by Zack Zombie
Then I turned around, and it was right behind me!
A CLOWN!
“AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!”
I ran and ran and ran as fast as I could.
Actually, I ran so fast, I outran the Minecraft lag.
By the time the lag caught up. . .(after about five minutes) . . .the next thing I know, I was at Steve’s house.
Whew! That was close.
I knocked on Steve’s door but he wasn’t home, which was a bummer.
I really wanted to tell him about the weird creepy clown thing I saw.
So, I just went home and told my parents about it.
But, they didn’t believe me. . .
Wednesday
“But it’s true, Mom!
“It’s true, Dad!”
“I saw a clown, and it was huge, and it had this big forehead, and it had claws and these huge fangs, and. . .”
“Zombie, I think you’ve been watching too many movies,” my mom said.
“Sounds like he’s been playing too many video games if you ask me,” my dad said.
Urrrrrggghhh!
I got tired of trying to convince my parents of what I saw, so I just gave up and turned on the TV.
You know, maybe their right.
Maybe it was all in my head.
Clowns in sewers. . .so dumb.
“We interrupt this regularly scheduled childish program to inform you that there have been more disappearances of Minecraft Mob kids in town. Sources say that a large red-haired gentleman with a big forehead, large fangs, and floppy shoes could be involved. As well as a pair of bumbling sewer workers with big mustaches. But police have not confirmed any of this yet, so they are only ridiculous rumors.
Again, if you have any information about these missing Mobs, please do not venture into the village sewers by yourself to prove to yourself how brave you are. . .Instead, please call the local police immediately. More information at 11.
We now return you to our regularly scheduled infantile programming.”
Oh, man! I knew it was real.
But what could’ve happened to all those kids?
You know, maybe some brave kid should venture into the sewers and see if they could rescue those kids.
But who would be brave enough. . .or stupid enough to do that?
I know!
Maybe this is my chance to prove how brave I really am!
Then those kids at school will stop calling me Zombie Chicken Boy of Minecraft.
All right, Zombie, you wanted an adventure, well here it is!
Bring it!
Thursday
“I dare you to go down there!”
“Oh, yeah. . .well, I double dare you!”
Yup. . .you guessed it.
A bunch of kids from my school were crowding around a sewer pipe trying to dare each other to go down into the sewers.
It seems a rumor was started that there was a scary clown that lived in the sewer that eats children’s souls.
Yeah, once that rumor was out, every kid in the neighborhood ran to the nearest sewer pipe to test their bravery.
. . .Or embarrass some scrawny, scared kid out of his social status.
Well, not today.
Today, I was going to be the brave one. And I was going to prove it to the world.
“Hey, there’s Zombie!”
“CLUCK! CLUCK! PTAW! PTAW!” the kids were chanting.
“Hey, Zombie! I dare you to go down this sewer pipe and stay down there for fifteen minutes,” Darius yelled.
“Hey, he won’t do it. He’s too chicken!” one boy yelled.
“Yeah, they don’t call him Zombie Chicken Boy for nothing!” another boy yelled.
“HAHAHAHAHA!”
Well, it was time for me to show the world that I’m not a Chicken Boy, or a Bat boy, or a pansy, or a sissy, or a crybaby, mamma’s boy, creampuff, or gutless. . .
. . .Well, gutless kinda make sense.
But, anyway, no more being the butt of everybody’s jokes. . .
. . .no matter what my chin looks like.
So I grabbed my backpack and checked that I had all my essentials:
Flashlight. Check.
Booger snacks. Check.
My trusty journal. Check. . . yeah, diaries are for wimps.
Swiss Army pimple popper. Check.
Blanky. . .
. . .and Mr. Cuddles. Check!
Hey, I need all the moral support I can get.
“Darius, I take your challenge!” I said, trying not to let my voice crack.
“WHOAAAAAAAA!” all the other kids yelled.
“And, if I survive these next fifteen minutes, then it’s your turn to go down there for fifteen minutes,” I said with a big grin on my face.
I could tell my challenge hit Darius where his heart would normally be because he was mumbling for a minute trying to get out of it.
“Uh. . .okay,” he squeaked out.
So, I triumphantly climbed on top of the big green sewer pipe and looked down the eerie hole.
Maybe this wasn’t a good idea, I thought as I tightly grabbed my backpack.
So I closed my eyes and got ready to jump.
Help me, Mr. Cuddles. . .
Then. . .I jumped.
Friday
Well, it’s Friday.
Now, you’re probably wondering why it’s Friday since I jumped down the sewer on Thursday.
Well, after Darius realized that I was going to win my dare, he made sure he didn’t have to do it too.
So he and his friends blocked the entrance to the sewer pipe so nobody could get out.
Figures.
Man, it’s dark in here.
Shuffle. . .Shuffle. . .Splash. . .Splash!
What was that?!!!!
Shuffle. . .Shuffle. . .Splash. . .Splash!
Oh, man! It’s the clown! And he’s gonna get me!
I tried running, but I kept running into dead ends.
Then I could hear the noises getting louder, like they were right behind me.
So I just hunkered down into a fetal position, closed my eyes and waited to get eaten.
Shuffle. . .Shuffle. . .Splash. . .Splash!
Shuffle. . .Shuffle. . .Splash. . .Splash!
SHUFFLE. . .SHUFFLE. . .SPLASH. . . SPLASH!
Oh, man, this is it!
“Its-a me, Marco!”
Wait. . .what?
“Ello Zombie, why you poopy your pants-a?”
“Marco! Loogie! Am I glad to see you guys!”
“HAAACCCCKKK-PTTTOOOO! What-a are you doing here-a, Zombie?” Loogie asked me as he talked and spit at the same time.
“Well, honestly, I’m lost. Can you guys help me get back to my village?”
“Like we-a said,” Marco said. “The sewers she is-a a shortcut.”
“Whew! Am I so glad you guys were here.”
“Well, if-a you are going to walk-a through the sewer, you will need a uniform-e,” Marco said, handing me some red and blue overalls.
“Uh. . .thanks.”
So I tried them on.
They made me feel really tingly all over.
Kinda made me feel like I should be jumping down pipes and riding a go-cart.
But it would’ve been better in turquoise. . .and blue.
Well, after a few more hours of walking through the maze of tunnels, I started to see the night sky at the end of a tunnel.
“Oh, man, am I glad to get out of here!” I said.
“Hey, maybe-a next time you can come down and-a help us find-a the Sewer Fairy Princess,” Marco said.
“You bet, guys. Anytime.”
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br /> And as we got closer and closer to the sewer entrance, I was feeling so much better.
Suddenly. . .
“RRRAAAWWRRRRR!!!”
“AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!”
Suddenly, these gigantic orange turtle-looking monsters came out and grabbed Marco and Loogie.
“Help us, Zombie!” they yelled as the giant turtle monsters dragged them back into the tunnels.
But then. . .I froze.
I was so frozen in place, I couldn’t move a muscle.
Then. . .I had to choose.
Should I run back and help Marco and Loogie?
Or escape through the entrance and run home where I would be nice and safe?
“Help us, Zombie!” I heard them yelling again as their voices were getting fainter and fainter.
I was so scared, I didn’t know what to do.
“Help us, Zombie!”
All I could remember is how bad I felt for Marco and Loogie in the scary tunnels with those monsters. . .
. . .and how guilty I felt when I ran home to my mommy.
Saturday
Urgh!
How could I be such a chicken!
I left Marco and Loogie behind instead of helping them.
Those monsters are probably eating Italian tonight, and it’s all my fault!
“I’m just going to be a chicken all my life, and I’m good for nothing!” I said out loud.
“Whoa, Zombie, what’s the problem, man?”
I turned and saw Steve looking at me with that confused look on his face.
I guess he’s never seen a Zombie beating himself with a severed arm before.
“Dude! I’m a chicken, that’s the problem!”
“What happened?”
“Well, there were these two sewer workers who helped me when I needed help. But when they were in trouble, I just ran away!”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, man. It’s because I’m such a chicken. I’m afraid of the dark, I’m afraid of monsters, and I’m even afraid of my own shadow.”
“Well, your shadow is a little creepy,” Steve said.
“I know what you’re trying to do, man,” I said. “And it’s not going to work. . .I’m too depressed.”
“Zombie, look. No matter how painful it feels right now, it will pass,” Steve said.
“Whoa. . .that’s deep.”
“Yeah, I saw it on an a commercial for kidney stones once.”
“Wait. . .what?”
“What I’m saying is, it doesn’t matter the mistake you made, what matters is that you clean it up.”
“Wow, that’s deep too.”
“Actually, that was from a commercial for Zombie Baby Wipes.”
“Huh?”
“Zombie, you just need to remember that no matter how bumpy the road, the burning will eventually go away.”
“Let me guess. . .Zombie hemorrhoids?
“Yeah, how’d you know?!!”
“Well, how am I supposed to fix this mistake? Those guys are probably filling some monster’s stomach by now.”
“Well,” Steve said, “you said you wanted to come on an adventure with me, right? Well this is your chance. Let’s go find your sewer buddies and the rest of the missing kids in this town.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, I found a bloody shoe with somebody’s name on it, so I think we should do this,” Steve said.
Now, don’t get me wrong.
I was really scared.
Not only is it really dark down there. But now I know there are giant turtle monsters.
. . .And creepy clowns.
But, this was my chance to fix a big mistake I made.
A mistake I made because I chose to be a chicken instead of helping my friends.
Well, this time, I’m going to fix it.
And though I may be too late. . .and there’s probably only pieces of those guys left. . .
If there’s a chance they’re still alive, I’m going to help find those guys and bring them back.
And maybe even find the lost neighborhood kids, too.
And who knows. . .
. . .I might even find me a Sewer Fairy Princess down there, too.
Sunday
Me and Steve walked through the tunnels for an entire day, and we still didn’t find anything.
We were so tired of walking, we ended up sleeping in the sewers.
I told my mom and dad that I was having a sleepover at Steve’s house so that they wouldn’t worry.
But something tells me they’re worried anyway.
Yeah, my mom really doesn’t like humans.
Anyway, I’m just really glad I brought my blanky.
. . .and Mr. Cuddles.
Lick, Lick, Lick. . .
Urrrggghhhwwhuzzaatttt?
Lick, Lick, Lick. . .
“AAAAAAHHH!!! What is that?”
Me and Steve woke up to find what looked like a baby dinosaur with a big nose, sneakers, and a long tongue licking our faces.
Actually, we found out later he was only licking the waterbugs off of our faces, which kinda made me mad.
It’s not every day you get to snack on a waterbug. . .
. . .especially the juicy fat ones.
“Hi, I’m Sushi. You want to hop on my back?” the little dinosaur said.
“Uh. . .no. I don’t want to hop on your back,” I said.
“You want to hop on my back?” he said again.
“No, we don’t want to hop on your back. We’re here to find our friends who got taken in these sewers. Have you seen two sewer workers with big mustaches in here?”
“Oh, you mean Marco and Loogie.”
“Yes, Marco and Loogie. Where are they?”
“Oh no. . .They were taken to the castle. . .oh no.”
Steve and I just looked at each other.
“Castle? What castle?”
“The castle where the monster lives. . .oh no.” The little dinosaur said, looking sad and shaking his head.
“Well, can you take us to them?”
“Oh no. . .Whoever goes to the castle, never returns. . .oh no.”
“Please, Sushi, we need to find our friends.”
“Oh no. . .monster castle is no good. . .oh, no.”
“Pretty please?”
“Oh no, oh no. . .”
It didn’t seem like we were getting anywhere. So I gave in.
“Okay, we’ll hop on your back, but only if you take us to the castle,” I said.
The little guy was so happy that I think he totally forgot he was leading us to certain death.
Figures.
Monday
Wow, these sewers are long.
This is our second day here, and we still haven’t found our friends.
But the good thing was that we didn’t have to walk any more cause Sushi was like a car with legs.
Only problem was that whenever he saw a waterbug, Sushi stopped for a snack.
So it was like taking forever to get to the castle.
“I think you need a muzzle,” a voice said.
Steve and I looked at each other.
“Whose there?”
“It’s me. Who do you think it is?”
Steve and I looked at each other because we could swear the voice was coming out of thin air.
“Maybe he’s invisible,” Steve whispered to me.
“I can hear you, you know,” the voice said. “And I’m not invisible. I’m down here.”
We looked down and the weirdest looking imp was looking up at us.
He had on a big hat, he had on one eyeglass
, he had a big white mustache, and he was wearing a diaper.
“Who are you?” I asked the creepy little elf.
“My name is Frogsworth Cuddlebottom, at your service.”
“Okay. . .Well, Mr. Cuddlebottom, we’re in a hurry because we need to save our friends.”
“You can call me Frogsworth. And, you are not going to the castle, are you?”
“Yeah, we are. So we don’t have time to talk right now because we need to get there before our friends get eaten.”
“Oh no. I’m sorry my boy, but if your friends were taken there, there is no hope for them.”
That is not what I wanted to hear.
“You see, the castle is the home to the most fearsome, despicable and loathsome creature in all of Minecraft Sewer World. . .”
Something tells me I do not want to hear this.
“It is the home of the dastardly, Periwinkle, the Clown!”
“Seriously?!!” me and Steve both blurted.
“Yes, and Periwinkle will not just eat your friends, he will devour their souls for all eternity!”
“Seriously?!!” me and Steve both blurted again.
“I am afraid so. So, if I were you, I would turn back and go back home where you will be nice and safe.”
Oh no. Not again.
I had a decision to make.
Do I give into my fear and run back home to my mommy?
Or do I face my fears, kick its butt, and save my friends?
But, then I remembered Steve’s Zombie hemorrhoid commercial advice. . .
You know, it really left a mark on me. . .
And it left me with a burning sensation I couldn’t shake. . .
And I felt myself swelling up with mounds of courage. . .and really itching to do something. . .
