Timber (Hades Book 4)

by Tate James

  I slept heavily, waking only to the low murmur of voices near my bed. The morphine was fogging up my head, though, and it took me some time to really wake up.

  "...fucking lights on?" someone was asking.

  "Because she asked for light," Lucas replied in a low voice. "You didn't hear how scared she was when she woke up in the dark, Cass. I'm not risking that again."

  My grumpy cat just grunted a sound of reluctant understanding, and I cracked my lids open to doublecheck that it was him and not a figment of my imagination. Again. I'd had plenty of delusions of him in the time Chase held me, but this felt different. The safety and calm that I felt in Lucas's presence wasn't something that any drugs could imitate, so I wanted to know...

  "Saint," I breathed, my eyes locking on his scowling face above the bed. "You're here."

  His brow furrowed deeper at my words, and he crouched down. "Where the fuck else would I be?" he grumbled. "I only left to get Doc, otherwise the hounds of hell couldn't have made me leave."

  My lips tugged with the faintest hint of a smile, but it was an uncomfortable feeling and I quickly let it slip. Now that he'd mentioned it, I shifted my gaze past Cass to spot our one and only trusted doctor waiting patiently near the door.

  I swallowed a lump of anxiety in my throat and gave Doc a small nod before refocusing on Cass and Lucas.

  "Thank you," I murmured. "You saved me."

  Lucas gave a small scoff. "You were doing a pretty good job of saving yourself, Hayden. Just when I thought you couldn't get any more badass." He gave a disbelieving shake of his head.

  "Doc wants to check you for broken ribs," Cass rumbled. "And whatever else. Lucas stitched up your wrist but probably made a mess of it."

  "Fuck you, dick," Lucas muttered. "I stitch like a damn sewing machine."

  Drawing a breath, I tried to give him a grateful smile. It just came out as a grimace, though, so I gave up with a sigh. "Can you give us some privacy?" I asked, my voice weak. Both Lucas and Cass looked surprised by that request and didn't make any move to leave the room.

  "You heard her," Doc's wife, Maria, snapped, pushing her way into the room with a stern, no-nonsense scowl. "Hades gave you an order. Get out."

  A shudder ran through me at her words, but I kept my mouth shut as Lucas and Cass reluctantly left the room. When they were gone, Maria closed the door firmly behind them and crossed over to my bed with a warm smile.

  "Sir," she greeted me with a sigh. "You've definitely looked better."

  For some reason, that amused the hell out of me, and a startled laugh escaped my chest. But it was quickly followed by a flare of pain, and I groaned.

  "You probably need to use the bathroom," Doc commented as he checked my IV line, and then he hummed under his breath. He disconnected the line from the cannula and gently peeled my blankets away. "I knew we were only a couple of hours away and didn't want Lucas fumbling around with a catheter."

  "And I appreciate that," I replied quietly, internally flinching at the thought of having anyone between my legs. I was dressed in a pair of unisex sweatpants and a loose T-shirt, so someone had handled me, and that was enough.

  Doc offered me a hand to help me up, but when I pointedly didn't take his offer, Maria pushed him aside and offered me her arm instead. Smart woman, she knew what she was doing. I gave her a tight nod of appreciation as she helped me ever so slowly to my feet, not rushing me when I needed to pause and let my head clear.

  Eventually I made it to the attached bathroom to pee—rehydrated now, thanks to the saline drip—and back to bed once more.

  In the meantime, Doc had set up all the equipment he needed to fully check me over. I gritted my teeth, knowing full well how invasive this was all going to be but also understanding it was necessary.

  "I'm going to get this done as quickly as possible, Hades," he told me in a low murmur, "and Maria can do the rest, okay?"

  I jerked a nod and blew out the breath I was holding. "Hit me with your best shot, Doc. I can take it."

  He gave a soft snort of laughter, indicating for me to lie back down on the bed. "That, I don't doubt."

  With his wife's help, he ran through a physical check from head to toe. He thoroughly cleaned the nasty mess of my shoulder and muttered some comments about needing surgery to repair the AC joint that Chase had fucked up. The damage was where the collarbone met the shoulder blade. It didn't sound like an urgent thing, though, so I said nothing and let him continue.

  I winced a couple of times as he tested my ribs, so he used the portable x-ray machine he'd set up to check for breaks. Sure enough, three ribs on the left and two on the right were fractured but not at risk of puncturing anything.

  It was impossible not to notice how careful Doc was about limiting the physical contact between us, and I appreciated the fuck out of him for it.

  When he was satisfied with everything he wanted to check, he packed up his things and gave me a tight smile. "I'll leave you with Maria and pop back when she's done. Are you feeling hungry at all?"

  Was I? I didn't even fucking know. My stomach was a mess of knots and anxiety; I doubted I'd keep any food down even if I tried. But my logical brain told me that I needed food in order to recover, so I nodded to acknowledge him.

  "I'll tell Lucas to get you something easy," Doc told me, then gave Maria a nod before leaving the room. Before he closed the door fully, I heard the rumble of voices in the hall. Clearly Cass and Lucas hadn't been willing to go any further than right outside the room.

  Maria opened up her own medical bag on the chair beside the bed and gave me a long look. "Do you want to talk?" she offered after an extended silence. I arched one brow in response, and she bobbed her head. "Fair enough. The offer is on the table if you change your mind."

  From her bag she pulled out a small packet and popped a tiny white pill out into her palm. Without a word, she handed it to me, and I damn near choked with how fast I swallowed it down.

  That done, she pulled on a pair of gloves and got to work on her part of my physical.

  "How long ago did you get your IUD?" she murmured as she took the swabs necessary for testing. "I should have checked your file, but everything was a bit of a rush."

  I swallowed past the tension in my throat before I could reply. "Only a year ago." And they lasted for five. The pill she'd given me was just an extra precaution, and one I was more than happy to take.

  She finished up and helped me back under the covers before sitting down with a sigh. "Hades..."

  I tensed. As weak as I was, as damaged, abused, and fragile as I was, I didn't feel like Hades anymore. She was strong and unshakable. I was nothing but an empty shell of that woman.

  "You need to talk to someone," Maria said quietly.

  I shook my head—not just to deny her statement but to shake away that painfully depressing thought that had just filled my head. Where the fuck had that even come from? I wasn't an empty shell. I was a goddamn survivor.

  "Boss, believe me when I say I won't breathe a word of this to anyone," Maria continued. "I'm not stupid. But for your own wellbeing, I want you to seriously consider therapy."

  I gave a bitter laugh, meeting her sad eyes. "I was way past the point of help even before this happened, Maria." That statement didn't reassure her, though. If anything, it just made her more worried. "I have coping mechanisms," I offered, as though that was sufficient.

  She pursed her lips, frowning, but gave another nod and sigh before standing up. "We're all done. From what Gerry was muttering, I understand you're going to be on antibiotics for a while for that shoulder. I'll let him back in here to give you his final assessment, though. Unless there's anything more you want to talk about with me?"

  I shook my head. "I'm alive, Maria. That's the only thing that counts."

  She huffed a sound like she disagreed but moved over to the door to let Doc back in. He slipped in and quickly shut the door again, blocking anyone else from pushing in after him.

  Maria gave him a
rundown of everything in quick, clinical terms, and to Doc's credit he didn't give me any pitying glances. After all, he'd patched me up before, so none of this should really come as any great shock.

  "Okay, boss," he announced, sitting down in the chair to give me a stern look. "Here's the plan. I've got you back on antibiotics and have given Lucas clear instructions on how and when to dose that. You will need surgery to regain full range of motion in that shoulder, but I can appreciate that's maybe not the top of your priority list right now."

  "You'd be right about that," I agreed. If it wasn't life threatening, it could wait. Besides, it was my left shoulder, and I was right-handed. So long as I could still fire a gun, I would be fine.

  Doc nodded. "I'll make an appointment for you to see a friend of mine in Toronto when you're well enough to make the trip. He's the best in the business, and I wouldn't send you to anyone less." He ran a hand over his tired eyes. I had no clue what time it was but could imagine he had been dragged out of his bed to be here. "I know you told me earlier, but remind me again. Roughly how often were you injected with those drugs?"

  I'd given him the pertinent facts of my abuse while he'd checked me over, filling him in on the drugs when I asked to be taken off the morphine.

  "I couldn't say accurately," I admitted. "Too fucking often. But it must be at least twenty-four hours since the last dose. Or longer. Time was... fluid."

  Maria made a sound under her breath, and the expression on her face said she'd like to get her own hands on my captor.

  "That's good," Doc murmured. "You don't seem to be withdrawing too badly, but the next few days might be a bit rough. Time will tell."

  It wasn't anything I hadn't mentally prepared for starting from the first moment Chase injected me. "I'll be fine," I assured him. "Nothing I haven't done before."

  It was only the PCP and GHB that would give me a nasty drying out period, anyway. And I suspected I'd suffered through a bit of that while feverish from my infection. Small wins.

  Doc grimaced. "Well, it's going to be a slow recovery anyway. We're talking weeks, not days."

  I gritted my teeth but didn't argue with him. It was pointless when he was simply giving me an expert opinion. I could have that argument with my own body after he was gone.

  "We'll make sure Lucas is up to speed with all the medications and care instructions," Doc continued. "He impressed me with his work before I got here; I think you'll be in good hands."

  That comment made me crack a smile as the two of them packed up the last of their things and made for the door. Maria paused after her husband left and gave me a long look.

  "Do you want me to send these boys in to sit with you?"

  I thought about her question for a moment, closing my tired eyes. Then I shook my head. "No. I just need to be alone."

  Maria gave a small sigh. "No, you don't. But I'll tell them to give you space for now. Call me any time, Hades. Or Nadia, even. We're here for you."

  That statement almost brought me to tears, and I bit down hard on my cheek to hold them inside. I just gave her a small, brittle smile of acknowledgement and sank back into my pillows as she left the room.

  The door clicked shut, and I counted to one hundred inside my head, waiting for the door to open again. Only after reaching one hundred did I let the tension seep out of my body and the breath rush out of my lungs.

  Then, only then, did I let myself fall to pieces.

  I'd held so damn strong, stoic, and calm for the entire time Doc and Maria had been here, but I had nothing left. My walls turned to dust, and a silent scream wracked my chest. When the tears finally rolled free, I knew there would be no stopping them. So as carefully as I could, I curled into a ball and sobbed into my pillow, letting the emotions flow. But I stayed silent. Always silent and alone.

  But I wasn't alone. Just when I felt like my soul was shredded beyond repair and my mind splinted like a broken mirror, the muffled sound of voices cut through my agony.

  Cass and Lucas... and Zed. They were in a heated argument outside my room, but they were here. I wasn't alone. I'd never truly be alone again, and that knowledge calmed me enough to finally sleep.

  7

  "You didn't think you could escape me that easily, did you, Darling?" Chase's cruel words taunted me, mocking as I jerked awake. I was back in his cell. It was all just a goddamn delusion. All of it.

  Tears pricked at my eyes, but I swallowed them back. It'd been the most real one yet, and I was struggling to separate reality from fiction. Even now, with Chase's leering, eye-patched face hovering over me, I could still feel the warmth of the blankets. The softness of the pillows.

  "Ready to play?" my psychotic captor asked rhetorically. He grabbed a handful of my hair, using it to pull me upright out of the bed, and dragged me across to the deep bucket of water he'd prepared.

  I struggled against his hold, clawing at his hand to try and loosen his grip, but I knew it was pointless. It was always pointless. Nothing I did would stop him when he had set his mind to something. Especially this.

  "Deep breath in, my sweet," he purred, forcing me to my knees in front of the water. I did as I was told, having learned the hard way that I wouldn't get another chance. A moment later, my face was covered in a cloth bag.

  I stole one more quick breath, then my head was forced down into the bucket of water. Chase's grip on the back of my neck was like steel, totally unrelenting as the cloth of the bag soaked through and my lungs burned. As always, I counted in my head, but it was never the same length of time that he held me under.

  Right as panic flooded through me and my body screamed at me to take a breath, he hauled me back up, and I reached out blindly to steady myself. It was impossible to draw a full breath, though. The saturated fabric stuck to my face like a second skin, suffocating me as he kicked my legs apart and knelt behind me.

  "That's it," he purred as I choked and gasped, desperately trying to get enough oxygen before he pushed me back down again. "Beautiful."

  I jerked away as his hand smoothed down my back, aware of what was coming next.

  But all of a sudden his hand was back on my shoulder, shaking me. What the fuck was he doing now? Whatever, it didn't matter. If it delayed him pushing my face back into the water for even a moment, I'd take it.

  He shook me harder, his words muffled by the rushing in my ears. Oxygen deprivation. I'd probably pass out soon, and he'd finish himself in my unconscious body.

  He slapped my face, his warm palm striking my wet cheek with an audible smack, nowhere near as hard as he usually hit me. But. Wait. His palm struck my face. How? There was a wet bag over my head.

  Wasn't there?

  "Hayden!" the voice shouted, shaking my shoulder again. That wasn't Chase. Chase had never in his life called me Hayden.

  Forcing my way through the mental minefield, I pried my eyelids open and locked eyes with Lucas.

  Lucas.

  Not Chase.

  "Hey, hi," he breathed, stroking my clammy hair away from my face with gentle fingers. "I'm here, babe. I'm here. It was just a dream. You're safe."

  My heart was still racing with fear, sweat coated my skin, and I needed to swallow a couple of times as his words sank in. I was safe. It'd been a dream.

  "Just a dream," I whispered in a scratchy voice. If only that were the truth.

  "We good?" Cass rumbled, and I twisted my head to find him hovering at the other side of the bed, his tough face etched with worry. Behind him, another figure lurked in the open doorway, and my mouth went dry as Zed met my gaze.

  For a moment, I froze. For a moment, all I felt when I looked at him was sheer relief. Like my heart was whole again.

  But all too quickly, the memory of his betrayal resurfaced in my damaged mind, and I flicked my gaze away from him. From the corner of my eye, I caught the way his shoulders drooped. He took it as the dismissal I'd intended it to be and disappeared once more.

  "Yeah," I answered Cass's question finally. "Yeah. Just... j
ust a dream." Or a memory. Whatever.

  Cass held my eyes, searching, then scrubbed a hand over his face. "Want me to punch Gumdrop for you, Red?" I blinked at him in confusion, but he just arched a brow back at me. "He slapped you, Angel. You look as weak as a kitten right now, but I'm more than happy to act as your fist."

  My lips rounded in surprise, and I flicked my gaze back to Lucas. Now that Cass had said it, my cheek was a bit warm.

  "I'm so sorry," Lucas groaned. "I didn't know what else to do. You weren't waking up, and I panicked."

  Despite myself, my lips curled in a slight smile. "It's fine," I told him quietly. "I'm glad you did it. That..." I swallowed. "That dream wasn't one I wanted to stay in."

  He gave me a sad smile back, squeezing my hand. Only then did I realize that he was touching me, and I wasn't turning into a raving madwoman. Maybe Chase hadn't fucked me up as bad as I'd thought. Maybe I could find my way back to me after all.

  "Well, now that you're awake," Lucas said with a slight cringe, "I should change that dressing on your shoulder. I might have bumped it a bit hard when I was trying to wake you up."

  "Oh." I looked down at the shoulder in question. I was still wearing the plain, loose-fitting T-shirt I'd woken up in, and now that he mentioned it, the wound was aching. Nothing I couldn't handle, though. Hopefully, that meant it was healing. "Actually... I need to shower. Can I do that first?" I should have done it while Maria was here to help, but I'd been so fucking tired and so tightly wound up to maintain my composure. There was no way I could have held on to that façade long enough to get through a shower.

  "Absolutely, yes," Lucas agreed. "Cass, can you get the water running?"

  The big guy silently did as he was asked while Lucas released my hand and disconnected the IV line from my cannula. Working quickly and confidently, Lucas applied plastic shower shields over my cannula site and all my wounds. He wasn't taking any chances with further infection from them getting wet and soapy. Smart.