Deeper We Fall

by Chelsea M. Cameron

  “You should. They’d make you taller.” No shit, Sherlock. She picked up a few more bottles and threw them in her basket before she continued. “Would you let me do a make-over?”

  “What?”

  She clasped her hands and pouted her lips. “A make-over. Please?” On the one hand, I didn’t think I needed to be made over. It wouldn’t last anyway. I’d go right back to my comfy t-shirts and jeans. On the other, maybe this would distract her from Zack. I’d do almost anything to make that happen.

  “Okay,” I said, heaving a sigh like it was a big inconvenience.

  “Really?” She nearly smashed over an entire display in her enthusiasm. “Oh my God, this is going to be awesome.”

  “Yeah,” I said, trying to be as enthusiastic. I had a flash of her turning into some sort of psycho makeover demon.

  “Okay, when we get back we need to go through and decide what look you’re going for. Then we can do a color palette and then we can start shopping.” Wow, that sounded like a lot of work. “Yay, I’m so excited!” She made the little squeal-y noise that Zack usually elicited.

  Katie’s enthusiasm was on hyperdrive for the rest of the day. I even convinced her to come to dinner with Will and Simon and me. Will flirted mercilessly with her, and she giggled a lot in return. Oy. Even Simon flirted with her. He was so good at it.

  “Your brother is cool,” she said as we walked to our door. There was someone standing in front of it.

  “Babe, where have you been? I’ve been trying to find you all day.” Zack had been waiting for us. I played with my keys until my little pepper spray container was in my hand and ready to use.

  “What are you doing here?” Katie said, not rushing immediately to him. I tried to take that as a good sign.

  “What was I supposed to do? You won’t call or text me back. I need to talk to you. Alone.” He directed the last word to me.

  “Zack.” Katie drew out his name. I wanted to tell her to stay strong and not cave to her hormones, but that would have been a losing battle.

  “Babe, come on. I want to make it up to you. We can go out. You can wear that gorgeous pink dress. I’ll open the door for you, we can dance.” He put what he thought was a sexy smile on his face, but it just made me sick.

  Zack Parker was a predator. I wanted to spray him in the face and then shove the bottle down his throat and watch him choke on it.

  “Can you give us a minute?” Katie said, biting her lip and not looking at me.

  “Yeah, sure.” I wasn’t going that far. “I’m going to go hang out with my brother. I’ll see you later.” I went down the hall as if I was going for the stairs, but I lurked around the corner. I could just barely hear them.

  “I’m so sorry, babe. I just… I just want you so much. You turn me on. You’re so fucking sexy. You’re turning me on right now. I just want to get you out of those clothes—” his voice got low and husky, and I could tell he was probably kissing her face, “and kiss you all over and touch you. Especially here…” I may or may not have heard a little moan from Katie.

  Shit. Shit fuck.

  “Let’s go back to my room. My roommate is gone,” he said.

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because…” She couldn’t seem to think of a good reason. Probably because Zack was doing his thing. Why didn’t I have something loud to explode in the hallway? Or maybe I could set off the fire alarm.

  “What are you doing?” It was the second half of the Brothers of Doom. Of course.

  “Nothing,” I whispered.

  He moved closer behind me and I tried not to flinch. “Then why are you whispering?”

  “Can you just shut up for a second?” I’d missed something and now they were walking away. “Damn.”

  “Are you spying on someone?” He peered around the corner. I yanked him back before they could see him. I motioned him to come with me and I went down the hallway to the study lounge.

  “I was spying on your brother and my roommate. He’s working his magic on her right now and sucking her back into his vortex.”

  “His vortex?”

  “You know what I mean.” This was the longest civil conversation we’d ever had. He was also standing way too close to me. I took a step back. “You and I both know that your brother isn’t good for any girl. I blame him more than you for what happened.”

  He stared down at me from his height and the scrutiny felt invasive. “You do?”

  “If he wouldn’t have been so intent on getting in Lexie’s pants, he wouldn’t have wanted to get in the car, ergo, you wouldn’t have had to drive drunk, ergo, you wouldn’t have been driving. Or maybe you would have. I don’t really know anything about you, but I still blame him more. That doesn’t mean I don’t blame you too. Just less so.”

  He took my verbal word spew with barely a blink.

  “So what are you going to do about it?”

  “About Zack and Katie? Well, my master plan to distract her by letting her give me a makeover lasted about five seconds. I’ve also considered throwing my brother at her, but that’s not really fair to Will, although he’d probably be all for it. He’s trying to get over his girlfriend, even though he says that their break-up was mutual, it was totally more on her side, but I’ve been trying to set him up with my friend Audrey. Soooo…” I was able to cut it off there. I heard Zack and Katie walking and then the door to the stairs shut with a bang. They must be going downstairs to his room.

  Zan seemed oblivious. “She wanted to give you a makeover? Why do you need a makeover?”

  “Which room is he in?” I said, turning.

  “106.” I started to go for the stairs, but had a thought that halted me for a second.

  “What were you doing up here?”

  He took his hands out of his pockets.

  “I don’t know.”

  “I thought I told you to stay away from me.”

  “You did.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Zan

  “So why were you up here?” She wasn’t going to let me get off that easy.

  “Would you believe me if I said I was lost?” She blinked for a second. Charlotte always blinked a lot when she was confused.

  “No,” she said, turning for the stairs. “I’m going down to see my brother.” She also spoke more slowly than normal when she was lying.

  I followed her as she walked toward the stairs. “No you’re not. You’re going to check my brother’s room to see what they’re doing.”

  “Smart, you are,” she mumbled under her breath, thinking I couldn’t hear. I almost burst out laughing. That hadn’t happened to me in a long time.

  “What?” I said, hoping she’d repeat it. There was nothing cuter than a girl quoting Star Wars. Well, there was nothing cuter than Charlotte quoting Star Wars.

  “Nothing,” she said, pushing the door to the stairs open. Against my will (yeah, right), my eyes drifted from her head and down her spine and right to her butt. I tore them away and focused on her back. I hadn’t really gotten to see much of it, but I was sure it was as pretty as her front.

  “You’re following me again.”

  “Maybe I’m still lost.” I couldn’t see if that made her have to hide a smile or not. We walked a few more steps before she spoke again.

  “Now are you talking actually lost, or lost in the existential sense?” I could hear the smirk in her voice. That was a first.

  “Can I be both?”

  “Sure, why not?”

  We got to the bottom of the stairs, and I wanted to open the door for her, but something told me that would be too much. I was taking this one step at a time. She peered around the corner and dived back, then did it again. I had to bite back another laugh.

  “Is this how you play it cool? You’d be a terrible bank robber,” I said as she took one slow step into the hallway. If she just acted normally, no one would give her a second thought. By trying to act like she wasn’t up to something, she was sendin
g out a flashing signal that she definitely was up to something.

  “And you’re still picturing me naked.” Well, that was both true and an effective means of shutting me up.

  When we got to the door, she put one ear on it. I stood behind her, trying not to be too much of a creeper as I also pressed my ear to the door and tried not lean in and smell her hair. Jasmine and coconut again.

  I didn’t know what kind of conditioner she used, but I was pretty much getting high off it.

  It sounded like they were just talking. I waited for a few more seconds to be sure, but so far, it sounded okay. Katie giggled, so that was a good sign. Charlotte turned and put her other ear on the door, as if it was going to hear something different. We were face to face. If I wasn’t afraid of her biting my finger off, I could have reached out and pushed the hair back from her face.

  After a few more seconds of her listening and me putting my hands in my back pockets so I wouldn’t touch her, she moved slowly away from the door. She put her finger to her lips as if to shush me while we backed away and went back to the stairs.

  “I’ll keep an eye on them,” I said as we walked back up the stairwell. I had an even better view of her butt this time. What was she doing to me?

  She stopped walking, so I almost crashed into her. I was able to catch myself on the handrail at the last moment. Turning slowly, she bit her lip as if she was undecided about something. Charlotte was never undecided about saying anything.

  “I’m scared he’s going to hurt her,” she whispered, not meeting my eyes. I moved up one step, so I was looking down at her. I silently begged her to look at me. She finally did.

  “I know,” I said. “I’ll do what I can.”

  “Like last time?” The words cracked like a whip. I deserved that.

  “No, not like last time.” I hoped she wouldn’t ask me to promise.

  “You promise?” Of course she would.

  “I do,” I heard myself say. Why was I promising this?

  “Pinky swear.” She shoved her pinky in my face.

  “Pinky swear,” I said, linking my pinkie with hers. It was the first she’d voluntarily let me touch her skin. It was only for a second, because I let go quickly. I didn’t want to make any sudden movements.

  “Thanks,” she said before dashing up the stairs.

  I did it. I had a semi-normal conversation with her and she didn’t threaten to hurt me, or tell me to go away.

  It made me grin like a fucking idiot.

  That made me want to punch myself in the face for being such a moron.

  After she left, I hung around Zack’s door, just in case. All I heard were normal couple sounds. Once those picked up in intensity, I was out of there. I’d heard my brother having sex more times than I could count, and I didn’t want to add one more to the list.

  Periodically, I went down to check outside Zack’s door. The carnality continued nearly all day, and he didn’t seem to be the only one enjoying it.

  Stryker texted me asking if I wanted to hang out, and I took him up on it after Zack said he was taking Katie out for an apology dinner. He didn’t say that was what it was, but I knew. He didn’t say anything about the night before when I’d taken care of him, and I didn’t give him any details. It was better to just let it go and move on.

  Stryker lived so close that I just ran to his place. It was your typical apartment, occupying one floor of a three story house that had probably not been an apartment originally, but had been converted sometime in the 1980s.

  “Come on in.” The rooms were cramped, but neat and crammed with books and musical instruments and the walls were papered with his drawings.

  He had some music playing that I didn’t recognize.

  “What is this?” I pointed to his massive speakers.

  “Random Canadian band. I like underground stuff that has less than a thousand fans. You want something to drink?”

  “Yeah, water is fine.”

  I perused his books and found we had quite a few in common as he filled a glass with water.

  “Smoke?”

  “Nah, I’m trying to stay sober. Did too much of that shit.”

  “Yeah, I hear you. Just thought I’d offer. You play?” He caught me eyeing the drum set crammed into the corner next to the futon.

  “Not really. I wasn’t born with much of a musical gift. You play?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You play anything else?” My eyes swept the room and found and orchestra’s worth of instruments. Stand-up bass, guitar, drums, keyboard and a few cases that probably had other things in them.

  “I told you I was a fucking genius. I’m also a musical prodigy.” He went to one of the cases and pulled out what turned out to be a banjo.

  “Got this from my grandfather. That’s him,” he said, pointing to a black and white photograph of a man sitting in a helicopter in camo, nestled in between the drawings on his wall.

  He slid some picks on his fingers and started playing. It wasn’t until he started singing that I recognized it was Woody Guthrie. Gramps had liked him, and I had a record in my collection, but I hadn’t listened to much of it.

  Stryker tapped his foot in time to the song, and I tapped mine as well. I should have had some spoons and I could have played with him. Gramps had taught me how to play spoons when I was a kid so I could play along with his records and when he sang.

  “Does this knock me down two spots on the badass scale?” Stryker said when he was done.

  “Only if you start wearing overalls and a straw hat.”

  “Good.” He picked at the banjo strings. “You wanna learn?”

  “Seriously?”

  He shrugged. “Why not?”

  Ten minutes later, I could play three chords.

  “Not bad. You’re doing as well as my five-year-old cousin after half an hour.”

  “Thanks.”

  An hour later, I could play a very basic song.

  Stryker’s door banged open just as I was about to start the song again.

  “Hey, can I borrow your car? Mine crapped out again.” The girl that stomped in didn’t even glance at me. Reading quickly between the lines, given her brilliant orange hair, similar mouth, and similar wardrobe, this must be Stryker’s sister.

  “Sure,” he pulled his keys out of his pocket and threw them at her.

  “Hey,” she said eyeing me and the banjo.

  “Zan, this is my sister Trish. Trish, Zan.”

  “Nice to meet you,” I said as she fiddled with the keys.

  “Wait, did you say Zan? As in Zan Parker?”

  “Yeah,” I said.

  I was infamous. It had only taken a few weeks.

  “Seriously?” she said, looking from me to Stryker and back in disbelief.

  “What is your problem?” Stryker said, standing up. “You don’t even live here.”

  I’d been down this road plenty of times before. It was time to run again.

  “It’s fine. I’ll see you later.” I took off the banjo and set it back in the case.

  “No, you don’t have to leave. I’m sorry my sister is being a psycho, but that’s sort of her thing.”

  “This time I have justification,” Trish said. With each word, she moved closer to Stryker.

  “Not when you come into my house and make my friends feel uncomfortable.” My ear caught on the word friend.

  “It does when you’re friends with people like that,” she said.

  “People like what?” They were in each other’s faces and I was almost forgotten. I tried to slide toward the door, but Stryker caught me.

  “People like me. People who cause car accidents when they shouldn’t be driving that end up hurting people,” I said. “Isn’t that what you mean?”

  They both gave me the same semi-stunned expression.

  “You could say that,” Trish said.

  “How did you find out?” I asked her.

  She flipped her hair back. “I work with Lottie.”

&
nbsp; “Hold up. I feel like everyone knows something I don’t,” Stryker said.

  “I’m sure she gave you the full story, so you can tell him for me. I’ll see you in class,” I said, and before he could say anything else, I pulled open the door and started running down the stairs.

  I didn’t stop until I collapsed. The only sound over my heart and my breathing was the sound of my phone.

  I pulled it out of my pocket and saw a bunch of missed calls and texts from Stryker, and a message from Tate.

  I hit Reply and sent Tate back a message telling him to come down if he wanted. Screw it. I was going to fall off the wagon. I couldn’t fight it anymore. I’d let go for one day, and then I’d be back to trying to be what Miss Carole wanted me to be. I just had to let go for one day. Just one day.

  I could handle one day of my old life.

  But first I had to check on my brother and make sure he hadn’t done anything else to Katie.

  I was sweating and still exhausted from my run when I knocked on Charlotte’s door. She didn’t hesitate before opening it.

  “Hi,” she said. Her hair was twisted into a casual ponytail and her baggy shirt hung off one shoulder. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah. I’ve had my eye on them. They’re out for a ‘sorry I screwed up’ dinner right now.”

  She smiled, just a little bit.

  “I know. Katie texted me.” I pulled my sweaty hair out of my eyes so I could see her better. “Running again?”

  I glanced down to find my pants covered in stains. I always ended up covered in dirt when I went running.

  I nodded. It seemed like a good time for me to leave, so I started to walk away.

  “Thank you. For looking out for her.” I looked over my shoulder at her as she leaned in the doorway.

  “You’re welcome, Charlotte.”

  Lottie

  Katie came back that night with a smile on her face. An I-got-laid smile. It made me feel sick.

  “Everything okay?” I said, pretending I was the super supportive roommate who didn’t want to bash her boyfriend’s face in. It was a little bit easier now that I knew Zan was also on the look-out.