by Tina Martin
When he pulled up in her driveway, she got out.
So did he.
“You don’t need to walk me to the door. I’m fine,” she said.
“Are you sure about that?” he asked, trailing her.
“Yes. I’m sure. I’m fine,” she said. She unlocked the door, then told him, “Goodbye. I’ll see you later.” She continued inside, pushing the door to close it behind herself and continued on to the kitchen where she turned on the cold water at the faucet, held her hands together under the stream of water and splashed it on her face. She leaned over the sink, trying to control her breaths. She was having another panic attack. A mild one, but still…
She took a glass from the dish rack and ran some cold water in it, drinking it down quickly. When she set the glass down, she felt his arms around her. Felt his chest up against her back. She instantly felt a calmness settle over her and she didn’t like that feeling. Well, she did like it but she didn’t like what it meant for her – meant she needed him. Meant she was beginning to trust him. Meant that Giovanni Lennox was more than just her ex-boss or her friend. He was a man she needed, and she never needed a man before. What really sucked was, the one man she did need, she couldn’t have.
“I—I thought you were gone, Vanni.”
“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice filled with concern and care.
“I told you, I’m fine,” she said as best as she could, trying to disguise her voice.
That wouldn’t work with him. “Then can you look at me and say that, Jojo.”
She turned around, looked up at him with tears bubbling in her eyes, spilling onto her face. “I’m fine,” she said, right before he took her into his arms.
“Ah, baby…talk to me,” he said in a soft tone.
She sniffled against his chest and amidst sadness, said tearfully, “It was just hard being there, Vanni.”
“Why?”
“Because of the fire. My parents, my sister….they all died in a fire and somehow, I survived it. I wasn’t supposed to. The doctors who treated me said it was a miracle I made it, but every day I feel so guilty that I have my life, and my family is gone. I don’t have them anymore. You don’t know how much I wish I would’ve died with them.”
“Don’t say that, Jojo.”
“It’s true,” she sniffled. “I should have. Then I wouldn’t be able to feel all this pain and I wouldn’t have these constant nightmares about it. I just don’t want to feel that pain anymore. I don’t, Giovanni.”
She cried more and all Giovanni could do was hold her trembling body. The sound of her crying tugged at his heart, but he knew she needed this. It took her long enough to tell him and she finally had – finally had gotten it off of her chest. A part of him felt relieved for her, but another part was guilty because it was his idea to take her to the lodge. Had he not convinced her to go, she’d be okay, wouldn’t she?
“Everything is going to be okay, Jojo.”
“No, it’s not.”
“It is. Trust me,” he said, cupping the back of her head. “Come on. Let’s go sit down.”
She sniffled. “No. Go. Go back to work. I’ll be fine.”
“I wouldn’t dare leave you like this. Let’s go sit down.” With an arm around her, he led her to the couch in the living room where she sat down. He sat next to her, pulling her into his arms. “I’m sorry, Jojo. If I knew you would have this kind of reaction, I would have never asked you to go there.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s just something I’ve been struggling with for a while,” she said pulling away from him so she could look him in the eyes. She wiped away tears and said, “I started working at the lodge after the fire. I was a wreck. I couldn’t go to college. I would’ve failed, so I didn’t bother wasting my time. Instead, I started working. You were right,” she said wiping away more tears. “Working at the lodge wasn’t about the money for me. It was something I put my all into because I needed the distraction. I needed something to care about again. I needed something to take my mind away from—” Her lips trembled and more tears came.
Giovanni pulled her into his arms again. “Jojo, I can’t handle seeing, hearing or feeling you cry, so here’s what I need you to do. I need you to get it all out now. Later on, when you’re feeling a little better, we’ll talk, sweetheart.” He stroked her hair, still listening as she cried, feeling his heart break little by little.
Chapter 15
She’d fallen asleep in his arms.
Giovanni glanced down at her. He could hold her all day and all night. Feeling her in his arms was a perfect feeling, and he wondered how she was able to do something no woman had ever done – wiggle her way into his heart. He felt it happening from their first conversation at the restaurant. The first time their eyes met, he saw something deep within hers that made him want to know everything about her.
His cell phone had vibrated several times in the last hour while he was holding and admiring her, and since she was sleeping now, he wanted to check his messages and return some calls. He eased up and lowered her on the couch. Taking off his suit jacket, he spread it over her before walking outside on the back porch. He returned Kenton’s call first.
“Hey, man. Thought you were coming back to the lodge,” Kenton said.
“I was, but something more important came up. I’ll be there tomorrow.”
“Okay. Are you bringing Joelle with you? You didn’t tell me she was a beauty.”
A twinge of jealousy stung him. Now he knew how Remington felt where Emory was concerned. Remington thought he and Emory were too close. Giovanni couldn’t understand his brother’s concern until this very moment – the moment his brother Kenton wanted to talk about Joelle like he was interested in her.
Answering Kenton, he said, “No, I’m not bringing Jojo and yes, she is beautiful. And, just so there’s no confusion, she’s mine.”
“Whoa. My bad. Dang.”
“I’ll see you later, Kenton.”
When he ended the call, he dialed Remington.
“Hey, heard you got Joelle over to the lodge today,” Remington said.
“Yeah, for a couple of hours, but I will not be convincing her to go back there anytime soon. If she goes back, it’ll be because she wants to.”
“Why? Something happen?”
“It wasn’t a good experience for her,” Giovanni said. “Besides, she showed us a lot about the computer systems and I don’t think she needs to go back.”
“Good. Well, at least she got to do that, right?”
“Yeah. Right,” Giovanni said. “Hey, Rem, before you go, I need to ask you something.”
“Shoot.”
“How long did it take you to fall in love with Emory?”
Remington smiled. He had a feeling something was going on with Giovanni and Joelle. His brother’s question confirmed his suspicion. “Well, that’s out of left field.”
“Seriously, Rem. How long?”
“It happened almost immediately.”
“But yet, you didn’t make it known until after a year.”
“No. Emory knew I loved her. I told her often. I just didn’t tell her to what extent.”
“Why?”
“Because I wanted her to get to know me first. I assume you’re asking me these questions for a reason.”
“I am.”
“And what might that be?”
“I’m in love with Joelle.”
Chapter 16
While she slept, Giovanni would take a few more moments to admire her. Her ponytail holder had slipped off of her head and her hair was hiding a part of her face now. He gently stroked it back into place.
He glanced at his watch. It was close to seven. He’d taken it upon himself to order dinner – a large New York-style, thin-crust pizza. While he waited for it to be delivered, he took a moment to return a few emails via his phone, wishing he had his laptop with him. But he wouldn’t leave her to go get it.
The sound of the doorbell woke her. She sat up, watchi
ng Giovanni standing at the door. Looked like he was paying for a pizza. She rubbed her eyes. He was heading to the kitchen with a pizza box.
“Hey, you,” he said.
She glanced at her watch. “You’re still here?”
“I am, and I got dinner.”
She smiled. “Giovanni, you don’t have to stay.”
“I know. I want to.”
“Come on. Let’s eat.”
She stood up from the couch and excused herself to the bathroom. Standing there, washing her hands at the sink, she saw dried-up tear stains on her face. She looked a mess. She raked her hair back into place, but without the ponytail holder, she let it hang around her shoulders. Then she turned on the water, placed her hands together and brought water to her face. She blotted her face dry with a paper towel.
She remembered crying in Giovanni’s arms. How embarrassing! She felt her stomach clench having to face him now.
Stepping out of the bathroom, she sat across from him at the table. He’d already downed two slices of pizza.
“Let me just start off saying that I’m completely embarrassed for breaking down like that,” Jojo said.
“Don’t apologize.”
“But, I—”
“Don’t apologize. Eat.”
“Okay.” She took a slice of pepperoni pizza and began eating, even though she had no desire for food.
“I feel like an idiot for asking you to come with me to the lodge,” he admitted. “I wish you would’ve told me about the fire.”
“Why? It’s not like you didn’t know already. You said you would make it your business to know everything there was to know about me, so are you telling me you had no idea?”
He looked at her. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“So you knew?” she asked.
“Yes. I knew about the fire. I didn’t know how deeply it affected you. Didn’t know you had nightmares, and earlier, you said something that worried me.”
“What?”
“That you wished you would’ve died with them.”
“I do, sometimes. It’s the truth.”
“I don’t like that.”
Jojo dropped the slice of pizza in her plate and frowned. “I can’t help what you don’t like. That’s the way I feel. What do you want me to do? Change my feelings to accommodate you? Pretend I’m okay with my parents and my little sister burning up in a fire.”
“No. That’s not what I want you to do. I simply said I don’t like what you said. Saying you wished you would’ve died with them sounds suicidal to me.”
Jojo rolled her eyes and stood up from the table. “I don’t have an appetite. Lock the door on your way out, please.”
“Jojo, please don’t walk away from me.”
Jojo kept on walking towards the back door where she could work on another project she received from a consignment shop – a wooden chair. Working would keep her mind occupied, but the sound of Giovanni pushing his chair away from the table made her breath catch in her throat.
Moments later, he was on the porch with her, watching as she picked up her plastic goggles. He snatched them out of her hand and tossed them somewhere out into the backyard. With his strong hand locked around her wrists, he asked, “Now, do I have your attention?”
She frowned, looking up at him.
“I care about you. That’s why I’m still here, Jojo. You think it was easy for me to sit there and feel you cry in my arms, knowing it was my fault. Knowing that I was the one who convinced you to go to the lodge. It wasn’t easy. Okay. I laugh, I joke, I’m rude. I get it. But I have feelings, too. Feelings that made me stay here with you. Order dinner so you didn’t have to worry about cooking. You think this is easy for me to do? Something I’ve never done in my life? I never gave two craps about a woman. Never. But I’m here. With you.”
Frustrated, Giovanni let go of her wrists, turned away from her and brushed his hand across his mustache.
Jojo just stood there, not knowing what to say. He said he cared about her. Yet, she had frustrated him. And, he had gone to what she considered great lengths to help her. He didn’t have to stay. Didn’t have to console her. Order dinner for her. But he did. So, pulling in a much-needed breath and looking at his back as he was still turned away from her, she said, “I don’t want to come across as ungrateful because I am grateful.”
He turned around, taking a few small steps towards her. “You are?”
“Yes.” She gulped a breath when she felt his hands rest beside her face. Before she could register what was happening, his mouth swooped down and latched onto hers like her lips were those few slices of pizza he neglected to eat. He mumbled desire deep within his throat and heard her moan while he owned her mouth.
He released her, listening as she caught a breath like she’d been under water, coming up for air.
She looked at him, shock taking over her features. “Wha—what are you doing?” she asked him.
“I was kissing you,” he said, beholding her lips. He’d had a taste, now, and everything in him wanted more.
“But we’re supposed to be friends.”
“I know. I am your friend. Now, be still so I can kiss you again,” he said, connecting their mouths again, taking a deep, impassioned kiss from those tender, juicy lips of hers. Then he pulled back, stared at her for a long time then said, “I want you to be okay. I don’t want to worry. I don’t want to be at home, worried that you’re over here thinking crazy thoughts. I just want you to be okay, Jojo.”
“I will be.”
“While that may be true, I’m not taking your word for it tonight,” he said, scooping her up into his arms.
“Vanni, put me down,” she protested.
He continued on, carrying her back inside the house to the couch where he lowered her, then eased down on top of her, gluttonously going for her lips again. He felt her whimper, felt her body tremble the way it had when she was crying in his arms earlier, but this time, it was trembling for good reason.
“Vanni,” she whispered faintly. She told him to put her down and he did as she asked, but landed on top of her like that’s where he belonged. “Vanni?”
He smiled. “Yes?”
“I’ve never done this before,” she said in a panicked tone. “Any of this.”
“I know.”
“Then ca—can you…” She lost her train of thought when she felt his lips grazing and sucking on her neck. “Oh…oh, gosh...”
“Jojo,” he said looking at her with a smirk on his face.
“Yes?”
“Will you hush so I can do these virgin lips of yours justice?”
“But—”
He lowered his mouth to hers, feeling her body tense up. He came up on his elbows and said, “Jojo,” when he saw her eyes were wide open.
“Giovanni, I need you to stop,” she said, panting.
“No, you don’t.”
“I do.”
“Why?”
“Because this wasn’t supposed to happen. We were supposed to be friends.”
“I know.”
“Then what happened.”
He smiled. “I decided I didn’t want to be your friend anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Because I realized I wanted to make love to you.”
She frowned, nearly forgot how to breathe when she asked, “What?”
“You heard me.”
“But—”
“I didn’t say I wanted to make love to you today, Jojo, but one day I will make love to you. For now, I want you to close your eyes, and this time, I want you to just feel…feel my lips on yours, and take them inside of your mouth any way you see fit.”
She giggled.
“Why are you laughing?” he asked.
“You want me to kiss you when we’re not even supposed to be kissing. I don’t even know how.”
“Let me show you what I mean,” he said as he bent forward and captured her bottom lip between his. Then he released it. “Like that.�
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“Okay,” she whispered, and when he brought his mouth down to hers again, she touched the sides of his face and pulled his top lip inside of her mouth, tasting lip and mustache.
He stopped kissing her to laugh. “Did you really just suck my mustache into your mouth?” he asked tickled.
She laughed, too. “It was a mistake. I’m sorry. I told you I didn’t know how to do this.”
He laughed more and lowered his head so their foreheads touched. Then, in a serious tone, he said, “I like being with you.”
“I like being with you, too.”
His eyes squinted when he asked, “Why do I feel like you like my mustache more than you like me?”
She giggled and he smiled, holding her gaze before leaning down, taking her mouth once more with craving, wanting her to want him just as badly as he wanted her. He slid his hands underneath her blouse and she trembled harder, pushing his hand away. “No, Vanni.”
“I want to see you.”
“No.”
“Yes. It is the reason you’ve never been in a relationship, isn’t? Afraid of what someone would think of your body. Of your scars.”
“Giovanni, don’t.”
“Do you trust me?”
“We haven’t known each other long enough for you to be touching me like this.”
“I asked you a question that requires a yes or no answer. Do you trust me, Jojo?”
“Yes. I trust you.”
“Then, let me see you.”
He came back on his haunches, looking down at her before starting at the bottom button on her blouse, working his way up. And then he saw the scars indicative of burns covering her stomach.
“Okay. That’s enough,” she said, reaching to close her blouse.
Giovanni grabbed her hand, held it, then dipped his head to kiss her stomach. The moment he did so, her body shook.
“Vanni,” she hummed, but he kept on kissing her there.
He crawled back up to her and staring into her eyes he said, “I think you’re beautiful, and I don’t see a thing wrong with your body.”
“You’re just saying that because you feel like you have to,” she told him.
