You need to ask her out.” Al joined him.
“She’s all of twenty-two. She’s too young.”
“Better young than old,” Pa scoffed.
Al was about to push his cause when I heard Jake yell, “Hey Donovan!”
“Excuse me, gents. I’d love to stand around and talk about my future with you but my best friend is calling.” For a change, my best friend was saving my ass rather than kicking it. However, I knew why he was calling me over. He would bemoan the loss of his wife for the evening as Roland treated all the Moms to a surprise getaway. Even Ma joined the Reid mothers. “Are we having problems parting with your other half?” I teased.
“Hey, let’s go up to your hut.”
What the hell? “With your kids?”
“Yeah. We can take the minivan up. The kids will love the beach and it’ll kill the rest of the day.”
“Like I don’t know your scheming and desperate mind. You just want to be near your wife. You’re looking for any way not to sleep alone.”
My best friend had that sorry grin on his ugly face. He started up the stairs when I reminded him I didn’t agree to his plan. He didn’t even blink as he went to pack a bag for the kids.
“Go get your bathing suit on, Godmother Delaney.”
“I really have a lot of work to do,” she complained after I explained Jake’s plans.
“Oh, and I don’t?” I complained right back. I could tell she was torn. She wanted to be helpful, but she probably wasn’t thinking she’d be playing all weekend. “I’d pack an overnight bag if I were you.” Now her face turned horrified. “I’ll bet you $50 Jake will somehow find a way to leave us for his wife within an hour of arriving at the beach house.”
“He wouldn’t! You think he’ll leave us with the kids and spend the night at the spa?” I nodded in the affirmative. “Shit! There’s no way. We’ll hang out at the beach for a few hours, make a pit stop to say hello to Emily, then all come home. I have to come home and get some work done.”
“Just to be safe, I’d bring all your work with you and some pjs.”
“No. I won’t because I believe in Jake.”
“$50?”
“$50!” This was going to be like taking candy away from a child.
We got on the road and the twins fell asleep like clockwork. Delaney took the entire third row to get a jump on her backlogged work and I sat up front with my buddy.
“I’m warning you. Delaney and I have too much work to do to be saddled with your kids all night.”
Jake gave me his stupid mug again. “We’ve been friends way too long. It’s like you’re reading my mind.”
“Don’t do it.”
Jake changed the subject and as soon as we got to the house, the kids settled nicely on the beach and played well.
“James, don’t put the sand in your mouth.” Delaney was busy cleaning the kids every time they got it on their face.
“Ellie. Beautiful.” I called to divert her attention away from sticking sand-ridden fingers in her mouth. I shook my head no to tell her not to do it. Just like the rest of the Reid women, she gave me her precious smile, but stuck her finger in her mouth anyway. She cried immediately and Delaney was quick to get the sand off her tongue. How she did this was beyond my paternal scope.
“I don’t know how Emily does this every day but, even with this amount of work, I hope I’ll end up with two sets of twins.” Delaney exclaimed while her hand was definitely full with both kids.
“Two sets of twins? Why the hell would you want that kind of torture?” I thought this girl was nuts!
She told me about what she wanted for her future, and I told her that she needed a rich knight in shining armor when she surprised me again with her answer. “We could live in a little hut like your beach house, and as long as we have each other, we’ll be all right. Kids don’t need to grow up in luxury, and though I enjoy the perks of money, I don’t need it. I just need love.”
Love...her idea of a spouse, a future, and tons of kids weren’t far off from what I wanted. Delaney was young, but she had a clear vision of her future. I liked that.
Half an hour, give or take, into our time at the beach, my asshole of a best friend deserted us to go see his “ailing” wife. He found an opening and flew out of here.
“Now what?” I asked my partner in crime.
“I guess I owe you $50.” Delaney chuckled, and continued to build sand piles for the kids to karate chop down.
After killing ourselves cleaning, feeding, bathing, and getting the children down, I knew I was done being Jake Reid’s best friend.
“Shit! I am wiped! How the hell does any woman do this on a daily basis?”
Delaney and I settled in the living room, and finally started on all the work that should’ve been finished by now. I blazed through the work I’d brought with me, but stopped whenever I thought Delaney was watching me. When I looked up, she looked down and went back to studying, or whatever it was that she was doing. This happened a few times before I finally asked her, “What’s your question?”
She asked me why I wasn’t married. I weaseled out of answering that question, but forced her to tell me why she hadn’t ever been in a serious relationship. Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked because what she told me stayed with me the entire night. “I want...I want a best friend, a lover, a protector...someone who is strong, but not dominating, kind, but not weak, and loving, but not overbearing. Is that asking too much?” No, Beautiful Girl. It’s not too much to ask. I want to be this man for you, but why do I keep thinking we are not right for one another? What am I to do with you, Delaney Reid?
Delaney and I were relieved of parenting duties when Jake and Emily showed up at dawn. They drove us home and as we parted, I made Delaney promise to stop by the office for lunch after her study session was done. She reluctantly agreed.
I waited for her during my lunch hour, but she never showed. It wasn’t like her to break a promise and part of me was worried something might have happened, but then a client came calling. After my family dinner tonight, I’d call her and ask what had happened.
“Hello family. Hello Auntie.” I was happy that Bee could join us today. “What did you and Al do today?” I asked Becky, who was seated and ready to eat.
Ma came up and kissed me on both cheeks. “You didn’t bring Laney with you like I asked?”
“Ma,” I answered, “I thought you were just kidding.” Ma had called
early in the morning demanding I show up for dinner and with Delaney.
“You know I wasn’t.” Ma was pissed with me.
I laughed at her pout. “I would’ve asked had I seen her today. I thought she might drop by the office, but she didn’t. Why do you want Delaney at a family dinner?”
“Because Donny,” Pa talked to me as if I were a five-year-old. “She’s going to be family soon. We would like to get to know her better.”
“Don’t you think you’re taking this a little too far? I need to agree first before you guys can decide who is going to be a part of this family. It’s me who has to live with this girl the rest of my life. I don’t think you have as much of a say in my future as I do.”
“What, are you saying you can’t see a future with this beautiful girl?” It almost seemed as though my father saw right through me. It wasn’t that I couldn’t see myself with her the rest of my life. The problem was that I did see myself with her the rest of my life. I deliberately chose not to answer this question.
“Jamie, I don’t think Laney would’ve been able to make it tonight anyhow.” Bee added her thought.
“Why not,” I asked. “How would you know?”
“I know because you’re not the only one with the 4-1-1 on Laney Reid. I actually spoke to her a couple hours ago and invited her to dinner myself, knowing you’d be too chicken to ask.”
“And?”
“And she told me someone asked her on a date tonight.” My aunt had a not-so-lovely smirk on her face.
Now I was a little pissed. “With whom? Was it that Derek guy?”
“How the hell should I know? Maybe the guy who stood her up for lunch rescheduled for dinner.”
“What guy? What lunch?” Shit I had this sinking feeling that pastrami sandwich I had earlier came from Delaney.
“I don’t know. When I spoke with her earlier, she didn’t sound like herself so I had her explain what had happened. She told me she decided to surprise someone by bringing him lunch today but when she showed up to his place of work, he was having lunch with another woman.”
