by Dash Hoffman
Liam stood up and took a few steps forward, until he was near the end of the bed, too.
“What is it?” He asked, looking as if he did not want to know at all.
Joshua looked up at the ceiling as if he was hoping for some answer to come from above, while knowing that there was no answer from above. He lowered his head again and gazed at all of them, and drew a deep breath.
“The experimental treatment did not work.” He said quietly and simply. “Emma, your condition has gotten so bad that’s it’s irreversible, and there is nothing that can be done.”
There was an unmatched stillness in the room as Emma, Liam, and Callie stared at Joshua. He tried to speak and couldn’t at first, but then somehow he found the strength to give voice to the words he didn’t want to say.
“At most, I would estimate that you have a week… remaining.” He nearly choked on the words.
No one spoke or even breathed as shock registered through each of them.
Emma laid back softly against her pillow, folded her hands together over her small chest, and spoke quietly. “To die will be an awfully big adventure.”
The stillness was broken in that instant, and everything seemed to happen at once. Callie’s hands shot to her face, covering her mouth as she let out a sob and tears blinded her. She rushed to Emma, and wrapped her arms around the girl.
Emma buried her face in Callie’s neck, letting her tears come.
Joshua let go of what little hold he had on his composure and wept openly.
Liam went from shock to unchecked rage. He spun on his heel to face Joshua and shook his head; his eyes wide and his mouth twisted terribly.
“Is there anything that I can do?” Joshua asked, obviously wishing that there was anything; any small thing he could do to make some part of it better.
Liam yelled at the top of his lungs. “You can save Emma!”
“I can’t.” Joshua’s voice cracked, and he shook his head slightly, pressing his lips into a thin line. “That’s the one thing I can’t do. There’s no way to save her. I’ve looked. I’ve tried to find anything that I could, and this treatment was the last ditch effort; the shot in the dark. I’m so sorry. I wish that it had worked. You have no idea how much I wish that it had worked, but it didn’t, and now we are on a one way street. I’m so sorry Emma. So very sorry.” He wiped at his eyes and tried to clear his throat.
“I’ll give you some time alone.” He said quietly, and left the room, closing the door softly behind him.
Liam exploded with a deafening yell, and then gritting his teeth, he turned to Callie, focusing all of his anger on her.
His hand shot up in the air. Callie and Emma, who stared at him in shock, could see the Neverland Compass clutched tightly in his fingers.
“I told you! I told you that we needed to keep our feet on the ground, that we had to look at all of this logically! I said we had to focus on reality! But you came waltzing in here with your made up stories and your dream world fantasies, and made all of us believe silly things! You gave us false hope… only to have it dashed away by the horrible truth I said we needed to face! I said it all along! You can’t escape the truth! And now here we are, built up so high with those hopes, those lies, only to be brought crashing back down even lower than we ever were!”
He shook his fist at her and continued to yell as Callie and Emma gaped at him in horror, with tears streaming down their faces.
“Your ridiculous toys and games only served to disillusion us! Well this is what we think of your useless trinkets now!”
With gale storm force, he slammed the Neverland Compass down on the floor. It shattered, sending green sand flying everywhere. Not enough to have broken it, he stomped the heel of his shoe down onto it and ground it up into tiny pieces, until there was nothing but crumbled shards left.
“Daddy no!” Emma cried out, reaching her hand out desperately to her father. Callie’s mouth fell full open.
“I never should have let you come in here in the first place!” Liam shouted viciously at Callie.
Emma shook her head over and over. “Daddy no!” She sobbed, “Please stop! Please!”
Liam reached his hand up and closed his fist tightly around the stars hanging from the ceiling. Grabbing as many as he could, he ripped them down in bunches at a time and threw them into the trash bin in the corner.
“I finally let my foot off of the ground and chanced dreaming for once, just once!” He snarled, grabbing more stars and yanking them out of the ceiling, “And look where it’s gotten us!” The stars went straight into the bin as well.
“Callie, you take your stars, and your stories, and all your nonsense, and you get out of here right now! I don’t ever want you to come back! Never!” He jammed his finger at the door and stood there furiously, his chest heaving, and his nostrils flaring.
“Daddy NO!” Emma pleaded and begged, reaching out to grasp Callie’s hand. “No, she’s my friend! My best friend! I love her! I want her to stay!”
“OUT! NOW!” Liam shouted at the top of his lungs.
Callie knew that Liam meant what he said. She turned and leaned down swiftly to kiss Emma on the cheek. “I love you without limits.” She whispered, and then she let go of Emma’s hand as the girl cried out for her.
Somehow, she managed to make herself walk out of the room, while leaving her heart behind in it. The last thing that she saw was Liam dropping to his knees on the floor, and burying his face in his hands.
Peter Pan
Chapter Fourteen
Peter
Callie sat at the old, worn, wooden table in Davies Tea Shop. Mr. Davies sat opposite her; silently, patiently, waiting for her to speak.
Callie had been staring at her cup of tea so long that the steam had nearly gone altogether. With a long, slow sigh, she lifted the cup halfway to her mouth, and then set it down again, frowning.
“It… it’s as if time is at war with itself around me. It races past me at the speed of light while simultaneously dragging as if it was forcing itself to tick by, minute by eternal minute.”
“Time is an immeasurable thing.” Mr. Davies noted casually. “People have tried to master it, but no one can master something that does not exist, and which operates at infinite speeds, infinitely.”
“Well, it feels awful to live in a weird warp of it.”
“Everyone lives in that.”
Callie took a long sip of her tea and set the cup back down, wrapping her fingers around it and wishing she could lose herself in the warmth. Tears stung at the back of her eyes again. They’d been there, ever ready on the edge of every moment, just waiting to spill out endlessly.
“I’ve tried to keep my thoughts off of Emma and Liam, but then I feel like it’s an enormous betrayal if I don’t think of them, as if I’m trying to forget the girl who became so precious to me. In my heart, I could never do that.” She sighed again.
“It’s one of the hardest things we can go through, to love someone who cannot be with us, no matter the reason, but rather than forgetting them to minimize our own pain, it’s usually best to remember them with love, and to be thankful for the time that we had together with them. At some point, we say goodbye to everyone we ever meet. It’s the way of life. Hold on to the good things; the precious and sweet things, and time will slowly ease the sharpness of the pain. It will wear down, and after a while you’ll only be left with the love.”
Callie smiled at the old man, though it was unexpected. Her eyes crinkled slightly at the outside corners.
“Thank you. You always seem to know just the right thing to say. I appreciate you so much.”
He nodded. “Having a true friend when we most need one is the real magic.”
Callie nodded in agreement and lifted her cup of tea for another long sip.
She was at home later than afternoon, staring at the same page of a book that she’d been staring at for almost an hour, when a knock sounded at the door. She jumped and a gasp escaped her.
With a pounding h
eart and wide eyes, she set the book down and went to the front door to open it. Joshua stood before her with a large plastic bag in his hand.
“Oh my gosh… is Emma…” She couldn’t say it.
“No, she’s still with us.” Joshua replied quietly.
Callie exhaled a wisp of relief.
“Dark chocolate from that place you love over on Brick Lane.” He held the bag out to her. “It will help.”
Callie couldn’t hold the tears back; just the sight of him brought it all rushing to the surface, and rather than taking the bag he held out to her, she wrapped him in a hug instead, and wept on his shoulder.
Joshua hugged her in return for a long while, and then let her go so they could both wipe tears from their faces.
“Come in.” She managed to say, stepping back into the house.
He followed her in, setting the bag of chocolates in her hands as he passed her and headed for the couch in the living room.
“Thanks.” She set the bag on the coffee table, and sat beside him.
“How are you doing?” He asked, studying her with concern.
Callie only looked down at her hands. “I don’t want to talk about it. He’s a father who’s losing his only daughter, and I have to respect that and do as he requested. I have to stay away. I still love her. I’m always going to love that kid.”
Joshua nodded. “I’m every bit as torn up as you are about this. We’ll get through it. It’s the hardest part of the whole thing. This time right now; it’s the hardest part.”
“It just feels like one day is slowly blending into the next, and it doesn’t even seem real. It’s been a week today since I had to leave the hospital. I haven’t stopped thinking about her. I never stop thinking about her.”
“Callie, you changed everything for the better for them. For both of them. Liam is just having a hard time seeing it right now. You were the strong, loving, reliable, fun, magic bringing friend. They were in darkness and you brought light. You brought joy and happiness. You need to know that so that you can always hold on to it.”
She took his hand in hers and gave him a half-smile. “You’ve been their dedicated doctor, fighting the good fight, giving all of your heart, even when the outcome broke your heart, and doing so much for them. You did everything for them.”
Josh shook his head. “The outcome. You know, everyone puts their hopes in me because I’m the doctor. It’s a lot of pressure. I have to deal with not always being able to succeed; like this time. My greatest goal is to save every life, but I know going in that I can never do that; sometimes I’m going to fail. Those failures; those lost lives, they chip away at my heart and soul. They’re someone else that I couldn’t save, but I keep going back and I keep trying. I never give up, even when it doesn’t work, because I know there are still lives that I can save.”
He grew quiet and then looked carefully at her. “It isn’t your job to go save lives every day, like it is mine. This was a one-time thing for you. I just want you to see it with different eyes. Win or lose, I go in. You went in, win or lose, and this time it was a loss. You can’t walk away looking at it like that. You have to remember everything you did to make it a win, because in a lot of ways, it was a win. You showed them both how to open up to themselves, and to each other. You made them laugh and you showed them how to have fun. You gave them memories that they wouldn’t have had otherwise. You made a good difference. I just want you to know that.”
“Thank you, Josh. Thank you so much.” Callie nodded and smiled just a little.
“You’re welcome. I have to get back, but I wanted to come and tell you that, and I wanted to bring you some chocolate. Eat that, it will help.”
He hugged her goodbye, and left. Callie sat down with her book and opened the bag, eating a few pieces and hoping that Josh was right.
Two hours later, Callie was sitting in the small library in her house; a den with filled bookshelves and a fireplace. Off to one side of the room a wide window looked out onto the garden.
She was laying back on a chaise lounge, with a soft blanket covering her legs. In her hands she held a hardback copy of Peter Pan. She’d read it over and over again during the week, trying to find some comfort and solace in the familiar story.
Her finger was tucked in between two pages, though the book was closed in her hands.
She stared out of the window; her mind going over all of her time with Emma, again and again, as if it was on a repeat cycle.
Callie could think of nothing else. A clock ticked slowly by in the hallway, and while there was no other sound in the house, there was no peaceful silence for Callie. She was ever lost in memories and thoughts; her mind filled with everything Emma.
The doorbell rang and she jumped, sucking in her breath as her heart skipped a few beats.
With a sigh at being jerked back into reality, she set the book down on the soft blanket and stood up, straightening her pants and running her fingers lightly over her hair as she walked to the front door.
She realized that she had no idea what time it was, and she turned to glance at the grandfather clock in the sitting room. Four. It was four in the afternoon.
Her mind was only partly aware as she pulled the door open, but suddenly she stopped short, staring at her guest. It was Liam. Her breath caught in her chest.
“Emma…” She whispered.
He shook his head. “She’s not gone yet.” He cleared his throat and stood there sheepishly, with his hands shoved deep down into his pockets, and his shoulders slumped. He looked terrible.
“I wondered if you aren’t busy…” He began in a quiet voice, “maybe we could talk.”
Callie didn’t even have to think about it. “Of course, please come in.”
She stepped back from the doorway and he walked in, glancing at her gratefully.
“Thank you. I know things were… not so good when I saw you last. You’ve no reason to let me into your home, but I’m glad you have. I need to talk with you.”
He sounded as if he had come to terms with what was going on, as if he had somehow maybe even accepted it, and was only waiting almost listlessly for it to happen.
“We can talk. That’s no problem.” Callie felt her head clearing from the culmination of repetitive thoughts that had lodged themselves there all week. “Would you like some tea?”
“Yes, please.”
She invited him to sit in the living room, and left him long enough to put the kettle on and make a pot of tea for them both.
When she came back with a tray, she set it on the table between them, and he reached for a cup.
“How is she?” Callie asked as they poured tea.
“She’s in a medically induced coma right now. I guess it keeps her from feeling the pain.” He barely managed to say it aloud. “She’s already much worse. Poor thing, she’s so sick.”
“I’m so sorry to hear it. I wish…” Callie began, and stopped.
He looked up at her. “Me too.”
Then he held the teacup in his hand and stared down into the amber depths of it, as if he was looking back in time.
“I was married before. Emma’s mum, you know, she was… we were a family. Then, Emma got sick and my wife… well, she left. I guess she couldn’t take it. Didn’t want to face it. It was going to be too much for her to take.”
Callie stared at him, stunned that any mother could leave her child when the child needed her the most; especially Emma. Callie had fallen right in love with Emma the first day, and she hadn’t wanted to leave even when she was told to.
“After she left, I had to take care of it all with Emma on my own. It was just me for every appointment, handling every responsibility every day with Emma, and all the while struggling to deal with it on my own.” He shook his head and looked up at Callie.
“It’s funny how fast your mates disappear. They ask how things are when they see you, but they aren’t there for any of it. I have no family to lean on, really. So, it’s just been her and me. She�
��s all I have.”
Callie felt her throat tighten as tears stung at the back of her eyes.
“I’ve tried to be a good father, you know, carrying on her education, believing that she would be out someday, back in school with the other children, and not wanting her to fall behind.” He sighed and gave Callie an almost smile.
“I let go of all of the fairytale dreams I had when my fairytale ended; when my wife left me. That was when the magic was over for me, and all that was left was a cold, hard reality.” He shook his head. “The I lied to Emma and told her that her mom only went to work. I didn’t want her to know that her mother had left her, though I wonder sometimes if she knows I’m lying. She stopped talking about her mother. My daughter was sick, my wife was gone, and my dreams were over.”
He sighed.
“I realize now that I should have kept the dreams alive and played more, instead of going on and on about practicality so much and sucking all the fun out of our lives. I just couldn’t see a place for it, but you did. Well, once I let go of it, there was no getting it back.”
He was silent then for a moment, swallowing hard, and then lifting his teacup for a sip.
“I understand why you put it aside. That makes so much sense.” Callie told him kindly. “But there’s always room for it.”
“I didn’t know that. I couldn’t see it. I was drowning in frustration at not being able to do anything to stop the cancer from consuming Emma. I love her more than anything, and I’d do anything for her, but this is one thing I can’t protect her from. It’s one thing I can’t fix, and it destroys me to feel so helpless against it!”
Liam pressed his lips together into a line and raised his eyes to meet hers. “I owe you quite an apology, Callie. I acted horribly that last day you were there, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I did all of that. I was sorry as soon as you were gone, but there was no fixing it then.”
“Thank you, Liam. I don’t want you to feel that you owe me an apology though. I know very well that you were just dealt the worst blow of your life. I can’t imagine going through what you’re having to go through, and I love Emma too. So much. She’s such a wonderful child, but my pain couldn’t possibly compare at all to yours, and if I were in your shoes, I have no idea how I’d ever get through it.” She gave him a genuine and tender smile, and he nodded back to her.
