by Cee, DW
“After what happened with the Cowpers, I’m going to speak with them and explain that I plan to go to America, first—without Estelle.”
“I don’t think that’s going to go over well with your fiancée.”
“True, but I don’t want her to suffer and I won’t have her working. She has dreams just like I do. They won’t be shelved because she’s a woman and I’m a man.”
“So if you go over the pond, first, then what?”
“If I study year-round, I should be done in two years. I have enough money for one year’s tuition. I’ll work to pay for living expenses. All I ask is for some money from you for the second year’s tuition.”
“All right. Assuming all that is in place, what about my future sister-in-law?”
“I’ll ask her parents to send her to Paris and support her until I’m on my feet.”
“You can stay away from that beautiful woman for two years? What if she meets someone else? Didn’t you say there were other men who wanted to marry her?”
Damn. I wished my brother wouldn’t ask such poignant questions.
“I’ll have to trust that our love is strong enough to withstand any temptation.”
I knew I had a big fight coming. Estelle would never agree to my ideas, but this was the only way.
*******
Estelle
“Estelle, are you sure you can give up your dreams and promise never to resent my future brother-in-law?”
“I can, Melisse. The more time I spend with him, I realize he is my dream. Building a life, a family, and a loving relationship can only happen with him. I’ve studied as much as my heart desired. If I quit now, I won’t regret anything.”
“So, what’s your plan, Estelle? You’ll go to the States and then what?”
“While Jerry studies for two to three years, I’ll get a job.”
“Doing what? Who will hire a woman?”
“I’m unsure, but my friend Roland says there are many opportunities for women in America. It’s different from Britain. I’ll write to him and ask for help. He’s about to graduate from Harvard in a few weeks, himself. He’ll be a great resource.”
“Is this the same man who’s wanted to marry you the past few years?”
I answered shyly, “Yes, but he knows I’m in love with Jerry. He hasn’t asked again since I told him about our relationship. He’s become a good friend.”
“Are you sure it’s only friendship?”
“Positive. I’ll write to him as soon as we return to the dormitories.”
“Stephen and I will help you any way we can, Estelle. We’ll also talk to Mum and Father. Stephen has a calming effect on her. Hopefully, he can reason with her.”
“Maybe it’s for the best that they cut us off financially. Then, they can’t ever hold anything over Jerry’s head. As it is, it’ll take many years before they forgive him for leaving medical school.”
“You just wait. Have your first son, and Mum will be putty in your hands. She prefers boys.”
“At this rate, it’ll be a while before we’re married and having babies.”
“It’ll go quicker than you think. I have faith that you and Jerry will figure life out. It’s an exciting time for you, Estelle. I wish you only the best.”
“Thank you, Melisse. I’m scared, but I think we’ll be all right.”
*******
Jerry
“Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Cowper, for meeting me today.”
“Jerry,” George Cowper explained, “please don’t believe that we dislike you. Penny just wants what she thinks is best for our daughter. It’s nothing personal against you. We think you’re a fine young man.”
“Thank you. That’s kind of you to say.”
“What is it you wanted to speak to us about without our daughter’s knowledge?” George asked.
“I’ve decided to move to the States alone—at least for the time being.”
“What?” They both asked, very surprised with my announcement. “Why? Are you breaking off your engagement with Estelle? You’re supposed to marry this weekend. What will happen to our daughter if you leave her?”
“Mrs. Cowper, it’s nothing like that. I love Estelle. Nothing on earth would make me hurt her.”
“Dear,” George Cowper beseeched, “let the boy talk.”
“Without Estelle’s knowledge, I’ve been planning to live alone the first year and maybe even both years.”
“Why?”
“The more I talk to Estelle, she’s insisting that she will work while I study. She believes she’ll find an office job and support us. I don’t want that for her. She’s had this dream of studying fashion and I want her to live that dream. I’m just sorry it won’t be me who will actualize it for her and with her.”
“So what are you asking of us?” Penny asked.
“First of all, know that our wedding is being postponed, not cancelled. Next, please support her emotionally after I leave and reassure her that I love her. I’m doing this for her. It will be absolute hell without Estelle. I love your daughter more than life. She’s everything to me.”
“All right. We can do that.” George reassured.
“I also beg you to support her financially and to send her to Paris. I’m embarrassed I can’t do this for her, but I don’t want her to miss out. Once we’re settled and have kids, I don’t know if this opportunity will ever come around again.”
Penny asked, “So, you’ll stay engaged, but just apart from one another until school is done?”
“Yes.”
“What if she meets another man while you’re apart?”
Penny’s question almost broke me. It took me a few seconds to calm the tears that threatened to burst and the pain that wouldn’t subside. “If she loves me the way I love her, there’s no way we’ll separate. We were meant to live out our lives together.”
Finally, there appeared to be some sense of understanding on Penny’s face on the depth of my feelings for her daughter. She was pleased with my answer.
“We will help you, Jerry. Please take care of yourself for our daughter’s sake.”
“Thank you, Mr. Cowper. Next time we see one another, I hope it’ll be a joyous occasion.”
*******
Estelle
“I can’t believe he’s left me behind. Mum! What am I supposed to do without him?”
“It’s only a two-year separation, Estelle. He’ll be home before you know it.”
“But why? Why did he do this? Doesn’t he love me anymore?”
Dad said, “Estelle, you know he loves you. It’s because of his feelings for you that he left you at home so you can live in comfort. He didn’t want you to suffer.”
“Why would I suffer? We were supposed to marry this Saturday and leave on Sunday. He left me, our wedding, and our life.”
“Have you considered how difficult it will be for you to find a job? How hard it will be to earn a living? All the impossibilities of living in a country you’ve never visited? On top of all those obstacles, Jerry will be studying nonstop to finish a three-year course in two years. You’re supposed to be newlyweds. Do you want to suffer together?”
“Daddy, isn’t that what marriage is supposed to be all about?—suffering, growing, loving, laughing?”
“She got you there, George.” Mum laughed. “Stella. How about we take a trip to Paris next week and check out the fashion school you’ve been accepted to? Maybe you can start in the summer? While Jerry is studying in the States, you can study in Paris. If you two are meant to be, then two years and a little distance won’t hurt.”
“I’m so hurt and angry right now, I think I might just do that. Since he’s chosen to live his life without me, I’m going to do the same. Let’s go to Paris. I’ll contact the school and ask them to select roommates for me.”
“Shall I ask the duchess and see if we can stay at their apartment in Paris? She’s always offering it to Estelle
to use if she chooses to study there.” Mother would forever be Harry’s champion.
“Mother...” I warned.
“I’m only stating a fact. We’ll all need a place to stay.”
“There are plenty of hotels, Mother.”
Father asked, “Are you sure you want to do this, Estelle? Don’t make decisions when you’re angry. You’ll regret them. How about we just take a visit and decide after the trip? You may want to stay home for all you know.”
“In his letter, Jerry told me to live life to the fullest until he returned. That’s what I’ll be doing. Since he had very little care about my feelings, I will have just as little care about his feelings.”
“Now, you’re sounding like a spoilt child, Daughter. You know Jerry loves you.”
“Daddy...” I started crying. “A man who loves his fiancée doesn’t skip out on his wedding and leave for his future without her. As far as I’m concerned, we are no longer engaged.”
“Estelle...” Father beseeched. “You’ll break Jerry’s heart.”
“It’ll be no different than what he’s done to my own.”
“Well, then! If we have our daughter back, it’s fair game for any man, I assume?”
“Don’t, Penelope.” Dad’s warning was loud and clear.
How could Mother possibly be thinking about another man for me when I just ended with the man who was supposed to be my forever?
“Stella! What has happened? I thought you were moving to Cambridge? What are you doing here in Paris?”
“Roland! What are you doing here in Paris? I’m so happy to see you.”
I was settling into my apartment with my roommates when a surprise visitor brightened my day. Though we’d kept in touch through post, I hadn’t seen Roland since that fateful weekend more than three years ago.
“Tell me what happened.” Roland quickly embraced me and expected answers.
The story was a long one, but I shortened it to the fact that Jerry left me, we were over, and that I was starting a new life doing what I’d always dreamed. It broke my heart to say those words—mainly because they were true.
“What brings you to Paris?”
“When I didn’t hear from you in Cambridge, I made some inquiries about Jerry Reid, and I found out that he’d traveled alone. Word was that he was unmarried and living with a fellow business school mate. That was when I came back to London, and your parents told me you were in Paris.”
“Yep. It’s just as you say.”
“Why did Jerry leave you here, Stella? I know it wasn’t because of what you just told me. You were to be married a few weeks ago. No sane man would leave you at the altar.” I told Roland Jerry’s version of this story. “What Jerry did sounds about right. It would’ve been a tough life for you, Estelle. You’re not used to working an office job. America is a wonderful place of opportunity, but what a terrible way to spend your honeymoon period.”
“I don’t know what to think, Roland. As of now, Jerry and I are no longer engaged. I’ve written him a letter stating that fact. We are strangers as far as I’m concerned.”
Roland chuckled at me. “Jerry accepted your break-up letter and said, ‘good riddance?’”
“No,” I whispered. What I didn’t tell Roland was that Jerry’s letter was filled with only three words. I love you.
“I’m sure he’ll continue to write and convince you otherwise.”
“He can’t. I haven’t told him that I left for Paris. As far as he’s concerned, I’m still at home in London.”
“I see.” I wasn’t quite “seeing” what he was seeing.
“Let me take you to dinner, Stella, and let’s go see the Eiffel Tower lit up.”
“All right.”
*******
Roland
Damn it felt good to be with Estelle Cowper again. She’d only grown more beautiful with the years. I couldn’t believe I’d stayed away from her for this long.
It was torture to read about her life in letters. I didn’t know how to properly vent my frustration when she told me she had met a man and that they were getting married. I thought I’d lost her for good.
Until today.
I knew she was heartbroken over what Jerry Reid did.
I knew Jerry Reid didn’t believe they were broken up.
I knew her heart would belong to no one other than Jerry Reid.
I didn’t give a damn.
I would pursue her starting now.
She would be my wife.
“Tell me about your years in America, Roland.” That was how our dinner began as I regaled her with stories about the place that was my home.
“I really liked it in Boston. I considered staying there and opening our first office. My brother has one year left so it would have been perfect.”
“Then why are you here?”
“Because, Stella. You are here.” The blush on her face was gorgeous. “Do you remember your promise to me back at Harry’s place?” She nodded shyly. “I recall you agreeing to be my wife if we were to ever meet again and we were both single. Will you keep your word, Ms. Cowper?”
The giggle was even more adorable. “Roland. I was a silly chit back then to promise forever to a man over the course of a conversation. You can’t hold me to those words.”
“I can and I think I will.” I threatened with a smile.
“I’ve always loved talking to you, Roland, whether in person or in letters. Somehow, you always understood me.”
“I took the time to understand you because I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you. My feelings haven’t changed, Stella. During our time in Paris, I’m hoping you’ll be willing to get to know me as a man.”
“Roland...” she complained. “Physically, I’m broken up with Jerry, but emotionally, he’s the only man in my heart. Please don’t make this hard on either one of us.”
“All I ask is that you finally open your eyes to me, Stella Cowper. You admitted to me once that had we had a few months to discover one another, the outcome might have been different. A few dates. A few meals. A few dances. Let’s spend some time together and if I’m still not the man for you, I’ll back down and promise to stay your friend forever.”
“You won’t pressure me?”
“Never. I know how you react to men forcing your hand. I’m a lot wiser now. I believe I know what it’ll take to capture your heart this time.”
“My heart is available no longer, Roland. Jerry has it and I don’t know that I have it in me to retrieve and restore it.”
“I understand that you’re still in love with the man you promised forever to, Beautiful. I’d worry if you suddenly found me irresistible. All I want is a shot at your heart. If it’s still lost, we can stay the good friends we’ve been the past years. All right? Worry not.”
The relief in her eyes was evident in her smile. We were on the right path.
*******
Estelle
When Roland promised a few dates, a few meals, and a few dances, he wasn’t kidding. Every night, he’d come pick me up from my apartment and take me to a different part of town. He was doing his best to cure my broken heart and to help me forget that I was left at the altar by a man I loved with my life.
“Roland, you don’t have to take me out on the town nightly. With you having started a new job, it must be exhausting. We can see each other occasionally without affecting our friendship.”
“I wouldn’t be of right mind if I didn’t court you daily and properly.”
“It’s truly not necessary.” To a degree, I needed to cool down our “relationship.” I was not thinking of “us” with the same intensity as my friend who was leading me to a private viewing at an art gallery.
“To you, these nights might just be a few hours of fun. To me, this is what I’ve dreamed of doing for years. Indulge me, Beautiful. Being with you brings me joy. Seeing you happy makes me feel like I’m doing something right in this wor
ld.”
“Really?” How had I never really understood how much Roland liked me? The words he spoke were alluring, but alarming; I didn’t reciprocate. But, could I, one day?
“Come.” Roland put out his hand for me to hold and I was lost. To hold his hand was wrong. It didn’t feel right to touch any other man than Jerry Reid. But to refuse him felt wrong, too. What harm could there be in placing my hand in his? With that reasoning, I put my gloved hand atop Roland’s.
I almost burst into tears when I felt a stranger’s hand wrapping my own. It was all wrong. Jerry always liked linking our fingers together and I missed it. I missed Jerry. I missed him so badly my heart went into a frenzy of pain.
“A moment, please,” was all I could say as I excused myself to the ladies’ room.
What was I doing here without the man I loved? He was my world. Deep inside, I knew Jerry would never be replaced. I loved him so very much. But, he had left me. I knew he believed what he did was the right move. What he didn’t realize was that he’d broken a trust between us. Without a word, without a discussion, he made the most important decision of our lives, alone, and left me to deal with the consequences of my heart. A broken trust was hard to mend. A broken heart could very well be irreparable.
For now, no matter my feelings for Jerry, I was here with a friend. I’d go back to him and enjoy the evening.
“Everything all right?” Roland asked with much concern.
“Yes. I apologize, Roland. I needed some time to gather my heart. I’m good now. Let’s dance.”
My partner had the look of concern, but said no more as he led me into a waltz. “You are a phenomenal dancer, my sweet. Where’d you learn to waltz like a professional?”
“You’ve met Penelope Cowper—the woman who did everything in her power to crown me the Bennington Duchess? She forced me to learn every dance known to womankind.” Roland chuckled at my declaration. “She thought it would be a travesty for me to be at my engagement ball and to not know how to waltz.”
“Is she still dreaming of you as a Bennington?”
“Probably, but it doesn’t matter. How is Harry? Have you kept in touch with him?”
