“Bitch! Why are you busting my balls anyway? Did Mummy say you could have phone privileges?”
“Actually, smart arse, Mum is in the bedroom with Drew. Wait! I didn’t mean it like that!”
“Sure you didn’t.”
“Kristie…”
“Maggie… What’s cooking, good looking?”
“Well, I was ringing to speak to my bestie to let her know I was moving back home.”
“Ah…okay.”
“What’s that mean?” Kristie never said anything that didn’t have meaning and right now, that’s what I needed. I needed her to tell me if I was making a mistake or if she thought I’d made the right decision. I was so confused, I’d lost sight of what I wanted to do. I needed her to help me.
“Nothing.”
“Tell me!”
“I just… I see Drew was able to convince you to do what he wanted.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I snapped harshly. Her words cut deep. The last thing I wanted to be was Drew’s puppet.
“Maggie, you just got back from a trip to Africa where you had two full weeks to focus on you. Figure out not only what you wanted and possibly more importantly, what you needed, but you had a second to look at who you really are. I don’t think you realise how lost you’ve been for years. And you can try to deny it, but I’ve seen it. The Maggie I know, the one I love, she’s faded into the background. And I understand why. And I’m not criticising. I just don’t want to see the Maggie that came back from her holiday go missing again. I kinda liked her.”
When I opened my mouth to reply, I had no words. It hurt to hear that’s how my best friend, the one person I confided in saw me. I didn’t want to be that person she saw me as. I was adamant that I wasn’t going to be. I didn’t even realise I was crying until I felt the trickle of tears dripping from my chin. Swatting them away angrily, I went to reply only to be cut off by Kristie continuing.
“Sweetie. Don’t do what you always do and only hear the bad. I know you and I know your mind is spinning right now but that’s not what I’m saying.”
“Wh-what are you saying then?” If I was being honest, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
“What I’m saying, Mags, is simple. Go home. Move back in with Drew. Figure it out. Get your happily ever after. I know that’s what you want…”
“It’s what everyone wants!”
“Yeah, sweetie, it is. Just don’t lose yourself trying to get it. You’ve proven time and time again that you’re stronger than you realised and you can survive anything life throws at you. You shouldn’t have to, but if need be you can. So, don’t let Drew dictate the terms of how it’s going to go. Make sure you get what you need out of this.”
“I will.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“And if you look like you’re starting to cave, then I feel like it’s my duty to kick your arse.”
“It’s a deal!” Fuck it felt good to have her support. For a minute I’d been terrified she wasn’t going to on this one, but I should never have doubted her. Kristie had never let me down before; I couldn’t imagine a time when she ever would.
“Now, go get your man and have some epic make-up sex. Wait! Have you already fucked him seven ways to Sunday?”
“I’m going now,” I said, unable to stop the smile spreading across my face.
“Have orgasms.”
“Bye, Kristie.” I hung up feeling like I’d just spent the last twenty minutes taking a tumble in the washing machine I was sitting on. I wanted to be mad at her, but everything she’d said had been spot on.
I could hear the bickering in the other room getting louder and louder and knew I should interrupt and put an end to the arguing, but instead, I stayed exactly where I was, contemplating my life. Even though I’d talked to Kristie and she’d basically reinforced my decisions, now I was second-guessing them. Maybe I was being too hasty. Too desperate. Not wanting to be alone and have to start again. Or perhaps I was too stubborn to give up. Or maybe I was just too stupid.
“Nothing ever good comes from that face.” My eyes snapped up to see Drew standing in front of me, leaning against the door frame, his arms folded over his chest. His face, the one that had made me mad and brought me comfort was masked with concern.
Jumping down, I grabbed the pile of smelly socks and dirty shirts and went to push past him. But he wasn’t letting me off that easy. Reaching out, his hand fell on my arm, halting me where I was. “What?”
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.” With a shrug of my shoulder I tried to escape.
***
When I climbed into bed, I felt like I’d just snuggled up with a mountain of guilt. From the moment we’d left Mum’s place, we’d barely spoken. Not a word until we started arguing about who’d take which room. While I appreciated Drew’s thoughtfulness of not pressing for us to just slip back into old habits, I could’ve done without the guilt trip. After ten minutes of barbs being tossed back and forth, I conceded and stepped out of the way as Drew moved his stuff out of our bedroom and stripped off the sheets. It shouldn’t have hurt, but the pain was undeniable. Although I knew he was only moving across the hall, for some reason my heart wouldn’t get with the program. For some reason it felt like he was heading off to war.
I tossed and turned and stared at the ceiling. Nothing was wrong, yet at the same time everything was. My clothes were in the wardrobe and my toothbrush was back in the holder. To anyone peering through the window, they’d assume I was home and everything was peachy. But it was far from it. Reaching my hand out, I touched the cool sheets where Drew should’ve been sleeping. Where he should’ve been snoring. The crack in the curtains let the moonlight stream through, hitting the end of the bed, making the loneliness even more palpable.
Kristie’s words kept repeating on me like a bad curry. I couldn’t shake them. Not because she’d been wrong, but because she’d been so right. I couldn’t afford to lose myself again. Not in Drew. Not in anyone. I’d done that once and been left with nothing. When it had crashed and burned, I’d been left as a shell of the person I thought I was. Sitting up, I clutched at my chest trying to calm my racing heart. On the verge of a panic attack, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up, the room spinning around me.
Wobbling my way downstairs, I leaned on the wall for balance. All I needed right now was to slip on the stairs and hurt myself. It would just be my luck that I’d break an ankle or bang my head to make me look like an even bigger loser. Stumbling into the kitchen, I yanked open the fridge and grabbed the bottle of juice. Not even bothering to grab a glass, I unscrewed the cap and chugged straight from the bottle.
“Busted!”
The light flicked on.
I dropped the bottle.
It clattered to the floor, cranberry apple juice spilling everywhere.
My toes curled from the cold juice, and I just stood there, staring at the mess. Struggling to control my panicked breaths.
“Maggie! Maggie! Look at me.” I could hear the voice, it was one I recognised but it sounded like it was a million miles away. Underwater maybe. I couldn’t place it.
DREW
“Fuck me!”
I caught her. Barely.
Almost slipping in the pool of juice at her feet, I managed to get to her before her head hit the corner of the kitchen counter. I had no idea what the fuck was going on. All I knew for certain was I’d never been so shit scared in my whole life. The way her face went deathly white. The way her eyes rolled back in her head before she crumpled into a pile on the kitchen floor.
“Maggie! Maggie! Look at me.” I begged, slapping her cheek.
She wasn’t coming around. I was freaking out. “Maggie. Come on, Mags. Please. Open your eyes for me.” She was completely out of it. A limp noodle in my lap. “Maggie! Come on, Maggie. Look at me.” Inside I was freaking out but I was pushing it down. I could freak out later. First though, Maggie had to ope
n her eyes and come back to me. This wasn’t fucking happening. Not when I just got her back. I couldn’t lose her now. I just… I couldn’t. We hadn’t had enough time. I needed more time. I needed to tell her I loved her. I needed her to believe me. I just needed her.
Her eyelashes flickered and my hope soared.
“Maggie! Mags! Come on, princess. Open those beautiful eyes for me.” I ran my knuckles over her soft cheeks. Another flicker and then her eyes cracked open. They were glazed over and unfocused but I didn’t care. They were open. She was coming back to me. Slowly, but I’d take it. Right now, I think I’d take just about anything. Even the soggy arse I had from sitting in juice.
“Mmmm,” she mumbled incoherently.
Before she tried to wriggle out of my lap, I held firm. “Stay. Just stay where you are for a minute.” I was being greedy. While Maggie drifted back to me, I took the moment to enjoy the warmth of her against me.
“What happened?”
“You don’t remember?”
“I’m wet.” She dragged herself onto her knees, and I mimicked her every move. There was no way I was about to let her fall again. She’d scared me enough the first time. There was no way in hell I’d cope with a repeat. My heart couldn’t handle it.
Finding my feet, I stood up before offering her my hand. When she took it and let me pull her up, I didn’t let go. She wobbled on her feet. The moment she was standing I was regretting being so close to her. Not because there was anywhere else I wanted to be, but because of the way she looked. Mussed up, tired but wearing the sexiest pair of pyjamas I’d ever seen. I was having trouble controlling my body’s reaction to her. The skimpy little satin shorts clung to her curves making me impossibly hard. Then there was the matching top. With its barely-there strings holding it up, her nipples poking through the thin, damp fabric. Groaning, I stepped back carefully, leading Maggie towards the chairs.
“Sit down.”
She looked at me with confusion as I ushered her into the chair. Thankfully, she didn’t argue. This time. To say I was worried about her was an understatement. After grabbing her a glass of lemonade, I grabbed some paper towels and cleaned up the mess on the floor.
As I tossed the last of the paper towels in the bin, I turned and looked at Maggie. Some of the colour had returned to her cheeks as she sipped her drink. Looking at the clock on the microwave, I realised how late it was. It was no wonder I was fading. It wasn’t just the adrenaline crash that had wiped me out, but the late hour.
“What happened, Drew?”
“You passed out.”
“I what?”
“You passed out.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure. One minute you were fine, then you were falling. Are you hurt anywhere?”
Setting her glass on the counter, Maggie checked her arms and legs. When she stretched out her leg, I noticed the cutest pink toenails. There was nothing about this woman that didn’t fascinate and intrigue me.
“I… I don’t think so.”
When she reached up, touching her head, I breathed a sigh of relief. She might not remember everything that had gone down, but she wasn’t hurt. Nothing else mattered. Not really. “That’s good.”
“Why am I wet and sticky?”
“Mags, you were holding the bottle of juice when you collapsed. It went all over you.”
“Oh.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Tired.”
“Well let’s get you to bed then.”
Maggie didn’t fight me when I took her hand and led her up the stairs. In the bedroom, I pulled open a drawer, one that had my t-shirts in it and found one of my favourites. A soft, worn grey shirt. Maggie was sitting on the side of the bed, looking like she’d had the wind knocked out of her.
Kneeling down in front of her, she didn’t even flinch when I took hold of the bottom of her top and pulled it up over her head, leaving her bare from the waist up. I tried not to look. I really did. But she was right in front of me. Right there, looking down at me with those doe eyes, completely trusting. Gulping down the lump in my throat, I forced myself to focus on the task at hand. Getting her warm, dry and tucked safely into bed. As carefully as I could, I got her changed, loving the way it looked on her. It was too big and did absolutely nothing for her gorgeous body but it definitely did something to mine.
“Lie down.”
When Maggie didn’t argue, I knew what had just happened had completely wiped her out. She wriggled into the bed, our bed, and dropped her head back on the pile of pillows. With her hair fanning out, eyes closed and lips parted, I fought the urge to lean down and kiss her. It would’ve been so easy. But it would’ve been wrong. Maggie didn’t need me complicating things right now. She needed me to look after her. To put her first. To prove to her that I could be the man she needed. To be the man she deserved.
For a long minute, I stood in the doorway and watched as she drifted off. It didn’t take long before the soft, adorable snores echoed through the darkness. For now, there was nothing more I could do. Yawning into my fist, I went downstairs and turned off the lights before heading back to bed. Tomorrow would be another big day; not only was the house a construction zone, but we had to get to the bottom of why the hell Maggie had collapsed. I didn’t care what we had to do or what it cost, that was one puzzle we had to get to the bottom of as soon as possible. I’d do anything, give anything to avoid a repeat.
Opening the door to the spare room, I stared at the bed with its sheets all mussed up and I had no desire to get back in. I don’t know if it was knowing Maggie was only across the hall or if it was the fear that something was wrong with her, she was going to get sick again and I wouldn’t be there. Whatever bullshit excuse I was going with, it had me yanking the doona from the bed and tucking a pillow under my arm and shuffling back to Maggie’s room.
As quietly as I could, I dragged the heavy armchair from the corner out into the middle of the room and flopped into it. After fidgeting, trying to get comfortable, I fell into a fitful sleep. It was the worst night’s sleep I’d ever had. Every time I finally drifted off, I’d wake up. And not just wake up either—I’d be wide awake ready for a fight. All it would take was the slightest noise, and I was up.
It was barely five when I just gave up. I knew I was going to be rat shit and cranky, but I couldn’t sit there pretending to sleep any longer. After watching Maggie sleep, watching the rise and fall of her chest somehow, I felt calmer. Leaving her to sleep, I slipped out the door and headed for a much-needed shower. Sleeping in a chair wasn’t something I’d recommend to anyone, and the kink in my neck I was suffering through was the proof.
***
Standing in the empty room, I started regretting my stupidity to pull it apart. I had no idea what I was doing. I wasn’t a painter. I wasn’t a carpenter. I wasn’t a designer. I couldn’t even see what this room was supposed to look like, so why the hell had I thought it would be a good idea to renovate? Giving up, I went and made some coffee, dragged out my laptop and started clicking around. I found an idea. It was in the background of some weird ad that popped up but that was it. It was exactly what we needed. It would look awesome but even more importantly, it was us.
Standing in the hardware store, I had no idea what I was looking for. Even though I had a plan, there was a hell of a lot of research needed before I could start building. When the guy in the ugly green apron approached me and started asking questions, he seemed disappointed with my answers. Feeling like a complete moron who was so far out of his depth, I tucked my tail between my legs and ran out. When I’d left home, Maggie had still been asleep. Stopping at the local bakery, I grabbed a couple of croissants before making my way home.
Sneaking through the front door, I was trying to stay as quiet as possible. If Maggie was still out for the count, then that’s where I needed her to stay. Sitting with a notepad and pen on the cold concrete floor, I started drawing.
“What are you doing?”
I turned to see the most incredible set of long, lean, pale legs I’d ever seen. Maggie was close enough for me to see the tiny scars criss-crossing her knee from the car accident she’d had years ago.
“Hey. How’d you sleep?”
She rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hand and yawned loudly. If I was being honest, she looked like shit. Not that I’d ever tell her that. I didn’t have a death wish. “Better than you, I imagine.”
I must have looked at her with a what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about expression. “That chair must not have been very comfortable?”
“Oh that.”
“Yeah. What was that about?”
“I just wanted to be close in case you needed me.” I shrugged before standing up. I couldn’t stay in my spot on the floor a second longer. Staring at her bare legs, knowing that underneath my shirt was the tiniest pair of navy-blue lace panties I’d ever seen. And believe me, Maggie had curves in all the right places to fill them out and turn my thoughts dirty. Absolutely fucking filthy.
“And the spare room wasn’t close enough?”
Shit! Here I was thinking I’d done the right thing, and now she was pissed. I couldn’t win.
“Thank you, Drew.”
“Huh?”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For looking after me. For caring.”
“Always,” I answered honestly. Even when things got bad, I mean like seriously shitty, I never stopped caring, even though I realise now that’s probably how it looked. I also knew it was something I was going to have to explain at some point; I just hoped today wasn’t the day. Today I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to be ripped open and left to bleed on the carpet, even though it was probably more than I deserved.
“How you feeling?” I asked again, needing an answer. Even though she was still half asleep, her hair all mussed up and sticking out in every direction, her lips cracked and wearing only my too-big t-shirt, she was everything I ever wanted. Everything I could ever want.
“Honestly? I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.”
Broken Dreams Boxset Page 25
