by Cee, DW
“It’s not that I don’t think you’re a pretty girl.” Mom must have felt guilty. “Only if you’d exercise more. Why don’t you get up with me every morning and do some yoga? It’ll stretch you out and make you look longer and leaner.”
“It’s hard to get up at six in the morning when I go to bed no earlier than three.” I countered.
“Just make sure you wash your face at night and use good moisturizer.” Feeling my cheek with the back of her two fingers, she shook her head in disbelief. “Bee Lauren Taylor! I told you always to moisturize! Your face is as dry as a snake shedding its skin. And put on some makeup when you go out. You look so much older than your age.”
I’d had enough. “Laney told me there was a place you were interested in purchasing?”
“It was nice, but I don’t know if I want to stay in LA.”
“Wherever you choose to live is fine with me, but I need you to find your own place soon.” Mom looked offended, but I didn’t care. “Mom.” I did my best to explain, “This place is not big enough for two people. I need to work at all hours of the night and I can’t do that when you are complaining about the lights being on.”
“Well you know I’m a sensitive sleeper.”
“That’s why you can’t live with me. I’ve been on my own for too long to be told what to do and when to sleep.”
“Then how will you ever get along with a man well enough to get married? I worry about your unyielding personality, Bee. You’re too headstrong for any man to love you. Is that why it didn’t work out with Nick?” Incredulous! That’s how I found my mother and her verbal antics. I’d heard this rendition of her sad song one too many times. I knew what was next. Before she could go on about why I’ll never get married, I walked upstairs and put together an overnight bag. “Where are you going?”
“Out.”
“But it’s late. Where could you possibly go at this hour?” I chose not to answer and walked to the door.
“I don’t know when I’ll be back so don’t wait up for me.”
“But Bee…” Her tone was not that of a worried mother. She was more curious than worried. “Are you going to Luciano’s?” I waved good-bye. “Donovan and Laney’s?” I was halfway down the hallway. “Nick’s?” Hopping in the elevator, I did wonder where the hell I was headed.
Donovan and Laney’s was an option, but I didn’t want to bother the newlyweds. Luke’s? I had no idea where he was tonight. He hadn’t called or come over with dinner like usual. Instead, I ate with Mom who insisted on making a tofu stir-fry.
All my life, I had Donovan and his sisters as my close friends. Now that they were all married and moved away, I was left without my best friends. I missed all of them and wished I’d made a few more friends in the meanwhile.
I drove to the warehouse and opened the massively impressive steel doors I had put in. The warehouse had a modern airplane hangar feel with stainless steel everywhere. Walking into the warehouse and seeing the brand new machines—sewing, cutting, and button; the gigantic tables for drawing, cutting, designing, and pattern making; an area dedicated to dyeing fabrics; and my own personal office—made my heart happy. This was all mine, thanks to a generous nephew, and I was so ready to make an impact in the clothing world. Looking at all the beauty in this giant room gave me renewed hope and took away the Mommy Dearest sadness.
I dropped the overnight bag in the office and went to my worktable to cut a few designs that had been drawing themselves in my head all day. Images of a comfortable fleece one-piece infant pajama wouldn’t leave me, so I knew that was the first creation I needed to bring to life in this warehouse. There were soft blue, yellow, and green fleece fabrics I’d picked up the other day, and I created what I knew would be the most darling pajamas for Donovan and Laney’s children.
An hour later, I had not only finished making the pajamas in all three colors, but I’d stitched the names Taylor on the bum side. I took a picture of all three, front and back, and sent them to my niece and nephew.
“Oh my gosh, Auntie!” I knew I’d get an immediate phone call. “I can’t believe how darling those pajamas are. Are they fleece?”
“Yep. And for you, I’ll only charge $100 per pajama.”
“Hundred bucks? That’s highway robbery!” She complained, jokingly. “The background of your picture looks like your warehouse. Are you there by yourself at this late hour?”
“Considering I don’t have a shadow, yes, I am here by myself.”
Laney giggled. “I’m craving a big slice of cheesecake. Let’s meet at The Palm. I hope they still serve S&S cheesecakes from New York.”
“Aren’t you home, tucked away in bed by now?”
“No. I’m at the firm. Donovan had to work late and we didn’t want to be away from each other. The Palm in fifteen?”
“Why the hell not? See you then.”
I closed everything up, picked up my belongings and headed for a late night snack. At my weight, a slice of cheesecake wasn’t the best choice for a snack, but who did I have to impress?
“That was fast.” I commented to Laney, who was already seated in a booth. I’d arrived in less than ten. Obviously, she got here even sooner.
“Beatrice!” Luke rolled the r in my name and surprised me with a kiss on the lips.
“Hello Auntie.” Donovan gave me a kiss on the side of my head and moved next to his wife.
“I didn’t know you’d all be here.” I was happy to finally connect with Luke tonight. After having spent many (work) nights together, it was weird not knowing his whereabouts.
“Did you miss me?” Luke asked boldly. I didn’t know what to say. “By the look on your face, I’d say you missed me a lot! You had no idea where I was and worried about me, didn’t you, Beatrrrrice.”
“I was curious…” There was no need to give away my true feelings.
“Curious, no more. I am here!” From the kiss to the declaration—what was I missing?
“Can we order?”
“Sure, Mrs. Taylor.” Donovan kissed his wife’s pouty lips. “Will you only have dessert or do you want another dinner? Luciano and I are starving.”
“Are you having…steak?” Her face lit up. With the glow of a pregnant mama, Laney was a delight to watch. She and my nephew were so in love, so happy with life, and so ready to conquer the world. No cynic could hold back a smile when dealing with the newlyweds.
“They’re beautiful together, aren’t they?” Luke stated a fact.
“They are,” I agreed and whispered in his ear.
“When Laney came to the office after her seminar, your nephew stopped the meeting and greeted his wife with such a tender kiss, it made the women swoon and the men green with envy.”
“She’s definitely beautiful. What man wouldn’t want to be married to Laney, and vice versa?”
“I don’t know about other men, but I wasn’t envious of Laney—though she is a beautiful woman. I envied their love, and the fact that he had someone to love so deeply. That’s what I want for myself.”
Our whispered conversation turned heavy, and I had no answer for Luke.
The server arrived and we all ordered a full meal with drinks and dessert. Fortunately, Laney saved some calories since she was only drinking water. But me, after that nasty tofu stir-fry, I decided I needed a real dinner.
“How’s Grandma doing?” Donovan chuckled knowingly. “Or should I ask, how you are doing with Grandma?”
“She started in with her, ‘Only ifs…’ tonight and I left before it got ugly.” Donovan cracked up.
“What are ‘only ifs,’ Donovan?”
“Grandma Gypsy used to have all these sayings that began with, ‘Only if…’ For me, she would say, ‘Only if you weren’t such a playboy, you wouldn’t get into so much trouble with girls.’”
“And how old were you when she started saying this to you?” Laney asked.
“Ten?” We all laughed knowing Donovan wasn’t kidding
.
“For Becky, Grandma Ruth would say, ‘Only if you weren’t such a complainer, you’d have more friends.’” Now, Donovan got into the act and imitated Mom’s voice. “Kelley, only if you would take care of your body, you wouldn’t look so chubby.”
“What Ruth said weren’t the kindest words, but we all have those stories. What mother, father, or grandparent didn’t have their sayings?”
“Laney, you are right.” Luke spoke. “My mother’s sayings always had to do with, ‘You want to be an American, you have to…’”
“What did you have to do to be an American?” I asked.
“Having emigrated as a teenager, my mother worried I’d never assimilate. She’d say in her thick Italian accent, ‘If you want to be an American, you need to shower more.’”
“Shower more?” I was dying of laughter.
“Hey, I was a teenager. Hopping in the shower wasn’t my greatest concern.”
“Tell us more, Luciano.” Laney begged.
“If you want to be an American,” Luke broke out with his own Italian accent, “you need to study harder, play your trombone, do the dishes, take out the garbage…you name it, she added it to her long list. And the best part of this entire story—once my brother and I assimilated, she started saying, ‘You’re too American. You need to be more Italian. You need to be more Spanish.’ These words of wisdom never ended.”
“Maybe it’s an Italian thing.” Donovan added his two cents. “Ma came to America as a child and she always harped on me about how hard Pa worked. Her ritual was, ‘Do you know how hard your Pa works to provide….’ She added everything under the sun after those words. Pa was born here and to an Italian mom and an English dad. He didn’t go into any tirades, but Ma was always spearing us with one home-made adage or another.”
“I guess it’s the same with all parents, huh?” After hearing about everyone’s mothers, I guess mine wasn’t as bad as I thought. Perhaps I should take my mother’s “Only ifs,” as words of encouragement, rather than words to tear me down.
“What about you, Laney?” Luke asked. “Didn’t your parents have any words of wisdom for you?”
My niece had been unusually quiet. She would not share until her husband threatened to call and ask her mother.
“Oh, all right!” She was annoyed with her husband. “My mother did have a line she used since I was young. She’d always say, ‘Donovan Taylor is not the only item in the grocery store. Keep shopping.’” Laney was embarrassed, Donovan loved it, and Luke and I laughed hard.
When we parted, I felt much better than when the night began. Deciding to go back home, I chose to do what I’d always done with my mother—accept, but live my own life. I didn’t need to be vested in our relationship because she’d leave soon. Until then, I’d work hard to listen to what she had to say, smile, and walk away unhurt.
April 3, 2014 NICK: New Perspective
“Hey Nick.” Many female voices greeted me when I walked into my house.
“What’s going on here?” Gram, Mom, Emily, and Laney were standing around gawking at my sister’s laptop.
“We’re looking at pictures of Volterra,” Laney said. “Oh Jane. This wedding is going to be the best Reid wedding, yet. It’s so picturesque.”
“I know.” My sister gushed. “I’m so happy we decided to get married here.”
“Nick,” Gram stopped me from running away from wedding planning. “What will you do during vacation? Will you be joining Jane and Laney and traveling to Europe?” My grandmother obviously had no idea about Bee and her Spaniard.
“No, Gram. I thought maybe I can go use the desert house if no one will be there next week?” I asked Mom.
“Of course. I haven’t heard of any Reids occupying the house. Go enjoy yourself.”
I tried to get away before any more questions happened. Mom was kind enough not to ask. My sister and cousin weren’t.
“Who are you going to the desert with, Nick? Why don’t you come to Europe with us?” Jane knew the answer, but she was making me spell it out. “Gimpy’s plane will drop off Laney and her party in Barcelona, take Max and myself to Florence, and then we’ll go pick everyone up in Paris.”
Who everyone was, I didn’t ask. The only question I had was, “Is Jake taking the family?”
“Oh, I forgot. Our first stop is in New York. Jake and the family will be in New York while we head over to Europe.” Jane urged, “There are three fun destinations for you. You should take advantage of this ideal situation.”
Laney added, “If you don’t like our destinations, you can always take a train and go elsewhere. You only need to meet us in Paris on Saturday.”
Did I want to go to New York where Bee and I had spent New Year’s? Or was Florence a better choice where she dropped my ass and told me to take a hike? While I was at it, perhaps I could stay at Gram’s flat in London and torture myself some more. I don’t think so! “Thanks, but the desert will be fine. Have a good time, everyone.”
“We leave after Bee gets back from Vegas. If you change your mind, there’s room on the plane for you.” My cousin not so casually omitted Lily from this family trip. She was nuts if she thought I was going to sit on a twelve+ hour flight from LAX to JFK to BCN with all of them and Bee.
I walked up to my room and called Lily.
“Hi!” I could picture the wide smile on her face. I loved that I made her feel this good when I called.
“Can you take a few days off next week?”
“I…don’t think so…” She was already sorry without knowing why.
“My parents own a home in the desert, and I thought we could go down there for a few days while I’m on spring break.”
“Damn! That sounds like fun, but I have a really important meeting with a doctor who’s been avoiding me like the plague. I can’t walk away from this opportunity.”
“How about the weekend, then?”
“This weekend is Audrey’s birthday so I can’t, but next weekend is good. I’ll see if I can take off on Thursday after my meeting. I see the doctor early in the morning. If all goes well, we can leave after the meeting. Otherwise, Friday is wide open.”
“Sounds good. It’ll be fun to spend time with you. Have you ever been to the desert?”
“No.” Lily giggled. “Isn’t that where all the old people go?”
I laughed with her. “Yeah. It’s very old, totally relaxed, and unless you golf or swim, there’s nothing to do.”
“Sounds fantastic! I need a few days where I don’t have anything going on. You’re coming to Audrey’s party?”
“Yeah, of course. I just heard that my brother’s family is headed to New York. I guess Audrey’s BFF won’t be at her party.” The thought of my bratty Ellie having a best friend made me shake my head. Who could stand my niece’s antics? She’d have to find an open-minded, very understanding man one day.
“Sarah just told me. Emily said Jake decided to take the family to his symposium in New York since your grandfather’s plane was going to drop them all off. It must be nice to have a rich grandfather.”
“Yeah, it doesn’t hurt.” I liked seeing Gram well taken care of by the man who adored her. “So while I’m at it, I have one more question.”
“Shoot,” she answered enthusiastically.
“A few years ago, Emily and I took a series of cooking classes on the Westside. You have any interest in taking some classes with me? We can drop in on any three-hour session during the week. It starts at six and ends around nine, nine-thirty, after dinner. We can play it by ear and go whichever day works for us.” Lily didn’t say anything for a few seconds. “Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here. I’m just…surprised? Happy? It’s just a little unexpected.”
Since Bee and I didn’t work because I didn’t take enough initiative, or at least that was part of the reason, I was going to change my ways. With Lily, or any other woman, I didn’t want to make the same mistakes
. Initiative, commitment, attentiveness—I’d try them all and see what worked for me.
“We don’t have to cook. Since neither one of us has a place of our own, it’s tough to meet regularly and come up with something aside from dinner. This way, we can play tennis at the club one day and cook another day.” Twice a week sounded like a good amount of commitment for two people just getting to know one another.
“I don’t cook—at all—but I’m willing to try with you. Actually,” she hesitated, “I was thinking about finding an apartment this weekend. Any chance you’d want to help me?”
