by T. L. Hayes
“You okay?” Bill, still bent over his drawing, making final adjustments, interrupted her musings.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” She plastered a smile on her face and pointed to the drawing. “So if that’s not for New Year’s, what’s it for?”
“Oh, yes, I didn’t mention that part. We’re doing Chicago next semester and this will be one of the costumes. Once we find an actress to wear it, of course.” Suddenly, he picked the drawing up off the table and looked between Lou and the paper in his hand and grinned.
“Oh, no, I’m not wearing that thing.”
“Oh, come on! You’re an actress, you’ve got great pipes, and I think you would look hot in this. I’m sure your soldier girl will think so too.”
“Well, thank you, I think, but those plays are a chance for the students to shine. Besides, I’m not exactly a Roxie Hart.”
“No, you’re not. And this isn’t for Roxie—it’s for Velma. You would make a great Velma. You can do sexy.” Bill grinned like a cat as he appraised her.
“Gee, thanks. But if you think you’re going to get me to wear that getup that has no crotch, you have got another thing coming.” She was referring to the outfit worn in one of the musical numbers, the “Cell Block Tango.”
“It has a crotch!” Then he mumbled, “Just a small one.”
“Crotch floss is more like it. Careful, or you’ll be the next one who has it coming.” She grinned.
“Well, you’re no fun. Think about it. Besides, how long has it been since you’ve been on stage?”
“Two years ago, at my last job. We staged The Three Musketeers.”
“And which soldier were you, pray tell?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“You don’t mean…”
She shook her head and they said together, “D’Artagnan!”
“I bet you were the cutest thing.”
“I did get to use a sword. Swords are fun.”
“So for you, joining the military means wearing tights and prancing around on stage dressed like a playing card.”
Lou laughed. “Yes, I guess you could say that.”
“So have you worked out your issues with dating a vet? All jokes aside.” Bill gave her a look of concern.
She sighed. “I’m getting there. It doesn’t hurt that she’s very sweet and seems to understand what I’m dealing with. I think she has something in her past too that she struggles with, but she hasn’t talked about it yet. I wish she would, but all things in time, I guess.”
“Right. Sweetie, I really do think she’s the one. I think you got it right this time. I’m glad you’re taking it slow. I know I joke about your sex life, but really, I’m glad you’re letting this evolve into something stronger. You need this in your life.” He smiled affectionately at her.
She stood and gave him a brief hug. After they separated, she said, “Thank you, and I agree with most of what you said. But I don’t want to be with her because I need her—I want to be with her because I love her. I want to stand on my own in a relationship.”
“True, but it’s always nice to have someone to lean on once in a while when you get weary.”
“Yeah.” She sighed wistfully, then stood and grabbed her half-drunk coffee. “Well, I should get upstairs. Lots to do before I have to be in class today.”
“Hiding in your office, don’t you mean?”
“It’s a living. I’ll see you later.” She waved casually to him and started to walk away.
“Oh, and don’t think I didn’t hear what you just said a moment ago. The question is, did you?” His question was said just as casually as her parting words.
She turned around, confused. “What are you talking about?”
He said nothing, just raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t know what you’re getting at, but I gotta go.”
“Hmm. Let me know when you figure it out.” He bent back to his work, erasing something on the paper, then redrawing it.
She just shook her head and left. She was halfway down the hallway before it came back to her and she remembered what it was she had said and what he had been alluding to. She knew her words made it sound as if she was in love with Steve, but that was not something she wanted to think about right now. Instead of pondering the implication of her words and analyzing it to death, she just shook her head and continued walking in the direction of the stairs, bypassing the ancient elevator that was so old it still had lead paint on the walls and often stalled between floors. Regarding the state of her relationship, she said to herself, “I don’t have time for this,” as she came upon the alcove where the stairs were and began her climb up to her office on the third floor.
* * *
Back in her office, Lou was working on thinning out her email. When her phone buzzed she picked it up to read, Hey, was just wondering if you have plans for lunch.
She smiled and responded, No, but I have a feeling I’m about to. What’d you have in mind?
Meet me at the spot where you showed me Cassiopeia, at noon.
Lou chuckled in disbelief, shaking her head. “That woman…” You have a date. Anything you want me to bring?
You’re enough.
Lou sighed contentedly. She sent back a smile, then replaced her phone on her desk, making sure to check the time before doing so. An hour to go. “Great, now how am I supposed to concentrate on this crap?” She shook her head once to clear out the thoughts that were starting to form and opened another email, trying to get back on task.
An hour later, she locked up her office and headed out to the lake to the spot where, just a few nights before, she had told Steve some of her long-held secrets, and pointed out the spot in the heavens where a vain sea nymph resided. She hurried over, quickening her pace for the short trek across the parking lot in front of the theater building, over the small hill, and it was there, next to a tree, that Steve stood, with a blanket spread out on the grass and a picnic basket sitting on top.
Steve was waiting for Lou with her back turned, looking out at the water.
Lou went up behind her and said, “Steve…this is wonderful.”
Steve turned around at the sound of her voice and touched Lou’s face, then placed a small kiss on her lips. Lou was careful not to get carried away, as it was the middle of the day and students were always near. “I’m glad you like it. I wasn’t sure if you would want to get sloshed in the middle of the day, so instead of wine, I got sparkling grape juice. Is that okay?”
Lou laughed and gave her a peck on the lips. “Yes, that’s fine. Come on, show me what’s in your picnic basket. Just no feeding any cartoon bears, I don’t care how cute they are.” Lou pointed her finger at Steve in playful admonishment.
Steve laughed. “I’ll try to resist, Boo Boo.”
Lou stopped in her tracks and narrowed her eyes at Steve. “Really?”
“What? It’s better than what the kids are calling their significant others.”
“Is it really?”
“Sure, that bear was cute. And if truth be known, I think he was smarter than Yogi.”
“Someone had to keep Yogi out of trouble. Is that my role in this relationship?”
“Somebody’s gotta do it.”
Lou sighed histrionically. “Fine, you can call me that, just not in front of my students. Or Bill. I think he’d be worse.”
Steve nodded. “Deal. Boo Boo, it suits you. Now we’d better sit down before I make a scene.”
“Good idea.”
They took positions on the blanket, and Steve unpacked the food she had brought—a series of cheeses and cold cuts, as well as fresh fruit and the aforementioned sparkling grape juice.
Lou smiled over at Steve and said, “This was a great idea, I’m glad you thought of this.”
“I am too. I like seeing you in the middle of the day. You look disheveled and real and maybe that doesn’t sound like the most romantic thing I could say, but you look the way I imagine you look on any given day, instead of when you are all gu
ssied up for a date, and I like it and I want to see you like this all the time. Just you being comfortable with yourself, doing all the things, and apparently teaching class in nylon cargo pants that show off the fact you have a nice ass.”
Lou feigned shock. “So much for romantic. But my ass thanks you.” She leaned forward and kissed her, then said, “That actually was very sweet.”
“So when do you have to be back? How long do I get to keep you?”
“I don’t have to be in class until two. Two hours long enough, soldier?” Lou gave Steve a look she hoped was flirtatious.
Steve’s mischievous grin suggested success. “Depends on what we end up doing.”
Lou raised an eyebrow. “Only time will tell.” She leaned toward her and whispered, “But maybe it should tell soon. What do you think?”
Steve swallowed and whispered back, “I think you’re right.”
She ran her fingers down Lou’s neck and Lou shivered under her touch. Lou brought her face closer for a long, slow, soft kiss. When they separated, Steve looked troubled.
“Something wrong?”
Steve brushed an errant curl off Lou’s forehead and sighed. “I think, before we go any further, there’s something you should know.”
Lou pulled back some, as the romantic moment had passed, and put her hand on Steve’s leg. “Okay, I’m listening.”
Steve clasped Lou’s fingers with hers and looked at their hands briefly, then back at Lou. “I think it’s time I told you about Cairyn.”
“All right,” Lou said cautiously.
“Cairyn was my girlfriend. Well, after a few years, she became my fiancée. Not long after I deployed I got a call from my mother saying that Cairyn was in the hospital. She had OD’d on some leftover painkillers from when I hurt my back during a training exercise. It was nearly a full bottle—I didn’t like being all drugged up and I decided to use exercise instead of pills to make it better. Anyway, she had taken nearly the whole bottle. She’s lucky my mother had come by. They were supposed to go shopping that day. She was in the hospital for two weeks, had to have her stomach pumped and spend time on the psych ward and everything. When I was finally able to talk to her, you know what she said?”
Lou shook her head.
“She said, I missed you. I couldn’t stand the thought you might die. I didn’t want to live without you. I mean, I knew she didn’t like the fact I was a soldier, I knew it scared her, but I never thought…” Lou tightened her fingers around Steve’s and Steve gave her a grateful smile. “I couldn’t exactly leave and come home. My mother stepped in. God, she was wonderful. She made it her mission to try to keep Cairyn from feeling lonely. She even moved her into my old room, thinking that it might help her to be surrounded by my things. She still has guilt because she thinks the move made it worse.”
“How could she know that at the time?”
“That’s what I said. Mom said she noticed Cairyn starting to withdraw, not wanting to come out of the room, not eating much. When she did come out, she looked horrible. Mom said she heard her leave sometimes late at night, but she never said where she went. Mom was too nice to ask her about it. She said she worried that she was cheating on me and Mom said she’d rather not know about it if she was. She loved Cairyn and knew she was hurting, so she didn’t want to have to kick her out. So she let things go on, not knowing exactly what was up with her, until one day she found her passed out in the bathroom with a needle stuck in her arm.”
“Oh my God.”
“So Mom got her to the hospital, and when she woke up Mom told Cairyn that she would pay for her to get treatment if she was willing to do it. Cairyn agreed. The treatment seemed to work and she told Mom that she wanted to move back to our house, she thought it would be good for her, and Mom agreed. Two weeks later, she took more pills. I got the call the next day. That’s how long it took for my mother to contact the Red Cross and the Red Cross to contact my First Shirt. I had just talked to Cairyn the day before to tell her that I couldn’t come home for Christmas.” Steve let go of Lou’s hand to roll up the sleeve on her left arm. On her bicep was Cairyn’s name, written in a pretty script, and below that a shattered rose and the date: December 8, 2010.
Lou reached over and traced the name and date very delicately, then leaned forward and put her arms around Steve’s neck, placing a kiss there. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”
Steve wrapped her arms around Lou, her breath coming in quick intakes. She held Lou tighter and buried her face in her hair. She whispered, “Lou, Lou…I think I’m falling in love with you.”
Lou pulled back, cupping Steve’s face with one hand, and said with a smile, “It’s okay. I think I’m falling in love with you too.” Then, very delicately, she kissed Steve on the lips.
Steve sighed. “What are we going to do about it, Boo Boo?”
Lou smiled. “Well, I think you can start by returning this pic-a-nic basket from where you stole it, then come to my house later.”
“That sounds like an offer I can’t refuse. Shall I wear a green tie?” Steve smiled mischievously.
“Only if you’re going to wear a green hat to match.”
“If I recall, Yogi didn’t wear pants. I might get cold.”
“I’ll keep you warm.” They kissed again, then Lou pulled away with a groan. “Okay, now look who’s making a scene. I should stop. I have to still be able to go back to work today.”
“Yeah, at least one of us should look respectable.”
“Yet another role I get to play in this relationship.” They stood up together and Lou put her arms around Steve again. “Thank you for sharing her with me.”
“You’re welcome. It was time.”
After holding each other for some time, Lou helped Steve pack up and they said their good-byes. Then Lou went back to her building after Steve pulled out of the parking lot. Lou was glad Steve had told her about Cairyn, and now she understood what some of the tension had been about during dinner with Steve and her mom. She wanted to call Steve back and just put her arms around her and hold her for the rest of the day, letting her know everything was going to be okay. She sighed as she went up the stairs to her office, the impact of their shared admission of love hitting her, and she couldn’t stop smiling.
Chapter Fourteen
Lou spent the rest of the afternoon doing what she referred to as distracted teaching. She just went through the motions in all her classes, vaguely aware when she was asked a question, then fumbling for the right answer. Her behavior was noticed by Melissa, the little redhead who always seemed the most concerned with her welfare.
“Are you all right, Dr. Silver?”
Lou gave her a small smile. “Yes, I’m fine, thank you for asking. Just something on my mind is all. Where was I?” She felt bad about teaching this way. They deserved her full attention, and she tried to always be present, but after her afternoon spent hearing about Steve’s past, with the promise of intimacy later, she just couldn’t muster up the appropriate amount of energy for teaching.
She somehow managed to get through the rest of her day without any major faux pas. Having a stage combat class in the afternoon helped. It forced her to stay focused on the task at hand in order to make sure no one got hurt.
When the day was over, she quickly locked up her office, making sure to grab her briefcase on the way out, though she doubted she would even open it tonight. She made her way down the hallway, nodding to a few students on the way by. Just as she reached the main doors and had her hand on the push bar, she heard her name being called. She hung her head and whispered, “So close.” Then she turned with a fake smile on her face and said, “Hello, Charles.”
“Don’t forget, we have that meeting at five thirty.”
“Meeting?”
“Only two weeks left in the semester. Finals are right around the corner.” He smiled jovially at her, rocking back on his heels with his hands in his pockets.
Sure, he was in a good mood—his evening wasn’t abo
ut to be ruined, Lou thought. She tried not to groan out loud. Those meetings were usually just a fat lot of wasted time, where they were reminded of university strategies, and how bad the current retention rate was. Very little business actually had to do with their department. But you had to stay awake and alert, because otherwise you were more than likely going to end up getting tasked with some time-wasting activity that the dean volun-told you for, no matter that you had no more time in your schedule.
“Isn’t that later than usual?”
“Well, I had a conflict during our normal time, so the department meeting had to be rescheduled. I sent an email about the change on Friday. I figured you would have seen it by now.” Charles looked confused.
Lou did remember seeing an email from the dean that morning, but with meeting Steve for lunch, and then the anticipation of later tonight, she had completely overlooked it and not even opened it. “I’m sorry, Charles. Teacher fail.” She smiled at her own foolishness. “I didn’t see it, and now I have this thing I have to go to that I can’t get out of.”
“What kind of thing?”
What kind of thing? She hadn’t thought that far ahead. God, she was a horrible liar. “It’s just…a thing,” she said, hoping he’d drop the issue.
Still smiling, Charles asked, “Is it the same thing that brought you a picnic lunch?”
Her cheeks were burning. “Well, um…”
Charles laughed. “And when are you supposed to do this thing?”
She tried not to chuckle at his word choice. “I’m not sure exactly, but there are some things I have to do first.”
“I’m sure, I’m sure. Well, can you spare me an hour? Besides, I might have a surprise for everyone.” Charles grinned, as if he had secret knowledge to impart.
If the meeting was over by six thirty, that should still give her plenty of time to shower, she reasoned, but what about dinner? Were they having dinner? She wasn’t sure, but she knew she wouldn’t have enough time to cook something. “I guess I could.”
“That’s the spirit! Come on, we can go together.”
