by Laura John
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Trigger Warning
Dedication
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Epilogue
Thanks for Reading!
Playlist
Love in Sienna Series
Also by Laura John
Acknowledgements
About the Author
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2020 by Laura John
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without written permission of the copyright owner except for the use of quotations in a book review.
Independently published.
Editor: Kaye Kemp Book Polishing
Proofreaders: K.D. Darling and Lysanne Therrien
Interior Formatting: CPR Editing
Cover Designer: Dark City Designs
This book features some homophobic language and acts. It may not be easy for all readers to read, but unfortunately this is still something the LGBTQ community faces all too often. If you feel like this would be hard for you to read, please proceed with caution.
This book is a M/M romance with adult content and is intended for mature audiences only.
I DEDICATE THIS BOOK TO 2020. YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO GET FUCKED IN THE ASS, BUT NEXT TIME, CAN YOU USE SOME LUBE FIRST?
I take a sip of my beer, needing the alcohol to give me the courage to continue to be here.
If my father knew I’d gotten a fake ID, not only would he whoop my ass, but he would get me kicked out of law school. I can just hear his words: “How can you be a good lawyer if you are going to go around breaking the law?”
I shake my head and take another gulp of my beer. Maybe I should get a shot of something stronger. This piss beer is doing nothing.
“Nervous?” A deep voice says from behind me, sending a shiver down my spine.
I glance up at a tall blonde with piercing blue eyes. His hair is longer and shaggy. His smile is perfection. Fuck, he’s gorgeous. A ripple of awareness runs through my body.
“Just having a beer,” I shrug, my hand shaking when I grab my beer bottle.
He chuckles, and it goes straight to my cock. I gulp and try not to show how he’s affecting me. I’ve never felt like this before.
“Mind if I sit?” He angles his head towards the empty stool beside mine.
I shrug again, trying to keep my cool. I don’t want him to know what he’s doing to my body already, and I don’t even know him.
“I’ve never seen you before. You new to town?” he asks after signaling the bartender for two shots of tequila.
“Nope, just my first time here,” I tell him, trying not to look at him.
Maybe it was a mistake coming here. I just have to know. I have to know what I am, who I am.
“It’s okay to be scared,” he says, touching my arm gently. That perfect smile is still on his face when I glance up at him.
My first impulse is to pull away—a man should not be touching me like that—but I don’t, because I like it. It sends tingles through my entire body. No one has affected me like this before. I fight back the urge to take a gasp of air.
“What’s your name?” he asks, not taking his hand off my arm.
“Mason,” I say as calmly as possible. “Yours?”
“Ryker,” he tells me and gently strokes his fingers up and down my arm.
My whole body reacts. It feels so good. I fight the urge to moan.
“I don’t even know why I’m here,” I admit in a low voice. “This is all new to me.”
I just needed to know if what I think I’ve been feeling is real. Why has a girl never affected me like this? Why haven’t I ever been able to have sex with any of my girlfriends? Why, when they kiss me, do I feel like I want to wipe my mouth? Why, when they touch my arm, like Ryker is doing, do I want to pull away?
“So, you’re still in the closet?” he asks, while moving his hand to my shoulder and leaning in a little more.
I smell the spice of his cologne, and it makes me close my eyes for a second. He smells like fall and sex, and I really like it.
“That obvious?” I chuckle nervously.
Finally, the bartender brings our shots.
Ryker grabs his and raises it to me. “To discovering who you really are.”
He winks and we both take our shots. I enjoy the burn it gives.
Ryker moves his hand to stroke my neck and I lean into his touch, it feels so damn good. My dick is hardening, wanting more. I’ve never been like this with any of my girlfriends.
“I won’t push you into anything, but I’m going to be forward here,” Ryker starts, “I’m attracted to you. You’re hot as fuck, and I would love to help you explore anything you are feeling right now. Whatever you want, just say the word.”
I can’t say words. If I do, I know I’ll chicken out, so instead I grab his face and press my lips to his.
I can tell he is smiling against my lips, but it quickly changes as he swipes his tongue against my lips. I open, letting his tongue explore my mouth. A small moan escapes my mouth as we continue our kiss.
My dick is now extremely hard, begging me to do more than just make out with this man. I need to know how his skin will feel against mine.
Never has a kiss felt like this.
I continue to run my fingers over his face, feeling his slight stubble, then I move them into his hair. He growls when I tug slightly, and his one hand moves down my arm to rest on my leg.
“I know I said whatever you want, but I fucking want you so badly. If you don’t want this, stop me now. If you do, I think we should leave. Now,” Ryker says, his breath labored, his eyes dark, his smile gone, a look of pure need replacing it.
I nod, unable to form words.
His smile returns, and he grabs my hand, taking me out of the gay bar with him.
When he rubs his thumb over my hand, I love the feeling of his callouses. This is nothing like I’ve experienced before, but I know now. I know the reason I’ve never felt this with any of my girlfriends isn’t because I hadn’t found the right girl. It’s because I’m gay.
I stand on the corner with Ryker, waiting for our cab. His hands roam my body, his kiss needier than before. He’s letting me know exactly what he wants, and God, I want it too.
“Fucking faggots,” a voice sneers, breaking our kiss and sending terrifying chills through my body.
I know that voice. For fuck’s sake, of all places, why do I have to see Trent here? He is the asshole I always tried to avoid in school. And he is also going to be in law school with me in the fall. Why, at
every turn, does this dick have to try to ruin my life?
Ryker growls, pulling me into his arms—trying to shield me—but I pull away.
“Oh my god, Mason?” Trent laughs. “Boy fucking genius. I always thought you were weird, but a homo? I never would have guessed.”
“Fuck off, Trent, and leave me alone,” I say, rage and regret coursing through my veins.
“It’s okay, Mason. Don’t pay them any attention,” Ryker says, grabbing my hand.
I pull away quickly, as if his touch burned me. I don’t know what to think. I feel like my head is spinning.
“You know no firm will ever make you partner if you’re gay,” Trent spits. “Doesn’t matter who your daddy is. Queers will never be partners in any firm ever.” He laughs and starts to walk off.
“Don’t listen to him. The world is changing. You can do whatever you want, it doesn’t matter who you have feelings for,” Ryker tells me, placing his hand on my shoulder.
I take a step backward, feeling like I’m going to vomit. “I can’t do this,” I stutter, fighting back tears. I will not cry. “I have to go,” I say, starting to run.
I need to get away.
“Mason, wait!” Ryker yells, but I don’t stop, I just run faster.
Ryker isn’t wrong, the world is changing, but Trent is also right, no firm in Sienna has ever had a gay partner, and I don’t know if they ever will. Especially not Sienna Legal Service, the firm my dad is a partner of. They are a family firm; everything is about family. What kind of family does a gay man have?
I already knew it was going to be difficult to be taken seriously in any firm. I started my undergrad at sixteen and have been the youngest in my class since I was eight years old. I’ve always had to fight to be taken seriously because of my age. And now to throw my sexuality on top of that? How is this going to work?
I run until I feel like my legs are going to fall off, and then I stop, and the tears come. I’m fucking disgusting. I can’t be gay. I have to change myself. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe the right girl will
come along and change me. One can only hope. All I’ve ever wanted since I was little was to be just like my dad. Why did the universe have to fuck up?
My heart feels like it’s going to pound out of my chest. I can barely catch my breath. I can change who I am.
I know I can.
I need to.
My phone buzzes on my desk and I smile as my best friend Meadow’s picture lights up my screen. Her flowy strawberry hair is blowing across her face, and her eyes are so bright as she laughs at me for cat-calling her.
She is simply gorgeous; every one with eyes notices it. And for a while she was mine. But it’s really hard to stay in a relationship with someone when they know, deep down, they aren’t made for you.
Meadow: We need to go out for drinks tonight. This isn’t negotiable.
I chuckle, I can hear her voice in my head. Her sweet, but very loud voice.
Me: I’m working.
Meadow: You work too much. Anyways, my birthday is right around the corner. Therefore, you can’t say no to me.
Me: Your birthday is at the END of the month. It’s only the fifth today.
Meadow: Minor details. It’s my birthday MONTH, therefore, whatever I say goes.
Me: Wow, what a big word for a kindergarten teacher.
Meadow: *rolling eyes* Please come out. I miss you.
Me: Is it just us?
Meadow: Yes!
Me: Fine, I’ll text you when I’m done work. Where are we going?
Meadow: The new gay bar?
Me: …
Meadow: Just kidding I’ll meet you at Wish You Were Beer at 6pm. Don’t be late, or I’ll make you buy all the drinks.
Me: You’ll make me buy the drinks, anyway.
Meadow: True… but still… I’ve been taking martial art classes. I’ll kick your ass.
Me: Meadow… you don’t even come to my shoulders... I’m pretty sure that’s not a fair fight. But I promise I won’t be late.
Meadow: Good. Love you. Ttyl
Me: Love you too.
I place my phone back on my desk and start going through my emails.
My relationship with Meadow is definitely not what most people have with their exes. But she sees through my bullshit and knows exactly who I am. Even when I try to fight it. Sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself, and that’s a little scary.
Junk, junk, move to important, move to look at later, move to new client.
“Mason, you have a call on line one,” my secretary, Nancy, tells me over the intercom.
“Who is it?” I ask, knowing that I wasn’t expecting a call.
“Your brother-in-law, Johnny.”
What could Johnny want? He never calls me. Is Leah okay? Is she pregnant again?
I love my sister with my entire heart, but her son Eddie is crazy. I don’t know how they would handle another. Why did my head even jump to that conclusion in the first place? Maybe Meadow’s right. Clearly, I work too hard and have gone crazy.
“Hey man, what’s up?” I ask, trying to sound casual.
My head is still running through all of the possible reasons he could be calling me. We are friendly, but not really “call each other at work just to bullshit” close.
“Not much. I was wondering how your schedule is. The team is trying to sign a new player, but he wants the contract to be bulletproof. He got a little fucked over by his last team, so he asked if I knew any good contract lawyers. You’re the best, so I was just hoping you would take him on as a client.”
I smile and lean back in my chair. I probably shouldn’t take a new client since my workload is already pretty heavy, but I’m a cocky bastard, and when someone strokes my ego like Johnny just did, it’s hard to say no.
“Give him my number and tell him to book an appointment with me this week.” I finally reply.
“Thanks, man. You’re going to love him, he’s awesome,” he says before hanging up.
I wonder who they are signing? I’ve done baseball contracts before, so it should be pretty straight-forward stuff. Unless he has a really dark past or something and stuff to hide. Most of the time they just want good money. I can’t force a team to pay my clients more, but I can be persuasive, that’s for sure. I don’t have unsatisfied clients often.
“God, it’s busy in here,” I tell Meadow as I take my jacket off and grab the chair across from hers.
“I know! I was happy to find us a table.” She smiles at me.
“So, what’s new, Meadow? How are the snot-nosed kids?”
“They are good. No casualties, but you know the school year isn’t over yet. So, fingers crossed.”
I laugh and flag down the waitress.
“What can I get you?” she asks, pushing her tits up a bit.
I look, because I know that’s what she wants.
“Maybe your number later.” I wink, and I think I hear Meadow gag. “But I’ll settle for a Bud right now.”
She smiles and walks off.
“Would you stop it already?” Meadow asks, her eyes pleading with me.
“What? A guy can’t have a little fun once in a while? It’s been almost a year since I’ve had sex. A man has needs.”
“Yeah and your needs don’t come with tits and a pussy.”
“Keep your voice down,” I hiss at her and immediately regret it when I see the look of sadness on her face.
“I’m sorry,” I say, taking her hand. “We’ve had this discussion enough times, Meadow. I have to be straight. Sienna Legal is a family firm. I need a family.”
She squeezes my hand, and her face softens. “You do need a family. But have they ever told you what that family has to look like? Look around this bar right now. Relationships have changed over the years. Your boss is amazing. Do you really think he’d pass you up for junior partner because your family was different?”
The waitress brings me my beer and her phone number. I don’t look in her eyes, j
ust accept the beer and start to peel at the label.
“Look over there.” Meadow tells me, pointing at two women holding hands and staring into each other’s eyes like no one else matters. “Does that look wrong to you? Or what about that couple over there?” There is a skinny white guy and a beautiful black woman cuddled together in a corner booth. “Not even that long ago, that was illegal too. Times are changing. Love is love, Mason, and you don’t love women.”
I take a sip of my beer. “It’s never been done before at SLS,” I whisper.
“So, be the first. You aren’t a scaredy-cat. I don’t want to force you out of the closet, I just want you to be happy. And is sleeping with nameless women making you happy?”
“I’ll think about it, Meadow. Now, can we change the topic?”
She smiles and nods. “Oh my God. I almost forgot! I have a wedding to go to in a month. Will you please be my date?”
“Of course. You come to all my functions. I think some people think we just have a weird relationship and don’t call it dating.”
“We do have a weird relationship.” She giggles. “If I ever get a boyfriend, he’s going to have to learn really quick that there is no me without you. You’re my person. We might not have worked out as a couple, but I couldn’t live without you in my life.”
I chuckle. “Good. I mean, I want you to be happy, but I feel the same way. No me without you. You are my best friend until I die. I still think we should just get married,” I joke.
“And have a sexless marriage? No, thanks.” We both laugh, and I’m glad the awkwardness of earlier is over.
I’ve been trying to fuck myself straight for a long time. I know it’s not possible, but I just pray one day it is. Every partner at Sienna Legal has always been a happily married man, with a beautiful wife and one or more children. My dad was the first divorced man, but he still had a family.
I need to make something work. Can I be the first openly gay lawyer at SLS? Am I really that brave?
Maybe if I just continue to show them how hard of a worker I am and bring in the most business, they’ll overlook the fact that I’m single. Hey, my dad was the first divorced partner, maybe I can be the first single one. That doesn’t rock the boat as much as being the first gay one.
