She laughed, shaking her head. “I still can’t believe I said that. I wasn’t talking about men... Never mind.”
He leaned forward, his eyes falling to her lips. “Tell me about all the guys who haven’t been able to make you forget about me.” He’d intended to make light of it, to tease her, but he saw there was a ring of truth to it when the sparkle left her eyes.
“When you go through what we did, it changes you. At least it changed me. It’s hard to get into a casual relationship with someone else without considering the possible consequences. We may have been young and stupid, but we were careful, Chase. We used protection. I still don’t understand how I—”
“Does it really matter now?” Even though he hadn’t been able to raise Nick, he’d never regretted for a single second that he’d been born. And now he was beyond excited that he was going to get a chance to maybe be… his friend. “All that matters is that we have a child together.”
She closed her eyes and the sound of the crickets and their shallow breathing filled the thick, fragrant night air as they both processed their thoughts.
“Have you ever told any of the guys you’ve dated about the adoption?”
“Most of them knew, after I wrote the book. That’s the thing about living in a small town, right? There are no secrets.”
“So, you’ve dated a lot of local boys, huh?” Chase hated the idea of her being with someone he knew, maybe even someone he’d once considered a friend. Though in a town the size of Landon that was inevitable.
“A few,” she said, slipping the light wrap she’d left on the back of her chair around her shoulders.
“Anyone I know?”
She looked at him a long time before she said, “I don’t think I’d want to hear about the women you’ve dated. Do you really want to hear about the guys I’ve been with?”
“No, I guess not,” he said, with a rueful shake of his head. But he didn’t want to run into an old buddy downtown and have to listen to him go on and on about how he’d fallen for Shay and she’d broken his heart.
“Suffice it to say,” she said, covering his hand with hers. “Life hasn’t stood still for either one of us over the past fifteen years. I’m sure we’ve both dated, maybe even fallen in love—”
“Have you?” He brought her hand up to his mouth, curling his fingers around hers. “Fallen in love?”
“I thought I was once,” she said. “He asked me to marry him, but I couldn’t say yes. That’s when I knew it wasn’t love. I was with him because it was easy, convenient. He was a great guy, a good friend, but he wasn’t the love of my life, you know?”
“Yeah, I do know.” He knew all about looking for and never finding the person who could make him forget his first love. “You’re not supposed to find the love of your life at fifteen, are you? I mean, that’s just crazy, right?” He chuckled, suddenly feeling uneasy about broaching that topic. He didn’t know if time had dulled her feelings for him. Back then she’d told him she would never love anyone else. But that was a lifetime ago. They’d both grown up, changed.
“It happens,” she said, licking her lips. “I’m sure we wouldn’t be the first ones.”
At least he wasn’t alone in believing what they’d had was special.
“You ever catch yourself wondering what our life would have been like now if we’d kept Nick and raised him ourselves?”
“Of course I have.” She sighed as she looked up at the stars sprinkling the sky. “We’d be the parents of a teen. From everything I’ve heard, that’s not easy.”
“Maybe we’d have had more kids. You think?”
“Probably.” She smiled. “Assuming one of us didn’t bolt within the first year.”
Chase laughed, thinking about some of the intense fights they’d had when they’d been stubborn, opinionated teens themselves. “We were way too young for the kind of love we found. Just think about it. Nick’s just about the same age now that we were when we met back in high school. I don’t even know the kid, yet I know I wouldn’t want him to get tangled up in anything that intense right now.”
“You’re right.” She leaned forward, reaching for her mug before sitting back with her hands curled around it. “Maybe if we’d met in college instead, we would have been more mature, better prepared for what happened.”
“My mother told me that I need to forgive your parents.” He knew this would be a sore subject, but he was sick and tired of running from the truth. “I’d never even considered that a possibility until now.”
“What happened to change your mind?” she asked, watching him over the rim of her cup.
“I put myself in your old man’s place. I haven’t even raised Nick, so it’s crazy to say that I love and want to protect him, but I do. I wouldn’t want him to meet the love of his life now and I sure wouldn’t want him to get her pregnant. So maybe, seeing things from a dad’s perspective helps me to understand the way yours was feeling when he pressured you into following through with the adoption.”
She released a long, slow breath as he re-lit the candle that was supposed to help keep the bugs at bay. “He said that I’d had dreams. And he was right. Since I was a little girl, I’d always loved books. You know school was my thing. I’d always thrived in an academic environment. I couldn’t wait to go to college and study classic literature and…”
She shook her head. “And my father reminded me that if I had the baby my life would revolve around him. And you. He said I’d eventually wind up hating my life and resenting the two people I loved most. He said he didn’t want that for me.”
“Do you believe that he was being as selfless as he claimed, only thinking about what was best for you?”
“Not really. I wanted to be a writer. He wanted me to get a business degree. I think he always hoped that I’d come back here and run the dealership, since my brother made it clear he wanted no part of it.”
“Have you ever thought about selling it?”
“That’s the plan,” she admitted. “I told my parents I’d run it and do my best to make it profitable, so that at least we’d have a prayer of attracting a buyer. But you know how it is in a small town like this. People either don’t have the money or don’t want the stress of trying to keep a small business afloat, especially during tumultuous economic times.”
“So you’ll have to go on running it indefinitely if you don’t get a buyer?” Chase hated the idea of her trading her dreams for someone else’s. It didn’t seem fair.
“It’s not like I have a choice. My father’s medical bills and rehab after the stroke weren’t cheap. The cost to maintain that house they live in, not to mention my brother’s tuition. It’s a lot. And someone has to make sure there’s enough to cover it all.”
“The burden shouldn’t fall on your shoulders, Shay. It’s not right.”
“It’ll be easier when my brother’s finished school,” she claimed. “Maybe if we haven’t sold the business by then I’ll at least be able to hire an assistant manager and cut back on my hours, so I can write some more.”
“Anyway, enough about me,” she said, shaking her head. “Have you thought about our meeting with Nick, how we’ll handle his questions?”
“We’ll be honest with him,” Chase said, thinking that was the only option. “We’ll offer to answer any questions he has, tell him we don’t expect anything from him, but would like to be there for him any way we can.” He studied Shay while she nodded slowly. “What’s wrong? You don’t agree?”
“No, I do. I was just thinking about how I would feel in his position, the questions I’d want to ask.”
“I’m sure he’s as curious about us as we are about him.”
“Do you think he’ll ever want to come here to see us, you know, see where we live, where we grew up? Maybe even meet our families, his family?” She rubbed her forehead. “I probably shouldn’t say that, should I? He has his own family. It could be dangerous to start thinking of him as part of our family.”
“He
is a part of us,” Chase said, inching his iron chair closer to hers. “He always will be.” He rested his elbow on the table, curling his warm hand around her cheek when she leaned in to meet him. “And it’s okay to be scared. I am. And I’m sure he is too.”
He was dying to kiss her, but he knew once he crossed that line he couldn’t claim they were just friends trying to see each other through an emotional mind field. They’d have acknowledged a romantic interest that would introduce a whole new set of complications he didn’t think either of them needed or wanted. Especially now. When they were on the verge of re-uniting with their son.
“You know what I’m thinking about right now?” she whispered, her eyes travelling over his face.
“Tell me.”
“I’m wondering why you haven’t kissed me.”
He drew a shaky breath, half-chuckling as he struggled to find an answer that would make sense. “Believe me, it’s not that I don’t want to.”
“But…?”
“Do we really want to complicate things right now?” he asked, rubbing his thumb over her cheek. “Shouldn’t our focus be on Nick and trying to establish a relationship with him?”
“Yeah, you’re right.” She pushed her chair back, clearing her throat. “I’m just going to get these things inside before the bugs start swarming. Excuse me.”
He knew she was embarrassed by what she perceived as his rejection, so he gave her the space she needed as he wondered whether he’d just made a huge mistake.
Chase hadn’t heard from Shay since their dinner at her house. But he had sent her a text to let her know he’d pick her up from her place around five so they could drive to Brockville together. She’d texted back to let him know she’d see him then. No emoji. No indication of what she was thinking or feeling, whether she was scared or nervous, having any second thoughts or regrets. And it was driving him crazy.
“Hey, man,” Bryce said, strolling into his office. “I need to get out of here for a while. How ‘bout we go out on the water for a few hours, see if the fish are biting?”
Chase knew his friend had probably made the suggestion for his benefit, knowing that he was counting down the hours until he met Nick. “Yeah, that sounds good.” He had a ton of work beckoning, but his concentration was shot, so he knew he wouldn’t accomplish anything.
“I put some gear in my truck, so we’re good to go,” Bryce said, as they walked through the front door of their single story factory on their way to the parking lot.
“You were pretty sure I’d say yes, huh?” Chase asked, reaching into his truck to grab his polarized sunglasses and a baseball cap. Since they never dressed up for work, they were always ready for an outdoor adventure.
“No, I just needed to get out on the water myself. I was hoping you’d want to tag along.”
Chase waited until they were in the truck, heading towards the lake before he asked, “What’s up? You rarely bug out in the middle of a workday.”
“I’m not gonna lay my problems on you. Not today,” he said, turning the radio up before slipping his sunglasses on.
“I wish you would,” Chase said, turning the air conditioning off and opening his window. “You’d be doing me a favor, getting me out of my own head for a bit.”
Bryce sighed before cracking his window and breathing deeply, obviously enjoying the healing effects of the warm sunshine and fresh air as much as Chase was. “The old man asked to see me. He must have been having a lucid moment the last time my mother went to see him. Sounds like he’s running out of time. I just don’t know if I should go, you know? What purpose would it serve, seeing him again, when he probably won’t even know who I am when I get there?”
Chase would give anything for one last conversation with his father, especially now, but he couldn’t compare his situation with Bryce’s. His old man had been his best friend while Bryce’s had been his worst nightmare.
“What could it hurt?” When Bryce shrugged, Chase asked, “Could the old man honestly do any more harm than he already has?” Speaking of grudges, Chase wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to forgive the way Bryce’s father had treated his best friend. “You may get a few things off your chest. Even if he doesn’t know what you’re talking about, you’ll know. Maybe it’ll make you feel better.”
“I’ve just been trying hard to put all that behind me,” he said, curling his hand around the leather steering wheel. “What good would it do to start digging it up again?”
“He deserves to know how you feel. You should have the right to tell him. Don’t cheat yourself out of that.”
Bryce turned into the gravel parking lot where a few other trucks with trailers were parked by the boat launch. Bryce parked his new Avalanche at the adjoining marina until he could buy or build a house on the water, so they grabbed their gear and trudged towards the dock.
They worked silently, loading the heavy tackle boxes, rods, and net, just like they’d done thousands of times before. This was their therapy. Whenever they were struggling with a problem, they’d head out on the water to work it out. Sometimes alone, sometimes together, depending on whether they needed to bend someone else’s ear.
Bryce started the engine and they coasted through the narrow channel where the boat traffic was heavier, even mid-week. He slowed, pressing a few buttons on the GPS, deciding on the right spots to target.
Once they’d dropped anchor and set their bait, they started casting in opposite directions, enjoying the silence for a few minutes before Bryce asked, “You must be nervous about tonight.”
“That’s an understatement.”
“How about Shay? How’s she handling it?”
“Honestly? I don’t know. I haven’t talked to her in a few days.”
“Something happen?” Bryce asked, setting his rod in the rod holder before reaching into the cooler they’d brought for a cold can of ginger ale. He handed one to Chase before peeling back the tab on his own.
“Call it a near kiss,” Chase said, rubbing his face after setting his own rod down.
“A near kiss?” Bryce chuckled. “That’s a new one.”
“I should have kissed her. I wanted to. She wanted me to. But I didn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because things are complicated enough already. I just want to get through this meeting with Nick tonight before I add any more drama to the mix.”
“Then you do intend to kiss her?” Bryce laughed when Chase rolled his eyes. “And we both know where that’ll lead.”
“Shut up,” Chase muttered, casting his line out as he eyed the GPS to gauge their depth and the position of the fish. “We’re not teenagers anymore. We’re not going to let things get out of hand. We know, better than most, what can happen when you don’t think things through.”
“So you’re just going to hold back with her because you’re scared? That doesn’t sound like you, man.”
It wasn’t his usual M.O., but he’d never been in a situation like this before. He couldn’t afford to mess this up. For Shay’s sake as well as Nick’s he had to be responsible, to think about what was best for them.
“I want a relationship with my son. That’s why I came back here, remember? To spend more time with my family, and that includes Nick.”
“Yeah, but you can’t deny Shay was a big part of the reason you came back too.”
“Only because she’s the mother of my son,” Chase argued. “It’s not like I came back home because I thought we could pick up where we left off when we were kids.”
Chase cast his line, thinking about how different his life would have been if he’d stayed in Landon and raised Nick with Shay. He wouldn’t have had his business, but he would have had a family and to him that was worth a lot more than some big bank account.
“But do you think you could?” Bryce asked, watching him, waiting for a response as his bait dangled just above the surface of the water. “Start things up again with Shay? You loved her, Chase. Like you’ve never loved anyone.”
“Everything feels more intense when you’re that age, you know that.” He could say the same thing to Bryce about Ainsley. In the years that followed he’d never loved anyone the way he loved her. He let his guard down with Ainsley, something he rarely did, even with his best friend.
“So, you’re saying it was just some teenage thing?” Bryce snorted, casting his line back in the water. “That’s a crock and you know it. We’ve both been around the block enough times to know the real thing when we see it.”
“I guess you’re right.” Chase sighed before taking a sip of his cold drink. “But I don’t know if Shay and I have got a shot. She’s got a lot going on with the dealership—”
“And there’s the issue of her family hating your guts.” Bryce chuckled. “Don’t forget that.”
Chase would have bristled at that comment a few months ago, but the past few weeks he’d started to imagine a hundred different scenarios from a father’s perspective, and that made it easier to understand why Shay’s parents disliked him so much.
“How could I?” Tired of talking about his own problems, Chase asked, “Have you seen Ainsley again?”
Bryce smirked. “You wanna know how pathetic I am?”
“I already know. But I could use a good laugh, so lay it on me.”
“It was my mother’s birthday yesterday, so I went into Ainsley’s shop to order some flowers.”
“Okay.” Chase didn’t see the problem. “And?”
“I’ve never sent my mother flowers in my entire life. In fact, I found out later no one has.”
“Really?” Chase supposed he shouldn’t be surprised, since the poor woman had been married to a deadbeat who’d rather spend money on booze and cigarettes than treat her to a surprise.
“Yeah. So I could have called it in, ordered them online even. But I walked in there instead. Could I have been any more obvious?”
Small Town Billionaire Page 9
