by Tate James
“Nothing to talk about,” Zed replied, slouching against the doorframe to the bathroom, his hands tucked in his pockets. “Like Dare said, tomorrow the ring will be returned to its owner, and we won’t discuss it again.”
Cass shot him a glare, and Lucas backed him up.
“Okay, but how about that casual way you just tried to snare Hayden into marrying you without even an attempt at a romantic proposal? That’s severely uncool, bro.” Lucas folded his arms, his tuxedo still perfect.
I sighed heavily. “Guys, come on. Zed was just playing, right?” I shot him a sharp look, silently warning him not to escalate the situation.
He just smirked and shrugged. Fucking hell.
“Okay, now you’re all pissing me off,” I snapped. “I thought we were going to come back here and... you know... work on some physical therapy.” I tilted my chin up to meet Cass’s eyes. “Don’t you wanna provide more positive reinforcement, Grumpy Cat? Because I really want to finish what we started last night in the movie room.”
His jaw clenched, his dark eyes flashing with desire. “More than anything on this planet,” he muttered back. “But this is the first time I’ve ever even heard the prospect of marriage raised in your presence, and it feels important.”
I could see the determination in his face, and a quick glance at Lucas said I would get no help from that camp, which wasn’t surprising, despite his age. Lucas, of all three of them, had always been the surest. The most unwavering and determined.
With a groan, I flopped down onto the bed and felt the rose petals scatter. “Zed, I’m going to kill you.” Lifting my hand in front of my face, I peered at the ring again. I doubt I could have imagined a more perfect engagement ring if I’d put my mind to it. But that wasn’t the point.
Blowing out a breath, I sat back up and eyed all three of them. They were just fucking watching me, waiting for me to say something. Not fair at all, when they were the ones who’d started this whole pointless conversation.
I ground my teeth together, knowing full well that what I had to say on the matter would totally ruin the night. But I was also unwilling to lie to them, so... fuck it. Rip that Band-Aid off.
“I’m not marrying anyone,” I told them. “Ever.”
Yeah, that statement landed about as well as I could have expected. Lucas frowned like I’d slapped him with a piece of rancid ham, Cass simmered with defiant anger, and Zed? Zed just smirked like I was deluding myself and it was already a done deal.
“Red—” Cass started, his eyes flickering with fury like a pissed off wet cat.
“Maybe you could explain that to us,” Lucas interjected before Cass and I could start yelling at each other.
I flicked my gaze over to him, softening when I saw the genuine concern on his face. “Do I have to?” I asked, feeling somewhat childish. Screw them for putting me in a corner, though, I’d been caught off guard.
Lucas’s brow tightened. “No. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.”
Cass glowered at him. “I will.”
Lucas rolled his eyes. “No, you won’t, and you damn well know it.”
“Dare is clearly not in the mood to explain why she doesn’t believe in marriage in the traditional sense,” Zed mediated, even though it was his fucking fault we were having this conversation. “Suffice to say, the three of us disagree with her position, but we don’t all need to agree tonight.”
I wasn’t stupid; I could read between the lines. We didn’t all need to agree tonight meant he fully intended to get my agreement another day. Stubborn fuck.
He was giving me an easy out, though, so I gritted my teeth and went with it, giving a nod.
Sweeping a hand through his hair, Lucas sighed but gave me a small smile of reassurance as he went back into the living room to grab the Champagne.
Cass had folded his arms over his chest, though, and looked like he was ready to hash it all out right then and there.
“What?” I snapped, glaring up at him.
His eyes narrowed. “So you never want to get married. What about kids?”
Oh, for the love of fuck. Is he serious?
“What about them?” I replied, just as stubborn as he was. “They’re usually small humans with sticky hands.”
Cass glowered harder. Zed said nothing, his gaze locked on me and offering no assistance. Prick.
“Do. You. Want. Kids?” Cass bit out, one word at a time, just in case I misunderstood the question again.
I laughed sharply. “Hell no. Do you?” His brows hitched, and I shook my head. “Forget I asked; I don’t want to have this conversation.”
Officially pissed off, I pushed up off the bed and tried to brush past him, but he grabbed me before I could leave the room.
“Red,” Cass snapped. “Don’t you think—“
“No!” I shouted back, whirling around to give him the full force of my anger. “No, Cass, you’re the one not thinking. Where the hell is all this coming from? Marriage? Kids? Who the hell do you think we are? We just had the deputy mayor poisoned in front of hundreds of witnesses to seek revenge on my psychotic, abusive, obsessed ex. I’m the head of one of the biggest, bloodiest gangs on the western coast. You think I want to leave my offspring orphaned when mommy gets killed by some up-and-coming gangster one day? You wanna create pawns for our enemies to kidnap, torture, ransom, or leverage against us? You want one of our children to be the target of some punk gangster kids trying to prove themselves to dear old daddy by killing them in their sleep?” I shot a sharp look at Zed when I said that.
He knew. He and Chase had tried to kill me when I was just ten years old. That was the kind of life the children of gang leaders led. Dangerous. Deadly.
That was no fucking life for a kid. I wouldn’t ever wish my childhood on someone else.
Cass seemed speechless, as well he should. He wasn’t thinking with his brain. Not his rational one, anyway.
“Wake the fuck up, Saint,” I told him in a cold voice. “I’m not that woman. I’m Hades, and that’s never going to change. Either take me as I am... or not at all.”
Panic flooded through me the moment I offered that ultimatum, and I immediately knew I didn’t want to hear his answer. So I jerked my arm free of his grip and stalked away, snatching the bottle of Champagne from Lucas as I brushed past.
For lack of any better ideas, I took myself to the bathroom off the living room and locked myself inside, then sat down on the heated tile floor and trembled with silent tears. I’d finally imploded our perfect harmony.
41
They didn’t leave me there for long—I knew they wouldn’t—just long enough to show they respected my need for a moment alone, but nowhere near long enough that I ever felt alone.
When a soft knock sounded on the door, I fully expected to find Lucas there with a warm hug and soothing words. So I was caught off guard when the big, stubborn bastard let himself into the bathroom and sank down to the floor with me.
He didn’t speak. He just sat down beside me, his warm, tattooed arm pressed to mine as he gently took the Champagne bottle from my hand and took a sip.
I sniffed hard, swallowing back the water that had been stupidly leaking from my eyes. When had I become so fucking emotional?
For a while, we just sat there in silence, sharing the bottle between us. Then eventually, when I had a better grip on my shit, I snatched a washcloth from the vanity and wiped the mess of mascara and eyeliner from my cheeks.
The blackness of my makeup stood out harsh against the whiteness of the cloth, and I tossed it aside with a huff of annoyance. Stupid waterproof mascara never was waterproof.
Before I could say anything, Cass put the nearly empty Champagne bottle down on the tiled floor and cupped a hand around the back of my neck. His nose booped mine gently as he turned my face toward his, then his lips were on mine in a kiss that warmed me all the way from the inside out.
He kissed me with all the messy, soft emotions that we both struggled so
hard to express. All the love and devotion that, for us, came out as frustration and stubborn defiance. Cass kissed me until my cheeks were wet with tears once more, then he kissed the tears away and dragged me into his lap to hold me tight.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered against my neck. “I’m an asshole.”
I huffed a watery laugh. “No joke.”
His chest rumbled. “I never want you to be anyone but you, Red. I wouldn’t change you for the fucking world.” His lips moved on my neck, kissing me between words and making my breath catch. “I saw Zed’s ring on your finger and... lost my damn mind for a minute.” He kissed my neck harder, his teeth scraping my skin as I sighed.
“Why?” The question came out a little more than an exhale as he sucked a mark on my throat.
He kissed the mark, then shifted back to meet my eyes. “Because a small part of me still thinks you’re going to choose. Eventually, you’ll only keep one of us... and it’ll be Zed. Because it’s always been Zed.”
I frowned. There was no way I could tell him his fear was unfounded, because it has always been Zed. He was my soulmate. But the human heart was capable of so much more than just one great love. And they could all sit equal in importance. I knew my own heart. I knew that the love I felt for Zed, for Lucas, and for Cass were entirely different things, yet each just as important and just as deeply woven into the fiber of my being.
But Cass didn’t know that. Nor did Lucas or Zed. For them, I was their one and only.
Holding his gaze, I stroked my thumb over his lower lip. “Cassiel Saint,” I whispered, full of sincerity and promise, “I swear to you I’m not choosing. Not now, not ever. You’re a part of me now, all three of you. We’re in this to the end, the four of us. We don’t need a legal document to confirm what we already feel in our hearts.”
He blew out a breath, relief passing over his face. “I know,” he murmured. “I know... but I just reacted without logic or reason.”
I got it. I did. So I clasped his face between my hands and held his gaze firm. “Saint. I love you. Even if I believed in the construct of marriage—which I don’t—I still couldn’t marry all three of you. So, can we just cohabitate? Is that enough for you?” I held my breath, waiting on his response.
“Shit, Red,” he whispered back, his gaze soft, “of course it is. You are enough in whatever way you’ll let me have you.”
Ah, damn. That set the butterflies free inside me.
“No more jealous bullshit?” I asked, my eyes narrowed suspiciously.
He huffed a laugh. “Now that, I can’t promise you. But I want to be clear, my issues with Zed and that fucking, massive-dicked teenager out there, they’re with them. Never you. You’re my angel.”
I grinned, all fucking warm and squishy inside. Why did I secretly love that they couldn’t get past their jealousy with each other? It was such a turn-on.
“I guess that’s good enough,” I murmured, brushing my lips over his softly.
Cass tightened his grip on me, pulling me in closer to his body. “Did I totally ruin the mood?”
Biting my lip, I shook my head. “No... but I probably need to talk to Lucas now.”
He quirked one brow. “Not Zed?”
I brought my hand back in front of my face, eyeing the perfectly me ring that fit as if it were custom-made. “No. That asshole won’t hear sense tonight; I’ll deal with him tomorrow when we get home. That way we can break shit and not pay the hotel damage waiver.”
Cass smirked. “I’ll make popcorn and place bets.”
Chuckling, I climbed off him and inspected my face in the mirror. Another swipe with the washcloth was needed to wipe away the gothic look of dripping mascara. Cass waited while I cleaned it up, his hands resting on my hips and his lips against my shoulder like he couldn’t bear to be apart just yet.
I understood what he was feeling and leaned back into his warmth for a moment.
When I opened the bathroom door, I found Lucas and Zed slouched on the huge leather lounge with the massive flat-screen displaying breaking news. Footage of glittering guests flowing out of the Cloudcroft museum filled the screen as the solemn-faced reporter spoke of the tragic passing of the deputy mayor.
I pursed my lips as I listened to the praise she heaped on the dead man, and a fire burned inside me. Wayne King hadn’t been a good man. He’d been a sex trafficker, a drug distributor, and a pedophile. He shouldn’t be remembered as any kind of great man.
“You need me to kick Cass in the balls, babe?” Lucas offered, jerking my attention away from the news story. He and Zed were both staring at me with caution, like they weren’t totally sure what kind of mood I’d emerged in.
I gave a weak smile. “Tempting.”
Cass, though, growled in warning and gripped my hips tight again. “Only one person in this room is touching my balls tonight, and it ain’t you, Gumdrop.”
Swatting Cass’s hands, I made my way over to the lounge that Lucas and Zed were both occupying. Undecided on where to sit or what to say, I perched my butt on the coffee table so I could look at them both.
“We’re good, Hayden,” Lucas assured me before I could dredge up the right words to address all the intense subjects floating around tonight. Marriage and kids. Fucking hell, Lucas was nineteen. I was quietly surprised he hadn’t run away entirely.
I arched a brow. “Are we, though?” Because I’d seen the stricken look on his face when I’d said I would never get married.
His smile tightened somewhat. “We’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, babe. I’m in no hurry to tick boxes. Are you?”
In other words, let’s agree to disagree for the time being. I had no doubt this would be a heated discussion with him one day, but that day didn’t need to be today.
“No,” I agreed softly, “I’m not.”
I flicked my gaze to Zed, but he just met my eyes unapologetically. He knew he’d sparked that whole argument, then stood back and let Cass feed the flames. I wasn’t shortsighted enough to think he was being a coward because Zed already knew my stance on both of those topics. He was giving me an opening to clearly voice my opinions and get it all out in the open, even though he disagreed.
“Tomorrow,” I told him sternly, and he just grinned as he glanced down at my hand. I hadn’t even noticed that I’d been spinning the ring around my finger in a subconscious fidget like how I sometimes bite my thumb nail.
“Can I take you up on that offer now?” Lucas asked, sitting forward and clasping his hands on my waist. He lifted me off the coffee table and put me down in his lap, my knees to either side of his hips.
I tilted my head in question. “What offer?”
He grinned, his gorgeous eyes sparkling with mischief. “You asked if one of us wanted to help you out of this dress. I’m feeling so helpful right now.” His hands slid up my sides, brushing over my breasts and skating gently across my shoulders. His fingers dipped under my hair, seeking the clasp of my dress, but paused there, waiting for permission.
Wetting my lips, I tipped my face to look over at Cass, who still loomed near the bathroom door. He dipped his head in answer, assuring me we were good. Zed’s response was to flick Lucas’s hand out of the way and flick open the clasp holding my dress closed.
“Dick,” Lucas muttered but then smiled as he peeled my dress off my arms for me. The dress was backless, allowing no bra beneath, and a moment later my dress was bunched around my waist as Lucas’s hands cupped my breasts.
Zed cupped my cheek, turning my face to him, and kissed me long and hard. Then he tugged me to my feet and helped me shed my designer gown the rest of the way. Cass joined us then, eyeing my tiny black thong and the fiberglass dagger strapped to my thigh.
“I can help with that,” he murmured from the opposite side as Zed, plucking the knife from my thigh strap. He slid it gently between my hip and thong, gave a sharp tug, and cut the thin fabric.
I rolled my eyes, even though I’d gasped in arousal at the caveman gesture. “That wa
s so unnecessary.”
He smirked back. “You love it.” He tossed the blade down onto the table and unstrapped the thigh sheath rather than cutting it, which I appreciated. They were harder to replace than thongs.
It was only then, with Zed and Cass towering on either side of me and Lucas on the couch in front gazing adoringly up at me, that it hit me. This was the first time I’d been totally naked with the three of them since my arrest.
“Dare,” Zed murmured, “are you okay?”
It was also the first time that I felt completely comfortable in my own skin and with my own sexuality. These three men loved me unconditionally. They would lay down their lives for me, as I would for them. I had nothing to fear, not here, not with them.
I’d never felt safer or more powerful.
42
Somewhere between Cass cutting my thong off and Lucas losing all his clothes, we moved through to the bedroom and swept all the rose petals off the huge bed.
Champagne was buzzing through my head as Zed kissed me, his hands banding around my waist and pushing me onto the bed. Before I could wiggle up to the pillows, though, Lucas grabbed my legs and tugged me back to the end of the bed before sinking to his knees between my thighs.
I’d made my point during our movie make-out the night before, and they’d stopped treating me like I was breakable. I appreciated the hell out of them for it too. Normalcy was all I wanted.
Cass dragged a chair over from the corner of the room, positioning it near the end of the bed, then slouched down into it with his hand inside his pants. He caught my eye, arching a brow with silent command as Zed kissed and sucked at my breast.
I grinned and hiked my foot up to rest on the edge of the bed, giving him an unobstructed view as Lucas stroked his fingers into me.
Cass’s lips tipped up in a smile as I moaned and arched my back, and I caught the way he mouthed good girl before Zed claimed my lips again.
Zed kissed me breathless, his fingers playing with my nipples, tweaking and rubbing them. When Lucas’s tongue found my clit, I shuddered a long moan into Zed’s kiss. Cass just reached out with his foot, nudging mine wider on the edge of the bed. Then he gave an appreciative murmur as Lucas sat back once more to show off how wet I was.
